playing lots of sport, I had a groin injury which was very painful. Nothing I tried would help or cure it. Never having tried alternative medicine before, I nevertheless i n desperation went t o see an acupuncturist. He sat me down and said, 'What d o you want?' I replied, 'Well, I have got this pain and i t really hurts.' He then said, 'What are you actually here for?' I said, 'Well, I can't play football and I can't teach aerobics and i t is really sore and i s upsetting me.' He then stopped me and said, 'Look, if you can't tell me what you want, there is the door - use it.' I suddenly thought, 'What do I want?', and realized I had not even thought about it. I knew what I didn't want, and that is what I had been focused on. Eventually I said: 'I just want back that comfortable freedom of movement that I used t o have.' He said: 'Right, lie down.' I focused on what I
Nothing is so wanted and, after having carried the injury for two years, the pain exhausting as was gone in just six sessions.
indecision, and
nothing so futile. How much of the cure was down to the acupuncture and how much due to switching my focus, I don't know, but what I do know is that as soon as I started to think about what I wanted, I experi- enced change.
When asked what they want, almost invariably people talk about what they do not want. We see this pattern repeated again and again.
Pete: 'Hello there. Well, you have come here to see me
today; can you tell me what you want?'
Client: 'Well, I am feeling really bad. I just split up with my boyfriend.'
Pete: 'I'm sorry. But can you tell me what you want?' Client: 'Well, you see, a while ago I went out with this person who was really horrible, seeing other people while supposedly dating me, and I found out about it.'
Pete: 'Mmm, OK. Can you tell me why you are actually
here?'
Client: 'Well, you know, I am here because I just can't seem to attract the right partner.'
Pete: 'Well yes, OK, but what is it that you actually want?' Client: 'Well, nobody loves me.'
See what we mean?
Once you have made a decision to change, focus on that, and not on what you are leaving behind. Remember that it is your decision, not your condition, that is going to determine whether you go forward or back.
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Things do not
Staying Focused
O nWhat YOU Want
change: wechange.
During a very important golf tournament some years ago the pro- fessional golfer Arnold Palmer was about t o take a shot when a train passed loudly and his ball went into the rough. Afterwards his caddy said t o Palmer: 'It was a shame about that train, wasn't it, coming past just as you were going t o play that ball,' to which Palmer replied: 'What train?'
So deeply focused had he been on the shot, Palmer had com- pletely shut himself off from everything else. Anyone can do this. We must just find what we need and delete what i s not necessary' or what is not working, instead of becoming uptight and often pre- occupied by it.
Remember that at any time your behaviour is optional. You may well, at times, feel compelled to act or react to situations in certain ways, but that is just practice. You can choose whether to moan to yourself over having lapsed from your intention to break a habit, or you can laugh about it and move on. Always, it is up to you.
8 Where is your focus now?
8 Take a deep breath and go to the part of your body that feels the best
8 Have you found it?
8 There is every chance that in doing so you went first to the part that felt worst You are not the first person to have done this and you certainly won't be the last Focus is determined by practice
Perseverance Can you remember an event with particular significance furthers.
or one that stands out in your mind that occurred in the last six months?
8 Was it good or bad?
8 Often events that stick with us are bad ones, and that is
If YOU do not live it, what more generally we tend to focus on. you do not believe
it. 8 Concentrate on what is right and what you want to make
right, and that eventually is what you will get.
In order to set change in motion, we need to discard and rebuild some of our own beliefs about ourselves. As we do this, those around us will start to see and react to the new person we believe we can be. We can choose to believe that there is really not a lot of comfort in so-called comfort eating, but instead a great deal of discomfort. We could start calling it 'discomfort eating' and associate being cheered up with something else, an aromatherapy bath perhaps. You might feel as though you are fooling yourself first time round, but it is simply a matter of establishing a new habit to replace the old. You can do any number of things to take your mind off those cigarettes or chocolate biscuits, and actually get good at whatever you do instead.
Your behaviour does not have to control your life. You have the resources and the ability to change. By learning to take control over pleasure and pain and making new choices about what you associate pleasure and pain with, you can alter your focus, renew your behaviour and change your life.
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