How to keep a relationship

Finding someone to love is damn hard. Keeping that person is even harder. Many of the guys who are more of the long-term type and spend most of their lives in relationships will say, that the ART is not to pick-up girls but to KEEP THEM. It’s kind of true, actually. Even when you have had sex with a woman or you have been together for a few weeks, it doesn’t mean that she won’t leave you.

Each and every relationship is different – with varying problems to overcome. After all, that’s what makes it so exciting and wonderful. There are some common errors however, which many couples seem to make, resulting usually in a break-up if done for a long enough time. I will now go through some of these and try to give a few hints and tips on how to avoid them.

Not caring about the girl. When playing the dating game, you start to build a shield around yourself. The failures and disappointments you encounter forces you to protect yourself somehow. By trying to develop your Manliness it’s easy to fall to the other extremity and become a jerk. But in a relationship you will have to take your ego back and show a sensitive and caring side of yours. When you are in love, the rule to give no more than she does doesn’t stand anymore. You should give as much as you can.

Also, if you love her but never tell, she won’t know and start to have doubts. It might be harder at first. You have to drop your shell and let the girl closer to yourself.

Here are a few tools to show that she is important to you:

1, Lovely and caring words, little gestures, letters, text messages, postcards. When you wake up in the morning or you arrive home caress her face, kiss her and say „I love you.”

While she is cooking in the kitchen go behind her, hug her and whisper kind words into her ears. Smile and kiss her, stroke her hand. Watch for tender moments and when the opportunity comes, tell her how important she is to you. If you leave before she wakes up, you can leave a short letter with how much you enjoyed the night and how wonderful it was.

Hiding it and having her search for it makes it even more exciting.

Phone her during the day or exchange short text messages. You can write things like „Last night was wonderful. It’s still in front of me. Even though I’ve left just an hour ago, I miss you already. Love you: John” or „Good morning sunlight I see you have risen already. Smile

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and shine the day.” There are many love sms-es on the net freely available. If you are abroad on a business trip for a week, you can send her a postcard or e-mail each other every day.

Use these tools wisely. If you overdose her with your loving sms-es, it will be boring after some time. But if you send a special one every week among your daily messages, she will melt when reading it.

2, You should not only buy her flowers or little presents when she has a birthday. Surprise her when she the least expects it. Girls also love chocolate or small plush toys of her favorite animal. Stay unpredictable: give her a gift and do it again in 3 weeks. Then wait a few months before buying anything. If she asks for something or you know she is dying to have something, don’t give it to her straight away. Wait some time and surprise her with it when she doesn’t expect it.

3, Do something she wouldn’t think you’d do. If she knows that you can’t cook, learn to cook a simple meal like spaghetti and invite her over. Buy a more expensive champagne or wine and prepare the mood with candles and light music in the background. Or wash the dishes and take the breakfast to the bed for her in the morning. She will be amazed.

4, Recall some good memories: like go on a nostalgia date to the place where you got together.

5, Spend a long weekend with each other or take her on a smaller vacation. Like visiting the rural areas for a few days or a city in a nearby country. Or you could rent a hotel room somewhere to leave your usual places for some time. Another idea is to go on a boat cruise or go for a spin at the seaside.

All the above is damn easy to overdo. In short doses it’s a cure while in bigger ones it’s poison. If you get all your wishes fulfilled it becomes boring after some time. By receiving a flower every day, you will start to take it for granted and want more. If she sees that you give her whatever she wants, she will grow on your head, become clamorous and try to control you. Just because you show a more sensitive side of yours and you care about her, don’t lose your Manliness. Show her that she won’t get everything she wants. Learn to say NO, especially if you see yourself fulfilling all her wishes. Just think that if you were getting chocolate with every meal, you would start to hate it after a month or two. It’s the same in relationships; it’s easy to get bored with each other without variety.

Letting yourself totally loose or ignoring yourself is another reason for break-ups. Many guys gain serious weight, ignore their looks totally, take up annoying customs or lose their Manliness because they feel so comfortable in their relationships. It’s the fastest road to the

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end. Also, don’t become a henpeck and don’t let your girlfriend take control. When she has to choose which film to see or where to sit in a cafe, it’s all wrong. She will grow on your head and think that she can do whatever she wants. Apart from the drawbacks of this, you won’t be a challenge anymore, and sooner or later she will get bored enough to leave. Or what’s worse, a real Man could come and fuck her a few times behind your back.

So take care of yourself, mind your clothing and your hairstyle, don’t eat too much and exercise. If she is the one letting herself loose, softly remind her. Take her with you to the gym or go jogging together. Don’t hurt her and tell „You are fat!” but make her feel that she has to work for you as well. Show her that you do everything to stay in shape and tell her to do the same. Be patient at the same time: there are periods when she might have to work too much or have problems in her personal life. If you love her, show some understanding but don’t let her totally out of control.

