A Career-Developing Communication Skills

Developing Communication Skills

Amitava Basu

This is first of the 10 articles on the topic. Amitav Basu is an international expert on communication.

Good communication skills can advance your career and personal life to levels

misapprehension. Developing communication skills is much easier than developing skills for quantum physics or gymnastics. What is needed is awareness of one's abilities and limitations and determination to learn and improve. However, improving communication skills is a process and cannot be accomplished overnight. You need to proceed step by step. This is the first instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills”.

Introduction

Communication is not mere speech or conversation. Behavioral style is a major element for effective communication. Non-verbal communication conveyed through action has a significant bearing on verbal communication. Disconnect between words and behavior impairs good communication. As a first step, start changing your negative behavioral traits and build upon the positives. Improved behavioral style would facilitate better communication. This week, we will discuss three important guidelines in this regard.

Eye Contact

Eye contact conveys interest and encourages the person with whom you are communicating to be interested in you in return. Shying away from eye contact reflects a trait of seclusion and indicates a feeling of insecurity and sufferance from psychological complex. Hence, when you are speaking or listening to, look into the eyes of the person you are in conversation with.

Body Language

Audible Voice

Appropriate tone and volume ensure your listeners hear exactly what you are saying, and decreases room for misunderstanding and disinterest. Recall how you felt sitting at the backbench of the class when you could not make out what your teacher read; or, when in an auditorium you could not hear the speaker as the microphone stopped operating. Hence, when you are conversing, speak at a volume that you can be clearly heard.

Practice

Be it a chat with your friends in the college canteen, or gossiping with your family members on a lazy holiday afternoon, or a serious classroom discussion, never ignore to enhance your non-verbal communication. At the end of each day, spend five minutes musing on how much effort you had taken each time that you were communicating with others, when you were satisfied and when you thought something had gone wrong. Analyse yourself the successes and the failures. Next day, avoid the traits that you have identified as causes for failures, and repeat the styles and gestures that led to satisfactory communication. Continue this practice till you realise that no longer is conscious effort required to change your behavioral traits and the desired actions come to you naturally.

Diligently and routinely do the practice. Give yourself six to eight weeks time limit and wait for the result. Surely, you would communicate better.

Guidance Note Series 2

Developing communication skills

Amitava Basu

You can improve your communication by developing excellent listening skills, understanding body language and changing your negative behaviour. Impressive communication skills can be learned by anyone of average intelligence. All that is needed is the determination to learn and practice to improve step by step. This is the second installment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills”.

Introduction

Besides positive behavioral traits that were discussed last week, it is important to learn how to be an active participant in a conversation. This week, we will discuss two significant characteristics that a good communicator should possess.

Be a Good Listener

To have effective flow of conversation, it is imperative that you patiently and carefully listen to the person with whom you are conversing. This helps to understand the thoughts and views of the other person and to respond appropriately. As a result, the conversation becomes meaningful and enjoyable.

On the other hand, imagine a situation where you offer suggestions or criticisms without allowing the person to complete what he or she has to say; or do not lend your ears for attentive hearing. Unless you are certain of the other person's intent, your suggestions or criticisms can cause frustration for both parties, and lead to an early end of communication. Hence, you must fight the urge to respond immediately and listen to what the other person is trying to communicate before you respond.

Speak with Conviction

While being a good listener is important, it does not mean that you remain silent. Nervousness is common when it comes to interacting with other people. Remember that if you are nervous there is good chance that the conversation will lead to a failure. Be aware of your opinions and feelings and do not hesitate in expressing your beliefs on a certain issue; and, of course, maintain dignified language. You communicate your thoughts better when you speak with conviction.

Practice

Usually, it is at home and with close friends that you feel most comfortable. A flip side of this comfortable feeling is that familiarity tends to make you a careless listener. When you speak you are not necessarily aware of what you want to convey. If you carefully analyse the outcome, you will discover that many times your suggestions or criticisms do not get acceptance. Your communication fails to have bearing on a decision or matter that emerges from the discussion. You cut a sorry figure as a communicator.

