Exercise 1: "Test for Correctness (MECH) and Wordiness (RED)"
The following ten sentences have instances of incorrect, unnecessary, and wordy usages. Rewrite them correctly and succinctly. Don't change anything that is correct, and be sure to preserve the original meanings. The sentences are from letters, here out of context.1. The way things usually go, we make an effort to notify most of our customers
regarding the status of their accounts, irregardless of their balance.
2. We find it necessary to inform you that we've located other office space to use during
the period of the project while the building is being remodeled.
3. Mrs. Hanson has referred our company to many useful sources; therefore, its
essential that the secretary draw up a certificate of appreciation for her as soon as
possible.
4. Considering the difficulties of the marketing team, we may want to give some thought
and reflection to the aforementioned idea presented by the production group.
5. He personally thinks that there are too few favorable surveys being returned back in
to the personnel department in order to justify a raise for anyone.
6. The marketing manager was forcefully prodded into making a poorly considered
decision.
7. I may have to answer in the positive, but I think the action you requested wouldn't
have the desired affect on the advertising campaign. It seems that you might have
overlooked this fact.
8. Long before the product was first introduced into the city, the marketing team planned
and strategized how to sort of reach the target population.
9. In past, bygone days, the company had an entire array of products which could have
been shown to any of our several potential buyers should they have happened to
stop by our only office.
10. Every one of the letters, notes, memos, and etc. should have arrived in the
courthouse no later than 15 February.
Exercise 1@: "Test for Correctness and Wordiness"
The following ten sentences have instances of incorrect, unnecessary, and wordy usages. Rewrite them correctly and succinctly. Don't change anything that is correct, and be sure to preserve the original meanings. The sen tences are from letters, here out of context.
try
1. The way things usually go, we
^make an effort to notify (most of) our customers
of, about
regarding
^(the status of) their accounts, irregardless of their balance.
found
2. We find it necessary to inform you that we've
^located other office space to use (during
the period of the project) while the building is being remodeled.
it's
3. Mrs. Hanson has referred our company to many useful sources; therefore,
^its essential
that the secretary draw up a certificate of appreciation for her as soon as possible.
{Because of }
marketing team's difficulties
think
about
4. Considering the difficulties of the marketing team , we may want to give some
^thought and reflection to the aforementioned idea presented by the production group.
are
5. He personally thinks that there are too few favorable surveys
^being returned back in to
the personnel department (in order) to justify a raise for anyone.
prodded
OR
O. K.
d
e
6. The marketing manager was
^forcefully prodded into making a poorly considered
decision.
^yes
{ your request
} (might
not)
7. I may have to answer
^in the positive, but I think the request you made wouldn't have
e
the desired affect on the advertising campaign. It seems that you might have
possibility
overlooked this
^fact.
(the strategy of?)
8. Long before the product first was introduced into the city, the marketing team planned
and strategized how to sort of reach the target population.
the
9. In
^past, bygone days, the company had an entire array of products which could have
if
had
been shown to any of our several (potential) buyers
^should they
^have happened to
ped
stop
^by our only office.
and
10. (Every one of) the letters, notes,
^memos, and etc. should have arrived in the courthouse
by
Exercise 2: "Eliminate Inflation, Archaism, Turgidity, Jargon, and
Legalese"
Revise the following ten sentences so that they have no words or phrases that are incorrect,
unnecessary, wordy, archaic, inflated, or confusingly technical. Do not ignore what you learned from the previous chapter. Don't change any structure that is correct. Don't change the meaning of any of the sentences. (DMUC)
1. Per the previously stated conditions of our contract, you'll forthwith be receiving our
draft in the specified amount of $345.67.
2. Should it come about that you're unable to get adequate financing prior to the close
of business tomorrow, I'd advise you to consider seeking out a less expensive house.
3. The manager of the clothing store advised me that the suit had spots on it's jacket
prior to my purchasing it.
4. I'm happy to inform you that I was able to reach the manager in re her new
computer.
5. The court had delivered to me the exact same type of subpoena that you received.
6. Your telephone call referring to your horse has been duly recorded with good
intentions.
7. With regard to your request, I'm forwarding you all of my personal correspondence
received subsequent to 20 May.
8. We've inaugurated a series of two-hour workshops on the fundamental basics of
teaching English writing techniques; this series will be one of several programs we're
planning to offer in the future.
9. Even though the machines were very tiny, they were significantly heavy and,
therefore, had to be shipped in accordance with governmental regulations.
