Think of the strength of your reality as a muscle – it grows every year of your life if you are living in the right way.
SIGNS of a weak reality:
*If you are teased, you feel affected
*If someone flakes out, you are upset (because it affects your own sense of self, not because they
violate your own personal boundaries)
- Personally, I won’t tolerate flaking. I understand that things come up, but if it continues too long, I
get tired of waiting on a girl and move on.
The more centered you get in your own reality, the stronger that muscle gets to have influence.
*How strong your beliefs are
*How strongly your beliefs influence people to think and act in a way you expect
*How little your beliefs depend on the people around you to reinforce them
1st Pillar: “Who you are”
- Your status
- What you deserve out of life - Your sense of identity
2nd Pillar: “Your values”
- Your sense of humor - Your taste in opinions
When you know who you are and you get blown off, you stay unreactive.
When you know what you value and you are speaking with a girl, you are not going to be intimidated by the superficial standards she is living up to.
If you see a beautiful girl and your system of values is based on social conditioning, a beautiful girl is going to have it all. You will be intimidated.
As a man rooted in your own reality, you cannot be intimidated by superficial values.
The guys that are really good with women realize that they are human.
There are 2 levels of attraction:
As a chode, women are attractive in a goddess-like way.
When you actually get success with women and start dating really attractive women, you realize that women are human beings. She may be needy or crazy! She no longer seems like a goddess.
You will come to a place where women will become attractive again, but on a different level – you will become attracted to
depth. When you have your own sense of values, you will not rely
on superficial standards.
Women will become even far more attractive because you are getting that “vibe” or “energy” off of her. You will realize that she is so awesome or cool and it gets you excited.
Knowing your own values allows that, and it also creates the dynamic of who is trying to impress and who is screening.
You will be naturally screening – you will not be trying to impress a woman.
Being a naturally screening human being makes other people want to live up to your standards – much more attractive
3rd Pillar: “Personal boundaries”
When someone steps over your personal boundaries, you don’t allow it. You have a strong sense of what is acceptable in your reality, and what is not acceptable.
If a woman can see you have no personal boundaries, she knows that she has free range over you and so does everyone else.
A woman doesn’t want to have to be the man in the relationship. If a woman has to “be the man,” she cannot surrender.
My Personal Boundaries:
*Valuing my time
- If I am with a girl, I expect her full attention. If she starts texting or stops contributing to the
conversation, I’ll either call her out or lose interest
*Flaking
- I mentioned earlier that I don’t tolerate flaking. I’m extremely busy, so I don’t get upset when a girl
bails on me, but if it repeatedly happens, I’m going to move on – I value my time. You can always
meet up in the future when you both have more time – abundance mindset!
*Honesty
- I value honesty and authenticity. If a girl lies to me or speaks to me inauthentically, I will not be able
to take her seriously.
The list goes on, but those are some examples.
“You are the CEO of your own life. You hire and fire at your own choosing.”
This illustrates the point well (though it sounds very win/lose – but in reality, everyone enjoys being around someone who is
centered and has boundaries).
By establishing personal boundaries, you avoid a lot of
confrontation. People get that vibe from you that you will not tolerate bullshit.
The Flaking Dilemma:
If a girl flakes on you, do you draw the boundary on her and say
“no, that is not acceptable,” or do you play it cool and just say
“yeah, that’s cool, don’t worry about it.”
If you are too tolerant to flaking, girls will do it over and over, but if you stand up too hard, then it’s off.
This is a case by case basis. Ideally, you’ll be busy enough that getting flaked doesn’t matter anyway.
4th Pillar: “How you expect people to act around you”
You have to know how you except people to act around you. If a girl isn’t acting the way you want, call her out on it.
You should expect people to be fun and offer value.
If you take a girl out and don’t expect her to offer mutual value in return, most of the time, she isn’t going to.
You don’t have to verbalize “do you know what you want or not?”
It’s not even about verbalizing it; the point is you date girls that know what they want.
If a girl goes for you, you aren’t thinking badly of her – we appreciate decisive women.
A lot of guys are so judgmental of girls, that a girl decides she is going to make him take her out for 3 months before they hook up.
We’re all big boys – we know girls have had sex before.
How do you impose the reality of expecting people to be fun around you?
If a girl is talking to you and being fun, continue to engage her and offer value. If she stops offering value and stops being fun, then don’t continue to “entertain” her by offering value.
If a girl says something that is interesting, then you respond. If she says something that is uninteresting or negative, then you don’t respond to it.
