Decoding the Blueprint
Blueprint Decoded Notes by Drama
I have watched the Blueprint Decoded three times (first time: massive shift in reality, second time: reinforced my beliefs, third time: post-bootcamp), and each time has impacted me differently. I want to break down the program into a ten part series and offer my input. This is not meant to "replace" watching the program, because I am only scratching the surface here. I want to help myself get a better understanding of the program, and also offer my experiences to everyone. I hope everyone gets some value out of this!
Decoding the Blueprint: Part I
Disclaimer: I do not take credit for any of the information presented. This is my reiteration of the Blueprint Decoded. All credit is respectfully due to Tyler and Real Social Dynamics. I don’t have the same story as most guys who get into the community. Typically, guys are dating a girl they are obsessed with, and their girlfriend breaks up/cheats on them and the
inevitable crash into depression follows. After an alarming amount of time, they get over their depression and Google “how to pick up chicks.”
I’m massively stereotyping, but I want to emphasize a point. I have been single my entire life, I am a good looking, physically fit
guy, and I have never had trouble meeting women and getting laid. I slept with numerous girls before studying social dynamics, but I felt like something was missing...
I didn’t have the abundance mentality. I couldn’t walk up to a random girl I found stunningly attractive and know with absolute certainty, that I would take her home.
Being successful with women is not something you do, it’s something you are. BEING not DOING.
This is the fundamental message of the Blueprint Decoded. Everything that you need to understand is found in this concept. The complexities of it will be broken down into detail, but keep running that sentence through your head.
DEEP IDENTITY LEVEL CHANGE
This is the mission of this program. Most people take an outside-in approach to self-development. They learn tactics and routoutside-ines to create attraction. Using tactics is like drawing a 6-pack on a flabby belly - it is a thin veneer that masks the crucial issues found on the inside. The outside-in approach is a shell over the old self - nothing internal changes, despite having success. How It Works
The blueprint decoded is a secret code. You are not meant to understand any more than the level you’re currently at to go to the next level.
different level. If you go out now, the surface level principles hit you. A year later, the same principles hit you on a different level. This is very evident in my own development. The first time I
watched the program, I had a monumental shift in my thinking. I learned to be open minded, nonjudgmental, and present. It
literally changed my entire perception of social dynamics. The second time I watched the program, I had more experience under my belt, and I discovered my internal issues and limiting beliefs. I watched the Blueprint immediately after taking program with Brad, and I had quite a different experience. It reinforced that fact that this is only a skillset and if you continually go out, you cannot stop improving.
I am watching the program again and picking apart each disk and learning to apply every concept to my current concept of reality. I am truly seeking deep identity level change. In the past, I have discovered who I am and where I want to be, but I continually failed to make the changes necessary. I have more motivation and maturity to work on this part of my life and be the man I want to be.
Where We Came From
The old frame was women are greater than men. Women were placed on a pedestal, which leads to men thinking:
She is a beautiful girl, she is socially proofed, guys want her...I’m an average guy, not particularly good looking, not wealthy...
had to develop routines/tactics to pull themselves up to the same level. They used routines to compensate for what they “lacked.” In reality, women being superior was only in their head.
When we hold a certain belief, we continually find evidence to support that belief. We put up blind spots to prevent anything that falls outside of our belief system from seeping in. This
phenomenon not only applies to placing women on a pedestal, but to every limiting belief you may possess.
Where We Are Going
Social Conditioning (ego) --> Authenticity (self esteem) **WANT TO BE HERE**
“The blueprint is about becoming the sexworthy guy” There are two types of guys:
1. Guys that appear to get success with women - all of your friends think you are a big pimp
2. The sexworthy guy - the guy that pulls And of course we have the chode… What is a chode?
A guy who doesn’t have his own sense of values, lacks a self-defined identity, and cares what other people think of him. A chode believes he has to run the grind of social conditioning in order to “get ahead” in life. A chode believes he must take women out on dates and lavish her with gifts before having sex.
1st Principle: “Most people in the world walk through life in a walking daze.”
- Do not have a concept of their own values - Do not have a concept of who they are - Do not know what they want out of life
- Influenced by other people (who may or may not know what they want out of life)
What do most guys think will get them girls? *Money*
This is one of the most common limiting beliefs of men in our
society. It seems so obvious…right? You have a rich friend or see some rich guy on television that gets all the women! Of course, he has money…WRONG! Guys with money may appear to have success, but the money is not the contributor to their success. Sure, some women will love men with money (Read: gold diggers), but having money does not make you attractive to women. Here is a scenario…you have great skills with
women…wouldn’t money be a nice bonus? -- HELL NO! “Money doesn’t do shit!” - Tyler
Tyler provides two excellent examples of how money DOES NOT help:
Rich Client, No Success
* Not only is this guy a chode, but he has an ego based around his wealth
* He has a big image to live up to and he cannot! * “Ohh, what time is it?” [Flashing the Rolex]
supplication at its finest Rich Client, With Success
* The client brings a girl back to his mansion, and when it was “let’s go hook up,” it suddenly becomes “I don’t have one night stands! I’m a dating girl…”
* The man was going to hook up with the girl, and when she saw he has a lot of money, she shifted her stance
* Great example of money not helping you
Another favorite that I often see when I am out myself is blowing money on tables:
* Unless you want it for you, getting a table for girls is a total waste of money
*What are you doing when you get a table? -- categorizing yourself as a provider!
I have never been to a major city and see an extreme example of table service, but I have friends that drop $400 on a table for one night! Sure, girls come over, dance in front of you, and drink your alcohol -- but they aren’t going home with you.
At this point, you may be thinking - why the hell do I even make money? I don’t need that crap!
You make money for YOURSELF - living in financial abundance is for you
You make money for YOUR FAMILY - being able to take care of your family
Honestly, if you don’t have any money, the one thing you can do is meet women! It is a constant in your life!
*Looks*
This is easily the most common limiting belief of every guy I have met. People will continuously find something or someone to
blame, and looks takes some serious heat! Looks don’t mean #!@%
Typically, it is more challenging for guys that don’t look good because they foster these limiting beliefs, but being good looking doesn’t help at all!
Obviously, some women will go to great effort to “convince” a good looking guy to make a move - and he will think it was his idea. Some women value good looking men and will tolerate the chodey behavior. There will always be anomalies, but as far as improving your success with women is concerned, good looks will not do shit for you.
A good looking guy may get the gimmies, but the women are always the chooser.
Is the most popular guy at the party always tall and ripped? -- come on!
