CutBank CutBank
Volume 1
Issue 77 CutBank 77 Article 36
Fall 2012
The Hindu Shuffle The Hindu Shuffle
Matt Valentine
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Valentine, Matt (2012) "The Hindu Shuffle," CutBank: Vol. 1 : Iss. 77 , Article 36.
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M A T T V A L E N T I N E
T H E H I N D U S H U F F L E
W i t h a p a p e r n a p k i n , H o w a r d w i p e s c o f f e e r i n g s a n d s u g a r f r o m t h e t a b l e t o p . I his wa s o n e o f G a r y ’s f a v o r i t e s , ’ h e says.
He f ol ds a f i v e - d o l l a r bill in hal f l e n g t h w i s e , cr e a s es it, a n d set s it o n t h e t abl e. H e s c o o t s m y glass o f i ced tea a s i d e t o gi ve m e a b e t t e r view. H i s f i ng er s , h o o k e d li ke t a l o n s , c l u t c h t h e a i r a b o v e t h e bill in a n a f f e c t a t i o n o f i n t e n s e e f f o rt . Slowly, t h e f o l d e d bill b e g i n s t o levi tat e.
I c a n ’t see t h e f i ne t h r e a d t h a t lifts it f r o m t h e t a b le . M a y be t h e r e is n o t h r e a d — m a y b e t h e r e is a m a g n e t . O r a w e a k field of s t a t i c e le c tr i ci ty , m a n i p u l a t e d s o m e h o w b y t h e o l d m a g i c i a n . I d o n t k n o w h o w t h e t r i c k w o r k s , b u t I k n o w t h a t t h e r e is a t r i ck , a n d I a m u n i m p r e s s e d .
A c h i l d of t h r e e o r f o u r w a t c h e s us f r o m t h e a d j a c e n t b o o t h . H e g n a w s a b s e n t l y o n t h e vi nyl u p h o l s t e r y , b u t his eyes ar e t r a n s f i x e d b y t h e ca s h f l o a t i n g in m i d a i r . H o w a r d b r i n g s his h a n d s t o g e t h e r , c r u s h i n g t h e bill, t h e n s p r e a d s his f i n g e r s t o s h o w t h a t it has v a n i s h e d . H e lifts his g r a y b u s h y e y e b r o w s . “ T h a t ’s a f i v e - d o l l a r t r i ck , h e says. W a n t to see a t e n - d o l l a r t r i c k ? ’’
“S u r e , ” I say.
“G i v e m e a t e n - d o l l a r b i l l . ”
H e fol ds m y bill m e t i c u l o u s l y t h r e e t i m e s , t h e n p u t s it in Ins b r e a s t p o c k e t a n d p a t s it ge n t l y. “ T h a t wa s a t e n - d o l l a r t ri ck.
W a n t t o see a t w e n t y - d o l l a r t r i c k ? ”
I f r o w n a t h i m a d m o n i s h i n g l y , b u t h e d o e s n ’t o f f e r t o r e
t u r n m y m o n e y . F r o m o u r s ea t n e a r t h e w i n d o w in t h e c o f f ee s h o p , I c a n see t h e I r i b u n e B u i l d i n g a c r os s t h e s t r e e t . T h e o w n e r s will be c o m i n g t o t h e s t a f f m e e t i n g t od a y . I a m i n e l i g i b l e f o r t h e b u y o u t , n i t 1 m c u r i o u s a b o u t w h o will t a k e t h e m o n e y a n d v o l u n t e e r t o leave. I ’d like t o see t h a t p r i c k W a l d o Li u p a c k hi s s p a l t e d m a p l e d e s k , b u t I k n o w h e ’ll s t i c k a r o u n d , c h a s i n g t h e P u l i t z e r t h a t has e v a d e d h i m , u n fa ir ly, f or d e c a d e s .
Liu c o u l d leave r h e p a p e r a n d g o d i r e c t l y t o a t e n u r e d t e a c h i n g p o s i t i o n a t S t a n f o r d o r C o l u m b i a o r Texa s. B u t h e ’ll stay.
