...The sole reason for my conversion was to enable me to be buried with my husband. My husband has no religious Jewish beliefs but is proud of his Jewish identity. To him, to be born a Jew is to be Jewish and thus, even in his eyes, I will never be a true Jew and I feel that within the Jewish
community, I will only ever be accepted as a convert... (Survey 138, female, married, converted 1973 when 26)
While Jack said in his interview:
...My wife, who had an Orthodox upbringing and who has rejected the whole thing. She used to come with me to West London where the music is beautiful, but won’t go anywhere else. She finds religion very hard, she finds Judaism difficult, she finds Judaism inward looking and excluding and she doesn’t like that. There’s also the view that I’m, in quotes, “not really Jewish”... (Jack, married converted 1984 aged 33, p.3)
To have committed oneself to the process and participated in services and classes for at least 12 months and then to feel that your new status has not been legitimised by your partner must be very hard to bear. This lack of emotional acceptance may well be disruptive and raises questions as to what effect such an attitude might have on later outcomes of the process.
5.6.3.2. Correlation between partner support index and dependent outcomes
Table 5.20. Partner support index by dependent outcomes
Dependent outcomes Partner support index
Correlation coefficient Significance level
Intrinsic motivation 0.104 0.087
Motivation influenced by Family
pressure -0.094 0.123
A desire for family unity 0.231 < 0.001 Ritual behaviour 0.218 0.001
Ethnicity 0.129 0.052
Contentment index 0.328 < 0.001 Source: Survey (Tabick, 2005)
Table 5.20 shows that there are positive correlations between the partner support index and:-
Desire for family unity,
Ritual behaviour, and
Contentment index.
In relation to the correlations between partner support and motivation, the initial motivation of the converts in the survey is hard to determine. Even when we look at the reasons given by the converts in their own words in the application forms for the Beit Din, often the converts have
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already been involved in Jewish learning and Jewish family life for some time. An even greater interval would have elapsed by the time the answers to the survey were recorded.
Even recognising this difficulty, the results here indicate that the greater the support the convert feels from her Jewish partner, the more likely she is to express a desire for family unity as a motive to seek conversion (r = 0.231), and the greater is her espousal of Jewish rituals in the household (r = 0.218). In this way, she is responding to that support from her partner by taking on board his Jewish family/home concerns. In particular, the greater the support, the more likely is the convert going to feel content at the outcome of the process (r = 0.328).
The variable ‘He/she saw the conversion as something we had to get through but was not really
interested in the religious aspects’ had a slight positive correlation with ‘family pressure’ (r =
0.146, p = 0.014). Once the convert acknowledges that her partner was not interested in the conversion for religious reasons, then the acknowledgement of bowing to a degree of family pressure more easily arises in their mind.
The variable‘He/she became more involved in Judaism when I converted and this interest has continued ever since’ had positive correlations with ‘intrinsic motivation’ (r = 0.157, p = 0.008) and ‘desire for family unity’ (r = 0.170, p = 0.004). Here, the Jewish partner’s increased interest in Judaism correlates well with the variables in the Intrinsic motivation factor and also accords with the wish to provide a Jewish home in which the family could celebrate religious events together.
The variable, ‘Once I started to practice Judaism, he/she resented my enthusiasm and
knowledge of Jewish life’ had a negative correlation with ‘desire for family unity’ (r = -0.190, p =
0.001). Again, enthusiasm from the convert for a Jewish lifestyle accords well with the desire to form a Jewish family united by religion.
The variable ‘He/she helped ease me into the Jewish world’had a positive correlation with ’desire for family unity’ (r = 0.250, p ≤ 0.001). Becoming part of the wider community is an important context for a home united by Judaism.
The variable ‘He/she still doesn’t recognise me as a real Jew’ had a negative correlation with ‘intrinsic motivation’ (r = -0.149, p = 0.024). Feeling your Jewish partner’s acknowledgement that you have become a true Jew accords well with the variables that make up the intrinsic motivation factor.
Indeed, all these results support the common sense view that where the convert feels that her commitment to the conversion has been religiously supported by her Jewish partner, then she too espouses the more intrinsic motivational path and supports the desire to find religious unity for the family. Where she does not receive this support, either through lack of acceptance of the validity of the conversion or there are jibes about her enthusiastic response to her Jewish learning, then the convert reacts negatively to both these variables. The strongest correlation
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between how partner helped ease the convert into the Jewish world and the desire for family unity reflects the importance that the Jewish world places on family life and the acceptance of her partner’s espousal of this value by the convert.