10. Seeing how the commission has decided to consider the proposal that Ms.
Lawrence presented, the personnel director personally thinks it should applaud her
lobbying efforts.
Inflated
Jargon
advise
easement
inform
}
tell
on margin
Exercise 2@:" Eliminate Inflation, Archaism, Turgidity, Jargon, or
Legalese"
Revise the following ten sentences so that they have no words or phrases that are incorrect, unnecessary, wordy, archaic, inflated, or confusingly technical. Don't ignore what you learned from the previous exercise. Don't change anything that's correct. (DMUC)
According to
As stated in
immediately
receive
1. Per
^(the) previously stated (conditions of) our contract, you'll
^forthwith be receiving
^{check}
for
our draft in the specified amount of
^$345.67.
If
you
can't
before
2. Should it come about that you are unable to get adequate financing prior to
^the
looking for
close of business tomorrow, I'd advise you to consider
^seeking out a less expensive
house.
told
its
3. The manager of the clothing store advised
^me that the suit had spots on
^it's jacket
before I bought
^
prior to my purchasing it.
tell
reached
about
4. (I'm happy to
^inform you that) I
^was able to reach the manager
^in re her new
computer.
5. The court had delivered to me the exact same type of subpoena that you got.
Thank you for
about (Thank you for calling me about...)
6.
^Your telephone call
^referring to your horse has been duly recorded with good
intentions.
As you requested sending
7. With regard to your request
^, I am forwarding to
^you all of my personal
after
correspondence received
^subsequent to 20 May.
begun
started
8. We've
^inaugurated a series of two-hour workshops on the fundamental basics of
teaching English writing (techniques); this series will be one of several (programs)
we('re) plan(ning) to offer in the future.
9. Even though the machines were tiny, they were significantly heavy and, therefore,
had
(according to) ~ under
to be shipped
^in accordance with governmental regulations.
10. Seeing how
^the commission has decided to consider the proposal that Ms.
Lawrence
^Exercise 3: "Use Content (Meaningful) Verbs"
The verb be and general action verbs make the following ten sentences prolix and weak. Make them shorter and more forceful by using specific-action verbs. Don't forget to use what you learned from the previous chapters, and don't change anything that's correct.
1.
Its Mr. Rasputin's feeling that ...
2.
If there are decreases in freight rates by the shipping lines, there's the
possibility of their making our bids uncompetitive.
3.
Chairman Koizumi's request is that a review of Thunderbird, Inc.'s books
be performed by a C.P.A.
4.
The utilization of computers creates a great reduction in the amount of
calculating time.
5.
An audit of all the invoices for the institutional customers was performed
by Mrs. González.
6.
Donald Rumsfeld is someone who can be of significant help to your
ad-vertising campaign.
7.
Alteration of the project scenario must be effected by Mónica Dogwood on
or before 17 February.
8.
Because my credit department is undergoing a reorganization, a delay in
the processing of the accounts receivable has been experienced.
9.
The psychologist has effected a complete transformation of my friend's
self-perception.
10.
There will certainly be an overheating of the radiator by our ancient
en-gine.
Avoid ... + N
Don't change
Change
the NOUN of to
accomplish
DEF
a verb form: e.g.
the
uti-achieve
NUM
lization of computers
be
TNS
using computers.
cause (VB)
etc.
do
effect (VB)
N
VB
Exercise 3@: "Use Content (Meaningful) Verbs"
The verb be and general action verbs make the following ten sentences prolix and weak. Make them shorter and more forceful by using specific-action verbs. Don't forget to use what you learned from the previous chapters, and don't change anything that's correct.
s
1. Its Mr. Rasputin's feeling
^that ....
If the shipping lines decrease freight rates,
are decreased
they may make
2. If there are decreases in freight rates
^by the shipping lines, there's
the
^possibility of their making
^our bids noncompetitive.
Chairman Koizumi wants a C.P.A. to review Thunderbird, Inc.'s books.
s
C.P.A.
3. Chairman Koizumi's request
^is that a
^review of Thunderbird, Inc.'s books
be performed by a C.P.A.
Using
ly es
4. The utilization of
^computers creates a great
^reduction in the amount of
calculating time. Computers reduce calculating time.
Ms. González ed
5.
^An audit
^of all the invoices for the institutional customers was
per-formed by Mrs. González.
ly
6. Donald Rumsfeld is someone who can be of significant
^help to your
ad-vertising campaign.
Mónica Dogwood must {change}
by
7.
^Alteration of the project (scenario)
^must be effected by Mónica Dogwood
on or before 17 February.
Reorganizing my credit department has delayed processing the accounts receivable.
