MEDITATION HAS MADE ME STRONGER, MORE BALANCED, AND KINDER TO BOTH

MYSELF AND OTHERS.

dencies of our unconscious mind.

It was the gayatri mantra that had brought me to my knees. Old repressed memories began bubbling up during my meditation on a daily basis: Suddenly I was a child with immigrant parents who were struggling to survive in a foreign land and didn’t have the time or pa-tience to help me with my problems.

Now, as I said my mantra I felt the emo-tional pain all over again. I would have alternating desires to scream and smash windows or eat chocolate and cry—and, of course, sleep a lot. But the next day I would sit and say my mantra, because al-though it brought my impurities to the surface, it also gave me a glimmer of higher awareness: one that is free of fear, anger, and sadness—filled, instead, with peace, love, and joy.

The Spiraling Mind

I find that the deeper I delve into medita-tion, the more impurities I discover. At the same time, I experience more con-tentment as I become less of a partici-pant and more of a witness—no longer identifying with the thoughts and feel-ings that arise from within, but simply observing and letting them go. At times, however, it seems unending and frustrat-ing, and I find myself wondering: Will I ever get to the bottom? Is there a bot-tom? Am I making any progress or am I like a hamster on a wheel, running end-lessly in place?

One day I decided to read through the journals I’ve kept over the past 30 years to see if I could find an answer. I came to an entry where I had had a pro-found realization—a definite break-through. But then, imagine my surprise, when, flipping through the next year, I came to another entry with the very same realization, as if it were the first time I’d had it. And the year after that, the same thing! That’s when it dawned on me that I was experiencing this real-ization at different levels. The first time was only at a surface level of my mind and heart; each time after, it was increas-ingly deeper.

So, now, while I’m meditating, I see the mind as an upward- and downward-flowing spiral. When I climb the upward spiral in meditation, it gives me the strength—the clear water, the clear mind—to dive downward with new awareness, so that I can see my old unre-solved issues in a new light. Sometimes, I can finally make peace with something that has been troubling me for a long time, so it loses its power—it becomes a faded image in the background of my mind, with no substance, no bite. Other times, when a deeply knotted, rooted fear or memory shakes me to my core, I have to take a break and try again.

Don’t Give Up

Meditation has made me stronger, more balanced, and kinder to both myself and others. I have found that no matter what surfaces, I need to sit daily. Whatever is lurking in the shadows will not go away until it is brought to light, and if I lose the fight one day, there is always the next. And yes, I was finally able to con-sciously ride those initial waves of anger and sadness to the end, where I experi-enced a great sense of peace, love, joy—

and finally, release. Until another wave arose and I had to go through the pro-cess all over again. It made me under-stand that enlightenment can come in bits and pieces.

Each of us needs to find our own way inside. How long we sit and how much practice we do depends on what we want to accomplish. Meditation both stirs things up and clears them out. But if at any time in your practice it becomes overwhelming, witness yourself reacting and step back. Maybe journal about it or self-dialogue. Or tend to your regular business. Or go for a walk. Or eat some chocolate. Or take a nap. Whatever works for you. But next day, go back to your meditation. Even if it’s only for five minutes. Don’t give up. It is your path to freedom and self-realization. ■

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Senior editorIrene (Aradhana) Petryszakhas been teaching yoga philosophy for the last 20 years.

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here are few things more frustrating to a person with chronic pain than hearing someone say, “Your pain is all in your mind.” But if you’re one of the estimated 50 to 75 million Americans living with chronic pain, these words might actually be the key to relieving your suffering. Chronic pain is in the mind—but this does not mean what you think it means. The experience of pain is real. Pain has a biological basis. It’s just

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For decades, scientists and doctors thought that pain could be caused only by damage to the structure of the body. They looked for the source of chronic pain in bulging spinal discs, muscle injuries, and infections.

More recent research, however, points to a second source of chronic pain: the very real biology of your thoughts, emotions, expectations, and memories. Most chronic pain has its roots in a physical injury or illness, but it is sustained by how that initial trauma changes not just the body but also the mind-body relationship.

The complexity of chronic pain is actually good news. It means that trying to fix the body with surgeries, pain medications, or physical therapy is not your only hope. By first understanding chronic pain as a mind-body experience and then using yoga’s toolbox of healing practices—including breathing exercises and restorative

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Though chronic pain may be difficult to diagnose and treat, the suffering is impossible to ignore.

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