Sex is an important part of every relationship and should never be neglected. One of you having lower or higher sexual drive than the other might also lead to some problems. If she has higher sexual drive than you, buy sexual toys and use other ways like your tongue or your fingers to satisfy her. If her sexual drive is too low, you can work on creating the mood and setting up special occasions to make sex a wonderful experience for the girl. Like having a romantic dinner together with a massage and an hour of exciting foreplay. You can read more tips in chapter 6.7 to spice up your sexual life.

Jealousy. Have some but not too much. A little jealousy shows that you care about her, a lot shows that you are afraid of losing her and you don’t behave like a real Man. Being too jealous can kill a relationship. Give her space. Let both of you live your lives and don’t cling on the girl. Even if you move together everybody needs some space. If you can provide what she needs in a relationship and keep her on her toes without letting yourself too loose, she won’t leave you for some random guy. If she does, she didn’t love you at the first place.

Cheating. In a longer relationship, one of the parties is likely to cheat after some time. If you do it once, never tell her. Even in the tenderest moments force yourself not to do it. What people don’t know doesn’t hurt. Keep it your secret because if you tell, you will probably lose her. If you are constantly cheating though, you should rethink your relationship. Maybe it’s not what you want for now. Maybe it’s time to move on. Cheating once or twice is human.

Cheating constantly is simply unethical. If you think one woman won’t satisfy you alone, read more about multiple relationships in the next chapter.

Sweeping your problems under the carpet. Without communicating with each other you are not getting anywhere. Most of your problems can be overcome by talking about them openly but none of them will be solved by itself. When in love, one of you feeling bad makes the

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other person feel bad as well. Arguing all the time won’t lead anywhere, but sitting down and being honest can solve many things. So talk openly about your issues whatever they are, and work together to come with a solution, which is acceptable for both of you.

Too much age difference. If she is 30 and you are 21, or you are 40 and she is 20 you can have a wonderful no strings attached relationship – as long as both of you avoid falling in love. People’s biological clocks are always ticking – she might think about having kids soon or the other way round. If you really love each other, such obstacles can be overcome for some time, but you shouldn’t have too big expectations about the future. Just enjoy each other’s company and when the time comes, let the other person go.

One of you getting a job abroad or moving away. Even if you love each other a lot, such long distance relationships usually don’t work out. One of the parties will end up cheating. If you want to keep the relationship, the one about to move has to stay or the other person has to move as well. One of you will probably have to bring a sacrifice to stay together.

Relationships have three levels: a physical, an emotional and a mental. If there is disharmony on any of them, things won’t work out long term. But harmony won’t come from sitting on your butt the whole day. Both of you will have to work for it. Nothing is perfect from the beginning: even if you meet a girl who is extraordinary and whom you fall in love with, you will still have various problems to overcome. Working together with the other person is necessary to make the relationship enjoyable for both of you. This requires a great deal of love, patience and will to stay together.

Here is an example from my life on how I met an extraordinary girl. We met with Ana in a club. You could say it was almost love at first sight for both of us. That night I felt something I never did before. But being the guy I’m, I didn’t consider it so seriously at that time. I met her once a week and she felt like one girl from the rest but still wanted to love me. One day she told me that she is about to move abroad for 2 years.

The perfect way to wreck a developing relationship. So we have decided to spend more time together till she goes and we were together almost every night. It was a pretty intense experience for a relationship that has just started and I discovered feelings I’ve never had before for a girl. Meanwhile she felt that something was missing. And that was my love – I was hesitating. I wasn’t sure if I wanted it and if I was ready for something so serious.

Still, she decided not to leave – mostly because of me – a week before she was to move abroad. During the next month, we almost break up twice and did it we eventually. She felt like I didn’t love her, that she wasn’t that important to me and was afraid that she would be

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hurt later. After our break up both of us fall into agony. That was the point where I realized just how much I loved her and cared for her. I had to fight for her and show my love.

So I did. It was totally opposite from what I used to be like with women. Showing his love was damn hard for a man who built a firm shell around himself and his heart. I was a pretty selfish person that time which made things even worse. But she was a very unique girl with full of love, so with her love and patience, and my will we managed to stay together during the toughest times. After it our love skyrocketed quickly – there were still a lot of problems to overcome, but with each of them passed our relationship became better and better.

The moral of the story is that in a serious relationship you will have to do a 180° change in your attitude. You can’t ignore the girl, you can’t afford to meet just once a week and she will need to feel how much you love her. Without that you are going to lose her.