You know, I have been speaking around here at so many of these Ban- quets and Luncheons that I got to be a sort of a pest, so a couple of days ago they got a speaker and brought him on here. They got him from the front porch of Ohio, Warren Gamaliel something, I forgot the other. Well, he was- n’t bad. He has a lecture tour booked through the west and didn’t know just what to talk on. So he come here to try out an act. I guess it is the one he will use. Anyway, I guess he didn’t make good as a speaker here in N. Y. as I see they didn’t keep him; they let him go back, and invited me to take up where I had left off before, He didn’t come to hear me in the Follies. I went to hear him. I am broad minded that way.
Now I don’t want to make any play for favor, or throw Bouquets at myself but I just want to show you the kind of a Patriot I am.
Mr. Harding wants to see the Follies, but, on account of the humorous relations between the White House and myself being rather strained, he naturally feels a kind of hesitancy about coming, for, at the present time, you can’t see the American Girl being glorified without being annoyed by a jarring presence among them which I am free to admit is myself.
So, on the first of June, I am leaving; not because I want to (for, speak- ing candidly, it’s not the worst position in the World, as my surroundings here have been most beautiful). But, even though you wouldn’t judge it by my writings or grammar, I have some politeness and courtesy, and, being a fair American Citizen, (I won’t say “good” as I think I have heard that used before) I certainly have a high regard for the chief Executive of this great Commonwealth, and I won’t do a thing to stand in the way of any
pleasure that he may wish to enjoy, no matter how small. So I am willing to get out, and sacrifice a living wage.
There is no reason why a National Institution that is viewed night after night by the best Male members of our Government should not be seen in its mission of Glorifying Young Womanhood by the leading Citizen of our Land at least once. Now, if this is Treason, make the most of it.
Mr. Harding spoke on Golf, accuracy in Newspapers, International Court, Mexico, and more Honesty to Party pledges. Now we shall review them in the order in which he spoke of them. Naturally, Golf heads the list, I quote: “When I returned from my southern vacation, I picked up a paper not unfriendly to me (That was the Marion Star, but of course he didn’t mention the name.) and saw on the front page where I had broken 8 Golf Clubs in 5 weeks. Now I don’t mind that; only it puts me in the Duffer Class of Golfers.” Now that was a good joke and showed he is a pretty good fellow to tell one on himself. Now, about the International Court, he spoke very highly of and for it.1Now, if I was a President and wanted something
I would claim I didn’t want it. For Congress has not given any President anything that he wanted in the last 10 years. Be against anything and then he is sure to get it. He quoted several Republicans Platforms adopted by the Party from 1900 on down to show that they had been for the Court. But that don’t prove anything. You can take any one of our Party Platforms that they promise before election and they promise anything. The same fellows that make them make out these insurance Policies. That is, what they say on one page they can deny on the other.
He said we were on good terms with all the Nations of the Western Hemisphere but one, and that was Mexico. That’s the only one we ever had any trouble with. But he said we were dealing with them now as to a set- tlement. Mexico must have struck more oil.
Last, but not least, he dealt with Party Pledges. He appealed for more honesty in Party Politics. That was all right, everybody knows there is plenty of room for more Honesty among Parties. As for sticking to your Party, nobody knows where their Party is. A lot of them would like to stick to it if they could find it. But, take it all in all, it was a good speech and will no doubt make a lot of friends for the League, via the Court.
Then, the other night the Newspaper Men and Owners from all over the Country held their big Banquet at the Waldorf. It was given by the adver- tising end of the Newspaper business. Naturally it had to be, as the adver- tising end is the only one which could pay for a thing like that. If the Editorial Department ever gave a Dinner everybody would have to bring their own Sandwiches.
There was 32 at the Speakers’ Table. Eight must have got caught, as I have heard Ali Baba’s original cast was composed of 40.
Well, I was unfortunate enough to get mixed in there with them. I did- n’t know when I started in to write that I was going to have to associate with these merely Owners, and the class of Speakers they had me speaking with. There was Senator Pepper of Pennsylvania, who made a very fine and earnest speech.2 Most all new Senators are earnest and mean well. Then
the Air of Washington gets in their Bones and they are just as bad as the rest. He spoke very feelingly on ADJUDICATE. You know what it means? I don’t either, but I am going to devote the rest of my life finding out, and in subsequent articles you will hear some adjudication from me.
That Dinner proved one thing—that Advertising pays. It pays the fel- low you pay it to for the Ad. Each Paper was seated according to their im- portance, that is, according to how much Advertising space they sold.
A Bishop opened the Dinner with Prayer for the Newspaper men. I never in my life wished to know how to pray as I did then, for I wanted to offer up one for you readers and Subscribers. Nobody said a word for you but me. I tell you, the more I hear these big men talk, the more I realize I am the only one that is trying to uphold the rights of the common People. Now I don’t want anything from you YET, but, if things keep on, I may make a call for funds to carry on Truth.
The Toastmaster was a little bit of a fellow from the New York Times named Louis Wiley.3He has been decorated by every form of Government
in the World. He has 40 from Russia, as every time a new Government comes in he is sent a New Medal. You see these Foreign Countries strike off these Medals and they want to see how they look on somebody, so they try them on him, figuring if they can be seen on him they will do for any- body. He didn’t wear any last night as he is so short they wouldn’t show above the table. At that, he stood on a chair to announce the speakers. The last medal he got was from the Egyptian government. You know the New York Times bought the Exclusive rights to the Obiturary Notices of all ex- humed Kings. So he got a Medal for putting that through.
Then there was Lord Cecil who is over here trying to revive Interest in Article 10 of the League of Nations.4Now I met the Lord and he is a great
fellow, nothing Up Stage, not important. You know what I mean by Im- portant—it’s the fellow who has just taken up Golf. I told the Lord we were glad to welcome a Lord over here as we had been about fed up on Sirs. Our Lecture Platforms are just clogged up with these English Sirs advising us how to run our Country. Lord Cecil spoke on the League of Nations. I think I heard somebody do that somewhere before. I forget when it was.
Then come Ambassador Gerard that was.5There is a fellow who got an
unlucky break. We have an Ambassador or Consul in every Country, and he has to got be in the very one we go to war with, and had to come back. That
had never happened before in the History of that Country till he got there. That’s what I call a tough break in Ambassing.
Then my old friend Will Hayes was there but he didn’t talk.6They put
him in Silent Drama to hush him up. Of course I had to tell a few on Bill. According to all the speeches it was a mighty momentous occasion, and I never felt so impressed in my life as to be able to be at a Table when the affairs of the World were settled. Each said we were at a Crisis. I tried by best to get them not to settle it till they talked it over with you all, but they seemed to think if they didn’t arrange it right there that they might not ever have a chance.
The reason I am telling you all this is I wasn’t right sure that you knew about this critical point of our existence we were facing. I didn’t, till I heard them say it. So if affairs don’t go to suit you from now on you can always blame it on the Dinner.