Techniques > Use of body language > Core patterns > Moving forward Pattern | Found in | Discussion | See also
Pattern
When a person moves forward, even slightly, they are sending signals.
• Reaching forward with arms and hands, giving, grabbing or striking.
• Pushing the head forward.
• Thrusting the hips suggestively forward.
• Leaning forward.
• Stepping forward.
Found in
• Arm body language
• Hand body language
• Head body language
• Hips body language
Discussion
Moving forward can be an act of aggression and so signal anger, especially if it is done quickly and in concert with other aggressive signals such as an angry expression on the face. As such it is an invitation for the other person either to move away or to fight.
We all have defined personal spaces and moving forward may transition between social and intimate space, signalling a desire to be closer to the other person. Other signals will indicate the actual intent (there are many romantic signals, for example). This can be used as method of emphasis as we move closer to gain attention and create a bond through which ideas are transmitted.
Opening
Techniques > Use of body language > Core patterns > Opening Pattern | Found in | Discussion | See also
Pattern
'Opening' is a pattern of unfolding, removing protection and offering. For example:
• Raising the head from a chin-down position to looking forwards.
• Unfolding arms.
• Holding open palms.
• Spreading palms in an opening circular move around from front to side.
• Turning hands over from palm-down to palms-up.
• Pointing toes outwards, with splayed feet.
• Standing with legs akimbo.
Found in
• Arm body language
• Hand body language
• Leg body language
Discussion
Opening is a signal of readiness to listen and accept others. In particular the transition of going from closed to open shows a change of heart, of going from suspicion and anxiety to comfort and acceptance.
Openness exposes vulnerable areas to attack and is thus a symbol of trust. It shows that no weapons are concealed for example with open palms.
Being open also exposes sexual organs and thus it may be used in flirting. Allied to this is how it can be used in a display of power, which is used by men to warn off other men and demonstrate the ability to protect the family.
In an aggressive or power-based stance, openness says 'I do not stand defensively because I am not afraid of you.'
Preening
Techniques > Use of body language > Core patterns > Preening Pattern | Found in | Discussion | See also
Pattern
'Preening' is act of faked cleaning or tidying that is common in courtship rituals across the animal kingdom. birds pick at their feathers, chimps pick at fleas and humans tidy themselves to look good for their prospective partners. Actions include:
• Straightening the tie or other clothes.
• Looking in a mirror.
• Curling lips to even out lipstick.
• Brushing imaginary lint off arms or legs.
• Patting down hair or combing it with the fingers.
Found in
• Chin body language
• Hair body language
• Leg body language
• Lips body language
Discussion
Preening happens a lot before people meet as people deliberately make themselves attractive. Women in particular spend time in the bathroom primping themselves up.
This can be a competitive signal to other women ('I'm more beautiful than you, so don't bother competing with me!').
As an act in front of another person, preening says 'Look, I am making myself beautiful for you!' It may be combined with the look away -- look up flirting pattern.
Sometimes preening is just about vanity, as self-obsessed narcissists make themselves beautiful just for themselves. It says 'I am too wonderful for you, but not for me.' Preening is also touching oneself which, when done as gentle stroking, can be done romantically as an offer ('Wouldn't you like to touch me like this? I might just let you...').
Self-touching can also be a sign of insecurity, so watch for other signs. Preening is done with confidence and even arrogance ('I am so wonderful, you will not be able to resist me!').
Repeating
Techniques > Use of body language > Core patterns > Repeating Pattern | Found in | Discussion | See also
Pattern
Sometimes people repeat actions, such as tapping, waving, or otherwise moving one way, then the other way then back again and so forth.
• Nodding or shaking the head.
• Tapping the teeth.
• Waggling the eyebrows.
• Swinging the arms.
• Clapping of hands.
• Waving with hands.
• Drumming of fingers.
• Swinging or bouncing a leg.
• Tapping of feet.
• Rubbing the body in various places.
• Waving the body back and forth.
• Stroking various parts of the body.
