Challenges Associated with Implementing NVC

In this section I outline several challenges associated with implementing NVC from the perspectives of the teachers who trialled the approach. I explore the aspects of NVC that they struggled with and present examples in their own words about what they had found difficult. These difficulties fall into three main categories. These differences were hesitancy in applying a new approach, vulnerability in expressing emotions, and knowing how and when to use empathy.

Hesitancy in applying a new approach

In regards to the first challenge, Michael, Jake, and Sarah noted that not being familiar with some of the NVC concepts impacted on their confidence to use NVC as much as they would have liked to, particularly in the beginning of the QLCs. For instance, Michael conveyed the thought that he was still not fluent enough in NVC to use it effectively, “I feel clumsy and slow using NVC and this makes me hesitant to use it”. This led these teachers to avoid using NVC with students with whom that they found particularly, and in turn, lessened the opportunities that they had to apply NVC. An example of this involved using NVC with students who have learning disabilities. For instance, Michael mentioned how he thought it would be really difficult to use NVC with a student in his class with autism.

You try NVC on a kid like this and it won’t work, he won’t understand. He doesn’t link with my feelings, he’s detached … If we give him empathy he is not going to

understand what this is … he is just in his bubble.

While this comment demonstrates Michael’s hesitation for engaging in an NVC dialogue with an autistic student, it also reflects his confidence in applying NVC, which he had mentioned throughout the research project. Since the research had been conducted over one school term, there were only seven meetings for the teachers to learn, trial, and understand the processes of NVC. This is likely to have been a contributing factor towards the teachers lack of confidence in applying NVC.

However, despite this hesitancy, several of the teachers expressed that having a facilitator who was confident in applying NVC also helped them understand the basic concepts of NVC and learn to apply them in practical situations. In regards to this, Peter mentioned, “I really liked that there was an expert who could validate it [practicing NVC] for me … It really

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helped me feel more confident”. The mix of responses reflects that the teachers’ adoption and implementation of NVC depended on multiple influences, as well as individual needs.

Vulnerability in expressing emotions

In regards to the second challenge, several of the teachers responded that expressing their feelings and needs to students in such an honest and direct way had been a daunting prospect. In addition, the teachers found that they were more vulnerable when expressing themselves to a class, as opposed to individual or small groups of students. For example, Michael stated, “in my classes I didn’t use it much because I was a bit shy”. In an example of expressing vulnerability during class, Peter recalled an experience where he had expressed his feelings to his students, saying “look, I am feeling a little scared right now because the behaviours are such that, if someone observed me they might think I am bad teacher, and that scares me”. Peter mentioned that he had talked to his colleagues at school about being this honest. Several of them had responded that they would be hesitant to relate to students in this way because they thought the students might use what they said as ammunition to make fun of them. However, in response to this, Peter told his colleagues that in his experience the students would usually not ridicule him. If one of them did, he said he would address the student in a direct and honest way. In an example of this, he said:

Look I am feeling a little frustrated and confused why you think that [ridiculing] is a good thing to do. I am curious to know what you’re feeling and what need is behind you trying to ridicule your teacher?

While Peter acknowledged that a student was often not going to be aware of their feelings and needs, he thought that this would be a way to open a dialogue with the student without telling them off or punishing them, as well as allowing a platform for the teacher to express their emotions in a direct way.

Using empathy

In regards to the third challenge, several of the teachers reported a difficulty in knowing when and how to convey empathy towards their students. Michael commented:

Giving empathy to students is not the easiest thing. I can do it a bit, but it’s not super easy. What I find easier is identifying their feelings and my feelings, but then the deeper step [giving empathy], I find that challenging.

Michael also added that sometimes, “it is too hard to hear the needs behind someone’s words in a particular moment”. In addition, Jake mentioned that when he was feeling stressed or

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frustrated he also had difficulty in empathising with students. In regards to this he said, “I almost need to be able to be empathetic towards myself before I can empathise with others”. Furthermore, in addition to challenges associated with empathising with others, several teachers reported that self-empathy also presented a challenge. Commenting on this, Michael mentioned:

There are a few things that are a bit challenging … Self-empathy, I tend to think that I don't need it so much. That if I need it, I'll take care of it later, after class or when I'm at lunch break. I'm going to self-empathise and I'll be fine. But maybe I need to self- empathise on the situation when it happens, to act differently, so that the situation becomes less challenging.

Jake also agreed and noted that he needed to, “empathise with students or myself more, instead of feeling external pressure on myself and expectations on the students”. However, not all the teachers felt this way about self-empathy. On the contrary, Sarah questioned the appropriateness of focussing on herself during a class instead of her students:

It’s about whether it’s about my needs or not. I prefer to focus on supporting students to meet their needs, rather than meeting my own needs … I am still struggling to work through conceptually placing my own needs as important as the students in the classroom.

This comment demonstrates a difference in the way teachers chose to think about and use empathy. The data collected regarding the challenges teachers faced in learning and applying NVC show a mix of factors that impact how, when, and if they used the approach. For some teachers, these challenges were minor obstacles to overcome, while for others they presented a very real barrier for deciding whether to use NVC in a particular situation.