QLC 6 (Theme – Integrating NVC into practice)

5.3.6 QLC 6 (Theme – Integrating NVC into practice)

In the sixth QLC (from which Sarah was absent due to a scheduling conflict) the meeting went much like the previous ones in that the teachers continued sharing their

experiences of using NVC in the classroom. Peter began the meeting by talking about a class he had at the end of the day. At the start of this class he had a task that required around eight minutes of the students’ full attention. Realising that his students may were possibly tired he acknowledged this aloud to the class, “I know its last period but I really want to set everyone up for success really well, so I really need to have your full attention”. Peter said that worked really well and the students gave him their attention. However, a minute before it was over he had had one more thing to convey to the class and they started to get restless. He said:

I sense you’re getting restless and it’s really important to me that I feel like I’ve given everybody really clear instructions. You’ve done really well so far, would you be willing to manage yourselves for 60 more seconds?

Peter told the group that he was surprised that the students were silent for the remainder of the time. After sharing this experience I asked Peter what he would have done if one or more of the students had voiced opposition to his request, such as saying ‘No’. He responded:

Well, that would be ok too. I would have said something like … Ok, well if you feel ready to go, there are the instruction sheets and computers … if anyone wants me to clarify things, come and see me.

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In another example, Peter recalled a situation in one of his year nine classes where there had been conflict between several students, involving a group of male students teasing another student, who Peter said was already a victim of bullying within the school. Peter recalled that he was stern in his response and had told the main antagonist to wait outside. Once the classroom climate returned to normal, Peter went out to this student and said:

I acknowledge I lost my cool, I needed to manage that situation and I felt that you deliberately said something that was antagonistic … and I thought it was really inappropriate. I need to get learning happening in the class and was feeling really frustrated … so I imagine you may feel frustrated or angry with me? And he said, aww, no … I think the fact that I empathised with the student helped, even though the student didn’t want to talk about how he was feeling.

Peter believed that by acknowledging that he lost his temper and providing empathy, it helped him to establish a connection with the student, despite the uneasy circumstances. In addition to the examples above, Peter also mentioned his thoughts on NVC so far:

I’m loving it and I’m finding pretty much all of my interactions with students are based around NVC … however, every now and then it doesn’t seem appropriate or doesn’t happen … [For instance] when a student isn’t responding the way I like, I sometimes say, I’m feeling confused, I’d like to understand better how you’re feeling or how what I’m saying is affecting you … I think that some students are just not aware of their needs and I find it is sometimes difficult to connect with them … it seems the older they are, the easier it is.

Peter’s comment demonstrates his increasing enthusiasm in using NVC, while at the same time, acknowledges its limitations, which involved Peter not feeling confident in applying the approach or thinking it was not suitable in a particular situation.

In regards to Jake, he mentioned to the group that he had been finding it quite difficult to apply NVC concepts with students who displayed challenging behaviours. He said:

I had a year nine student who didn’t come to both days of health day. He called in sick and told me afterwards that he didn’t find the classes relevant and his parents supported that. I felt quite angry and challenged him on it … saying something like, you should have been there … why weren’t you there? It didn’t go so well and that was really frustrating … Afterwards I realised I hadn’t been using NVC.

During this conversation Jake mentioned that he would have liked to empathise with the student more and would have preferred to say something like, “why was it that you thought it wasn’t important to come to those days?” Jake realised he was getting caught up in his own emotions and was not able to empathise with the student during that moment and create a positive relationship:

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I think that self-understanding and self-empathy are important to remember, as it’s hard to empathise with a student when you are angry or frustrated with them. If I’m not in a place where I am grounded, it is really easy for me to be triggered by students.

Continuing on from a conversation in the previous QLC, this example again highlighted how important it was for Jake to become aware of his own internal processes and how they affected his ability to empathise with his students. In alignment with Jake, Michael also talked about the importance of empathy. In his example, Michael recalled a conversation with a colleague regarding an email which he didn’t realise they had read. Michael told the group that his colleague felt hurt at the contents of the email and approached him about it. In describing the conversation, Michael said:

They came up to me about something I had written in an email and I didn’t realise that it was being read at first. And then I didn’t realise they were being hurt … I explained why I wrote that in an email, where I was coming from, and what I was feeling … and at the same time I realised that my colleague was getting a bit defensive … I realised I couldn’t just end the conversation there because it was not enough for them. So I sat down for another ten minutes and listened. I think I empathised just by listening.

As his colleague was defensive during that interaction, this indicated to Michael that they needed empathy before they were able to hear Michael’s reasons for sending the email, alongside how he felt. By shifting from trying to explain his actions towards giving empathy to his colleague surrounding how she felt, Michael was able to help create a more cohesive connection. This example concluded the teachers’ stories in this QLC.

Shaping the sixth QLC meeting

At the end of the meeting, I reminded the group that there was only one more scheduled meeting left and asked them if they had any thoughts on how they wanted to develop the final meeting. The teachers responded that they were happy to continue with the structure that had been established; namely, sharing experiences and working together to find common solutions to the problems that they encountered, such as challenging student

behaviours.

Summary and personal reflections

I had noticed that since the third QLC, where the length of the meeting had been extended to one hour, the teachers had more time to share stories and examine ways to implement NVC in their practices. As a consequence of this, I had observed a repeated pattern with each meeting; they followed a similar format with the teachers retelling their

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experiences of trialling NVC, talking about using NVC retrospectively and using exercises such as role-playing to develop their ideas surrounding NVC. From my perspective, I believe that the teachers appeared to enjoy structuring their own learning in the moment and this format seemed to suit them well. In addition, I also noticed by this point how difficult it was to arrange a time that would suit everybody’s busy schedules and so far, this had resulted in one person’s absence in three out of the six meetings.