Since we are reorganizing my credit department, ...
being
ed
8. Because my credit department is
^undergoing a reorganization, a delay in the
processing of
delayed
the accounts receivable has been
^experienced.
ly) ed
9. The psychologist has effected a (complete
^transformation of my friend's
self-perception.
Our old engine
10. There
^will certainly be an overheating of the radiator by our ancient
en-gine.
Avoid ... + N Don't change Change the NOUN of to
accomplish make DEF a verb form: e.g. the
uti-achieve result (VB) NUM lization of computers ß
be there + be TNS using computers.
cause (VB) undergo etc.
Exercise 4: "Make Your Sentences Active and Personal"
The following ten sentences contain passive and linking constructions. Revise them so every subject-verb combination becomes active. Try to use only personal, or at least concrete, subjects. Add reasonable agents where necessary. Don't ignore previous material. Don't change anything that's correct. (DMUC)
1.
After customers' requests for refunds are accepted by the manager of the
department, credit coupons are then sent to them by it.
2.
Mr. Saddam has been informed of your recent assignment by the new
director.
3.
There were chemical processors that were acquired from several sources
by the company's buyers.
4.
The workshop following the teacher's presentation was cut short because
few people had questions.
5.
The moldy cheese was taken out of the crates of good cheese by the dairy
manager and was eventually sold to pig farmers.
6.
Purchasing the usual goods via the regular channels was Mr. Geer's
de-cision.
7.
It was essential that a check of the machinery be done by his firm's
evaluators to determine it's output rate.
8.
Their fulfilling a sales quota of nine trucks per month is the stipulation of
the manager of the sales department.
9.
This television show was produced by Mr. Conn for children who'll soon
enter school.
10.
The current decrease in output might be brought about by the fact that
there is little supervisory help.
John's been hit by Michael
.
?
CONCR and PERS
Eliminate
there be
constructions.
Reduce
it be
constructions.
Exercise 4: "Make Your Sentences Active and Personal"
The following ten sentences contain passive and linking constructions. Revise them so every subject-verb combination becomes active. Try to use only personal, or at least concrete, subjects. Add reasonable agents where necessary. Don't ignore previous material. Don't change anything that's correct. (DMUC)
the manager (of the department) accepts
1. After
^customers' requests for refunds are accepted by the manager of
the (it)
the department then sends them
department,
^credit coupons is then sent to him by the department.
{ told }
The new director has informed
2.
^Mr. Saddam has been informed of your recent assignment by the new
director.
{ got }
The company's buyers acquired
3.
There were
^chemical processors that were acquired from several sources
by the company's buyers.
<-> is ≠
{They}
We cut short { after }
4.
^The workshop following the teacher's presentation was cut short because
few people had questions. ~ Few questions cut short the....
The dairy manager took
5.
^The moldy cheese was taken from the crates of good cheese by the dairy
manager
it
and was eventually sold
^to pig farmers.
{buy }
Mr. Geer decided to purchase through?
6.
^Purchasing the usual goods via
^the regular channels was Mr. Geer's
decision.
His firm's evaluators had to ('s)
(in order to {measure} its
7.
It was essential that
^a check of the machinery
^be done by his firm's
evaluators
^(to determine
^it's) output rate.
d}
The manager of the sales department stipulates insists on, requires
8.
^(Fulfilling) a sales quota of nine trucks per month is the stipulation of the
manager of the sales department.
Mr. Conn produced
9.
^This television show was produced by Mr. Conn for children who'll soon
enter school. ...soon entering...
Output might (currently) be decreasing because of
10.
^The current decrease in output might be brought about by the fact that
Exercise 5: "Be Specific"
Revise each sentence below by replacing the unclear word or long phrase with a more specific but reasonable one. Don't simply change the meaning of any of the sentences; add to it by being more specific. Make use of material from previous chapters. Don't change anything that's correct. Be a little creative, but realistic.
1. This colorful piece of plastic can be used to obtain money overseas and is honored in all international hotels.
2. I often use this small, hand-held machine to balance my checkbook.
3. These 500 companies which have the highest yearly revenues will be recruiting on campus.
4. In some area of the world, merchants use a small device of wood and beads to calculate their profit.
5. At my school, some students eat their second meal of the day in this eating area.
6. Inc. magazine discusses the many dimensions of new, small, growing, creative businesses.
7. The two largest American cities have only nasty, contaminated, gray environments in common. [pollution]
8. These certificates of company ownership are bought and sold on the largest U.S. stock exchange. [traded]
9. She ran water over her hands with a bit of soap after she got them dirty in the laboratory. 10. My high-tech electronic device attached to the phone is acting a little strange.