If you want people to act authentically around you, don’t judge them and see them as human beings.
Think of yourself as an oak tree and a woman as a squirrel – you’re centered and on your path and she has the freedom to run around.
Strengthen Your Reality
Just like a muscle, your reality is strengthened by being broken down repeatedly.
Challenge your reality – putting yourself in situations where your reality could break down strengthens it.
Living on your edge:
A man always has to be leaning into his fears. You always want to push your capabilities. Every year you are getting older, you want
to be growing.
As you age as a man, every year that goes by, your reality is getting stronger if you are leaning into your fears and potential.
Every effect in this world compounds. If you don’t brush your teeth, you won’t have a cavity the next night, but over time it will develop.
When you live as a chode, your chodeliness increases. A chode at 35 will tend to be a greater chode at 45 and 55.
If you look to other individuals to tell you how to live, you are losing your calibration.
Anyone can pull a girl into their reality as long as you are happy and at home in your reality.
As you age, why does your reality get stronger? – you go through more bullshit.
The older you are, the more bullshit you have seen.
Everyone has their own story. We’ve all had tough times. BUT those tough times shaped us and made us who we are today.
Most of us would not want to change what we’ve been through.
Once you piece it together that going through difficult experiences is what makes you stronger, you can get addicted to pain – this is when the means becomes the end.
We have a core essence, and the experiences that we go through help strip away the layers and bring us closer to our core.
Some people grow up in situations that are very conducive to building a strong reality.
Guys who get laid at a young age are more relaxed around women. They grow up with that easiness.
Think of Vincent Chase from Entourage.
Most people try to run away from the experiences that bring us closer to our core.
When you think about guys that are good looking, it is very common that they are successful with women, because in their minds their concept of reality is “I’m good looking, so women will like me.”
A kid that has growing up exceptionally bright, good looking, or well off is going to have that natural sense of entitlement to approach women and have success.
What if you didn’t get that?
YOU GO AND GET IT! And that comes through experiences – through strengthening your reality.
When you ask most guys if they had a good night and they had a lot of validation from women, they will say they had a good night.
Don’t put this value judgment on your nights out.
Any night out where you accumulate reference experiences is a good night.
Learn to laugh at yourself – everyone can do this.
Think of yourself in your most egotistical grandiose image – now laugh at it! You need to learn how to do that.
That big pimp image that you cling too – it’s fine to think that – but you have to learn to laugh at that and let it go.
When you get approach anxiety, it is from fear to challenge that reality.
Let go of trying to control what people think of you.
Express your personality freely without thinking about that you have something to lose.
As you go through more experiences, you get more self-knowledge in terms of what you’re capable of.
Anytime something difficult happens to you, ask yourself “where is the lesson gained in this experience?”
Going out is about:
1. Getting social calibration
2. You learn from trial by fire to stop seeking the self in other people’s opinions
Coming Into Your Power
What this really means is that you are coming into your power as a man.
You have made the distinctions about the world that you needed to make to feel at home in the world.
There are 2 layers to this:
*Internal Distinctions
*External Distinctions
-When you bring a girl home, you don’t say “let’s go home and fuck right now,” or “would you be in
the mood to go home and end our night out in sex?”
*This is an example of social conditioning. Women don’t want to be perceived as a slut.
Internal distinctions that we’ve made about ourselves:
*Not being stuck in your head
*Not sheltering yourself to existing assumptions and beliefs
*Being in the moment
*Being rooted in yourself
*Being dynamic
When you go into a new environment and you don’t have all of the distinctions, learn the process that it takes to make them.
Learn what thoughts you allow into your head and what you don’t allow into your head.
When you age, you learn that fear will not help you.
When you have this stuff down, getting or girlfriend or getting laid tonight becomes an afterthought.
In a pack of wolves, you have the alpha male – sometimes he is the strongest wolf in the pack, but other times he is just the oldest and most experienced wolf that knows how to exert the least
amount of effort and run circles around the younger wolves.
As you age, you may not have the sharpness of a younger person, but you will have a total level of control.
On a day-to-day basis, ask yourself if you are moving towards a place of higher being or towards being a chode.
MASCULINE POLARITY
A very attractive woman is going to respond well to a guy with a strong reality.
Most women don’t have a very strong reality, but compared to a chode on the street, her reality is devastatingly strong.
Right now, you may be in a mindset where speaking to an
attractive woman feels like you are being drawn into her reality.
Masculine polarity – your grounding amidst the emotional chaos, the magnet that draws women towards you in the form of your deepest self-esteem, a total trust in your faculties and your ability to determine reality.