Continue to be a patient listener till you find that your dear ones and close friends have started giving weightage to what you say. This would take time but is bound to happen with regular practice. Do not lose heart if you find it tiresome in the beginning. Keep on trying and you will make it.

Developing communication skills

Amitava Basu

H

What have you done over the last two weeks? Merely reading the guidelines for improving communication is not good enough. You need to practice the

guidelines. This is the third instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills”.

Introduction

An astute footballer is he who keeps himself physically fit, mentally alert and rigorously practises the nuances of the game. Similarly, to improve your

communication skills, you need to have regular practice of the lessons discussed in the last two weeks.

You might be wondering that is it if you change your behavioural traits (Guidance Note 1) and be a good listener and a convincing speaker (Guidance Note 2), you could become an effective communicator. No; there are some other lessons that you need to master for better communication skills. But, trying to improve or change too many things at a time is counter-productive. So, wait a little before proceeding to other lessons. This week, we would have a framework that you can use for preparing a suitable practice schedule for what have been discussed in the previous two weeks.

Practice Schedule

Start your practice in a familiar environment. A known environment would provide congenial atmosphere and neither embarrass nor discourage if you are taking longer time to meet the desired goal. However, you ought to be cautious that practising in a comfortable zone does not put you into a relaxing mood. That would be fatal as working ineffectively is not worth the time and effort. Be

conscious to never allow this situation to happen.

Should you fall into the temptation of relaxing your efforts in a homely and familiar environment, then move out to an alien circle. Meet people whom you had less known or seldom conversed with. Or, even, go beyond to speak to those such as your elders, teachers and batch mates with whom you may not feel the same level of comfort as with your dear ones and close friends. In this situation the basic instinct of survival plays and turns the alien environment into a familiar company. You attain what you wanted.

Prescription for selection of appropriate environment for practice depends on the will power and psyche of one who wants to improve communication. In this regard, you are the best judge to decide which a suitable environment for your practice is.

Time Limit

The practice session should not be open-ended. Give yourself a time limit within which you would be achieving the target set by you. If you plug in a system that works and you are sincere, the desired results could be attained in lesser time than you planned.

The key factor is how devoted you are in developing your communication skills. So think over and make the right move to avoid being checkmated.

Developing communication

skills

Amitava Basu

Developing Communication skills is not a rocket science. You need a strong desire, right aptitude and relentless practice to improve your skills. Where do you stand now? This is the fourth instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills”.

Introduction

Have you started your practice? Do not be disheartened if it is taking longer time than you expected to have command over your behavioural traits and to become a patient listener. Rome was not built in a day.

The kick-off itself takes time. Sometimes it is fear of the unknown, sometimes it is lethargy and yet sometimes it is sheer lack of determination. So ask yourself where you stand at present.

Present Status

Answer these three simple questions: Have you started your practice? Yes/No Are you regular in practice? Yes/No

Are you finding too many hindrances? Yes/No

From your response to these questions, you would know where you are.

Get Going

If you face too many impediments to practice, list out the hindrances. These could be shyness to interact with others, recurrence of old behavioural traits, feeling of too late in beginning, nervousness when speaking and some more. Go through your list and you would be able to identify that most of the hindrances are removable and that is what you are trying to achieve through practice. The remaining ones are mere psychological factors that could be overcome through strong will power. If man could climb the indomitable Mount Everest, then removing your obstacles to practice should not be insurmountable. You need to try, try and try again.

Performance Assessment

However, you should have a performance matrix for yourself to assess your progress. Before retiring to sleep at night, complete this performance matrix form with all honesty.

Performance Matrix Date: ---

1. Number of occasions when conscious efforts were made for improvement ---times

2. What was the degree of shyness to maintain eye contact? High/Medium/Low

3. What was the extent of following traits during your conversation i. Crossing arms?

ii. Hunching shoulders? iii. Seated with crossed legs? iv. Swaying when standing? v. Looking at the wristwatch?