I am a prime example of this. I am a fitness junkie, and I am also extremely good looking. Sure, I’ve gotten a lot of girls because they chose me, but when I am out in the club, my looks have zero influence on my success. Before I learned about social dynamics,
I was a lost puppy in the nightclub. I was absolutely terrified! There was a 0% chance that I would meet a girl of my choosing and get a solid phone number, let alone take her home that night. I cannot stress enough that looks have no importance with
meeting women. Here is a great example that Tyler provides: Scenario
Out with guy that is extremely good looking and has excellent skills with women, if I am 1% sharper that night, I’ll get the more attractive girl (there are anomalies – some girls only go home with guys that are over 6’ tall…)
Guys are always looking for evidence – trying to be scientist – they see these anomalies and make an entire model out of it *Romance*
I think of romance as social conditioning due to your parents.
Most of my friends that take the romantic approach were raised to buy girls flowers and chocolates before a date. This approach will work, but only if the girl wants you so badly that she is intimidated by you. The problem with romance is it is based on a set of rules. It can work - maybe you will hook up after date 3…or maybe
month 3.
*Commonalities*
When I go out in the club, I talk 90% of the time for the first 10 minutes. Brad calls it vomiting. I spit out whatever is on my mind, and usually, something hits.
“I love snowboarding.” “OMG so do I!!”
You can play off your commonalities and push the interaction forward, but most guys don’t understand the dynamic. The typical scenario is a girl says something she likes, and a guy says “I like that too!” -- do we have a connection?
*Friendship first*
* I’m going to creep in under the radar
* I’m going to listen to her boyfriend problems * Eventually she’ll realize that I am the one!
I’ve never taken this approach, and it pains me when I see it happen. When I think of the friendship first approach, I think of orbiters/male groupies.
SOCIAL CONDITIONING
This is another reoccurring theme of the Blueprint. Social conditioning is responsible for the majority of our false beliefs regarding attraction.
Where does social conditioning come from? - Parents - Work - Friends - Religion - Society - The movies - Music
- T.V.
- Advertising
Social conditioning is constantly coming at you from all directions! There is no cause and effect relationship between what social conditioning represents and actual attraction. It’s arbitrary – a guy acts like a chode and the girl lets him get away with it.
Why is the common view wrong?
Girls are wired to go for guys that stand out from the crowd - when an approach gets too popular can it still work?
The common approach is interview style. Guys approach a girl and right off the bat ask: “What do you do? Where do you live? Why do you like it there? What do you do for fun?”
It is overplayed and boring! I feel sorry for women. Cool, socially calibrated guys are rare.
You must learn to always think for yourself - don’t look at what society is telling you. Make decisions based on your own
experience. Ultimately, you have to try for yourself. Part II will be coming soon!
Decoding the Blueprint: Part II
Disclaimer: I do not take credit for any of the information presented. This is my reiteration of the Blueprint Decoded. All credit is respectfully due to Tyler and Real Social Dynamics. NOTE: It was a challenge for me to relate what I talked about to specific situations in my life because the majority of what is covered is hard concepts. I used many examples from the Blueprint Decoded, but I tried my best to reflect on everything. This post took me about 2 weeks longer to write than I
anticipated! It is a long one.
As you read through Part II, you may notice some points being mentioned again - don’t panic, I did that on purpose! Everything that is repeated throughout these posts is of significance. I’m reinforcing the concepts through repetition ;)
In Part I we expanded on social conditioning and helped you understand the common beliefs of most men. Other important principles were covered, and we are going to go “deeper down the rabbit hole” to quote Tyler.
SUB-COMMUNICATION
*Communication beneath the surface layer
* Men look at visual cues, while women look at behavioral cues - Men are turned on like a light switch, while women are turned on like a volume knob
than men. It is possible for men to learn to be as good and better, but women are naturally better at reading them.
Two Types of Sub Communication 1) Cues in your behavior
2) Cues in how people react to you Example:
Picture a celebrity with weak character. He still has a lot of people reacting to him, thus women will still be attracted to him (even though he is a chode).
Likewise, if a normal guy meets a girl one-on-one and there is nobody else around to react to you, she still makes a decision based on your visual behaviors.
Evolutionary Example:
You were the boss caveman, but now you have lost your status. How do the women know to drop you immediately?
- Changes in your behavior
A chodey caveman gets new status in the tribe - how do the women know to start hooking up with him?
- Changes in behavior
A woman’s physical appearance does not change quickly. When we see a woman, it literally takes ½ a second for us to determine how attractive she is.
can be speaking with a woman and it is going amazing, but then it starts to spiral downward.
When I first started going out, I could open hard and have an amazing initial interaction, but the set would go stale quickly. For the longest time, I could not figure out why I could start out with so much attraction and quickly loose the girl’s attention. When I went out with a wing, he pointed out that my body language was solid to begin with, but I had a tendency to lean in when I couldn’t hear the girl. My vocal projection also weakened after the open. These behavioral changes were not favorable and caused me to lose the set (among other micro-behaviors).
Imagine what poor women deal with
Imagine you are facing an incredibly attractive girl, you turn away for one second, and when you turn back around she blimped out and has a giant mustache!
A girl’s surface value is static - your value is NOT - your behavior can change within seconds.
The words that you say very rarely register with a woman. You can talk in total gibberish with a woman and she will pick up on your sub-communication. The more attracted she is becoming, the more irrelevant the actual words you are saying.
When guys try to logical convince a girl they are attractive, they cut off the nice sub-communication vibe going on between the two of you
Examples of What Is Sub-communicated *Will be covered in greater detail later*
Eye Contact
This is a big one! If you cannot maintain eye contact with a girl, what does that convey? She is going to assume you are nervous, and unconsciously realize that you are placing more value on her (or the interaction) than you place on yourself. Strong eye contact is a form of dominance.
Vocal Tonality
In my opinion, this is the most important aspect to every man’s personality. Having strong vocal tonality and dominant vocal expression is beyond important. I will cover the three different types of vocal expression later, but understand that strong vocal projection is vital.
Body Language
This is a no brainer. If you have poor body language, you are automatically conveying poor qualities before you open your mouth. Dominant men are not afraid to take up space. This also conveys how comfortable you are in the environment.
Humor & Playfulness
Another important aspect to a solid personality. Being playful conveys you are having fun, you are at ease in the environment, and you are entertaining yourself (putting little value on the
Comfort In Your Environment
We will go into this in much greater detail later, but realize that if you are comfortable in your environment, you will naturally display attractive qualities.
