The above type of programming is the beginning of the model (even though it’s on the bottom), because it is your original programming. It leads to
reinforcement, bigger beliefs, bigger actions, and habits.
It is difficult to change just thinking about what needs to be changed. Action is the only way to make a change.
If you’re 30 pounds overweight and need to lose weight, just thinking, “Man, I’m fat and I need to lose weight”, will not help. The only thing that helps is the action you take to lose the weight.
Our goal is to get our target (client, wife, husband, whoever) to change
something (a belief, a habit, a behavior). First of all a person will present to you a problem. The problem could be anything from needing insurance to having a horrible relationship, to being overweight. There is some behavior or set of circumstances in life that could be better. Use this model to assist them in making an ethical change.
If a person says, “I’m feeling kind of down about X..” I say, “What’s up?”
They answer, “I’m depressed because…I broke up with my girlfriend.”
“What’s going on with that?” This is an ambiguous and non-loaded question that will assist you in finding out what specific emotions are going on with the person, and what specific behaviors they may be doing that are causing this person to be unhappy.
I listen and say, “What else?” I am not ready to direct this person’s behavior at this point. I don’t want to covertly, or otherwise, plug something in yet. Except for the fact that they can trust me.
1 - The Big Picture
They will explain the big picture to me. Pay attention to the words they use to describe their situation. Determine if they use terms like “I am really annoyed” as opposed to “I am so depressed I could just die” or “I feel like I’m already in the grave” “I feel like sticking a gun to my head and pulling the trigger” or “I feel like there’s this big cloud hanging over my head and it follows me wherever I go”.
The absolute single most important factor about why people do anything is the context that they are in. If you want to know what you are going to remember about any event, it is based upon the context of the situation you are in.
2 - Words/Vocabulary
The first thing I listen to is the person’s vocabulary. If this is not how this person normally talks, I will note that.
3 - Metaphors
I listen to their metaphors very carefully. “I feel like I’ve been given a mountain, and I just can’t climb it.” If I can get inside of their metaphor, I can change their thinking and begin to give them the tools they need to make positive changes. If I don’t know what the metaphor is, and if I begin to speak before I have this information, I don’t have the ability to give them the tools they need for their own specific metaphor.
You can change any metaphor by giving them the tools it takes to change their metaphor. You MUST listen first. Don’t waste yours or their time. Discover their metaphors and stories. Before you start communicating.
4 - Cause and Effect
I am listening for cause and effect. Does the cause make sense and lead logically and rationally to the effect? People commonly mis-attribute cause and effect. They may believe that because they wore orange 2 days in a row, then met the person they are dating; maybe orange is their lucky color. Does this really make sense?
5 - Body Language
Look at the person’s body language. How are they communicating? Slouched? Long face? Sad? You need to understand their body language. Body language is 2/3 of the message. Does their body language match their verbal
communication?
6 - Excuses & Legitimate Reasons
“I can’t do that because…” They may have convinced themselves of a belief for whatever reason (“I’m too old”, “I’m not smart enough’) Legitimate reasons are
different. (“I’m deaf”) Remember, deafness may be a legitimate reason not to do certain things, but it also may be an excuse not to do other things.
7 - Core Drivers and Desires
What are their core drives and desires? Covert Hypnosis Volumes 2 & 3 taught you about the 16 core desires of human behavior. What makes them tick?
8 - Maps
What are their maps? A map is how a person looks at their problem and if they have a destination, and if they have a road going to the destination, and if they have alternate roads to get there. Is it a good map? What do you see are the drawbacks on this person’s map? How can you accelerate the person’s map? Improve on it?
You Begin to Take Control
The information is presented to you. Now, at different levels in the mind and body, specific things will begin to happen. There are elements you will use to assist you in helping your client.
Body Language
You will use body language and para-language to begin to build trust, comfort, liking, fascination and admiration. Body language is anything I utilize my body for. Movement, how I look, how I look at the person, how I look to the person.
Para-Language
Para-language is use of stressors and tone of voice and pitch and frequency to communicate ideas and words through the qualities of your voice. To get an idea of the power of para-language, see the difference in the apparent intention of the sentence as we stress each word:
“THAT is a really good idea.” “That IS a really good idea.” “That is A REALLY good idea.” “That is a really GOOD idea.” “That is a really good IDEA.”