High/Medium/Low High/Medium/Low High/Medium/Low High/Medium/Low High/Medium/Low

4. Number of occasions that you were asked to speak loudly or to repeat what you had said --- times

5. With what intensity you interrupted the person with whom you were in conversation? High/Medium/Low

6. What had been level of your attention when the other person was speaking? High/Medium/Low

7. Were you speaking with conviction? Mostly/Occasionally/Least

Daily compare the completed format with that of the previous day and observe the trend of progress. Initially, there is likelihood to be slow progress, which with passage of days would appear to be erratic and eventually move in a steady, positive direction. Over a period of time, you would be able to find out whether you are on the improvement path and also ascertain the extent of improvement marginal, reasonable, considerable. Depending on the progress, plan your next steps repeat the same practice, intensify the practice through appropriate mix of homely and alien environment, be alert during practice and so on.

Friendly Beckoning

Guidance Note Series 5

Developing communication skills

You must be wondering what happened to the Communication Guidance Note Series. Why is there a break?

This was a deliberate break to give you time to practise building up positive behavioral traits and skills for active participation in conversation. Surely, by now you would have had sufficient time for breaking the ice and start augmenting your communication skills. Now in this fifth instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills”, let us look into how to start a conversation.

Introduction

Everyone loves to talk to someone who is not only relaxed and at ease but keen to listen and contribute constructive views and suggestions. There is a certain attitude that makes any interaction more enjoyable and less stressful. How to achieve this shift in outlook?

Converse with Positive Attitude

Remember, social communication should not be treated as negotiation. Also, you should not carry any inhibition or hesitancy in conversing. Discard attitudes like

* If he approaches me, then I will talk to him * If she listens to me I will help her out * When he helps me I will return the favour * If she does not make a move I will ignore her

Unless you remove your inhibitions, there would be barriers to interactions. These inhibitions are usually based on fear, lack of confidence and feeling of insecurity. In each case if you remove wanting something from the other person from the equation, the problem would disappear.

So, change your attitude and interact with others without trying to put yourself overtly at the centre of attention. And, for this you may follow certain simple rules.

-* Smile, be friendly and make the other person comfortable * Listen attentively to what the other person says

* Provide information that the other person is looking for and could be of help The conversation should be a friendly exchange and not an interrogation. Avoid asking drilling questions. This is not a good way to talk as it does not benefit any one but estranges relations.

Enjoy Conversing

Do you not want that people are pleased to meet you and more attentive when you talk? And, you can achieve it if you follow the formula for right attitude. When you carefully listen to the other person, be caring and supportive, you will find that you are also getting reciprocal treatment. As all parties involved really care what others have to say, the conversation becomes interesting and

enjoyable. So, try conversing with enjoyment.

Guidance Note Series 6

Developing communication skills

Amitava Basu

Last week we discussed about how to start a conversation. This week we will discuss how to take forward the conversation. This is the sixth instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills”.

Introduction

To continue the conversation after starting it you need to begin with simple questions like, “What have you been up to?” or “How is your family doing?” Of course, the questions will vary with the person with whom you are conversing familiarity, relationship, age and the likes. The idea is to take what you learn during this brief talk and turn it into a conversation. To move from small talk into real conversation, you may keep the following four cardinal principles in mind.

Listen

You need to realise the response of the other person and adapt yourself to switch over to other topics that could be of interest to him. Like shuffling cards till you find the right one, keep looking for topics that encourage conversation. And, you will win.

Body Language

Watch the reactions of the person with whom you are conversing. If the arms are crossed or there is display of nervousness, then it is not the appropriate time to talk. Sometimes, conversations just make people nervous or the person could be mentally tied up on some other matter. Depending on the reaction, you can either request for some time later to talk or simply say sorry for taking time of the person.

It is important that you pay close attention to “how” the person communicates and not just what he says.

Dealing Questions

If it so happens that questions become the main part of the conversation, you need to turn this around. How to do it?