N e x t w e e k , h e II f i n is h his series a b o u t t h e f o u r p r i s o n i n m a t e s — all
120
lifers— released by t he state wi t h apologi es alter a class of eager law school s t u d e n t s d i p p e d i nto c o u r t records a n d f o u n d g lar ing evi
d e nc e t hat t he c onvict s had be en rai lroaded by a racist p r os e c u t o r in a racist t o w n wi t h a racist judge. Seamlessly i nt egr at ed i nt o L i u s pr ofessionally d isp a ss io na t e prose, a n u a n c e d , subt ly persuasive lex
icon reveals t he r e po r t er as m o re t h a n merely an observer. Liu i sn t just r e c o u n t i n g t he s tor y— h e s taken u p a cause. A n d by r eadi ng his articles, t h e reader, too, shares a soli dari ty wi th these u n a s s u m - ' ing y o u n g pe ople, these c o n s c i e n t i o u s law s t u d e n t s , these p i i n - cipled t w e n t y - t w o - y e a r - o l d m e n a n d w o m e n wi th perfect t eeth , and perfect tits a n d “p r o m i s i n g futures, s mi l i n g in self-satisfaction in Tee-shi rt s a n d jeans, or D U s we a tp a nt s a n d baseball caps, or blazers a n d ties, in a m u l t i e t h n i c h u d d l e in f r on t of an a n a c h r o nistic b l a c k b o a r d in a big c olor p h o t o g r a p h on A l . 1 s us pec t t hat Liu is s leepi ng wi th o n e or m o r e of t h e m , b u t I m n ot sure wh ic h.
H e seems to me s i m u l t a n e o u s l y lascivious a n d b e n i g n — t he ki nd of p ers on w h o w o t d d be an excellent family m a n , b u t wi t h m o r e t h a n o n e family.
“ D u d e ’s got a pcrvy h a nd s ha ke , " m y girlfriend, Bunny, said after she m e t Liu at a cocktail party. H e smi led at me like he k no ws w h a t k i nd of pa nti es 1 m wearing.
T h e class o f law school heroes is Li u’s latest, gushy, conse
q u e n tia l story. My st or y is a b o u t this t u r d — a s e p t u a g e n a r i a n w h o has just c o n n e d m e o u t of ten dollars. 1 c r u n c h t h e last ice f rom my tea. “ Ready?”
H o w a r d drives a whi t e, late 90s C r o w n Vi ctor ia wi th black fenders a n d a pus h b u m p e r . It looks like a police cruiser, whi ch is w h a t it used to be.
“ I b o u g h t it f rom t he uni versit y a u c t i o n , he tells me. I he c a m p u s cops retire these t h in gs w h e n t hey hit 2 0 0 - t h o u s a n d miles, even if t h e r e ’s, n o t h i n g w r o n g wi t h t h e m . ” H e coasts a l on g 1-25, o nl y t a p p i n g t he accel erator occasi onal ly as t he cruiser loses m o m e n t u m . Ahe ad of h i m , cars d o i n g sixty slow to fifty-five. I he h i gh wa y seems ca lmed.
H e hasn't shaved in a day or two, a n d his u n t i e d b ow ti e a n d u n b u t t o n e d shirt collar m a k e h i m look like t he g r a n d f a t h e r of a br ide, disheveled after a l ong ni ght at t he r ec epti on. H e is t h in .
Loose skin hangs below his chin a n d in c o n c e n t r i c crescents u n d e r his eyes. His long ears have been s t r e t ch e d by gravity, a n d the lobes dangle like earrings.
“ I d o n ’t usually d o ki ddie s hows ,” he says. “ I'm on ly d o i n g this on e because t hey really w a n t e d m e — t hey said they w o u l d n ’t take no for an answer.”
He looks at me to c o nf i r m t ha t I have u n d e r s t o o d .
“ Kids just w a n t to figure o u t t he t ri ck,” he says. “T h e y ’ll rush up a n d grab y ou r stuff, try to see h ow it works. T h e y ’ll break it. T h e y d o n ’t k n o w how to just enjoy t he show. Ki ds’ shows are terrible. Universally ter ribl e.” Re cons ide ring, he corrects himself.
“ This o ne will be good, t h o u g h . 1 b r o u g h t s o m e special things.
So me classic illusions.”