5.6.3.3. Correlation between individual items of partner support (Q50) and ritual practice, ethnic behaviour and contentment
The variable measuring the partner’s view that conversion was something to get through but not something to show interest in the religious aspects of had negative correlations with ‘ritual practice’ (r = 0.171, p = 0.009) and ‘contentment index’ (r = -0.226, p ≤ 0.001).
The variable measuring the partner’s increased, continuing involvement with Judaism had positive correlations with ‘ritual practice’ (r = 0.229, p ≤ 0.001), ‘ethnic behaviour’ (r = 0.234, p ≤ 0.001) and ‘contentment index’ (r = 0.298, p ≤ 0.001).
The variable measuring how the partner helped ease the convert into the Jewish world had positive correlations with ‘ritual practice’ (r = 0.231, p ≤ 0.001) and ‘contentment index’ (r = 0.173, p = 0.004).
The variable measuring the partner’s non-recognition of the convert’s new Jewish status had negative correlations with ‘ritual practice’ (r = -0.149, p = 0.002), ‘ethnic behaviour’ (r = -0.141, p = 0.032) and ‘contentment index’ (r = -0.418, p ≤ 0.001).
Again, common sense would suggest that where the Jewish partner is involved in the religious aspects of the conversion, the convert would react to that religious support in a positive fashion. Where the Jewish partner does not recognise the validity of the conversion, then the convert naturally would experience this as a negative feedback on the hard work undertaken during the process and feel bad about herself (NB the strong negative correlation of -0.418), the results of the enterprise, and show little enthusiasm for changing ethnic or ritual behaviours.
The most conclusive results occurred when the contentment index was explored. The correlations between the positive support of the partner and the emotional feelings of the convert towards their Jewish status are generally stronger than those between the partners’ support and specific actions. It seems that the converts most easily ‘catch’ the prevalent fashion of modern Jewish life, that people express their Judaism more through feelings than actions. Support from the partner plays a vital role in helping the converts feel good about themselves, and based on that positive self image as a Jew, play a role in the religious side of family life. This need for respect and positive affirmation of their new Jewish status was expressed by Betty, who felt she had received no positive reactions to her conversion.
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didn’t have that. He never encouraged [me]... (Betty Jewish partner, converted 1989 when 27, p.5)
5.6.3.4. Correlations between specific items (Q 50) and some individual items from Q17, Q18, and Q24-28
Given the importance of partner support, some individual items from Q50, representing ritual and ethnic behaviour and affective outcomes, were correlated with some of the variables from Q17, Q18 and Q24-Q28.
In presenting these results, it was felt that it would be useful to define the type of activity or reaction (feeling, ritual behaviour or ethnic behaviour) that could be seen in relationship with the Jewish partner’s actions or feelings, specifically whether the partner’s reactions or feelings could be correlated with the convert’s subsequent feelings of self-worth or feelings of contentment with the conversion, or ritual or ethnic behaviours. Only significant results have been posted to save space.
Table 5.21. Correlations between the Jewish partners’ continued interest in the religious aspects of the conversion and contentment, ritual and ethnic behaviour
The more the Jewish partner became involved in Judaism and remained involved, the more the convert... Correlation coefficient Significance level p Type: Contentment or ritual or ethnic action or feeling
...felt conversion had brought
strength and unity into family life 0.308 ≤ 0.001 Contentment
...felt that the conversion was not a
big mistake 0.275 ≤ 0.001 Contentment
...felt pleased that they had converted 0.267 ≤ 0.001 Contentment ...felt at home in the Jewish
community 0.266 ≤ 0.001 Contentment
...felt loyalty to my Jewish
heritage/adopted heritage 0.243 ≤ 0.001 Ethnic feeling
... Felt Jewish ‘inside’ (i.e. personality, way of thinking, behaving)
0.221 ≤ 0.001 Ethnic feeling
...felt a sense of self-fulfilment 0.219 ≤ 0.001 Contentment
...stayed home Friday evening for
religious reasons 0.218 ≤ 0.001 Home ritual
...felt conscious of her Jewishness 0.218 ≤ 0.001 Ethnic feeling ...was involved in Jewish home life
(food, customs etc.) 0.216 ≤ 0.001 Home ritual
...felt generally comfortable with the views expressed by members of the community
0.214 ≤ 0.001 Contentment
...felt that they could not imagine
being not being a Jewish 0.198 0.001 Contentment
...lit candles Friday evening 0.197 0.001 Home ritual
...felt an attachment to Israel 0.194 0.001 Ethnic feeling