Exercise 5@: "Be Specific"
Revise each sentence below by replacing the unclear word or long phrase with a more specific but reasonable one. Don't simply change the meaning of any of the sentences; add to it by being more specific. Make use of material from previous chapters. Don't change anything that's correct. Be a little creative, but realistic.
credit card {accepted} {withdraw }
1. This colorful piece of plastic^ can be used to obtain money overseas and is honored in all
international hotels. (pocket) calculator
2. I often use this^ small, hand-held machine to balance my checkbook.
Fortune
3. These ^500 companies which have the highest yearly revenues will be recruiting on
campus.
Asia n abacus
4. In ^some area of the world, merchants use a ^small device of wood and beads to
calculate their profit.
Thunderbird lunch the Commons
5. At ^my school, some students eat ^their second meal of the day in ^this eating area.
entrepreneurships
6. Inc. magazine discusses the many dimensions of ^new, small, growing, creative
businesses. ... joint ventures ... ... venture businesses ... New York and Los Angeles pollution
7. ^The two largest American cities have only ^nasty, contaminated, gray environments in
common. [pollution] shares
stocks
8. These ^certificates of company ownership are bought and sold on the New York Stock
Exchange. [traded] washed
9. She ^ran water over her hands (with a bit of soap) after she got them dirty in the
laboratory.
fax ~ answering machine has a problem
Exercise 6: "Be Simple to Be Concise." Think Succinct!
The following ten sentences contain inflated language, wordy or unnecessary phrases, "the
NOUN of" phrases, and wordy clauses. Revise them. Don't ignore previous material. Don't change anything that is correct.
1.
I'm writing to inform you that the product which you ordered has been out of
stock for somewhere around three weeks.
2.
I look forward with the greatest of anticipation to our mutual agreement to a
suitable compromise.
3.
My associates and I await the realization of a decision which would allow us
to utilize the facilities they have available.
4.
He was hired on the premise that he had a good comprehension of our
present-day situation.
5.
The information which is attached herewith is of a confidential nature.
6.
We've already previously gone through each of the reports and chosen the
most completely accurate one.
7.
I'm writing you in regard to your interest in our training program--the matter
which we discussed earlier on the phone.
8.
Files which are old and outdated should be discarded in the garbage.
9.
If any problems which we didn't foresee should arise, please contact Mrs.
Zhurkov, who's our sales manager.
10.
We intend to start the undertaking of a new project.
the
NOUN
of
VB
ing
or
to
VB
I saw the riot of the crowd.
I saw the rioting crowd. I saw the crowd riot.
I'm hoping for the end of the war.
I'm hoping for the war to end.
Exercise 6@: "Be Simple to Be Concise." Think Succinct!
The following ten sentences contain inflated language, wordy or unnecessary phrases, "the NOUN of" phrases, and wordy clauses. Revise them. Don't ignore previous material. Don't change anything that is correct. DMUC
T
1. I'm writing to inform you that the product (which) you ordered has been out of stock for somewhere around three weeks.
(eagerly) {compromising.}
2. I look forward ^with the greatest of anticipation to our mutual agreement on a suitable
compromise. ... our agreeing to ...
{allowing us to use} {are waiting for} for our using
3. My associates and I await the realization of a decision ^which would allow us to utilize the facilities
(they have) available. ... their facilities ... permission to use ...
{understood } We him because comprehended 4. He was^ hired^ on the premise that^ he had a good comprehension of^ our
{current} well present-day^ situation^.
(<--->)
5. The information which is attached herewith is of a confidential nature. read
6. We've already ~ previously {gone through} each of the reports and chosen the most completely accurate one.
about
7. I'm writing (you) ^ in regard to your interest in our training program--the
what discussed
matter of which^ we spoke^ earlier on the phone.
O files {thrown out}
8. Files which are (old and) outdated^ should be discarded in the garbage.
(unforeseen)
9. If any^ problems which we didn't foresee should arise, please contact Mrs. Zhurkov, who's our
sales manager. {plan} {undertake}
10. We intend to start the undertaking of a new project.
the NOUN of VBing or to VB
I saw the riot of the crowd. I saw the crowd rioting.
I'm hoping for the end of the war. I'm hoping for the war to end.
