Hey, I'm Dimitri What's your name?

She: I have a boyfriend! (this is the Resistance Phrase) I: Hey, I'm Dimitri, what's your name?

She: I don't like to be touched. (Resistance Phrase) I: Hey, I'm Dimitri, what's your name?

She: Don't bother us, we're having girl's talk! (Resistance Phrase) I: Hey, I'm Dimitri --

She: I don't care! (Resistance Phrase) Other examples:

"I'm engaged!" "I'm a lesbian!"

"We are having a conversation here!" "Go talk to someone else!"

"Please don't bother me!" "Please go sit somewhere else!" "Do we know you?"

"Why are you talking to us?"

"We don't know you. You are being rude".

"Why are you asking me? Why don't you ask a sales clerk instead?" "We are busy. Thanks, though"

"We hadn't seen each other for a long time. Do you mind?" "Leave us alone!"

"We don't want to talk to you!"

"We don't like you. Please leave NOW!"

"May be you should try your luck with someone else" "I'm waiting for my boyfriend"

"This room is full of people. Why me?" "I'm not looking for a boyfriend" "Please don't even bother" "Don't talk to me"

"I don't want to talk to anyone right now but please feel free to come back later" "My boyfriend is coming back and he will kill you"

"Who are you?"

"Take your hand off my arm"

"Go talk to that woman over there. She's available" "I will not have sex with you, so don't waste your time" "Don't even think of it"

"You are creepy. Walk away". "Get out of my face".

"What? Oh... No, no, no!"

"What? -- What? -- What? -- What? -- ..." etc. "What do you want from us?"

"Ghoyfknik oyg grumbdhum bduh bduh ogh" (Response in gibberish)

"We don't speak English" (said with the perfect New England accent, or with the fake Zimbabvian accent) "You are very nice... but I don't give a damn"

"Buy me a drink". "Stop hitting on me". "I will call security".

"Yes, sure, sure. I've heard it all".

"I like your approach. Now let's see your departure". "You are ugly".

"You have bad breath". "You finished? Dismissed". "All men are dogs".

"Oh no, not another one! What's the matter with them today?" "Yes, thank you. Now you may leave".

"We'll call you if we need something".

"Excuse ME! Look closer! Do I have "fuck me" written on my forehead?" "This sit is taken. Go away".

"I'll scream if you say another word"

"Is this all? Do you have anything else to add? I didn't think so". (turns away) "We are going to a bathroom" (none of them leaves)

"Let's make a deal: you don't talk to us, we don't talk to you. Okay?" "I'm here with my friends, and you are intruding".

"You are INTERRUPTING!" "This is very rude!"

"You are not welcome here".

"I am married with ten kids. Get lost". "I have HIV, okay? Please leave". "I hate it when people talk to me." "Will you leave?"

"Have you considered wearing Budweiser as perfume?" "Don't talk to me"

"Oh, don't start".

"What's that?!" (followed by silence and hard eye contact) "You are ridiculous! What's the matter with you?"

"What a lousy pick-up line."

'This is a private party. Go over there".

"Would you like a drink? Well, you're not getting one here. Go away". "No, this is my seat. That one's mine, too."

"Sorry, no drink - no talk".

"I'm from out of town and I leave tonight". "No chance." (followed by the dismissing gesture) "BUSY!"

"Oh my God! You're so sweet! F*ck off!" "So what?"

"Why should I care?"

As you see from my example, and perhaps know from own experience, some women are quite inventive with their

Resistance Phrases. It is my opinion that a man who tries to stay in the interaction no matter what would inevitably run a risk of being perceived and perceiving himself as needy. However, a graceful response before leaving politely would make such man impervious to heartbreak.

I would like to encourage you, my reader, to proactive improvising multiple different responses to each of the Resistance Phrases I had provided in this chapter.

I would like to give you an example of what this exercise might look like.