I his sort of f luf f stor y is all I’m t r u s t e d wi th, n o w t ha t I’ve been b ani she d from features a n d e n t e r t a i n m e n t reviews. In the whol e countr y, I am the onl y critic at a m aj o r n e ws p ap e r to have said a n y t h i n g positive a b o u t Evil M um m ies II. I gave the movie a C+, b ut the D V D box cover no w boasts, “ in t he t r a di t i o n o f Cleopatra a nd The Ten C om m andm ents, E vil M um m ies II c a pi ta l
izes on a r o m a n t i c fantasy o f O l d T e s t a m e n t Egypt. — Denver Tribune.”
H o w a r d isn’t the p r i m a r y subject o f my article. I ’m s p e n d ing the day wi th hi m to get his stories a b o u t his late part ner, G a r y M a rt in e z (“ I he Gr ea t K el -Me c”). H o w a r d a n d G a r y had a casino s how t oget he r in Vegas for a decade. T h e y split up w h e n PBS o f fered G a r y a hos ti n g gig for an after-school s h ow a b o u t science a n d pseudoscience. H e d e b u n k e d quacks a n d psychics by d u p l i c a t i n g their seemi ngly s u p e rn a t u r a l feats a n d t hen revealing the tricks h e ’d used to create t he illusion. A g r o u p of magi cians a t ta ck ed hi m for spilling secrets of t he trade. T h e y b a n n e d h i m f rom several s ociet ies a nd filed a class a cti on lawsuit. H e filed his own c o u n te r s u i t , c l ai mi ng s o me of his critics had harassed h i m wi th racial epi th et s a n d threats of violence. Mo rt i fi e d by the controversy, the n e t w o r k cancelled his show.
“ W h e n you a n d G a r y got back together, w h a t ki nd o f v e n ues di d you work? Private parties?”
“ Trade shows. Bi r thda y shows. We di d the g o v e r n o r ’s
Valentine
b i r t h d a y . W c d i d a m o b s t e r ’s b i r t h d a y o n c e . Big fat It al ian guy. H e said h e c o u l d m a k e us d i s a p p e a r . ’
“Jeez, I say.
“ W h e n we get t h e r e , H o w a r d says, “ W e b e t t e r tell t h e m y o u ’re m y s on . T h e p a r e n t s will get n e r v o u s if we tell t h e m y o u re a r e p o r t e r . If we tell t h e m y o u ’re m y as s i s t an t , t h e y 11 t h i n k w e r e a c o u p l e of q u e e r s .
The h o u s e is w a y o u t in C a s t l e P ine s . I t ’s a n e w c o n s t r u c t i o n b e h e m o t h w i t h t h r e e levels of c o m p o s i t e d e c k i n g w r a p p e d a r o u n d t h e b a c k , a n d t e n - f o o t tall w i n d o w s w i t h a vi ew o f t h e Ro ck ie s . A t we l ve - o r t h i r t e e n - y e a r - o l d girl r u n s ac r os s t h e y a r d a n d past o u r car, p u r s u e d b y a b o y s h o o t i n g v i d e o of h e r w i t h a cell p h o n e . S h e s t o p s s h o r t , m o m e n t a r i l y c o n f u s e d by t h e e r s a t z p o l i c e cr uise r, a n d w h i l e s he g r i n s at us, e m b a r r a s s e d , t h e b o y g r a b s h e r by t h e w a i s t , flings h e r o v er his s h o u l d e r , a n d c a r r i es h e r b a c k t o t h e party. S h e flails h e r a r m s a n d legs, s q u e a l i n g gleefully.
“ H e r e wc g o , ” H o w a r d sighs. “ R i c h little s h i t p u n k s . ” R o u n d b a n q u e t t abl es w i t h c e n t e r p i e c e s of c u t flowers h a ve b e e n a r r a n g e d in a U - s h a p e in t h e l a w n a r o u n d a s ma l l stage.