Indifference to what people think of you
“Do not give a damn what anyone thinks of you.” Easily the coolest quote on Earth. When you truly internalize this concept, you will be amazed at how successful you will become in life. This principle goes far beyond attracting women. It is easy to say “I don’t care what people think of me,” but when you truly behave that way, you will be amazed. If you stop yourself from doing something because you may get embarrassed or you are afraid someone will see you do it, then you are caring what others think. Try to consciously notice when you do care what others think. It can be as subtle as talking quieter so people don’t hear you. This concept will get covered extensively in the Blueprint.
Concepts and personal boundaries of what you will and will not accept
Having personal boundaries will have a significant impact on your life. If you allow people to walk all over you and drag you around like a dog on a leash, you will never reach your potential (not even close). Do you see how this translates to being great with women? If a girl is not living up to YOUR standards in the club, call her out for it. When she crosses a boundary, let her know. I have many personal boundaries. For instance, I do not like women who smoke. If a girl I’m talking to lights a cigarette, I’ll tell
her to put it out - if she doesn’t, I walk. I also value positivity. If a girl starts talking about a past boyfriend that she is upset about, I’ll cut off the thread. “Hey! We are in a club, let’s have fun!” You
don’t have to be a dick. Know what you will and will not tolerate and stand up for your beliefs.
Control over your own emotions and your own concept of reality “In any given social interaction, one person is always reacting more than the other.” Man = action, woman = reaction. Simple enough! If you are reacting to everything thrown at you (Read: congruence tests), you are massively displaying low value. Be in control of how you feel. No one can force you to be sad or upset. Learn to be positive and happy by allowing yourself to feel that way!
I could write a novel on the importance of defining your own
reality. I will cover this in greater detail later, but realize that if you don’t have a concept of your own reality, you are not living YOUR own life.
Confidence to say what is on your mind and stand out
Being unapologetic is a highly attractive quality. Don’t be afraid to say what is on your mind. Don’t apologize for your desires as a man. Standing out is highly important too. People are drawn to whatever stands out. Tyler provided the example of the group of Japanese girls, all with black hair but one who had blonde hair. Tyler’s eyes kept drifting to her - she stood out. You don’t have to overcompensate and “peacock” to stand out. Women will pick up on your subtle behaviors and know you are different.
Self-direction, conviction, and grasp of your own standards When you are on your path, women become an afterthought. Having standards allows you to screen women. You don’t see an attractive girl as the pinnacle of achievements. I value attraction, but I also value sense of humor, confidence, and many other qualities that I screen women for. When I am talking to a woman, it is clear that I am screening her for the qualities I look for. She is trying to live up to my standards instead of me living up to hers. Sense of entitlement and willing to go for what you want
When I think of this, I picture a little child. Children are extremely curious, and when they want something, they don’t give up. I also think of naturals. These guys feel they are entitled to every woman they meet. Now do you understand why they are called naturals?
Types of things you say and emotion behind the way you say them in relation to all of the people there
This ties in with “not caring about what others think of you” and “confidence to say what is on your mind.” If you lower your voice when flirting with a girl because one of her co-workers walked over, this is going to convey you are worried what other people think. Take advantage of spectators. When you are talking to a girl in public, speak loudly, and notice how everyone will turn and watch. Being able to handle the social pressure of everyone
observing you is similar to what celebrities deal with - they constantly have people reacting to them. Women will
Women are judging you on value, the way you act, the way people react to you, and the deeper level of you who you are - any other qualities are not the real deal, women are not wired to have a response to them.
ATTRACTION
*Straightforward process *Happens within seconds
*It either happens or it doesn’t Having A Crush
Having a crush on a girl that doesn’t like you makes absolutely no sense. Not only is it completely counter-productive, but it is
shutting you down. When you have a crush on a girl that doesn’t like you, you are attached to the outcome. Outcome attachment will dramatically affect your behavior. Why would you ever be thinking: “How can I change her mind so she will like me?” Abundance/Scarcity Mentality
Having an abundance mindset is extremely important. This
means that you truly understand there are so many women in the world, that even if you mess up with one, there are infinitely more women to meet. Truly internalizing an abundance mindset erases all outcome dependence. This is why we go out to the bars/clubs to meet women. There is an abundance of women in one location. When you mess up with one, it is on to the next one!
A scarcity mindset is horrible. It is extremely unattractive, and it will mess up every interaction you have. A scarcity mentality screams neediness. A woman will unconsciously think “if I have
children with this man, our children will be needy.” A scarcity mindset individual will be talking with a girl and be constantly in fear of losing her and never having an opportunity to meet
another girl. Can you imagine how many unattractive qualities you will sub-communicate when you are thinking like this?
Needy = unattractive = limited chances of reproduction SOCIAL CONDITIONING (Yeah, again!)
The Impact of Society
When we look to social conditioning, it teaches us a false value system:
*Men think to increase their value, they need to get the job, get the money, and everything works out
- Become the guy you see on TV
Society has evolved to maintain social order. It is designed to give you a set of achievable goals that you can meet:
* First go to high school, then college, then get a job, then set up a retirement fund, then retire when you are 60 - successful life. Society gives you endless stimulation - a magic pill for everything, the answer for all your problems. The magic pill isn’t expected, it is demanded! In our society, the supply will always meet the
demand. You can be the spoke in the wheel, and if you believe in the system everything will be fine. This is the way our society has evolved - no one is responsible for it.
When a situation arises and there is no solution to the problem, people are outraged. When they don’t get what they want, it is messing with their entire system.
People don’t want to look at the multi-dimensions of the way the world works.
The Common Belief
If you go to work and make money, your problems with women will get solved.
“I’m busy studying right now to become a doctor, and don’t have time to meet women, but I will when I have money.”
What happens when the doctor who never learned to become a more attractive man is gone for the weekend at a conference? - His little sweetheart, goes the clubs with her friends and hooks up with some guy who knows how to attract her
Guys hook up with girls behind buildings and in the bathroom all the time. These girls will marry doctors and lawyer chodes who thought making money is the solution to their problems.
Do you think her behavior is going to change? No, people’s behavior is consistent.
If you haven’t figured out how to meet a woman’s emotional needs, how are you going to keep a relationship?
realize that I am using these as examples. Not every doctor and lawyer is a chode haha.
Where Does Confidence Come From?
Confidence comes from: your identity, your sense of value, and your concept of reality.
Living up to other people’s standards can give you a temporary fix of confidence, but it will not give you a real sense of value or self esteem.