Found in
• Chin body language
• Eyebrow body language
• Finger body language
• Leg body language
Discussion
When a person is bored, they seek other things to do and a repetitive movement can provide a simple distraction. The stimulation of movement may also be seen in dancing and moving along to music. Curiously, repetition leads to a trance state which can be pleasurable, and which may explain why some people repeat actions.
When they are irritated and impatient, their start to feel tense and would perhaps like to hit someone. This often gets displaced into tapping of fingers or feet.
Moving the body in repetitive patterns may also be a part of a specific signal, such as nodding the head in agreement or clapping the hands in approval.
Shaping
Techniques > Use of body language > Core patterns > Shaping Pattern | Found in | Discussion | See also
Pattern
What is being described is literally carved out what is from the air in front of the person.
• Hands are the main implements, shaping the item being described.
• Arms may also be important, particularly when shaping something big. For something very big, the person may move the rest of their body, reaching up on the toes.
• Fingers can be used to shape something small.
• Words may be shaped with the lips.
Found in
• Arm body language
• Finger body language
• Hand body language
Discussion
When people talk, they use their whole body to describe what they are talking about, shaping what they are saying as a reinforcement and emphasis of their words.
Often ideas are shaped as well as physical items.
We may also shape how we feel. Fear makes small. Anger makes us want to fight.
Desire makes us want to hold and make love. Envy may make us want to strangle someone. Happiness can make us feel light and floating.
Striking
Techniques > Use of body language > Core patterns > Striking Pattern | Found in | Discussion | See also
Pattern
The body can be used in various ways to strike out at others.
• A small but rapid nod of the head can be a symbolic head-butt.
• Wagging a finger in admonishment, symbolizing striking them with a club.
• Shaking an entire arm.
• Jabbing a finger toward someone, as if prodding them.
• Striking subtly sideways with an elbow.
Instead of striking toward others, the person may strike something else -- still indicating the desire to strike someone (perhaps who is not present).
• Poking a finger into an open hand or onto a table.
• Slapping a fist into an open hand or onto a table (this makes a good noise).
• Stamping the ground with a foot.
The person may also strike their own body:
• Slapping the forehead, acknowledging stupidity. 'Gosh, I'm so stupid!'
• Slapping the bottom or thigh in self-punishment or as a 'gee up' motivation.
• Clapping hands in glee or appreciation.
Found in
• Arm body language
• Bottom body language
• Hand body language
• Finger body language
• Forehead body language
• Thigh body language
Discussion
Striking (without actually hitting others) is usually an open act of aggression, saying 'I want to hit you!' and can be very intimidating, particularly if the person involved could clearly do damage. It is thus closely associated with anger.
Hitting others is socially undesirable and legally forbidden. To handle anger, we thus displace it into a relatively harmless simulation (although this can still be scary for others).
Striking oneself is often an act of self-deprecating humour. It may also beg forgiveness ('Look - I know you can't hit me, so I hit me for you -- will you forgive me now?'
Touching
Techniques > Use of body language > Core patterns > Touching Pattern | Found in | Discussion | See also
Pattern
Touching is a very common pattern in body language. Touching the face in particular is often very significant, including:
• Touching the cheek in surprise or horror 'Oh goodness!'
• Stroking the chin whilst thinking.
• Covering or touching the mouth to silently say 'I don't know what to say!' or 'I don't want to speak'.
• Finger to the lips to say the same thing or also 'Shh!'
• Tapping the teeth in boredom or irritation.
• Fingering the nose, when thinking.
• Scratching the nose when lying.
• Rubbing the nose in disagreement or discomfort.
• Pinching the bridge of the nose in negative evaluation.
• Tapping the nose to indicate 'this is a secret'.
• Rubbing the eyes to say 'I don't want to see' or 'I want to be elsewhere' or otherwise as an indicator of discomfort.
• Putting a palm to the forehead to say 'Phew, that was close' or 'Oh no, that's terrible!'