Answer a question and share more of yourself so it can lead into a good

conversation. For instance, someone asks about your studies, you should reply to the question, but then lead into how you would like to have more time for your hobby. Do not be shy of disclosing a little more of your personality your interests, opinions, likes and dislikes. The more you do, you find ease in progressing the conversation.

Wrap Up

And, if you still find that the conversation is not progressing far, just end it politely. There is no pint in tying up time that can be better spent. But do not get disappointed. Actually, you have laid the groundwork for your conversation with the person for next time. The next time you speak with the person you can talk about why you had to rush off or ask how the rest of his day went.

A Caution

Guidance Note Series 7

Developing communication skills

Amitava basu

W

Communication Skills”.

Introduction

To be a good communicator, the critical success factor is that you have to draw and hold the interest of the person with whom you are in conversation. If you can attain this ability, people would find comfort in conversing with you, and they would seek your company.

How to achieve this skill of being “charming”? There are six elements to build up this ability. And, once you possess the “charming” ability, you are ready to become the person that people want to be around and meet again.

Knowledge

Be conversant with current affairs. It becomes useful to start a conversation, join in or simply sustain chatting. You also need to know of other things that people may be interested in such as sports, films, books and this would be useful to continue or sustain conversation.

Sincerity

Display genuineness in what you say and show interest because you want to hear what the other person is saying. You may not be aware but lack of sincerity is noticed, and that creates an unfavourable impression with the other person. In fact, insincerity is an insult and you should avoid it at all cost.

Eye Contact

You remember that in the first series of the Guidance Note we stressed on eye contact. Meet the eyes of the person you are talking to. Maintain eye contact throughout the conversation and look away at intervals to keep the rapport friendly and comfortable. However, do not look at piercingly as that would make the other person uncomfortable.

Offer of Comfort

examples of such acts are offering the other person a seat or a cup of tea or opening or closing a window to make him settle comfortably.

Smile

Smile does not cost money; but it helps to get good response. So, never forget to smile and do not be seriously faced. And to make the smile genuine, smile with the eyes. In other words, your smile should reach the muscle around the eyes.

Listen and Respond

Go back to the discussions in the second series of the Guidance Note where we said that to have effective flow of conversation, it is important that you carefully listen to the person with whom you are conversing. Listening shows you are interested in what the other person has to say. Listen and respond appropriately. Be witty in your response but avoid dry humor because that could put off the other person. And, of course getting a laugh is always good.

Practice - The Next Step

Follow these tips in your communication and you would find that you are actually looking forward to those social events that you used to dread. Once you master communication skills, it is as if the world changes in a heartbeat. Because you would have changed your manner of dealing with others and others would respond differently to you.

It is easier to achieve this skill than you think of. All that you need is

determination and practice. Go ahead and practice and you will wonder how something that was once so difficult is now so easy. Hurry up, hurry up, and hurry up.

Guidance Note Series 8

Developing communication skills

It is not only important to sustain conversation, but equally important is to earn acceptance and appreciation by others. This depends on how you express yourself. The eighth

instalment of the Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills” discusses this aspect.

Communication is a two way process. Therefore, it should not be made a monologue. Remember, there is difference between speech and conversation.

You as well as the other person with whom you are conversing should speak; and speak in decent language and congenial manner. This would make the conversation interesting and meaningful. The question is what should be done to make a conversation interesting and enjoyable so that people would like to meet you again.

Allow Others to Speak

Never try to dominate in a conversation. Give the other person time to speak, listen carefully to what he says, and respond to him taking a few pauses so that you have time to observe his body language and gauge his reaction to what you are saying. Be brief and to the point.

Be Helpful

Sometimes it happens that a person is struggling to express his thoughts or trying to find the right word or phrase. Do not cast sarcastic look or display your enjoyment at the other person's inability to find the proper vocabulary. Prompt him the right word or help him to express what he is trying to communicate. This would bring a feeling of comfort and ease. The person would not be shy to converse and you would gain his friendship.

