Little reflection will reveal to you that Christian family is multi-dimensional. A lot can be said regarding this. Therefore, whatever is said in this section is only an introduction, while you are expected to think out more of the qualities that make the Christian family different
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from any other kind of family system. Some of the characteristics will include:
3.2. 1 Christocentric Relationship
Christian family is Christocentric, that is, Christ oriented. Every Christian family affair proceeds from Christ, and it is directed towards Christ. Christ is always seen as the head of the family (cf. Eph. 5:21-6:6). The idea of the headship of Christ in Christian family is further captured in the common inscription you can easily find in many homes:
Christ is the Head of this house (family);
the Unseen Guest at every meal;
the Silent Listener to every conversation
The man, as the head of the family, still understands his role as subordinate to and modulated by Christ. He recognises the headship of Christ over the family. Under Christ, the husband is the head of the wife and children (cf. Eph 5:23; 6:1). Imitating the footstep of Christ, the husband is expected to exercise authority in love, loyalty and service. It is only through this that he commands the respect of the family members and also be at peace with his god.
On the other hand, the wife is the helpmate of her husband (cf. Gen 2:18). She has shared authority with the husband over the welfare of the entire family including the education and evangelisation of the children.
They (husband and wife) act in conjugality. As parents they owe their children love and care. Children should be conscious of the place of the family in their life. They should understand that the family ‘name’ is a gift and blessing from God, which springs out from the conjugal love their parents. Consequently, they are in loving obedience under the authority of their parents (cf. Col 3:20). In this established order, the members of the family inspired by the love of Christ who is their head, will be able to form a community of life whose interpersonal relationship will be enhanced by Christ's love. Husband and wife will be able to relate in loving relationship as spouses and in loving relationship as parents of their children. (cf. Kiura, 2003)
SELF-ASSESSMENT EXERCISE
Who do you think is the most important person in a Christian family, and why?
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3.2.2 Trinitarian and Communion
Family embodies spiritual union. The expression of unity and intimate relationship is obvious in the affairs of the family. The family symbolizes communion and the community of life and love, where every member is expected to be happy and experience optimal fulfilment. This should not be a surprise to you because God, the author of family, has from eternity lived the mystery of ‘family’ (community), the Trinity. God is love and out of love he created us human beings and gave us the role of creating a community. It is as a result of our being created in God's image and likeness that human persons are given the capacity and responsibility for love and communion and the ability to live in loving partnerships as husbands and wives (Kiura, 2003).
3.2.3 Holy
In our discussion on “the domestic church and the call to holiness”, you will come to appreciate more that the vocation to marriage and invariably to family life as a call to holiness. The family has a holy structure in the plan of creation (Vatican Council II, 1988, Gaudium et Spes [GS] 48). The very meaning of family is holiness, hence the Christian family is always looked up to as sacred and holy. It is the sanctuary of holiness, where children are brought up in the fear of God, and learn to accord respect not only to the divine, but also to human and the society. A holy family is a healthy nation.
Holiness in the family is a sign of God’s presence amidst His people and of His relationship with them at a very personal level, a relationship of intimacy and closeness (cf. Hos. 2:4-10). The way for the family to grow in holiness and in the love of God. So, growing into the vocation to holiness is the first call of the family because it is the growth into the image of God as His children. And sanctity in family life means the radiance, the communication, the sanctifying presence of Christ in every moment of time.
3.2.4 The fruit of Marriage
You must have noted that time without number we continue to emphasise the fundamental place of marriage in the formation of family.
Family starts with marriage. That is to say, Christian marriage is the foundation of Christian family. This is well articulated in the mind of the author of Genesis, where the notion of family and its formation is made a focus. Thus: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body" (Gen.
2:24). In short, marriage and family are interconnected, and remain always inseparable. You cannot conceive one without the other. It is
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marriage that gives birth to the family (African Family Life Federation 2010), and family sustains marriage. Family is the fruit of marriage.
Marriage charts the course, and family actualizes it.
3.2.5 Multi-relational
There are about four basic relationships identified with a healthy Christian family.
These include:
i. Wife-husband
ii. Parents (father and mother)-children
iii. Children-children (brother/sister-brother/sister), and iv. Christ-family.
The common tie that holds all these together is not necessarily blood relation but love.
The relationship implicates our relationship with the wider society both within and outside the Church circle.
3.2.6 Inter-Personal and Public (Social)
You have already seen that Christian family derives its existence from marriage and also manifests the same interpersonal and social character as marriage. It takes more than one to make a family. It is the same very idea that is expressed in its communitarian character as already discussed. Christian family also shares the same goods of marriage: the community of life and love of the spouses, the total welfare of the children, which includes their physical, spiritual, psychological well-being etc.
3.2.7 Mutually and Collectively
Mutuality, intimacy and togetherness is another quality of a Christian family. This is where parents should consider their life as a unifying factor that contributes to the building up of the family. Hence every effort should be put in place to avoid any thing that could break the family: work conditions, disharmony, materialism, and try as much as possible, to spend a lot of their time together. It is essential for a family to live together as a unit. (Kiura, 2003).
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3.2.8 Child-Friendly
In many communities, the family is seen as an important instrument for progeny. It is important for the survival of the clan and the entire community. It is the health of the society. And God, who has established the family, gives Christian couples the graces they need to do their part in making their family both in essence and in existence. Couples perform their God-given duties by shunning the ‘culture-of-death’ and other anti-child movements such the intentional exclusion of procreation from the goods of marriage. This does not, however, exclude the relevance of birth regulation and child spacing. Couples need to address this question considering each other's interests, their faith and the well-being of the children they already have. Parents should understand the needs of each child and see how they can meet their respective needs.
They must also provide their children with a decent education. For this reason, family finances should be so managed to ensure that all the members of the family are provided for. (Kiura, 2003).
SELF-ASSESSMENT EXERCISE
1. Among the qualities of Christian family discussed which one do you think is the most important, and why?
2. Is it possible to have a holy Christian family with a bad child?
State the reason(s) for your answer.