• Tapping the forehead with the palm or heel of the hand to say 'Oh I'm so stupid!'
• Touching the forehead in salute.
• Stroking the hair when flirting with others.
Touching other parts of the body can also be notable, including:
• Touching arms or hands or other part of the body in self-comfort.
• Clasping or touching fingers in an evaluative gesture.
• Caressing bottom, hips, legs, thigh, knees or other area to say 'I'd like you to do this to me...'
• Rubbing the neck in discomfort.
• Rubbing the chest or belly which may be tense.
You can also touch the other person in friendship or with romantic intent. Touching others may also be a power play.
Found in
Lots of places, including:
• Face , Cheek, Chin, Mouth, Lips, Teeth, Tongue, Nose, Eyes, Forehead, Hair
• Arm : Hand, Finger
• Neck , Shoulder, Chest, Belly, Bottom, Hips
• Thigh , Knee, Foot
Discussion
Touching oneself is often a sign of uncertainty or discomfort. It is as if the person is reassuring themselves, using their own hands in place of the hands of a non-present parent or friend.
Touching can similarly be an affirmation of the identity. 'I can feel myself, therefore I exist!'
When a person is stressed their muscles become tense and they may sweat and itch. They may thus rub the areas affected. Lying is often a stressful activity and thus rubbing can be
Covering such as the mouth, nose, eyes and ears often means 'I do not want to use these' and indicates the person would rather be elsewhere or they are holding themselves back from potentially harmful action.
Touching a friend affirms their identity and forms a physical bond. Holding them close emphasizes this.
Touching other people with whom you are not comfortably familiar can be a sign of power ('I can break social rules and you can't do anything about it!').
Touching varies greatly across cultures, for example in parts of South-East Asia, the head (particularly of others) is considered to contain the spirit and hence must not be touched.
Touching in greeting rituals also varies hugely across cultures
Romantic body language
Techniques > Using body language > Romantic body language From afar | Up close | See also
A significant cluster of body movements has to do with romance, signaling to a person of the opposite sex that you are interested in partnering with them.
From afar
From afar, the first task of body language is to signal interest (and then to watch for reciprocal body language).
Eyes
The eyes do much signaling. Initially and from a distance, a person may look at you for slightly longer than normal, then look away, then look back up at you, again for a longer period.
Preening
There are many preening gestures. What you are basically saying with this is 'I am making myself look good for you'. This includes tossing of the head, brushing hair with hand, polishing spectacles and brushing clothes.
Enacting
Remote romantic language may also include enactment of sexually stimulating activities, for example caressing oneself, for example stroking arms, leg or face. This may either say 'I would like to stroke you like this' or 'I would like you to stroke me like this'.
Similarly, the person (women in particular) may lick and purse their lips into a kiss shape and leave their mouth slightly open in imitation of sexual readiness.
Objects held may be also used in enactment displays, including cigarettes and wine glasses, for example rolling and stroking them.
Displaying
Attractive parts of the body may be exposed, thrust forward, wiggled or otherwise highlighted. For women this includes breasts, neck, bottom and legs. For men it includes a muscular torso, arms or legs, and particularly the crotch (note that women seldom do this).
Faking often happens. Pressing together muscles gives the impression of higher muscle tone. Pressing together and lifting breasts (sometimes helped with an appropriate brassiere) makes them look firmer and larger. Holding out shoulders and arms makes the body look bigger. Holding in the abdomen gives the impression of a firm tummy.
This is often playing to primitive needs. Women show that they are healthy and that they are able to bear and feed the man's child. The man shows he is virile, strong and able to protect the woman and her child.
Leaning
Leaning your body towards another person says 'I would like to be closer to you'. It also tests to see whether they lean towards you or away from you. It can start with the head with a simple tilt or may use the entire torso. This may be coupled with listening intently to what they say, again showing particular interest in them.
Pointing
A person who is interested in you may subtly point at you with a foot, knee, arm or head. It is effectively a signal that says 'I would like to go in this direction'.