Yellow b a l l o o n s , e a c h p r i n t e d w i t h t h e n a m e of a d i f f e r e n t c h i l d , are t i ed t o t h e b a c k of e ve r y c h a i r in lieu of a pl ac e c a r d. A D J in a silver z o o t s ui t b o b s e n t h u s i a s t i c a l l y t o t h e b e a t of r e s a m p l e d p o p . I g n o r i n g t h e a s s i g n ed s e a t i n g, t h e f o r t y o r fifty ki ds in a t t e n d a n c e h a v e c l u s t e r e d at t h e d i s t a n t c o r n e r o f t h e p r o p e r t y , a w a y f r o m t h e d e c o r a t i o n s a n d m u s i c . I h e r e ar e n o p a r e n t s .
I h e l p mys el f t o a t u m b l e r o f l e m o n a d e f r o m t h e b u f f e t w h i l e H o w a r d sets u p his p r o p s . F r o m t h e t r u n k of t h e C r o w n V i c t o r i a , h e u n l o a d s t w o c a r d b o a r d b ox es o v e r f l o w i n g w i t h silks a n d f e a t h e r s a n d p o l i s h e d c h r o m e s p h er e s . H e di gs t h r o u g h t hese, l o o k i n g for s o m e t h i n g t h a t he d o e s n ’t f i n d . S t e p p i n g b e h i n d a tree, h e u n z i p s his p a n t s t o t u c k in his t u x e d o s h i rt . H e r u n s a c or d l es s e l e c t r i c r a z o r o v er his face.
A n c r v o u s - l o o k i n g w o m a n in a b l a c k s k i r t asks m e h o w l o n g u n t i l h e ’s ready. S h e ’s h o l d i n g a c l i p b o a r d a n d a p e n a n d has a cell p h o n e o n a l a n y a r d a r o u n d h e r n ec k.
“ P r e t t y s o o n , I t h i n k . ”
“ I ’m S t e p h a n i e , t h e e v e n t c o o r d i n a t o r , s h e says. “ I k n o w I
t old h i m on t he p h o n e t hat this w o u l d be a p a r t y for c h i l d re n eight to t e n — t he b i r t h d a y boy is ni ne, b u t m o s t o f t h e guests here are his b r o t h e r ’s classmates a n d t h e y ’re older. So he m i g h t need t o — I do n' t k n o w— m odify his act for an ol de r a u d ie n ce . M a k e it h i p p e r . ”
“ H i p p e r , ” I say. “Okay. N o p r o b l e m . ”
She waits for m e to say s o m e t h i n g mo re , a n d w h e n I d o n ’t, she asks. “Are y ou. .. hi s assi stant ?”
“ I'm his b o y f r i e n d . ”
“ R i g ht , ” she says. She looks at her c l i p b o a r d , as if ther e m i g h t be a n o te t her e a b o u t t he m a g i c i a n ’s c o m p a n i o n . “ Will you need a plate for d i n n e r ? ”
I s hake m y head a n d w i n k at her. She pauses, c o nf us e d, a n d t h en gives m e a professional smile.
H o w a r d joins us. H e has s o m e h o w t r a n s f o r m e d hi mself f rom a t o t t e r i n g old b u m i n t o a f o ppi sh g e n t l e m a n . His beaver t o p hat glints blue in t he f a di n g s u n li g ht . “A rose f or t he lady,” he says, affecting a m i d - A t l a n t i c accent . H e b r u sh e s t he t ip o f his magi c w a n d across S t e p h a n i e ’s silk lapel a n d a b lo ss om o f d y e d - r e d f e a t h ers appe ar s there. H e bows d e epl y at t he waist.
“O h ! ” S t e p h a n i e c hor tl es politely. “ H o w lovely.” She pokes at t he fake flower. “ H o w is t h i s . . . a tt ache d? Is this a fishhook? H o w d o I get this off?”
“ You may keep y o u r rose— a t o k en of m y a p p r e c i a t i o n , ” H o w a r d says m a g n a n i m o u s l y .
For a m o m e n t , S t e p h a n i e seems a b o u t to lose he r t emper.
Exa spe ra te d, she says “we really need to s ta rt t he s h o w soon. I was e xp la i ni ng to y o u r f ri end t h a t t he boys a n d girls in a t t e n d a n c e are s o m e w h a t older t h a n I had expe ct ed. Will t h a t be a p r o b l e m ? ”
“ I he s i t ua t i on is completely under my control.” H e says, as if i m p l a n t i n g a h y p n o t i c s ugge st ion.
