Study Two summary. Throughout the various themes emerging from the interviews with parents, a distinct desire and attempt to be responsive towards their children

emerged. By using different parenting techniques, altering responses based on the situation or child, providing more help to younger children, and giving increasing space to the child as he or she learns and grows, the discussions centred around the way in which empathy development, just as with many other skills a child learns, is not a cookie cutter process—it is a reflexive, fluid process often requiring empathy from the parents themselves. It appears to be the parents’ belief that by responding with empathy, the children will see empathy in action, experience empathy themselves, and then be released into the world understanding the empathic process. Although not sufficient itself, the process of providing empathy can be combined with more purposeful teaching about perspective taking, emotions, and actions to assist the children in developing their ability to understand and feel with others.

When comparing the conversations with the five parents to information provided through modern theories of moral development, such as SDT and SIP, many similarities are noted. In fact, although presented less in scientific terms and more in experiential terms, the ways in which parents discussed modelling and teaching empathy could be taken directly from the pages of SDT or SIP instruction manuals. According to both the SDT and SIP views, the parents’ tendency to help their children take another’s perspective when conflicts arise will add to the children’s later ability to interpret and respond to conflicts—they will either have greater emotional and

motivation understanding (according to SDT) or have a different way to interpret behavior (according to SIP). In fact, parents even vocalized this hope, that their guidance through conflicts

in the present would change their children’s ability to deal with conflicts in the future.

Additionally, the parents’ use of empathy in parenting and modelling of empathy in hopes that their children will understand what empathy feels and looks like, thereby influencing their use of empathy in the future, follows closely to the proposed mechanism of empathy and moral

development in SDT and SIP. Even the way in which parents described changing their teaching or discipline tactics to suit the individual child’s needs fits into SDT and SIP theory that each person will have different emotions, cognitions, behaviors, and understandings based upon past experiences. Since, even within one family, each person will have different social interactions, it takes increased introspection and behavioural interpretation on the part of the parent to change his or her response to each child based upon individual need. Taken together, these early experiences within a close relationship are changing the way the children see others, interpret behavior, and integrate emotions, cognitions, and behavior, both according to theory, but also according to the parents’ understanding of their influence over their children.

The desire to teach and develop empathy in children contrasted with the view presented during the interviews that empathy is a fairly intrinsic personality characteristic rather than a developed skill. The tension exists between a belief of empathy as innate and a desire to teach, however this tension was not particularly acknowledged or upsetting for the parents. It appears similar to the concept of intelligence. Even if society generally views intelligence as an innate characteristic, we still attempt to teach all children. Similarly, the tendency to see and understand others’ emotions may be easier for some children, however there are cognitive and action based skills that can be developed within empathy—this is an idea the interviewed parents appear to understand and embrace within their parenting journey (although the children that less easily empathize with others may test the patience of the parenting journey of teaching empathy, just as children with little desire to read books may test the patience of the parenting journey towards teaching reading).

Although the parents’ understanding of their influence over their children’s empathy development overlapped with the way SDT and SIP view moral development, the messages from parents regarding empathy development are more holistic and general than the messages from theories of empathy or morality. While various theories are attempting to explain actions and

motivations (e.g., what is good or bad, how do we respond to bad behavior to create future

behavior, how do we reward or respond to good behavior to allow it to increase, how do we instill a desire to do good), the parents were ultimately more concerned with helping their children to become the best version of him- or herself. While the best version of oneself included being an empathic and considerate person, it also included education, exploring interests, and being genuine. Moreover, empathy was not removed from the other life pursuits, but was discussed in tandem, suggesting that empathy is a part of but not distinct from other traits that the parents were attempting to develop in their children. For the parents, the ultimate goal was not just kind children who did good to others, but successful and happy children, part of which meant being kind and good to others in a way that was united with their natural personality. In this way, the past and current theories of empathy may be incomplete, missing the mark, or at the very least compartmentalizing a human experience that should be more broadly considered. While moral thinking and learning empathy through relationships is important, my discussions with parents suggest that these goals are intertwined with some of their other parenting goals such as teaching responsibility, allowing for independent learning, encouraging exploration, and helping the child learn to fit in and stand out. If nothing else, I learned through the interviews the benefit of interdisciplinary thinking that goes beyond a narrow scope of understanding and attempts to create a more holistic view of humanity. While it is still important to be specific and focused at times, always being aware of the hidden relationships between various experiences, especially experiences as varied as child rearing, can add significant value to our understanding of what it means to teach empathy, to understand empathy, and to become empathic as children develop.


4. Integration of the Two Studies, Concluding Remarks, Discussion of Limitations, and