What would happen if you did play the game of society? - You have the looks (got cosmetic surgery, took steroids) - You have the money
You might get the girl, but then you will lose her because you don’t know how keep her. All of your confidence is based on external pillars. What happens when your company fails? What happens when you suffer an injury in the gym and lose all of your muscle mass?
Why it will never work (on long term):
By a superficial value system (advertising and the media), an attractive girl is the pinnacle of achievement. You could be a doctor who saved thousands of lives, but at a nightclub, who is getting in the door first?
If you believe in the superficial value system (I let society dictate to me what is valuable), when you approach an extremely
cup.
The social conditioning game is rigged against you - it doesn’t matter what you do.
“You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis.” - Tyler Durden
Example:
You have 11 pairs of shoes, what is the best way to convince a consumer to purchase the twelfth pair?
- Convince the consumer that they need the twelfth pair - What is the driving force behind your consumer behavior pattern?
* You want that little piece of self-esteem.
* Feels good for a few weeks - then novelty wears out Everyone has experienced this. Have you ever noticed how you feel “good” when you get a new haircut and wear your new shirt and shoes? Has it ever occurred to you that you should feel that way all the time?
Try changing the way you dress or get a different haircut. I used to grow my hair out long and gel it everywhere I went. I seriously would not leave the house until I had my hair styled. I decided to cut my hair short (even though I thought it would look stupid), and I stopped gelling it. Guess what! It didn’t make any difference in how others perceived me. Honestly, I like my hair shorter!
The bottom line is:
Social conditioning is retarded! Consumerism
It is normal to want to have friends, to want women in your life, and to be liked - these are healthy, natural drives. Realize that advertisers are aware of these drives. It is like a set of buttons they can push on. We are stimulus junkies.
It isn’t a bad thing, we want a healthy economy, but you need to understand what is going on so you aren’t being lead around like a dog on a leash.
The best type of consumer: Dissatisfied
Mild paranoia about who he is (his status) No identity
No values (doesn’t know what he wants in life -wants what other people want)
Tyler provides an excellent example of how social conditioning impacted him:
Tyler’s sister gave him a $200 pair of sunglasses, but he thought kids at school would say he wasn’t cool enough to wear them, so he didn’t.
Social conditioning put many restrictions on the way he lived for years! It has definitely had an impact on my life too. I can honestly say that social conditioning has put limitations on everyone’s
Your possessions can be a reflection of what you have done in life and be for your own enjoyment.
If you love making money, do it. If you love to chill and surf, do it! BUT don’t live up to somebody else’s standards that you didn’t even create.
You see social conditioning in the club all the time!
See the guys dancing at the club - not because they want to, but because they want to fit in. Or the guys that stand up against the wall, drinks pressed to their chest (Read: death row). These guys go to the club, stand around, and watch other people have fun (spectators).
Act through your own intentions.
If you see a cute girl, and there is something holding you back, understand that it is your social programming.
Unless you are capable of walking up to any woman with
complete confidence and being outgoing, without even thinking about it, there is work to be done.
SPECTATORISM
We are a spectator culture - we are looking at other people to have the glory.
We are a TV watching nation - average of 6 hrs a day!!
We don’t want the glory anymore. People would rather watch TV about the natural environment than go into the natural
environment.
We don’t care about the 3rd world because we haven’t seen it! People stand by and watch.
It’s so easy to stand by and watch other people have the glory - it is simpler, easier, safer
“Fuck that! The glory is to be had” - turn the TV off, turn off the web surfing
Extreme Example of Spectatorism
There are people that come on bootcamp because they want to see what they read about as spectators. They don’t want to learn the skills they just want to watch. This is so ridiculous it is hard to believe. Taking program is the ultimate opportunity to change your life and become massively successful with women, but people still only want to come and watch.
People read Tyler’s blog - no interest in taking action. It is like reading a novel…ooh Tyler travels South America, Chapter 12 (haha)
The adventures that we read about on blogs are so far outside of people’s realities that they cannot fathom living a similar lifestyle. Live YOUR Life
“I believe in a life of your own design.” - Tyler
advancements in health care have extended our life expectancy, but this is your one shot. Why waste it? Fuck social conditioning, and fuck what anyone thinks of you.
If you are going by other people’s standards (looking for other people to dictate your values and identity) you will always come up short. Even if you do it successfully, you are still coming from a foundational level where the way you spend your days is reacting to other peoples standards.
Most people never realize that if you believe in something and own who you are other people will like that. When you have values and expect people to live up to them what is coming across in a social interaction?
The girl is trying to live up to your standards. This is massively more attractive than walking up with an empty cup looking for her to validate you and trying to meet her standards.
“In any social interaction, one person is always reacting more than the other person.
If you understand this, then you will without doubt have an
abundance of women in your life. Being unreactive is extremely attractive. Women are drawn to men who are centered and not swayed by the bullshit life throws your way.
Experiment:
Tyler used to always try to think of the best thing to talk about with women. He decided to talk about what he did that day instead. He
talked about taxes - it worked. It was totally fine, he had a great night.
If you are talking about some nerdy book you read, and you are a cool guy, a girl is going to try to keep up with you. She is trying to talk to you.
Most guys are trying to live up to a girl’s standards and have her dictate their identity to them - no woman will find this attractive. Remember in High School when the popular kid was talking about something you aren’t even interested in, but you find yourself
trying to throw out facts about the subject to show you are interested. YOU are trying to live up to his standards.
Most people are trying to live up to the other persons value and have them dictate their identity to them - an effect of social conditioning.
If you don’t know who you are, there is a vacuum and you will continually be sucking value from people trying to figure out who you are and what you should think.
Living In Reaction
- Lacking a crystal clear concept of who you are, what you value, what you are grateful and
appreciative for, how your emotions work, what you really want out of life, and why certain
influences are positive and corrupting
liberating when you learn about being unreactive and truly internalize it.
Chodely Characteristics * Don’t know who they are * Don’t know what they value
* Don’t know what they are appreciative for (dissatisfied) * Don’t know how their emotions work
* Have no vision out of life
* Don’t understand which influences are positive and which are corrupting them
* They are scattered, not centered
Most people take an outside-in approach on self-development. They work on their external characteristics while ignoring the internal issues. When you are only working on the surface level characteristics of yourself, you are establishing a pattern on the deeper level where you are living in reaction (living up to other people standards)
Follow Your Values
Whenever you are making a decision about how you are living your life ask yourself:
“is this making me more confident and improving my self-esteem or distancing myself from who I am meant to be.”