Exercise 7: "Use Modifiers Clearly"
The following ten sentences are not clear either because the modifiers are misplaced (MM) or because they dangle. Revise the sentences. Don't ignore previous material from earlier chapters. Don't change anything that's correct. Reversing the danglers doesn't help. Don't make any unnecessary changes (DMUC); don't needlessly reorder syntagmata. Where more than one inter-pretation is possible, give the most sensible, general, and expected version.
1.
While leaving the room, his head bumped into the dangling, low fixture.
2.
In his arms, the teacher was holding a baby lecturing to the students.
3.
To swim well, some practice is required.
4.
At the next Toastmasters meeting, she wanted to give her speech badly.
5.
When only a child, Carla's kindergarten teacher inspired her.
6.
To pay off their loan in full, they wanted to make the last payment on their car in
the bank.
7.
After having played golf for twenty years, the courses designed by Arnold Palmer
(1929I10-20xx) still seemed challenging to me.
8.
Driving home, the road was wet and slippery.
9.
She decided on Friday to call him. [This sentence has two meanings. Give each
in a separate sentence.]
10.
He talked over the raucous music with his guitar-picking pal. [This sentence has
two meanings because of the two-word verb. Give each in a separate sentence.]
Slippery Single-word Modifiers
almost
hardly
only
also
just
but
nearly
MM
even
not
PLCL
Only John only sings only here only. He's a strong person and friend.
[?]
Exercise 7@: "Use Modifiers Clearly"
The following ten sentences are misleading or aren't clear either because the modifiers are misplaced (MM) or because they dangle. Revise the sentences. Don't ignore previous material. Don't change anything that is correct. Where more than one interpretation is possible, give the most sensible, general, and expected version.
(he was) he bumped
1. While ^leaving the room, ^ his head bumped into the dangling, low fixture.
(While) Holding a baby in (holding a baby while)
2. ^In his arms, the teacher was holding a baby ^lecturing to the students. While lecturing ...
{we } For you you must
3. ^To swim well, ^some practice is required.
badly
4. At the next Toastmaster's meeting, she ^wanted^ to give her speech badly.
(Carla was) was inspired by her
5. When ^only a child, Carla's ^kindergarten teacher inspired her.
car ir
6. To pay off their^ loan (in full), they wanted to make the^ last payment on their car in the bank.
{I had } I still seemed challenged by
7. After (my) having played golf for twenty years, ^ the courses designed by Arnold Palmer still
seemed challenging. I found
8. Driving home, ^the road was wet and slippery. While ...
On the next day, she DIFFERENT (on) the next day 9. ^She decided on the next day to call him ^.
10. He talked over the raucous music with his guitar-picking pal. [This sentence has two meanings because of the two-word verb. Give each in a separate sentence.]
(a) He talked the raucous music over ... He discussed ... (b) He talked louder than the raucous music with ... Over the raucous music, he ...
Slippery Single-word Modifiers
almost MM
also PLCL
but even hardly just nearly not only
Exercise 8: "Give Your Ideas Proper Emphasis"
The following seven examples lack subordination. That is, some of the ideas are expressed in forms that overemphasize their importance. As much as is reasonably possible, revise each example by reducing each undersubordinated idea to a clause, phrase, or single-word modifier. When more than one interpretation is possible, give the most reasonable and likely one. Don't ignore previous material from previous chapters. Don't change anything that is correct.
1. Enclosed is a gift that's large and beautiful.
2. Dr. Zen is the area monk, and he'll be happy to meet you on April 13.
3. Enclosed is a reproduction of your ink drawing, which has been retouched and airbrushed and which is for your collection.
4. The Gourmet-Gourmand Club announced a new and improved recipe for the creating of spinach quiche.
5. On the counter, there's food that's tasty and healthy and cheap.
6. These hand-held, sophisticated computers have been created for salespeople who are in the home-security business.
7. The CEO presented new guidelines for the hiring and promoting and rewarding and firing of vice-presidents at the closed meeting which is being held by the pool.
The following sentence is oversubordinated. I.e., it's made too long by too many modifying clauses and phrases. Break it up, making your editing changes right in the example. Then rewrite the entire correction on your paper. You should have at least two new sentences.
8. The university possesses a variety of computers and printers, each type with it's own unique problems and idiosyncrasies, causing mass chaos and confusion during peak hours at the computer center, which need new ribbons.