“W o n d e r f u l , ” she says. “ I ’ll ask t he I)J to a n n o u n c e you now.”
I take a seat at an e m p t y t able as t he L)J fades u p t he t h e m e musi c from Rocky.
Ladies a n d G e n t l e m e n , boys a n d girls! We are in t he pr es ence of an e x t r a o r d i n a r y guest! I m p e r v i o u s to fire a n d i n v u l n e r a b l e to bullets, wi t h h a n d s faster t h a n h u m a n vision! Possibly i m m or ta l!
V alentine
A direct d e s c e n d a n t o f — ” H e r e t he I)J pauses, s t rug gl in g wi t h p r o n u n c i a t i o n , “ Virgilius t he Sorcerer! H e ’s p e r f o r m e d in N e w York, Las Vegas, a n d Paris, France! H e ’s p e r f o r m e d for E u r o p e a n royalty!
T h e one! T h e only! H ow ard the M agnificent!”
H o w a r d steps o n t o t he stage, his gi ant cape bi ll owi ng loudly over a s m a t t e r i n g o f applause.
“ W a t c h ! ” he c o m m a n d s . W i t h t h u m b a n d i ndex finger, he plucks an invisible hair f rom his own he ad, t h en p a n t o m i m e s s t r e t c h i n g it i nt o a l on g rope a nd t yi ng it i nt o a c o mp l e x k no t . H e twirls it like a lasso, t h en casts it high above his head. H e tugs on
? t he i ma g in a ry rope, as if h e ’s snagged a g r a p p l i n g h o o k to t he ledge of a tall bu il di ng .
“O h my god lame, o n e of t he kids says.
H e tugs again, a n d s o m e t h i n g seems to fall s u d d e n l y f rom t he sky. H o w a r d catches it a n d hol ds it c u p p e d in his gloved h a n d s — a live dove. H e reaches i nto his coat, a nd in a m o v e m e n t t oo fast to see, he p r o du ce s an i mp os si bl y large brass birdcage. He places t he dove gentl y inside.
“ H o l y s hi t, ” o n e o f t h e kids says. “T h a t ’s effing sick.” They are s t o n e d a n d giggling, b u t t hey wa tc h H o w a r d wi t h r apt a t t e n tion.
“ Watch'.” H o w a r d t h u n d e r s . “Watch. W a t c h . ” H e p o i n t s to his wr ist wa tc h a n d whi spers, “w a t c h . ” H e u n b u c k l e s t he wr ist wa tc h an d lays it o n a small table. H e covers t he wa tc h wi t h a h a n d k e r chief. H e removes his t o p hat, reaches i nt o it, a n d p r o du c e s a small h a m m e r , with w h i c h he pulverizes t h e wa tch. R ea c hi ng again i nto t h e hat, he retrieves a t u m b l e r filled wi th wa t e r — he spills a little to s h ow us it’s real. H e b r u sh e s t he b r o k en bits i n to t h e t u m b l e r a n d swirls t he c l o u d y cocktail. We can sec t h e s h in y scraps of gold a n d we can a l mo s t h ea r t he t i n k l i n g o f t he crystal shards. H e throw's his h ea d back a n d gulps it all d o w n .
“ Fake,” o n e o f t he kids says. “T h a t ’s so fake.”
1 l oward swallows dramati cal ly, his A d a m ’s a pp le b o b b i n g . H e c o n t o r t s his b o d y like a belly dancer, t h e n o p e n s his m o u t h . He reaches in w i th t h u m b a n d forefinger, a n d slowly pulls o u t his wr i st wa t ch , i nt ac t a n d — he hol ds it to his ear to c o n f i r m — still ticking.
r h e show declines. Hi s card trick is too c o m pl e x to u n d e r s t a n d — at the c onc lu s io n, he p r o du ce s a Ki ng o f D i a m o n d s t hat has s o me significance I’ve missed. Kids begin t ext ing on thei r cell phones , a n d gradual ly they w a n d e r away or talk to each o t h e r over H o w a r d ’s patter. T h e s ho w ends wh e n H o w a r d t hro ws several pr ops into his hat, waves a w a n d over it, a n d t hen t u r n s it upside d o w n to d e m o n s t r a t e t hat e v e ry t hi n g has disa ppe are d. H e bows to the few people r e m a i n i n g in the a udi enc e , t h en bows to his bird.