If it is distances yourself from who you are meant to be, DON’T DO IT - don’t compromise your values.
Using Tactics (The Magic Pill)
Most people want the tactics immediately.
- Get initial quick fix, and when that wears off, they seek the principles
- You become a more potent and robotic version of the same woman-repellent self when you learn
tactics
The magic pill seems so appealing because it makes everything easier. It is in our nature to look for shortcuts. We don’t like slow, gradual progress - it isn’t appealing. We don’t want to face the larger problem - we want the quick fix.
We want to be enhanced as quickly as possible (ego
enhancement). People want to be better than the next man - they want to stand out.
Seeking the magic pill is an endless cycle. You will never find it because it DOES NOT exist. The only way to acquire true
abundance in your life requires an inside-out approach. Deep identity level change is the only option.
3rd Principle: “The self is always coming through.”
This is simply awesome! If you are a cool guy, you can say the dumbest stuff and get away with it. Even body language
(considered a pure form of attraction) won’t matter if you are a cool guy. You can literally open with anything when you have this handled.
give you the quick fix, but when you have your internals handled, you can literally say anything and be received well. My personal favorite opener: “I like salad.”
If you are a cool guy, you can say that and it will be hilarious. If you are still working on your inner self, you can say the coolest shit and it won’t hit, but when you understand “the self is always coming through,” you will notice anything works when you have enough value.
Not only will this make you phenomenally better with women, but it will increase every aspect of your life and make your experience of life much higher quality.
RATIONALIZATION
Everyone has a concept of who they think they are. People view themselves as having:
*Integrity *Honesty
*Depth (not superficial)
These are all values that we want to have. Whether they have them or not, people tend to believe they do regardless.
Sometimes, to act selfishly is in your benefit.
- Ditch your unpopular friends to hang out with cool people - Fuck over the other guy to get on top - win/lose
You have the person you think you are, and you have your biological drives.
Biological drives: Do what is good for survival & reproduction, and what feels good.
I don’t agree with some of the actions we take due to our biological drives. As you become aware of these drives, it is easier to not be selfish and learn to enhance your life without being selfish.
Backwards Rationalization
* Everyone does it to a certain extent
*To feel good about your emotionally motivated actions (actions we chose to do), we invent logical
reasons for them during or after the fact * Even if you think you don’t do this, you do!
* The less you do this, the better (have more control in your life). Value comes 1st
If you are talking to a girl and you’re a “nice guy,” but you have low value, she will not acknowledge that you are a nice guy.
If you are a total jerk, but have high value, and 1% of you is “nice guy,” a girl will focus in on that small percentage of “nice guy” in you and rationalize: “He is such a nice guy!”
This example shows how value instigates rationalization.
If a girl is a nice person, a person of integrity, and she meets a high value guy, she will unconsciously rationalize and impose those qualities on him (even if he doesn’t have them).
This is why you hear about women dating jerk guys all the time. They don’t understand why, but they keep coming back to the guy or keep dating guys that are jerks.
The Importance Of Value
You cannot have an abundance of women in your life if you do not have high value. Most guys assume they have to have the nice car, nice house, and expensive clothes to have value. That is all based off a superficial value system - which we discussed
earlier.
Value is sub-communicated. When you have a handle on
everything sub-communicated to a woman, you will always be the high value individual in every circumstance.
A common quality found in all high value individuals is that they hold themselves in higher respect than anyone else. What I mean by that is they don’t get super worked up when someone gives them a compliment. They acknowledge it with thanks, but they already know who they are and don’t let other people’s opinions have an influence over them. The reverse is true too. If someone walks up and tells a person of high value they are a loser and failure at life, they won’t be emotionally reactive. They already know who they are and don’t need someone else to dictate how much value they possess.
When you have enough value, you can get away with anything. You can make a girl laugh by doing absolutely nothing.
Example:
Remember when the high school quarterback talked with the cute cheerleader and she laughed at everything he said? He has high value being the star on the football team, and he knows it.
Or the popular guy at school that every girl thought she had a connection with haha - this happens all the time.
Most guys try to work on building a connection with women and work on improving their sense of humor but don’t realize value is a prerequisite.
You can say the funniest line, and it won’t hit without having value.
Value is not EVERYTHING, it just comes 1st (especially with very attractive women)
- Most girls don’t want a guy with that high of value (not confident enough to be around it)
A girl will take her time to get to know you when you have value Social Relationships (Alliances)
Time and energy are finite. We are only capable of doing so much and we unconsciously seek out relationships that benefit us the most. Recognize this tendency, but don’t judge it - it is what it is. Our emotions guide us towards relationships that benefit us the most. Some motivations include:
- Money - Sex
- Knowledge
- Relating to each other - Mutual respect
- Having fun
Obviously, moving towards relationships that are not status based is healthier. You can get increased status from friends that also are fun to hang out with, so don’t start thinking your friends only like you because they get more status.
The longevity of a relationship comes from the value you get out of it. Every relationship you maintain is giving you some kind of enjoyment. If you become negative and depressing, people will put up with your shit for a while, but they will eventually move on when you stop offering value.
Are you starting to understand the importance of value?
Relationships are structured around value. This is why we always talk about offering value in all situations. Not only does offering value make others happy, it makes you feel better too.
RAS - Reticular Activation System
Your reticular activation system (RAS) filters out that which has no value and zones in on what has value. This is a huge part of attraction! The best guys out there can consciously see the RAS of everyone at work.
restaurant and a waiter carries a hot plate of food by your table - your perception shifts towards the value (in this scenario the hot plate of food).
We’ve all been talking with a friend when a sexy girl walks by and our attention shifts to the girl. This is your RAS at work.
This applies to threats as well. Your reticular activation system focuses on whatever has the most value, and in any given
scenario, something that threatens your survival will have a lot of value.
You RAS also affects relationships. For example, say you have a friend with many nice memories and a few bad memories.
- Nice memories: got you a birthday present, cooked you dinner, washed your car
- Bad memories: stole your teddy bear, was five minutes late, made fun of you once
When there is value in the relationship, your focus is only on the good memories. When the relationship deteriorates, the focus shifts to the negative. Your mind is flooded with bad memories, and suddenly all of the nice things your friend did no longer exist. - That guy is always late…he always steals my teddy
bear…and he is always making fun of me!
This happens in business partnerships all the time. When the other partner recognizes he can make money on his own, he starts focusing on the negative of his partner.
How does this apply to attraction?