Avoid Dampening Enthusiasm

A conversation could fruitfully proceed when both parties find interest in talking. To maintain interest, avoid repeatedly interrupting the other person and preventing him from conveying his thoughts. This is likely to give an impression to the other person that you are trying to point out he is incorrect or what he is saying is not to your liking. The proper way to deal a situation where you feel the other person is talking something wrong or irrelevant is to politely express your views with reasoning that would help him to understand where he is wrong. And, this would be appropriate stage in the conversation where you can make an innocent humour or narrate an anecdote to make your point and at the same time make the situation conducive.

Be Firm but not Aggressive

If you are a verbal bully who picks on anybody you come in contact with, you are relaying a message that you are aggressive. It is usually the characteristic of people who have no self-esteem and try to bolster their ego by threatening others with their manner of speaking and body language. Discard this.

On the other hand, be assertive and project yourself as someone who is positive and confident of what he is saying. Be firm in your talk and do not allow yourself to be bullied around, as that would imply that you do not have the ability to defend yourself and speak poorly of your personality.

Every individual has the right to have his view. That view may not always agree with your opinion. You may and could disagree with the other's contention but the disagreement should be conveyed with reasons and in decent, gentleman's language. Simply put, learn to respect other's views and, where you do not concur with the other person's opinion, agree to disagree without insulting the person.

Be Confident

Confidence is a critical success factor in life, and this applies for successful communication. Whatever you speak, speak with confidence. That makes the other person listen to what you say. Any hesitation in your speaking causes distraction and damages your acceptability. Recall the discussion that we made in the first guidance note when it was said you communicate your thoughts better when you speak with conviction.

This does not mean that you show arrogance and present yourself as one who “knows it all”. Pride and arrogance are negative complexes that befriend people and spoil conversation. Be polite but firm, humble but not submissive, and friendly, not harsh.

Practice Break

In the last four series you had a long list of “Do s” and “Don't s”. You must be feeling loaded. Let's take a break for a fortnight before we proceed to the penultimate guidance note. This is an announced break unlike the one we had after the fourth guidance note. This break is again to give you time to practice what has been discussed so far.

It is practice that would give you the desired result. More you practice, sharper becomes your skills. So, we again meet on July 15 and by then you would surely develop better communication skills. Good luck!

Guidance Note Series 9

Developing communication skills

Amitava Basu

Introduction

At times, you may face situations when carrying on conversation may seem difficult. A good communicator should know how to avoid or overcome such situations. You will appreciate that it is not possible to provide an exhaustive list of difficult situations that may arise during the course of a conversation, because these circumstances are context specific. In this guidance note, we will discuss a few common instances of conversation becoming difficult and the possible ways to deal with such situation.

Avoid Controversial Topics

Discussing controversial topics such as politics is highly risky, because this may lead to people involved in the conversation taking tough positions and cause unpleasantness. It is desirable to avoid these topics. If the conversation flows into a controversial subject, try to change the discussion to a topic that makes people relaxed and happy to talk on.

Think what people usually like to talk on families, hopes, dreams, experiences and the likes. You would find this easily interests people and they would be itching to express their views and share their thoughts.

Put Questions Appropriately

Sometimes conversation turns difficult when the tone and manner of asking questions gives the impression of interrogation. Questions should be so worded that would help the flow of conversation. An excellent conversation question is one, which is easy to answer, does not cause offence, includes everyone in the conversation, and does not give a feeling to others that they would be judged by their responses. A few examples of conversation questions that get people talking are How would you spend your holidays? What is your idea of a relaxed evening? What is it that you would like to accomplish in life? and so on.

Sting Out of Rejection

Another example of conversation becoming difficult is rise of the feeling of rejection. For most people, rejection is unpleasant and stops them from talking. You need to take the sting out of rejection. For this, you should treat all

responses as feedback and do not take them too personal. Adjust your approach to converse in a positive way.

