The group context as a catalyst for exposing and developing from difficulties

“I think it’s kind of a like a love-hate relationship but I guess the term ‘PB-Hell’ kind of brings out the more hate aspect because nobody ever calls it ‘PB-Love’. ‘PB-Love’…ha!” (Angela)

This excerpt captures the pervasive ‘love-hate’ reputation of PBL amongst participants through a play on words, i.e. ‘PBL’ becoming known, perhaps affectionately, as ‘PB-Hell’. One might consider why it is that whilst this excerpt infers that PBL is also valued or revered in some way, the focus of stories and shared experiences is upon difficult aspects of PBL. These more difficult aspects almost become folklore amongst other peers who undertake PBL, as the term ‘PB-Hell’ attests to.

Strong emotions often go hand-in-hand with opposing experiences. Both Angela and Emily speak of the love-hate dynamic around PBL, with the ‘hellish’ experience that Angela describes above being contrasted within Emily’s account below.

“With the last PBL there were highs and there were lows; so there was literally one session when (...) I was just like, ‘this is amazing, I love this group!’. We were all saying to each other that this is the best session we’ve ever had and ‘oh look at us all bonding’ and we made decisions, and it was fun, and it was painless and we were able to deal with real issues and be real people and I was on a proper high (...). I was like ‘awww (...) I’ve got the best PBL group ever’, not in a competitive way but, ‘I love my PBL group!’ and my boyfriend was making fun

of that and (laughs) and then he tortured me with it by going, the next week, ‘oh do you still love your PBL group?’ and I was like ‘uurrhhh, not quite’. You don’t fall in and out of love with them but when the pressure gets...you know, you have to make decisions and you can get a bit snappy with people (...)” (Emily)

The symbolic parallel between relationships and PBL is stark, perhaps indicating that PBL is a relational endeavour. Some of the difficulties that are experienced by group members within PBL, and which Angela makes reference to above, are reflected in the following extracts.

On a group level:

“It just felt so compressed. It felt so intense that you just needed to breathe afterwards and the deadline…you could’ve worked on this presentation for the whole three years in all honesty…it was never gonna be finished…So you would work so hard, right up ‘til the last few minutes…pulling things together and then…that bit was done and you didn’t have to be in a room with those people for hours at a time anymore, you didn’t have to struggle making decisions, you didn’t have to take other people’s feelings into account in the same way or watch other people trying to take your feelings into account. And it was just, ‘okay let’s put it away until next time’.” (Olivia)

“Er, emotionally, angry erm, excited, happy - yeah I think angry when things are like trudging through thick mud and then excited at the beginning when you get the cases and excited when it comes to doing the actual presentation. It’s a cliché, but it’s a real roller coaster of emotions; like one day to the next could be completely different. So one session can be really good and stimulating and exciting and funny, good humour and then another one can be just – yeah - you come away just going, ‘I hate you lot’, (both laugh). ‘I really hate you lot’, which is obviously not true.” (Peter)

“What happens in PBL? My mind is thinking about storms and I think it’s a little bit chaotic and everything gets turned a little bit upside down and people do lots of shifting and adapting and resisting.” (Michelle)

The language within these excerpts evokes strong images of group experiences as being unpredictable, suffocating, and characterised by intense interpersonal struggles. Olivia, Peter and Michelle all describe a desire to escape these pressures as well as the emotional

intensity of the experience, whilst feeling unable to do so until each PBL exercise has concluded. Perhaps this intensity is inevitable given that there is no escape from the PBL process. All trainees must contribute and be in attendance at the presentation, and students must pass the presentation and reflective essay to progress through the course. Participants must also attend, and be engaged with the PBL process on group and individual levels to attain their doctoral qualification. One wonders what impact this might have on those who dislike distress. We can see this theme develop further below:

On an individual level:

“The group exposes vulnerabilities (sighs) like, the vestige of embarrassment…that lingering sense that…I was so not in control of myself and my emotional stuff and a bit embarrassed that I couldn’t work it out either.” (Olivia)

“(…) it’s been a bit of a catalyst but I don’t necessarily see that as a negative thing. It’s just my relationship to emotions. There’s been times when it’s just like ‘aaaw, I can’t escape from this, why have I always gotta think about myself? Why is everything related to me?’ (Emily)

Within these descriptions, Emily and Olivia speak almost as though they are uncovering their relationship with their own vulnerabilities through relating with the material, or others, in a group context. Whilst in the midst of such a process, it may feel as though one has a lack of control over one’s self which may lead to an outward focus of upset or anger in order to mask or manage the deep personal pain underneath.