If you have the most value in the room, everyone will focus on you. You see this with celebrities all the time. They have high value and everyone is reacting to them. You don’t have to be
famous for this to work. When you talk to a girl at the club and you project high value, she will instantly be focused on you.
Example:
When you are talking to a woman and her boyfriend is there, the boyfriend can be yelling at his girlfriend so loudly that you cannot hear yourself talk, but the girl can’t hear him and only hears the pitch coming from your voice. This is an extreme example, but this happens when you have the most value in the interaction. I’ve had this happen to me twice, and I have heard about this happening to guys all the time:
If a girl likes you but has a boyfriend she really likes, she will focus on the negative of the relationship. Sometimes girls will go as far to create a fake fight with their boyfriend so they can
rationalize hooking up with you.
Personally, I don’t advise stealing a girl from her boyfriend. I’ve done it before and rationalized that the relationship must have been bad anyway, but it is a terrible thing to do if you don’t want to date the girl exclusively. If you don’t have morals, then by all means…haha
Next time you go out, feel yourself doing it. Notice when your focus shifts to whatever has more value. You will be amazed how frequently this happens, and you will be more amazed when you
see other people do it. I especially notice this when I meet a girl during the day. I am naturally loud. For example, when I meet a girl in a coffee shop, I talk as loud as I do in the night club. You will notice everybody in the venue stop what they are doing and watch you. This is similar to what celebrities experience all the time. When you are comfortable with having many people react to you, your value shoots through the roof.
Think of the RAS as seeing the Matrix. When you completely understand it, you can pull off extremely advanced stuff.
Girls unconsciously understand what is going on here. They will try to get you to react to them - they are trying to get into your RAS.
Also realize, if you are trying not to react to look unreactive, you are being reactive!
What you should and should not take from this:
When people learn about this, they start thinking everyone is rationalizing against them. This is similar to when you first learn about the ego and start labeling everyone as having a big ego (uhh people are so egotistical...).
Don’t make a self-fulfilling prophecy that everyone is rationalizing against you! Do not adopt a victim mindset. Accept that the world owes you nothing, and that in the long run you will get back no more than you deserve. Look, the world is a light place. Always assume that everyone is your friend, and wish good things on everyone. Don’t get worked up when you are not acknowledged
for the value you deserve.
To be phenomenal at this, you have to be capable of holding paradoxical concepts in your mind.
Value (again…)
Let’s get back to value. Think of value as a magnet - it is constantly dragging your perceptions around. So how do you know when you have value and when you do not?
When you approach a group of girls and they glance over their shoulder to acknowledge you and get right back into their
conversation you have little or no value. You will receive close-ended answers. Women will not give you any attention when you have no value.
When you have value, the set will open hard. The girls will
completely face you, smile, giggle, and listen to what you have to say and try to impress you in conversation. They will give you their attention when you have enough value.
Having high value is like being the warm end of the pool.
Everyone loves the warm end! No one wants to get kicked out of the hot tub.
SUBJECTIVE PERCEPTION Situational Value
- A form of value that isn’t worth anything on its own but has a lot of impact in a certain environment.
*Professor in the lecture hall
In this situations, the environment gives them a status they wouldn’t have on their own.
What happens when you move the bartender into the lecture hall or when you move the teacher into the bar?
Situational Confidence
When you know you can anticipate a positive response because of your environment, you have situational confidence. You are assuming value in the situation due to your status in the
environment. When you have situational confidence, you are comfortable in your environment - it feels like home.
How does value make you attractive?
Value prompts you to be attractive. When you know you have value, you will tend to be outside of your head - present or in the moment.
When you don’t think you have value, you will be inside your head - micromanaging your thoughts.
The irony is that when you have value, you naturally act in ways that make you attractive, but when you need it the most, you start thinking about how you can make people like you and how you can be more confident.
Being outside of your head and in the moment is where you want to be.
Outside your head: *Enjoying yourself *Acting in the moment
*Letting your real personality come out *Saying what is on your mind
*Being unaffected by how other people react
*Being detached from the outcome of any one particular interaction
*Taking things as they come
*Being fully present to what is going on around you *Assuming and expecting that everyone is your friend Inside your head:
*Not enjoying the moment for what it is - always saying “how can I make this moment better?”
*Trying to change your personality specifically to make people like you
*Feeling flustered by all of the social things you think you need to be doing
*Being emotionally affected by other people’s reactions
*Feeling like one specific interaction has to work or you may not get another chance (scarcity)
*Trying to think a step ahead and analyze how everyone will respond to you
*Being too stuck in your mind to pay attention to what is going on around you
*Feeling like your being judged
freely, and let the chips fall where they may. Most people will like you, but you can never please everyone. There will always be haters. Some people cannot be happy with the fact that you can express yourself freely.
Being able to express yourself freely implies that you are cool with who you are, and it conveys that you have the value to back it up.
Decoding the Blueprint: Part III
Disclaimer: I do not take credit for any of the information
presented. This is my reiteration of the Blueprint Decoded. All credit is respectfully due to Tyler and Real Social Dynamics. REACTIVENESS
“In any social interaction, one person is reacting more to the other person than that person is reacting to them. “
Symptoms of Someone Reacting To You * Natural personality is being affected by you
* The way they feel about themselves is tied up in your responses to them
* Focus is more directed towards you than other people in the room
* Feel a heightened emotional response to physical contact from you
* Analyzing how they are taking up your space and time
your space and time. They may hesitate to call you at late hours because they don’t want to “interrupt” or wake you up.
Another example is at the movie theatre. Usually, the high status individual takes the armrest. If you don’t feel you have higher status, you won’t take up as much space.
When you are being reactive towards someone, you literally do not see yourself as high value as them.
You are giving your power away. Nobody, especially women, want you to give your power away. No woman wants a man who is nervous to be around her…
On some level, we may feel that people like when we give our power away, but that is a false perception. Everyone wants to feel good and have fun together.
Pay attention in your next social interaction and be consciously aware of who is being more reactive. Don’t do this every time you talk to someone, but become aware and understand what is
happening.
I notice reactiveness in deteriorating relationships. The guy or girl will go out of their way to piss off their mate. They will purposely push buttons to seek a reaction (which is being reactive haha). If you have ever been in a relationship that is going downhill, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
I also notice when women are intimidated by me they are highly reactive to what I say. I speak my mind and don’t have filters (not
always a good thing lol). When I am talking with girls who are intimidated by me, they take everything I say as scripture. It may sound cool, but it isn’t.
A bartender, celebrity, and party host all of people reacting to them. This is where the classic stereotypes come from.
