When you pick her, it is important that you avoid letting her know you are hitting on

her.

It's time to forget the fact that you're looking for a woman. Put that out of your mind. If you appear that you are on the prowl, women will find you less appealing. Have you ever noticed that if you have a girlfriend you attract more women than you did when you were single? This is not irony at work, my friend, this is you not out on the hunt. This is you being in a secure place and feeling more confident. Your security breeds attractiveness in you.

Your goal from part one has been achieved. You have gained some power over beauty. You know what it is worth, and you know when to ignore it and when to pay attention to it. These three steps are about recognizing or changing your Dating Sphere so that you no longer appear on the prowl.

Singles Environments

and laundromats sometimes; are not where you want to go to meet women. Why? Remember that we want to avoid the audition scenario. Despite the many changes of men and women's roles over the past few decades, men are still typically the ones who approach

women—women are typically the more selective ones.

When you walk into a singles club, you are put under scrutiny. You see, women are most fond of confidence in men, but a person doesn't wear these traits necessarily. Your personality won't shine unless you speak with a woman. A woman, throughout her normal daily routine, does not think of sex as often as a man does. She is not always looking for a mate when she is single. Sometimes, she will be taken by surprise when she is attracted to a man whom she is spending time with—but this is unlikely in a singles environment.

With the crowds, the music and the sexually charged atmosphere of a night club, for example, a woman will be far more tuned-in to your physical appearance. Within the first two to three seconds of conversation (which you are sometimes shouting to each other over loud music), a woman will assess whether or not you are the right height, whether you dress well enough, are fit enough. If you even make eye contact with her in this environment, she knows immediately that she must begin to think about you as a potential mate. And now you are one sperm out of countless many all vying for entrance. You have been trapped into the audition scenario.

She is often feeling responsible and/or worried as well. She doesn't want to lead you on. She is hoping you won't take the rejection too hard if she rejects you. She will likely feel pressured to let you know as quickly as possible what she wants from you—and this could easily lead her to misjudge you. And she will likely broadcast her predisposition before you have gotten much of a chance to shine.

Yes, people think a bar is a great place to meet women if it is filled with single women looking for single men. How convenient, right? They imagine that it will be something like a college fair. Colleges are looking for students. Students are looking for colleges. Perfect. This,

however, could not be further from the reality.

A singles environment is the worst place you can go. Imagine a college fair where you had to wear your SAT scores on your head, and every college you approached looked at your forehead before they gave you the time of day and handed you an application.

Women are like most colleges in that they can be very forgiving of your SAT scores (or your physical attractiveness as the case may be) as long as your references, essay and grades are good, but in the wrong environment, they will be forced to be a lot pickier, and they will miss out on the best parts of you.

What you need is a chance to submit your whole application without her even knowing that you are applying. You turn her into the recruiter and she will do her best to show you how attractive her school is. And the moment you realize you are being led on a campus tour, that's when you are ready to make your move.

The Internet

Some people will obviously think that the Internet then becomes the perfect place to meet people. This again is not true. With old, faked or doctored photographs of people, and in some cases no photographs, people are unable to assess the personal appeal they have for

someone. And remember, you can't assess biological connection until you are face to face with someone, trading pheromonal information and connecting on a limbic level. The opposite of what goes wrong in bars goes wrong with these interactions. We connect with someone on a very intimate level because we have few inhibitions. We are more forgiving because while we are unable to see a person face-to-face, we are full of desperate hope that they will be our ideal mate.

In this college fair, you are unable to see the recruiter or any of the literature, but you can talk to them through a slit in the wall. While you can't see their eyes, they may tell you that their

college is a paradise. While they can't see you, you may lie about your SAT score. Since there are so many colleges out there and life is so confusing, you may just decide that this is the perfect college for you—after all, you have very little to go on and your imagination and hopes will fill in the gaps.

The disturbing thing about Internet romances is that this mutual delusion sometimes lasts for a short time after two people meet, only to die hard later on. More often than that, one or both people are disappointed upon meeting. Again, we come back to the high failure rate and the number it does on our confidence.

Since we are human beings, we look at the stars and we see constellations. We look at the clouds and we see shapes. Communicating with someone over the Internet is a little like being presented with a series of unconnected dots. You are a human being. You cannot help but connect the dots yourself. And since, like everyone else in the world, you want your life to be perfect, you will connect those dots in the way that most benefits your hopes and

expectations.

