Value Giving
Those who know me know that I'm always harping on about being a value giver. But what does that mean?
It means going out of your way to make others' lives better, without expecting anything in return.
It means helping those out who are less fortunate than you.
It means being a positive person and cutting negativity out of your life.
It means being a good wingman.
It means taking others under your wing once you get good at this stuff.
If you are able to combine all the skills presented in this guide, combined with the concept of truly being a value giver, you will have reached absolute mastery. Here's why... We live in a world full of value takers. Value takers are drawn to value givers, for obvious reasons. But value givers are also drawn to value givers. Value givers are attractive to everyone. Period.
The BIGGEST mistake I see men do is having a value taking mindset.
Example 1: Think about the stereotypical nice guy at the bar who buys women drinks seconds after meeting them. Is he a value giver or a value taker? In his mind, he's a value giver because he is giving them free drinks, right?
WRONG. He is trying to suck as much value out of that interaction as possible. He's “giving” a drink with the expectation of something in return.
Women absolutely hate that. It sucks the life right out of the interaction. He's a value taker!
Example 2: Think about the guy who is always bitching and complaining about how his friends never introduce him to their cute girlfriends. But when was the last time he introduced them to a girl? Never! So why does he expect it in return? He's a value taker!
Example 3: Think about the guy who is constantly negative. Who wants to be around that? It sucks the fun out of any interaction you're in with him.
He's a value taker!
Ask yourself: Am I enriching this person's life?
When you're talking to anyone, really think about whether or not you are giving a net positive or net negative contribution to their life. Don't worry about what you stand to get in return. If you go through life contributing more value than you take, the world will start to reward you for it. People are drawn to value givers and their attitudes are contagious.
This might seem paradoxical, but it will all become clear in time. When you're with a woman, really think about if you're doing something to enrich their life, or if you're just doing it to get laid. This is a fundamental concept, possibly the most important one in this entire book.
True value giving is a trait of abundance. Your life is full of abundance, so keeping an abundance mentality becomes trivial. Why wouldn't you give value to others? You've got an infinite amount! Not sharing is just cruel!
This abundance mindset is what allows you to give without presumption, without expectation of getting something in return. You enrich the lives of those around you and the world repays you for it.
Think about the difference in mindset... You're taking a girl you met on an amazing date, not because you hope to sleep with her (even though you do), but because you're amazing to be around and you only get to spend your valuable time with a select group of people. You're enriching her life by being in it, staying positive, and taking her on adventures together.
Wingmanship
Part of giving value is being a great (not good, GREAT!) wingman to everyone. Constantly look for opportunities to help other guys out. See that shmuck at the end of the bar looking scared as shit? That was you three months ago. Go buy the poor sap a beer and introduce him to a girl. He’ll be so grateful he’ll probably buy you drinks for the rest of your life.
ABOVE THE GAME
Basic wingman rules are as follows:
1) Be awesome 2) Don’t cockblock
3) When in doubt, let the other guy get the girl. Only make a move if you really, REALLY feel a strong attraction/compatibility with the woman you’re both interested in. Tread lightly.
4) Have fun.
Being a good wingman just means paying it forward and helping out your brothers in arms. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Everyone should win in the end.
Just remember, value giving is the most powerful and dominant trait of attractive men. More so than assertiveness and more so than looks. People are drawn to value givers. Be a value giver.
Action Items
1) Go someplace quiet and spend an hour thinking through all your interactions with family, friends, coworkers, women. What are you contributing to their lives? Write it down and stare at those words. Is that enough? Are you happy with that?
2) Ask some of your closest friends and family members if they would describe you as a negative or positive person. Ask them to be brutally honest.
Take their words to heart.
3) Pay close attention to your thoughts. Try and stop yourself every time you think something negative. This can mean frustration, paranoia, hate, jealousy, or any negative emotion. Immediately think “STOP!” and refocus your mind on something positive. Look around you, there is always something positive to reflect on. Don't let negative thoughts dominate your mind. Actively do this every day for a week.
4) After a week, reflect on step 3. Were you able to do it? If yes, try to keep that mindset. If no, do it again but try harder next time. Keep it up until you're happy with your ability to control negative emotions. If you try all you can and negative thoughts continue to bubble to the surface, please see a therapist.
5) Re-read Chapter 6. Have you embodied those traits yet?
Use this section for the Action Items on the previous page