The Denny’s Manager
The Denny’s manager that has had sex with 90% of the female staff.
* He isn’t good looking
* Lives in his parent’s basement * Drives a beater car
* Short and fat
From a superficial point of view, you would assume this guy couldn’t get any girls.
BUT in that environment, the Denny’s manager has situational confidence - people are reacting to him. He is a leader of his environment. He feels at home in the environment.
From a moment to moment point of view, the female workers are seeing his attractive qualities.
NOW, take Denny’s manager to a classy party with super models and high status individuals…
He won’t do so well. He doesn’t have his staff reacting to him. He will be inside of his head. His eye contact, vocal projection, and body language will suffer. He isn’t comfortable in the environment.
NOW, assume there is another guy there who is even more overweight, more sloppy looking, and doesn’t know anybody
either. BUT he is having a great time splashing around in the pool and enjoying the moment. He doesn’t mind that he doesn’t have all of the superficial qualities. He actually just likes himself.
Maybe he owns a fortune 500 company, maybe he has a 13” dick, maybe he is a movie producer, or just maybe, he is just a guy… There are two levels of confidence. Situational confidence, and core confidence. The Denny’s manager in the example above clearly has situational confidence. When he is pulled out of his environment, he is no longer comfortable and lacks all attractive behavioral qualities.
I first noticed when I had situational confidence at my jobs. Whenever I was at work, I always felt more confident,
comfortable, and in the moment. I also met many women through my workplace (not just staff). When I moved down to the Lake for the summer, the same thing happened. I worked outside all day with boats for an entire summer and it didn’t take long for me to be comfortable at the lake. I used to be intimidated by guys with their fancy boats and smokin’ hot girls on board, but now I cherish it.
Situational confidence is not the ideal scenario. Being at home in any environment is our goal - not just the work place or the local bar we frequent every weekend. We want to be at home in the world.
Core Confidence
Core confidence is where you want to be. When you can go out in any environment (with friends or alone) and be totally
comfortable, you have core confidence. When you can freely
express your personality and offer value in all situations, you have core confidence.
Most people have a tremendous amount of social influence in their environment, but take them out of their bubble, and they lost all of their confidence. On one level, they know they have
tremendous status, but when you take them out of it, they lose their confidence. It is a frustrating predicament if you do not understand how to develop core confidence.
When I think of core confidence, I think of Tyler, Ozzy, Jeffy,
Brad, Tim, Alex, Nathan, Ryan, and the other executive coaches. These guys travel the world and go out in new environments with guys they have just met. They are even comfortable in
environments where they don’t speak the native language!
The guys that have core confidence are getting laid by hotter girls and have better relationships than guys who don’t. It is a badass thing to have! We want to develop freedom and authenticity for ourselves.
Developing core confidence isn’t an overnight process. It may take years to become truly comfortable in all environments, but don’t be discouraged. The natural progression is motivating on its own.
ATTRACTION
Whoever has the most people reacting for their approval and is indifferent to it tends to have the most attraction.
The stereotypical hype is you must have model looks and ripped abs to be attractive. This is the most common limiting belief of guys - “I’m not good looking enough for her.”
What the #!@$!? There is so much counterevidence to this
bullshit belief, but still, there is always some guy that knows looks matter…he just knows!
Looks only boost your own confidence, which makes you attractive. Guys just have the equation backwards.
Just knowing that your personality is enough, allows you to give yourself permission to be attractive.
If you act like a rock star, you get treated like a rock star.
Everyone enjoys a good vibe. If you are a person who is having fun and can express yourself freely, that is valuable.
LOVE
We generally do not talk about love in this community, but the major reason most guys get into the community is because they fall in love with “one special girl.”
The first thing most of us learn is “to be successful with one particular girl, you must learn to be successful with all women.” I always hear guys say “well, this girl is different” or “this girl is special.”
What you will come to understand is you should treat the social interaction completely the same for all women. If you are placing higher value on a woman because you feel she is “different” or “special,” you are shooting yourself in the foot. You will blow it with her. When you learn to be successful with all women, then you will be able to date that “special” girl when she comes along. Classic Scenario:
You have a girlfriend and everything is great…BUT then she cheats on you/breaks up with you.
The most shocking part of losing your girl is that the girl you loved, the girl you were connected to changes. She no longer exists. Maybe you still love that girl and still have all of those emotions and feelings, but new negative feelings arise (she did cheat on you).
When guys lose a girl, all they want is to win her back. They don’t want to learn to be a big pimp and live with an abundance of
women. Their only thought is “I’ll learn to attract all women so I can get my girl back.”
The guy resolves he is going to win his girlfriend back (thank you Hollywood). Now here is the mind screw: the same favorite places
your girlfriend took you to, she will take her next guy too. That nice dress you bought her so she will look good when she goes out…she is going to wear that out with the new guy.
Logically, you cannot understand why she would be doing this. You have a special bond with the girl that you believe she couldn’t get anywhere else.
Some people become jaded. “Fuck it…I’m done…I’m never going to have a girlfriend again, I’m just going to play the field.”
Other guys become needy. They literally fall in love with every girl they meet.
What is love?
Is love two teenagers in the back of a car, scrambling for a condom?
Is love a pair of newlyweds on the day of their wedding?
Is love an old couple sitting on the couch who haven’t had sex in 20 years but are deeply in love?
Is love: * A feeling of attraction? * A feeling of connection? * A feeling of lust? * A physical attachment? * Is it anxious co-dependence? - Mistaking neediness for love
More than anything, love is self-hypnosis.
Many people conceive of love as having supernatural qualities:
*They think everyone has one perfect soul mate *True love last forever
*You can only fall in love a certain number of times in your life *People believe fate will handle love for them
Love is not caused by another person, it is caused by ourselves. As we loop our thoughts around a concept of a particular person, our mind shifts the way that we perceive them, and suddenly everything makes sense…it’s love!
Love will take a concept of a person and make them into
something they are not. It can even make them into an object to you if you are looking at love in an unhealthy way.
There is a distinction between a chode’s version of love and love that a completely centered individual experiences.
A chode walks around with a gap in his self esteem. When he finds a woman, he fills that gap. He feels what a centered guy calls “normal.” It is a taste of validation. The guy thinks he is in love with the other person because he now has that good feeling in his body - codependence. BUT that good feeling is something you should self-generate. You should always feel that in you. When you love somebody, that personal connection you create can absolutely fuel that great feeling in your body, but when you
lose that person from your life, that good feeling should not go away. Obviously, it is ok to feel loss, but beyond that we are going into unhealthy land.