Steer clear of the Internet.

Other Singles Environments

I mentioned laundromats and bookstores. Of course places like this are nothing like singles clubs. And that's why people have been suggesting you go there to meet women for years now. The idea is that you have things to talk about—in a laundromat, you're bored while you're waiting for your clothes, and in a bookstore you've got your reading interests to discuss. But steering clear of the obvious come-on is only half of the lesson here. Yes, a

laundromat is slightly better than a bar, but you are still in a laundromat. You are not in your element. You are spotting someone from across a room and you are forcing yourself to "break the ice." Even if you can hide your intentions enough to pull off a confident and charming

exchange, you will still have to cross that line and ask for a phone number within, say, forty-five minutes.

That my friends, is High Pressure. That leads to the audition scenario. And that's when your chances of failure rise and your confidence falls.

Where To Go

Your next question is probably this: Well, where do I go to meet women? My answer: Put that out of your mind.

What is the most important thing? Your confidence.

How do you appear more confident?

By getting power over feminine beauty and avoiding the audition scenario so you can be yourself.

Then what?

Let your interests be your guide.

What do I mean by 'let your interests be your guide?' Don't go looking for women. The moment you walk out of your house with the intention of finding a woman rather than doing something fun or enriching for yourself, you have slipped into the land of the desperate. Women (and even we men) smell desperation and no one likes it. You will be on the prowl. You will not appear confident. You will get yourself into an audition scenario and you will likely choke.

So, let your interests guide you to your next woman. Do what you want to do. I can't get too specific here since all men are different. But I can say that it's very important that you don't stay at home, obviously. There is no one out there, even true introverts who wouldn't benefit tremendously from some human interaction. So get out there.

Here are some examples: Take classes, join groups, book clubs, sports teams (co-ed or not); get a job, a second job; go to church, find some religion you are attracted to; learn a trade; join a band. If you have any kind of artistic ability, it would behoove you on every level to exploit it by getting your work out there. Women will actually come on to you if you do this. Women

love talent in men.

But do not mistake what I'm saying. It really doesn't matter what you do. Just change what you are doing now, unless you are already very involved with a lot of things (if that's the case, skip to the next step). Expand your sphere of friends and acquaintances. I am not saying that any of the above activities are "great for meeting chicks." Not at all. You have to look within yourself and find what it is you truly enjoy, and then go out there and enjoy it. It's that simple. While doing the things you are good at and love, you will enhance your happiness and your confidence, thus making you more attractive. You will take your mind off of desperately hunting for a mate, thus making you more attractive. And last but most important, you will probably meet many women you are attracted to. After all, you are looking for women who are not simply universally appealing, but women who somehow "click" with you, who stimulate you on a personal and biological level. This will happen much more often in environments like this because you will find like people. It's that simple.

On the subject of location and avoiding appearing desperate, I cannot stress this point enough: You will not meet your next girlfriend while walking down the street. Yes, this has happened before in the history of romance. But people also win the lottery sometimes and are occasionally struck by lightning as well.

Sometimes women find you attractive when they pass you by. Sometimes they even show it. If you then follow and engage her, however, chances are she will be frightened by you. And once you approach her at all in a situation like this you are once again stuck in the High- Pressure audition scenario and she will likely need to let you know that your chances are slim—even if your intuition knows better.

The bottom line: Your chances are significantly slimmer than your chances at even a singles environment. Your failure rate will be much higher if you use this approach. You will be forced to use High-Pressure techniques to win her favor quickly, and you will almost certainly fail.

Just remember this, the world is full of women. Unless you are on a campus or at work and see someone time and again whom you can later track down, you should give up on a random passer-by before you start. You will see thousands upon thousands of attractive women walk past you for the rest of your life. That's all they are—passers by. They are nice to look at. Otherwise, put them out of your mind. You might as well treat them as women in a magazine who are only universally attractive.

So here is your next assignment: It's time to get a notebook. Spend a few days writing a large list of the things you like. Get detailed. Try to hit the most important things first. But after that, don't be afraid to write things like "jelly donuts" or "making my friend Ethel laugh." Spend half the week paying attention to the things you like and writing it all down. Even the small, silly things help tremendously.

For the second half of the week, I want you to start making a plan about what things you are going to pursue when you expand your social sphere. Use the yellow pages, check local bulletin boards, surf the net. Find groups, clubs, associations, volunteer work that is right for you. Ask around. And go for it.