Examples:
*Acting only through your own intentions
*Being entirely uncontrollable and above manipulation
*Dictating the reality around you rather than being affected by it
*Being in the moment and walking through the world with ease
*Having absolutely no intimidation of the girl or the world whatsoever
*Tapping into the energy inside you, not around you, as a source of your mood
*Feeling no spikes or lulls of self-esteem from any girl’s
responses to you – you may gain or lose attraction, but it doesn’t affect your sense of who you are
What does acting through your own intentions mean?
Doing what you want when you want. Have FUN!!! You are taping to the energy inside of you, not the energy around you.
There is something very masculine about the “I see something I want and take it” attitude.
There is an amazing vibe you can feel when you are doing what you want to do – you aren’t walking around value scanning, you are simply doing what you want to do. When you are acting through your own intentions, it is like a giant light bulb around a
group of moths – you are the donut rolling down the street in Ethiopia.
Watch the show Entourage. When they are walking around, they are having their own fun and everyone around is spectating. They create their own fun.
Decoding the Blueprint: Part VI Entering State
Sometimes your mind may try to block you from entering state.
How do we get out of that?
First, realize that you are not your mind. You have the ability to take control!
You have the instruction manual in your mind on how to be a pimp.
Tyler provides a great example of how your mind will not give you the “instruction manual” by relating a story of flying a plane with your friend who has the manual but won’t give it to you because he doesn’t want you to fly the plane…
In the metaphoric story, you start flying the plane (keep pushing yourself) even though your friend (your mind) won’t give you the manual…until eventually, he caves and gives it to you – just like
your mind!
Look, you know how to talk, you know how to be confident, all of those little mannerisms you’ve picked up either consciously or unconsciously in your life.
Think of doing math homework from class. When you hit the first question, it takes you a few minutes to get the problem figured out. You procrastinate on the problem and take a while to finish it.
After doing a few problems, you access that “math mode” in your brain and start cranking out the problems faster and easier.
Once you are past approach anxiety, you might still get in the moods where you don’t want to go approach a group of girls.
Example
You are sitting with your buddies at a bar having a good time and there are some girls you want to go talk to. BUT you are having a very logical conversation with your friends. Your mind hasn’t
accessed that part of your brain that makes you most successful with women, so you have to snap out of that logical state of
thinking. It’s no different than when you are sitting watching television and you don’t want to get up and work on higher priorities.
When you are out in the bar and you see some cute girls that you want to go talk to, and you haven’t started getting social yet, you need to go in and talk anyway. Even if you have no idea what you are going to say, just walk up and start talking. It may be
awkward, and that is fine. Some people call it “warm up sets.”
Most guys go talk to the first girl, they get blown off, then they go back to their buddies and procrastinate on approaching other girls.
If it blows up, you need to just keep approaching different people until something snaps – you don’t want to sit their procrastinating and get stuck inside your head.
You can’t sit there and hope something happens, you have to make it happen. You have to be the obnoxious guy to your mind until it gives you the “manual.” You have to be persistent!
How do you go swimming in the ocean? You fucking run and jump in. You don’t wade your way into the cold water, you just suck it up and jump in.
Conflicting Realities
Everyone has their own sense of reality.
Women have a simultaneously strong and weak reality.
Example
Think of an extremely attractive model. She knows she is a beautiful girl, but she is also taking extreme criticisms like “your left toe has a freckle on it” or “you have an improperly placed nostril.”
She is competing with other beautiful girls.
Girls tend to have both a very strong sense of reality, but at the same time that reality can crumble very quickly.
As a guy, when you’re speaking to an attractive woman, it can seem like she is very centered and strong in her own reality.
As time goes on, you realize most people who haven’t studied self-actualization are not that centered in their own reality. The reason is they have unconscious competence – they don’t know how they are doing it. They feel centered most of the time, but when they fall off their center, they don’t recognize the behaviors and know what is going on, so they start to react.
What are the differences in behaviors between guys and girls?
As a man, when you have a strong polarity, a woman standing by you will feel that vibe you give off.
Have you ever been speaking with a girl who isn’t the most physically attractive, but you are still entranced and you don’t know why?
Likewise, have you ever been speaking with a girl that is drop-dead gorgeous, but you feel nothing? You almost feel like you’d be cheapening yourself if you hooked up with her.
This is where polarity comes in.
Most girls aren’t looking to offer themselves to any guy, they are looking for guys that are at ease in the world and guys that have