A lot of guys use a woman as a form of situational confidence. When the woman is taken away from them, they feel lost.
Honestly, you don’t know somebody until you’ve been with them for a long time.
Most guys don’t realize what a relationship really is. Most guys don’t understand what it means to get involved with a girl.
When you get deeply involved with a girl, you are taking on her problems too - health issues, family issues, money issues, etc… You don’t just pick a hot chick and fall in love - you don’t know her. You don’t know if a girl is telling you the truth or not if you just met her. You don’t fall in love with any person, you get to know them first.
It is awesome when you meet a girl in the night club and you have an amazing connection. There is a chemical eruption - it is an addictive feeling.
When you feel that, one way to intensify it is to think you have a connection with the girl.
When you meet a girl and she sees you as an abundance minded guy - the cool, non outcome dependent, non reaction seeking,
completely unattached to any kind of result - you are attractive. She has one type of personality towards you, and that is the personality you are getting to know. You are getting to know her “I’m with a hot guy personality.”
When you feel those good emotions, you feel attached to the girl. Then, you start to chode yourself out because you become
attached to the outcome…and then she leaves to go to the
bathroom and you feel a pang of loss. Maybe you see her talking to some other guy - do you man up, grab her, and pull her back? NO! You feel your state dropping.
This doesn’t mean don’t fall in love, the point is you need to be a man of standards. You can have a great connection with a girl and enjoy the emotions, but you cannot be losing state if
attraction fizzles out.
This is a huge sticking point for more advanced guys. They
become outcome dependent throughout the conversation and end up losing the girl - sucks!!
Understand that you don’t know somebody until you REALLY know them. Don’t make judgments on the girl.
She may be a chronic liar, she may be dating five other guys, she may be needy! OR she may be a normal, completely awesome girl haha
The point is, you don’t know her when you first meet her. Assume nothing, enjoy the experience, enjoy the emotions, but don’t be
attached. Enjoy the experience to the fullest extent, but don’t have any attachment.
The second a girl sees you are attached to the outcome, she will transform her personality right in front of you - completely
unconscious.
When guys are coming from a place of scarcity, they want a needy girlfriend. They want a girl who is always calling them and wants to be around them…but when you come from abundance, this is the worst possible scenario.
It is horrible. I dated a girl who was extremely needy at one point, and I couldn’t even have sex with her I was so turned off by it. When you have moved past being needy, and you see the
behavior, it messes with your head. It may make you think of your old self, I’m not sure why this happens.
Understand there will always be a small level of neediness in a relationship, because a girl is acting on her emotions.
Love is something you experience in yourself. It is something you experience walking down the street, talking to your friend, and looking at the sky.
The World Is A Light Place
To become amazing at meeting women, you have to get the “spiritual” side of yourself handled.
handled.” - Tyler
That doesn’t necessarily mean any specific religion, but you need to have that good feeling about the world. The world is a light place, it is your home, and you are at peace with the world.
You have to become independently validated and independently amused. When you have that good feeling in yourself and are fulfilled in your life, you may not even want a relationship, but every girl you meet will want to be your girlfriend. That is the paradox.
Before I studied social dynamics, I would worry about my future frequently. I was constantly afraid of making the “wrong” decision. Now, I’ve come to realize that every decision I make will take me down a different path. As long as I make decisions in alignment with who I am, it will never be a “wrong” decision.
I have become more comfortable in all environments. I try to see the best in everyone, and I never see other people out to “fuck me over.” The world is a light place. When you truly internalize that, you are headed towards core confidence and true authenticity! Many guys start off wanting a girlfriend, then the realize they have to become self-fulfilled to get a girlfriend, and then you hit that new level.
Their intentions to begin with were coming from a place of scarcity and neediness, but after time when you study social dynamics and improve yourself, you evolve. The changes in yourself can be
significant (they were for me), or extremely subtle if you are already a self-fulfilled individual.
When a relationship is tied up in your ego structure and you lose it, you lose that good feeling inside yourself. Again, a sense of loss is completely natural, but when you spiral into depression, there is an internal issue.
When you come full circle and are completely self-fulfilled, love will come into your life. Not the misconceptual definition of love, but what love truly is.
IDENTITY
Identity is a concept that relates you to and separates you from your social environment. It is your concept of who you are. Your identity is what makes you WHO YOU ARE. It gives you a certain status relative to other people, and as a result you can act in different ways.
* “I’m a cool guy, so I can act like a cool guy”
We form a concept of who we are by recognizing differences in ourselves from other people.
We are always processing the world through the little seed in our mind that is our identity.
From a social perspective, you have the ability to walk into any club, restaurant, shopping mall, etc…, and pull the hot girl out of
there - there is nothing stopping you.
The only thing that is stopping you from being a cool guy (what you perceive to be cool - not society’s standards), is how you see yourself - your belief of who you are.
Your identity can deeply help you or significantly hold you back - it can also give you the excuse of saying “that’s not me.”
Inviting Friends
Often when you bring this material up with your friends, it goes right over their head. You get the glazed over look and they just say “uhh…yah I’m cool man.”
Guys constantly talk about meeting women, but when you bring it up and say “hey, let’s stop talking about this and make it happen,” more than likely, they won’t.
If an idea goes beyond the beliefs of what someone thinks they are capable of, their subconscious blocks it out.
When you bring up success with women, a typical response is “that’s not me.” It challenges their concept of who they are. Most guys don’t want to acknowledge they are not successful with women. It threatens their ego.
SOCIAL FEEDBACK
The majority of your identity and personality are completely arbitrary. It could have developed many different ways.
Tyler used the example of growing up next to a school yard bully. That scenario made him shy. His personality was shaped at that young age.
Or, for example, you may have wealthy parents growing up. A rich kid may be spoiled and his personality will be effected by that. Or his parents may force him to develop his own success - a
completely different impact on his development.
We don’t know shit when we are growing up. Some of the traits we develop growing up are not created by us but influenced by our environment.
Even if you think you know who you are, you probably don’t. Unless you have been actively working on yourself, you probably don’t know who you are and have a personality based on past experiences.
Example:
You are a young kid and you try to be creative and it works out - you get validation for that. Now you see yourself as a creative person and go down that path.
OR you try to step up and be confident as a kid and it works out. Maybe all of the kids around are more passive than you and you start to develop those personality traits.
OR you try to step up, but you live in a neighborhood with a bunch of bullies and you get shut down. Now you develop negative