Hierarchy
S > CL > PH > W > AFF
Exercise 8@: "Give Your Ideas Proper Emphasis"
The following six examples lack subordination. That is, some of the ideas are expressed in forms that overemphasize their importance. As much as is reasonably possible, revise each example by reducing each undersubordinated idea to a clause, phrase, or single-word modifier. Don't ignore previous material from previous chapters. Don't change anything that is correct.
large, beautiful
1. Enclosed is a ^gift that's large and beaufiful.
, wi
2. Dr. Zen^is the area monk, and he'^ll be happy to meet you on April 13.
retouched, air-brushed
3. Enclosed is a reproduction of your ^ink drawing, which has been retouched and air-brushed and
which is for your collection.
n ,
4. The Gourmet-Gourmand Club announced a^ new^and improved recipe for the creating of spinach
quiche.
i , ,
5. On the counter, there'^s food that's tasty^ and healthy^ and cheap. food.
are
6. These hand-held, sophisticated computers ^have been created for salespeople who are in the
home-security business.
At the closed meeting ((being) held) by the pool, the , , 7. The ^ CEO presented new guidelines for the hiring ^ and promoting^and
,
rewarding^ and firing of vice-presidents at the closed meeting which is being held by the pool.
The following sentence is oversubordinated. That is, it's made too long by too many modifying clauses and phrases. Break it up, making your editing changes right in the example. Then rewrite the entire correction on your lined paper. You should have at least two new sentences.
8. The university possesses a variety of computers and printers,which need new Each has its
ribbons. each ^type with it's ^own unique problems and idiosyncrasies, causing mass chaos and
confusion during peak hours at the computer center, which need new ribbons. 17
Hierarchy
S > CL > PH > W > AFF
Exercise 9: "Use Parallelism Correctly"
//
Revise the following sentences so that there are no mistakes in parallelism. Don't change anything that is correct. Be sure not to ignore what we covered in previous chapters. DMUC
1. Michele Luzette loves to ski, dance, and to swim.
2. Typing on the computer isn't difficult, but to input data into dBASE is another story. 3. You'll begin reading financial statements and how to write a business plan.
4. The negotiator researches the opponent's position first , then his own, and finally his strategy is determined.
5. Financial analysts must carefully read The Wall Street Journal daily to check the Dow Jones database, and watching Wall Street Week in Review is helpful.
6. I believe Ms. Green is intelligent, reliable, and has the potential to learn quickly.
7. She believes that the successful candidate should possess quantitative and qualitative business skills and analyzing financial statements is crucial.
8. For an assembly-line worker to work efficiently is making the factory a more productive environment.
9. Toastmasters gave her the opportunity to meet a variety of students at Thunderbird and speaking practice.
10. The marketing function emphasizes the four components of product, price, promotion, place, and stressing rational management.
______________________
// PLCL
Correlatives: either...or, neither...nor, not only...but also, both...and
Exercise 9@: "Use Parallelism Correctly"
Revise the following sentences so that there are no mistakes in parallelism. Don't change anything that is correct. Be sure not to ignore what we covered in previous chapters. DMUC
1. Mechele Luzette loves to ski, dance, and to swim. To type . . . .to input
ting
2. Typing on the computer isn't difficult, but to input^ data into dBASE is another story.
(to learn how) to read . . . (how) to write
(learning ^to) ing
3. You'll begin reading financial statements and how to write^ a business plan.
first (researches determines)
4. The negotiator^ researches the opponent's position first, then ^his own, and finally ^ his strategy is
determined.
5. Financial analysts must carefully read the Wall Street Journal daily to check the Dow Jones database, and (should) watching Wall Street Week in Review is helpful.
is {able
6. I believe Ms.}Green is intelligent, ^reliable, and has the potential to learn quickly. ...can learn
quickly.
...has intelligence, reliability, and the potential to ... ...is potentially quick to learn.
business skills, 7. She believes that the successful candidate should possess quantitative ^and
,
qualitative business skills^ and the crucial ability to analyze analyzing financial statements is crucial.
...quan. & qual. bus. skills and be able to... ...not only 1+2 but also 3... to make
8. For an assembly-line worker to work efficiently is^ making the factory a more productive
environment.
to practice speaking and
9. Toastmasters gave her the opportunity^ to meet a variety of students at Thunderbird and
speaking practice.
stresses rational management and
10. The marketing function ^ emphasizes the four components of product, price,
and
Exercise 10: "Use Conjunctions and Punctuation Accurately"
Revise each sentence by inserting the appropriate conjunctions--coordinate, subordinate, or adverbial conjunctions; be sure to add punctuation when necessary and to use appropriate capitalization. Don't ignore previous material from previous exercises. Don't change anything that's correct. Don't change the meaning of any of the sentences. Make sensible and
reasonable sentences.
