Be Concise

While the more important words and phrases of a text should be highlighted, the less important ones should be subordinated - or perhaps even eliminated altogether Unnecessary words and phrases will only detract from the emphasis you have carefully tried to build up through the use of  combined sentences, signal words and identifiers. A bloated, wordy style can submerge your readers in a sea of empty terms, making it next to impossible for them to follow. your main points and be persuaded to your point of view. In' fact, foggy language is more likely than not to rum readers against you.

Inexperienced writers sometimes think that they must use a wordy, bloated style of writing in order to create a certain professional image. They seem to believe that by using pretentious language, they will enhance their image as experts in their field. Actually, what evidence there is suggests just the opposite: pretentious, wordy language is less likely to promote one's credibility as an expert than is concise, direct, simple language. For example, consider the following two abstracts presented in a conference; one version (Version 1) being noticeably wordier than the other (Version

Version 1

IN the experiment of the series using mice, it was discovered that total removal of the adrenal glands effects reduction or aggressivenss and that aggressheness in

adrenalectomised mice is restorable to the level of intact mice by treatment with corticosterone. These results point to the indispensability of the adrenals for the fullt

expression of aggression. Nevertheless, since adrenalectomy is followed by an increase in the release of adrenocorticotrophic hormone (ACTH). and since ACTH has been . reported (P. Brain. 1972) to decrease the aggressiveness of intact mice, it is possible that the effects of adrenalectomy on aggressiveness of intact mice, it is possible that the effects of adrenalectomy on aggressiveness are a function of the concurrent increased levels of ACTH. However, high levels of ACTH. in addition to causing increases in glucocorticoids (which possibly accounts for the depression of  aggression in intact mice by ACTH). also result in decreased androgen levels. In view of the fact that animals with low androgen levels are characterized by decreased aggressiveness the possibility exists that adrenalectomy, rather than affecting aggression directly, has the effect of reducing aggressiveness by producing an ACTH-mediated condition of tdecreased androgen levels.

Version 2

The experiment in our series with mice showed that the total removal of the adrenal glands reduces aggressiveness. Moreover, when treated with corticosterone.

mice that had their adrenals taken out became as aggressive as intact animals again.

These findings suggest that the adrenals are necessary for animals to show full aggressiveness.

But removal of the adrenals raises the levels of adrenocorticotrophic hormone (ACTH). and P. Brain found that ACTH lowers the aggressiveness of intact mice.

Thus the reduction of aggressiveness after this operation might be due to the higher levels of ACTH which accompany it.

However. high levels of ACTH have tow effects. First the level of glucocorticoids rise, which might account for P. Brain's results. Second, the levels of androgen fall.

Since animals with low levels of androgenare less aggressive it is

possible that removal of the adrenals redues aggressiveness only drrectly by ratsing the levels of ACTH it cuases androgen levels to drop .

Obviously, Version 2 is easier to read, and its style is more appropriate therefore the more concise abstract of Version 2 (155 words versus 179 for Version 1) is definmtely preferred This style is not so "noun-heavy", it has higher percentage of verbs and adectives than

Version 1. For example, instead of saying effects reduction of it simply says reduces lnstead of  point to the indispensability of the adrenals . it has suggests that the adrenals are necessary instead of producing a condition of decrease androgen levels . it has couses androgen levels to drop Second

technical terms in favor of more comrnooplace equivalents, even when it requires more words to make the substitution In place of adrenalectmised mice, for example. Version 2 has mice that had their adrenals taken out instead of are aunction of. there is are due to. Finally, the style of Version 2 uses more pronouns and demonstrative adjectives: their in sentence 2. these in sentence 3. this in sentences5 and it in the last part of sentence 9. By contrast, the Version 1 style has only one demonstrative These, leading off sentence 2 Pronouns and demonstrative adjectives, in general, help make a text more cohesive - provided, of course, that it is clear to the reader what they refer to.

This last point deserves some discussion before we end. Scientists, engineers, and other technical people sometimes use full nouns phrases repeatedly to avoid being "imprecise". They have heard of cases, perhaps, where a single misinterpretation of a pronoun by a single reader has led to some accident or mishap, which in turn has led to the writer's company being sued for damages. Therefore, they tend to avoid pronouns and demonstratives altogether, preferring instead to repeat full noun phrases over and over. This strategy is certainly a safe one. and indeed it should be used in appropriate circumstances (such as when writing operating instructions for a potentially hazardous macliine or when writing a legally binding contract). There are many circumstances, however, where such caution is uncalled for. and where in feet it simply disrupts the coherence of  the text. Consider this example

NEGATIVE EXAMPLE

In order to keep from delaying the construction phase of the Office Building, the Technical Division needs to know the loads that will be placed upon the footings. I have investigated the proposed use of the structure and various footing systems to determine the loads that will be placed upon the footings. This report gives the loads of  the footings and explains how these loads were derived

There is no reason to describe the loads every time they are referred to Pronouns and demonstratives can be used instead without any real risk of misinterpretation, and the result will be more coherent and more concise text.

REVISED VERSION

In order to keep from delaying the construction phase of the Office Building, the Technical Division needs to know the loads that will be placed upon the footings. 1 have investigated the proposed use of the structure and various footing systems to determine these loads. This report gives the loads and explains how they were derived

In general when you have to refer repeatedly to some object or concept that has first been introduced with a long noun phrase, you can usually use a shortened version of tins noun phrase and a demonstrative adjective or definite article without muck if any. risk of ambiguity

6. PROJECT PROPOSAL

A project proposal deals with work plans of a certain subject.

Project proposals usually serve the following purposes with respect to the different functional types of projects.

A) Institution building projects:

They help in the institutional building up, its approaches and capabilities, set standards of  performance and help continuing staff development.

B) Direct support projects:

Provide data, information and analysis of a certain idea and in some cases embody the technical details and findings of a certain project.

C) DIRECT TRAINING PROJECTS.

D) Upgrading of the efficiency of certain institutions in industry, administration and other activities.

E) Experimental and pilot projects:

Provide data, information and analysis on different aspects of experimental research or pilot activities and the results thereof, in detailed support of the findings and the recommendations of the project.

F) SPECIAL SUPPORT PROJECTS.

Which provide development support of communication, documentary services, e.g. CAD, computer services...etc.