Let's take the most common Resistance Phrase: "I have a boyfriend". I would like to emphasize that I am not talking about the scenario when a woman says "I have a boyfriend" as the response to your question about her relationship situation. I am describing here the event when a girl rubs her having a boyfriend into your face a moment after you said "Hi", or at any other point of a conversation when such information is clearly intended to block the possibility of any escalation.

So...

"I have a boyfriend!" I think the healthy response to this line should come from the psychological place of understanding that a woman might have a number of motivations to say it - and that the motivation is not present in the words.

Since the motivation is not present in the words, I can read any motivation into those words - and that includes the one that would work to my advantage.

Obviously, quite often "I have a boyfriend" line is motivated by the sexual presumption mechanism: a woman presumes that if I talk to her, I am hitting on her. However, I choose to interpret her words as if they were motivated by her desire to seek my approval. I interpret "I have a boyfriend!" similarly to how I would interpret a guy tel ing me "I have a BMW". Or, to put it differently, there's always subtext behind words. I operate on a level of the subtext. When a woman says to me "I have a boyfriend!" she might or might not mean "I know that you are making yourself sexually available to me by seeking sex with me but I am not sexually available to you because I am sexually available to another, more dominant man who you should envy and fear" - but I choose to interpret her words as if the subtext were "I want to impress you by boasting that I am socially accepted enough to have a man who is interested in me sexually".

A few examples:

"I have a boyfriend!" - "Why, I'm impressed!" "I have a boyfriend!" - "No kidding!"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "Who would've thought? I mean, duh!"

"I have a boyfriend!"- "Sorry... I'm not sure if I understand the principle..." (Credit - one of my recent clients) "I have a boyfriend!" - "Hey, we're talking for only thirty seconds and you're already trying to make me jealous!" "I have a boyfriend!" - "I would be truly surprised if you hadn't!" (Credit: another client)

"I have a boyfriend" - "Define "boyfriend!"

I find it important not to get stuck waiting for her response to my response. Proceed immediately with the I statement and/or Open-Ended Question.

Like this:

"I have a boyfriend!" - "You could sound a little more enthusiastic. So, one thing I enjoy the most is a wel -done crusty barbecue with lemon and a flask of brandy by the campfire after a long day of flying. Now let's talk about you. What's your bliss?" (Last week's private client)

"I have a boyfriend!" - "And I have a hamster. Now why don't we quit bragging about our prized possessions and have a normal talk like two intelligent human beings? My idea of fun is making short home movies. What about you?"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "Great. It means, you probably won't try to get into my pants too soon. Now as we got sex out of the way, have a normal conversation with me, will you? I like motorcycles and art history. What normal topics do you enjoy talking about?"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "From what you've just said I can deduce that you're either straight or bisexual. Duly noted. But I am not yet ready to talk with you about sex. How about we discuss something less intimate first and see where it can gradual y take us?"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "Oh, I am happy to oblige by acting shocked and panic-stricken. Such a waste! And yet I suppose I must not let myself sink in misery, I shall endure and press on. So, when it comes to choosing drinks, what are your criteria?" "I have a boyfriend"- "Yeah, and I guess it makes you a grown-up girl after all. Congratulations. Now that we got that obligatory "boyfriend" line out of the way, a hope stil remains one might have a normal talk with you".

"I have a boyfriend!" - "No you don't! Don't get me wrong, I do believe there is a man who finds you attractive and has a relationship with you, but you do not HAVE him. It's impossible to own a human being".

"I have a boyfriend!"- "Thank God, it means you're probably normal. Please do not disappoint me. So --" etc. "I have a boyfriend!" - "What's new about that? Anyway -- " etc.

"I have a boyfriend!"- "Tragic. I was warned it might happen. So, as I was saying -- " etc.