1. John I won easily.
2. Steve was talented he failed.
3. Near the Thunderbird pool far from the library, the student was last seen.
4. Could you take Randy me skiing this weekend?
5. Southwest Airlines has regular flights from Phoenix to Los Angeles I
recommend that you take American.
6. Most of the students in this semester's InterAd class are excited about their projects
John told me that he was upset by the amount of research which must be
conducted.
7. Carolyn is fascinated with marketing she abhors accounting.
8. The French professor dismissed class early he could be on time for his
golf game.
9. The pub is filled to capacity the students continue to pour in.
Exercise 10@: "Use Conjunctions and Punctuation Correctly"
Revise each sentence by inserting the most appropriate conjunction--coordinating, subordinating, or adverbial; be sure to add punctuation when necessary and to use appropriate capitalization. Provide the most sensible, reasonable, and usual interpretations. Don't change the meaning of any of the sentences. Don't ignore previous material from previous chapters. Don't change anything that's correct.
1. John and I won easily.
2. Steve was talented, but he failed. ; however, ; nevertheless, {, but?}
3. Near the Thunderbird pool and far from the library, the student was last seen. {or }
4. Could you take Randy and me snow-skiing this weekend? 5. Southwest Airlines has regular flights from Phoenix to
{; however,}
Los Angeles, but I recommend that you take American. 6. Most of the students in this semester's Interad class (,) although
{; however, }
are excited about their projects, but John told me that he was upset by the amount of research which must be conducted.
{, but }
7. Carolyn is fascinated with marketing; however, she abhors accounting. , and because ?in order that?
8. The French professor dismissed class early so (that) he could be on time for his golf game.
; however, {; nevertheless,} , and
9. The pub is filled to capacity, but the students continue to pour in.
10. The typical paid vacation is two weeks per year in the U.S. while
{; however,} , but '
Exercise 11: "Be Natural"
Each of the following sentences contains business jargon and inappropriate colloquialisms, slang, or clich‚s. Revise each one so they become more natural and businesslike. Be sure not to ignore what we -covered in previous exercises. Don't change anything that's correct.
1. Ms. Smith is a regular gal although she flies off the handle at times. 2. I'd like to most graciously thank you for your nifty, swell ideas.
3. At your earliest convenience, I'd be most grateful if you could please, kind sir, make haste with your reply to me.
4. Mr. Gomes is a rather creative art director at the ad agency although he seems to have lost his marbles as of late.
5. Moshe O'Hara had a plethora of errands to run; he looked like a chicken with its head cut off. 6. The head honcho is upset; heads will roll.
7. Ms. Lee is climbing the ladder of success at IBM.
8. Mr. Sing is pulling his hair out; all of his students skipped his afternoon class. 9. The company gave the good-for-nothing employee a pink slip.
Exercise 11@: "Be Natural"
Each of the following sentences contains business jargon and inappropriate colloquialisms, slang, or clich‚s. Revise each one so they become more natural and businesslike. Be sure not to ignore what we covered in previous chapters.
{ordinary }
pleasant person loses her temper
1. Ms. Smith is a ^regular gal although she^ flies off the handle at times. {wonderful}
T excellent
2. I'd like to most graciously thank you for your ^nifty, swell ideas. Please answer me soon.
3. At your earliest convenience, I'd be most grateful if you could please, kind sir, make haste with your reply to me.
4. Mr. Gomes is a (rather) creative art director at the ad agency although he seems to have lost his marbles as of late lately ~ recently lost touch ~ become nervous ~ been upset.
lot
5. Moshe O'Hara had a ^plethora of errands (to run); he looked like a chicken with its head cut off. (extremely) busy.
boss people are in trouble 6. The ^head honcho is upset; ^heads will roll.
succeeding~being regularly promoted~improving her position 7. Ms. Lee is ^climbing the ladder of success at IBM.
frustrated ~ upset missed ~ were absent from
8. Mr. Sing is pulling his hair out; all of his students ^ skipped his afternoon class. fired~dismissed~laid off incompetent~useless~inefficient
9. The company^ gave the good-for-nothing ^employee a pink slip. { devoured }
friends greedily ate delicious
Exercise 12: "Be Courteous and Friendly"
Each of the following sentences contains impersonal and cold language. Revise them so they become friendlier and more polite. Where relevant, change negative words and phrases to positive ones. Where appropriate, be sure to make use of material that we covered in previous chapters. Don't change
anything that's correct.
1. If you fail to pay your last month's telephone bill within three days, you won't receive any more service from us.
2. Your employment application has been received.
3. No product can be purchased before 10:00 A.M. or after 5:00 P.M. on weekdays. 4. Make payment in the amount of $350.69 to our office no later than 2 October.