Build Trust
In order to build trust, maintain an open posture, use affirming communication. To build comfort, stay open, give a head nod now and then, and smile when it’s appropriate. We need to approve of the other person, and show admiration. Be fascinated by what they have to say, admire them while communicating with them. If they sense this, they will open up, and you will be allowed in to make the changes they need.
Elicit Core Desires
Elicit (ask questions about) core desires. If they tell you the absolute most important thing in their life is their family, you know that the person likes to nest and they have their connections. Ask what else is important. This is elicitation. Elicit Outcomes.
What do they want? If they break up with their significant other, ask what they want. Do you want them back? Do you want someone else? What is the outcome, so that we can develop the map to the desired outcome? Find alternatives. If you can’t get your number one outcome, what is the number two outcome? People won’t know what to do. Assist them in finding the alternatives that would be acceptable.
Elicit Obstacles
For every single outcome, there are a number of obstacles. ASK the person what the obstacles will be for each and every outcome. Predict every obstacle.
Elicit Resources
Find out what resources the person has to defeat obstacles. Chart the obstacles, and elicit the resources. “Have you ever had that happen before? How did you deal with that before? How did that turn out?”
Create new maps.
Affirm their input in the outcome and the new map. Now comes the hard part.
Intervening
There are a number of ways to intervene. You are going to talk for perhaps 10 minutes. Stay within the person’s attention span. You have computed in your mind what the map is. It’s your job to get the other person to see the map. Use transformational vocabulary. When they say they have a dark cloud over their head, following them around, you are going to remind them that, all the
water that could fall out of that cloud, eventually will, and it will dissipate ultimately, into sunshine.
Utilize their metaphors. When they say they are devastated, you say, “you are pretty annoyed?” Bring them up a level from devastated to annoyed. Match and alter. If they say, “I feel so hurt”, you say, “you know you look pretty hurt.” Do not disrespect them. Bring the level of the metaphor up one or two levels.
Use Story. Preferably the person will tell us a story. Ask them, “How do you think that we could make this all work out?” If they say, “I don’t know!” Then, you tell them a story. You can tell them, “You know, you are going to go on down to the used car place and you are going to get yourself a used car. Used cars are seen in a different light than they were years ago and it can certainly save you tons of money, AND solve the problem you are having with your current car.” Create the story for them if they cannot come up with the story themselves.
Create movies. They will have the person confident, competent, but not arrogant. Create the stories they can see in their mind with alternatives, where they can believe they overcame them, etc.
Ask leading and probing questions. “How are you going to find the next girl of your dreams…” “How are you going to find your next job…”
Distraction is a critical intervention. Maybe the person needs to be distracted from their problem so that they can get past their problem. A lot of times, the brain will get out of it’s stuck state, and find the solutions it needs.
All these interventions lead into making multiple maps. We need multiple maps for all the possible obstacles and the roads around and through all the obstacles. Deal with the past, the short run, the homerun hitter. Take care of them in
advance. Get it down on the map. This will prevent inertia for your client. If you don’t get to the destination with one map, rip it up and make a new map. You have as many maps as you have days in the life.
Lastly, utilize the power of Anticipated Regret by creating (pointing out) the pain they will feel if the person does not grab the map book and go. “What will happen if you don’t…” Have them experience the regret first, and know what it will be like to regret not having the degree, the job they want, the person to love. The person has desires that will be stimulated when coming out of a session like this. They will start to see their outcomes. They see these desires being fulfilled, the outcomes become clear. This person becomes AT CAUSE for themselves.
peers. They believe they can take massive amounts of action, they know the obstacles, their resources, and their outcomes.
The person is taking action. They know they will run into obstacles. But that’s okay. They are prepared for rejection, they are able to take it, and they will survive. The person who gets past no, is the person who gets the girl, gets the job, gets the money.
These actions create new beliefs, which create new choices and new decisions for you.
If you are AT CAUSE, you are getting and choosing what you want!
In future cds, we will talk more in detail about this model. If you don’t have a map, it is impossible to get anywhere. The goal is to create maps to stimulate desires, elicit outcomes and lead to BIG actions and habits.