I have argued in Chapter One that one of the central ideological features of motherhood is that of selfless care and the nurturing of children. This ideology is conveyed in Rich's description of the archetypal mother as 'the source of angelic love and forgiveness in a world increasingly ruthless and impersonal' (1977, p52). Selfless love therefore means that the needs of husbands and children come before the needs of mothers.
An indication of the extent to which mothers undertake the requirements of this ideology in their everyday lives is illustrated by research on one of the most basic necessities of life - the distribution of food within the family. Research findings indicate that rather than cater to their own tastes, wives cater to the tastes of their husbands. In low income, single
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mother families food is a key area of budgeting and mothers reduce their own intake rather than that of their children (Graham, 1984). Women are also more likely to have lower status food than their husbands. (Charles and Kerr, 1987). As Charles and Kerr indicate 'As providers of food for their families they (women) come to subordinate their own needs and interests to those of their partners and children. (1987, p 173) Such research illustrates the depth to which women take for granted the subordination of their own needs in order to fulfil their role as carers within the family.
The stepmothers in this study held explicit notions of their role as carers. Meg sums up this notion of a woman's place when she discussed her initial feelings
towards Frank in the early days of their courtship. Her comments are all the more interesting when one notes that Meg was also in paid employment when she made these comments. Meg thus remarked:
I didn't like to see Frank doing so much. On Friday he used to do the washing. After a man's been at work all week it isn't right that he has to come home and do all the housework and cooking.
Meg also had strong feelings of maternal responsibility. She spoke of difficulties in her relationship with her stepson David when she first began to visit Frank at his home (1). Her feelings of distress were tempered with an attitude which placed caring at the forefront of acceptable feelings. Meg commented:
He would show things to his father he wouldn't show to me. "You've got your own place why don't you go there". Slamming back doors shouting "Why don't you sod off". Of course I used to get upset, very upset but well, with both of them [David and Sandy], I was determined to care.
Frances and George had also faced difficult situations with their stepchildren. George had finally stopped his stepchildren from visiting the house (2). Frances does not see that she can or even should take similar action. The attitude expressed by George's action does not accord with good maternal practice. Frances made these comments in this connection.
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Frances: I'm quite good friends with all his children and he isn't for mine. It doesn't seem to bother him. It would worry me. I don't think I could, I certainly couldn't ban his children from the house. I couldn't.
CH: No?
Frances: No. How can you do that to children?
In addition to the realm of expressed attitude, the division of responsibility for caring can also be seen in terms of decision making. Frances illustrates the primacy with which she acted in the role of carer despite an opposing philosophy from a more legitimate caring figure - the natural father. Frances related this incident:
I remember particularly when 1 was in hospital having Luke. Sally [Frances' stepdaughter] had done her year at college
own. Well she got a flat in an awful district. The winter came on and the pipes were all frozen up and well it was dreadful. George came down to me in the hospital you know and told me Sally had phoned him up to ask him to help her with her sink that was all blocked up and I just said "Get that kid home". He said "Don't you think she should struggle on". I said "No I don't". She was ever so unhappy. George has this funny thing that there is this cut-off age when children should be on their own (3). I have always felt children need you as long as they need you and they will go when they are ready. You need to be there when they need you.
Frances' words indicate the degree to which she expressed a caring role for her stepchildren in contradiction to her husband's own view. Maddox wryly sums up a stepmother's propensity to act in these terms with the following comment. 'Blessed Mother.
Intercede for us. It is a familiar role for women' (1975, p 161).
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