"I have a boyfriend!" - "It's okay. We'll be discreet." (Credit: Rob; I personally consider this a classic)

"I have a boyfriend!" - "Outstanding! Why don't you give me your phone number while your boyfriend is not around?" "I have a boyfriend!" - "I'm devastated. By the way, I've spent the entire day today looking for free AOL installation software all over Manhattan, and I couldn't find any. So I expressed my frustration to an AOL manager over the phone, and guess what - I'm getting free Internet access for the next year. What was your day like?"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "Point taken. So, as I was saying --"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "It's okay. I believe you. You don't have to prove anything to me. Please remind me what the hell was I taking about? Ah yes, I remember --"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "I sympathize. But please let me finish. I remember we talked about --"

"I have a boyfriend" -"And I most certainly hope he keeps you active. Yesterday when I was running on a treadmill --" "I have a boyfriend!" - "Sorry I forgot my snappy retort to that one... So I guess I'll just have to break down sobbing instead. Boo-hoo! Happy now? Got a Cleanex for me? Anyway --"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "I find it sexy about you! By the way --" "I have a boyfriend!" - "I like that about you. Incidentally --"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "Hey, you've just trigged a HUGE inferiority complex in me! Who's the best shrink you can recommend? So, as I was saying --"

"I have a boyfriend!" - "That sounds like a high-quality problem. So, as I was saying --"

"I have a boyfriend!" - (I look around, indicating subtle embarrassment, then lean in to her, and whisper in her ear) "You are being very direct. I am not sure if it is appropriate in current circumstances".

And so on.

The point of the exercise is not to memorize all the possible responses, but to develop the natural effortless ability to shrug away any Resistance Phrase and have a choice of either continuing the conversation or cutting it short and leaving. And remember: the Resistance Phrase is the sign of the lack of communicational elegance, so by channeling it away you help your partner in the conversation to be more graceful.

[email protected] Part IX

How to Begin a Conversation With a Woman Chapter 45

First thing you want to figure out is one of the two possible mindsets a stranger might be in. Those two mindsets are sociable and unsociable.

Sociable mindset is often associated with the so called nightgame. Unsociable mindset, correspondingly, with the daygame.

Such association is not entirely correct.

Ever met a haughty, uptight woman who looks sulky and guarded in a middle of otherwise cheerful and happy crowd of people in a bar or a nightclub? It is a night time, all right, but that woman is in a highly unsociable mindset. Yes, she is in that bar, but meeting and communicating with strangers is probably the last thing on her mind. May be she had just

learned some extremely unpleasant news. Or she just broke up with her boyfriend. Or she is one of those rare girls who, unfortunately, receives her validation from hurting men. Whatever the reason is, it is quite easy to recognize the unsociable mindset in any person during the nightgame.

A woman immersed in her college homework in a cafe or the one living in a fictional reality of the last part of Harry Potter series in a bookstore would be a good example of the unsociable mindset of the relatively unsociable mindset during the daygame.

On the other hand, a couple of excitedly laughing bikini-clad girls on the lawn in the middle of New York Central Park or Union Square would be no less open to meeting a charismatic stranger than as though they were in a bar, because they are in the sociable mindset You can recognize that mindset in the daytime by how easy it is to make eye contact with such girls and how animated they are.

Clearly, in most cases bars and clubs are filled with people in a sociable mindset.

The important thing to realize is that sociable and unsociable mindset do not replace each other in people as if by a turn of on-and-off switch. In fact, there is a very gradual scale of sociability from completely unsociable on the verge of autistic to frighteningly sociable when you wish it was not that in-your-face.

The skill of recognizing the sociability level in each particular person before you approach them is incredibly easy to master. Simply give yourself a few moments to observe them, and it will become clear for you how open they might be to interacting with you.

Remember that after you begin the conversation with them, you are in the partial control of their sociability level. You can make that person more sociable by building rapport. You can even choose the form of sociability for them, for example you can lead the conversation in such way that they will become more open to you while ignoring everyone else around them, or you can steer the conversation into acknowledging everyone else and getting them involved also.