5. Its necessary that your new address be reported to us no longer than one week after you move. 6. Our billing department doesn't accept any inquiries after 3:00 P.M., so why did you call later? 7. Why are you always late for your appointments with Dr. Kramol?
8. Because you came to the president's office without proper authority, your actions appeared to us to be highly unprofessional.
9. I am hereby notifying you that you may not attend any of our meetings or activities without written permission from this office.
10. You must notify us of your intention to attend the president's reception because such failure will create confusion.
SOFTENERS FOR NEGATIVE INFORMATION Hypothetical subjunctive
Avoiding you negatively, but using it positively Passive voice
Natural, fresh language
Exercise 12@: "Be Courteous and Friendly"
Each of the following sentences contains impersonal and cold language. Revise them so they become friendlier and more polite. Where relevant, change negative words and phrases to positive ones. Where appropriate, be sure to make use of material that we covered in previous chapters. Don't change
anything that's correct. {Please}
1. If you fail to ^pay your last month's telephone bill within three days, to continued
you won't ^ receive any more ^ service from us. Thank you for (sending (us))
2. ^Your employment application has been received.
<from> <to> P s {between} {and
3. No product^ can be purchased ^before 10:00 A.M. ^or after 5:00} P.M. on weekdays. You can... VOI
Please pay us by
4. Make payment in the amount of ^$350.69 to our office no^ later than 2 October. Please give us within
5. Its necessary that^ your new address ^be reported to us no longer than one week after you move. Please call before
6. ^Our billing department ^doesn't accept any inquiries after 3:00 P.M., so why did you call later? with any inquiries. If you have any questions, please call our billing department before 3:00 P.M. {come}
Please be on time
7. Why are you always late ^for your appointments with Dr. Kramol?. Please keep your...
8. Because you came to the president's office without proper authority, your actions appeared to us to be highly unprofessional. Please make an appointment to see the president.
Y
9. I am hereby notifying you that you may not attend any of our meetings or activities without written permission from this office.
Please (to avoid
10. You must^notify us of your intention to attend the president's reception^, because such failure will create confusion).
Exercise 13: "Be Personal and Pleasant"
Each of the following sentences contains impersonal and cold language. Revise them so they become more personal; include you and I. Where appropriate, be sure to make use of material that we covered in previous chapters. Don't change anything that's correct. DMUC
1. As requested, the user's manual for our hi-fi stereo is enclosed. Its hoped that this manual will help you solve the stated problem.
2. It would offend us if you didn't meet the quality requirements of our agreement.
3. This letter informs you of our need for you to perform as the guest speaker at the 2005 medical conference in Phoenix.
4. Its suggested that you submit your employment application no later than 1 July.
5. Your insurance claim has been reviewed by our examiner, who reported to us that its not valid.
6. You're expected to make your payment by 31 August; otherwise, this officer will have to repossess our furniture.
7. We're always pleased to receive letters from people who like our dish-washing liquid.
8. Customers should carefully answer the questionnaire and send it back to us to cooperate in our satisfaction survey.
9. All orders should be made well in advance of the designated delivery date.
Exercise 13@: "Be Personal and Pleasant"
Each of the following sentences contains impersonal and cold language. Revise them so they become more personal; include you and I. Where appropriate, be sure to make use of material that we covered in previous chapters. Don't change anything that's correct. DMUC
you I've enclosed y I
1. As ^requested, ^the user's manual for ^our hi-fi stereo is enclosed. ^Its hoped that this manual will help your
you solve ^the stated problem. Please (try to)(be sure to)
2. ^It would offend us if you didn't meet the quality requirements of our agreement. Please ~ I'd like you to be our
3. This letter informs you of our need for you to perform as a guest speaker at the 2005 medical conference in Phoenix.
Please by
4. ^Its suggested that you submit your employment application^ no later than 1 July. I regret that is
5. ^Your insurance claim ^as been reviewed by our examiner, who reported to us that its not valid. Please
6. ^You're expected to make your payment by 31 August;otherwise, this to keep officer will have to y
repossess ^our furniture. ~...so that you can keep your furniture. I was your about ing
7. ^We're always pleased to receive ^letters from people who^ like^ our dish-washing liquid.
Please me participate
8. ^Customers should carefully answer the questionnaire and send it back to us^ to cooperate^ in our satisfaction survey.
Please
9. ^All orders should be made well in advance of the designated delivery date. Please make an appointment with the for