Other Ways of Dealing

When you find that the conversation is lingering on to be difficult, you need to digress the conversation to another topic, or make a humour that lightens the situation, or call for a tea or coffee break that diverts people's attention and helps to calm down.

Think and Try

Think what you are going to say and try it out in your head first. That would give you some idea about how you would sound in the conversation.

Do you know how after the assassination of Julius Caesar, Mark Antony assessed the sentiment of the Roman public, paused in his deliberations, observed their behaviour and spoke in a manner and mode that radically changed the situation and brought it to his favour. If you do not know this incident, read William Shakespeare's play titled “Julius Caesar”.

You also can turn a difficult conversation situation into a normal and favourable one. It is only determination and practice that you need. Do not worry; you can also become a good communicator soon. Try, try and try again!

Guidance Note Series 10

Developing communication skills

Amitava Basu

We have now reached the end of this Guidance Note Series on “Developing Communication Skills”. The tenth and last instalment of this Guidance Note Series outlines how to make a super conversation. Remember, though the guidance note ends here, your practice should not stop. It is sincere efforts that will enable you to excel in your communication.

Introduction

Good communication skill is a combination of ability to say what you mean clearly and concisely and competence to take on board other people's opinions and adapt what you say accordingly. At the same time, you need to make others feel that they can speak freely. It may sound difficult to attain this skill, but it is not so. All that you need is to follow certain rules.

Non-Verbal Communication

through action has a significant bearing on verbal communication. You need to be careful of how you express your attitude and emotion. This is reflected in your behaviour.

Your behaviour should show respect for the other people, polite and free of emotions to the extent possible.

Prepare Yourself

Preparedness is always rewarding. Think what you want to get out of the conversation social talk, an appointment, a job, sorting out finances and so on. Once you are clear of your objective, plan what you want to say. Many a times you feel comfortable to start a conversation if a script is worked out in advance. This helps to initiate the talk and as the conversation progresses you find that thoughts and words flow in naturally.

Be Attentive

Time and again, great stress has been laid on the importance of listening to others. Being attentive to what others say is a real virtue. To have effective flow of conversation, it is imperative that you patiently and carefully listen to the person with whom you are conversing. This helps to know when to come in or intervene in the conversation and provides clue to what to say and how to respond.

Be Relaxed

Conversation is not an examination or an interview. Be relaxed and enjoy conversing. Do not load yourself with tensions because anxieties only build up barriers in your mind to speak and behave without premonition. Be normal and free.

Remember, smile does not cost you anything but it can fetch you a lot. It provides a feel good factor to the people around you; make them at ease and helps to converse in a conducive manner. And, do not forget to bring in humour at appropriate juncture, which makes the conversation enjoyable and lively.

Select Topics of Mutual Interest

Sensitive or too personal subjects are not liked by most people and are deterrent to good conversation. Pick up topics that are of mutual interest. Usually, people prefer to talk on subjects such as family, occupation, vacation, hobby and the likes.

Avoid Inappropriate Questioning

what was mentioned in the immediately preceding guidance note. Open-ended questions are welcome as all participating in the conversation can respond to these. Even, at times, probing questions are permissible if these help to bring out frank views and opinions of others that you are looking for. However, the tone of the question should not sound to be interrogative or as cross examination of a witness in the courtroom. Generally, leading questions become the root cause for turning a conversation difficult. Avoid such questions.

Defuse Tense Situation

As discussed last week, at times, you may face situations when conversation may seem difficult. Defuse the situation because conversation should never turn into confrontation. It needs to be again underlined that when you find that the conversation is becoming difficult, you need to digress the conversation to another topic, or make a humour that lightens the situation, or call for a tea or coffee break that diverts people's attention and helps to calm down.

The Final Word

In conclusion, it needs to be mentioned that some are born great communicators and some achieve the skills of communication. Never think that good communication skills remain as mirage. It only needs determination, sincerity and practice that make the apparently impossible into possible in reality. So, do not stop here, continue to practice. Remember the famous saying of Robert Bruce of Scotland “Try, try and try again”, and you will surely meet success.