It is highly important to assess the sociability level of the person you are about to approach, because the particular method you are going to use to begin the conversation depends almost entirely on how open they are to the idea of having a conversation with you.

Unsociable mindset does not mean anything bad. It simply means that you will have to use the specific technique for opening people in the unsociable mindset. It is not harder to do when you know the principles, it is just different. Chapter 46

The difference in tactic between beginning a conversation with people in sociable and unsociable mindset is that the unsociable mindset requires one extra step. This step is very simple, but it calls for a bit of explanation.

Quite a bit of explanation.

The problem with the unsociable mindset is that the attention of a person you want to engage is occupied by something other than you.

To be able to begin a conversation with them, you will need to get their attention.

So the extra step when dealing with the people in the unsociable mindset is GETTING THEIR ATTENTION before you begin the interaction.

Correction: you will need to get their attention without scaring them out of their wits.

By far one of the worst things you can do upon approaching a stranger whose mind is focused entirely on some inner reality is to position yourself behind them and touch them veeeryyy liiiightlyyyy on the their neck, next to where the artery goes up toward the brain. Imagine someone doing that to you. Such approach would jolt nearly anyone out of whatever their mind is busy with, but it would take a champion of recovery to have a decent conversation after that.

Second worst way of getting the attention of a busy stranger is this. Place yourself anywhere out of their field of vision but right next to them, as close to their ear as you can, and loudly clear your throat, GHM-GHM! Then watch them hit the ceiling.

I am giving these examples of what not to do so we can figure out what to do.

So it is obvious that you have to make yourself visible before you make yourself audible or kinesthetically sensed. If a person hears you without seeing you first, or if you touch them, especially on some physically vulnerable part of their body before they are aware of their presence, their mind will presume that you present the threat to their life. Unfortunately, we are all animals.

At the same time, even though the goal is to make yourself visible, you should not block their field of vision and their potential escape route. This is why it rarely wise to position yourself directly in front of a woman you had just approached, facing her.

If a woman who is the unsociable mindset is already aware of your presence, and knows that you do not constitute any physical threat, you may safely tough her to get her attention. For example, if you are behind her in a line in a coffee shop, and she saw you getting in the line, it would feel normal if you get her attention by touching her upper arm with the back of your hand. She already knew you were there, her mind had already assessed the possible threat and qualified it as minimal, so she would let you engage her.

However, if a woman is not aware of your presence, first you have to make her aware, and to give her mind a second or two to make sure you are not a threat.

In such case you will have to make yourself visible.

The solution for attraction the attention of someone who is not yet aware of your presence and is in the unsociable mindset is to make them aware of your presence by placing something in their peripheral vision.

The best and most natural thing to place in their peripheral vision is your cock. Probably not. Just checking if you are paying attention.

The best and most natural thing to place in their peripheral vision is your hand.

A hand is a wonderful communication device. Using only gestures and eye contact, you can charm the pants off a girl whose language you do not speak, as my friend Rob the Irresistible recently proved. And one important thing to consider is that you want to communicate to them that you want to communicate to them. A hand is very good for that.

It all leads me to the specific technique that I had already described in a number of articles. It would be really easy to show and really hard to explain in words, but I will try.

Do this for me. With your hand palm downward, extend your arm forward until there is about 45-degree angle between your forearm and your upper arm. Then turn your hand palm upward, with your index and middle finger semi-open, and the rest of your fingers relaxed.

I know this is a hell of a way to describe a very natural and commonly used gesture, but how else could I have described it?

Think of it as a I-have-something-to say gesture or a what-do-you-think gesture. Among us Charisma Arts East Cost guys we call it a hand flip.

A hand flip seems to be a universally human nonverbal signal for engaging another human in an interaction.

The good things about the hand flip is that it replaces the inner question, what the hell do I say to her, with the reassuring inner statement, I know just what to DO. I know that when I see a girl I like I will throw my hand, palm upward, into her