H e picks up the birdcage, whi ch di sappears wi t h a clat ter a n d a puff of s m o ke between his ha n ds . I clap for h i m, enthusiastically, a n d a few of the kids j oin me in applause.
W h i l e we re l oadi ng his gear i nto t he t r u n k , S t e p h a n i e tells us ho w m u c h she e njoye d t he show. T h e r e is a small ragged hole in her lapel.
“You k no w where to send t he invoice?” she says, h a n d i n g me a business card.
7 thought— ” H o w a r d begins. “ I t h o u g h t you w o u l d pay me today.”
“ We pa y net thirty,” S t e p h a n i e says.
I h a n d H o w a r d the card.
“ We pay wi t h i n t h ir ty days of receiving an invoice, ” she explains.
“ I see,” H o w a r d says. “ N o p r o b l e m . ” H e smiles at me like a priest at a funeral, t h en slaps the r o o f o f t he car. “ Let ’s get l u n c h ! ” he says with exaggerated e n th u s i a s m .
At M c G i l l s bar, H o w a r d parks in a h a n d i c a p p e d space a n d f umbl es in his d o o r p oc ke t for t he blue m i r r o r hanger.
“Arthritis, he says.
1 look at t he s un, still blazing in t he West. “ It’s okay to leave your bird in the car?” I say. “ In this he at? ”
H o w a r d reaches into his coat. “ He w o n ’t m i n d , ” he says, tossing the tiny collapsed birdcage i nto my lap. Feathers a n d gore p oke o ut between t he bars. H o w a r d t ou ch e s a finger to his lips in a gesture of secrecy. “Tricks o f the t r ad e .”
McGill s is dead e m p t y at 5 p . m . , wi th o nl y o n e o t h e r p a t ron, inert at the bar. T h e wh ol e place is pa ne le d in da rk w oo d,
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wi th dull brass accents a n d d i m sconces in each b o o t h a l ong t he wall. I ’ve dr iven past t he bar for years b u t this is m y first t i me inside. I’m s urp ri se d t h ey have a ki tc h en a n d table service. 1 he waitress br ings H o w a r d a b a r o q u e c oc kt ai l— his usual, evidently.
“ I'll have t he s eni or special,’ H o w a r d says. “C h o p p e d s teak.’
“A n d for y o u r f r i e n d ' 1 he waitress asks.
“T h e same, I say.
“A full p or ti on?
“ You can charge me full price.’
H o w a r d sips his d r i n k , w h i c h is t he color o f b u t t e r s c o t c h a n d ga rn i sh e d wi th a skewer of tropical fruit. W h a t di d you t h i n k o f t he s ho w? ” he asks. “ I p u t a c o u p le o f special t hi ngs in t h er e for y o u — stuff I used to do at t h e Sands.
“You were great,” I say. “T h e t h i n g wi t h the wa t ch was gr eat .”
“ W h e n we di d t h a t in Vegas, I w o u l d ask s o m e b o d y in the a u d i e n c e to let me b o r r o w thei r wa tc h. 1 he n C a r y w o u l d s ma sh it while I was e x pl a i n i n g t he s e t u p for t he trick, a n d 1 d p r e t e n d to be m o r t i f i e d — not y e t Gary! I haven't sw apped it yet! O f cours e every
t h i n g w o u l d wo r k o u t fine a n d t he guy w o u l d get his wa tc h back.
“So you were A b b o t a n d G a r y was Costello?
“ I was t he s tr aight m a n , ” H o w a r d says. “ I di d all t he t a l k ing. 1 was t h e brai ns o f t h e o p e r a t i o n . H e smiles broadly, revealing a partial d e n t u r e s t uc k like w h i t e c a n d y b e tw e e n his yellow teeth.
“G a r y grew u p in C o l o r a d o , b u t he was b o r n in Monter ey. His p a r ents s po ke Spani sh at h o m e . G a r y was always afraid t h a t he'd say s o m e t h i n g t h at s o u n d e d a little t o o Spani sh.
“ H e d i d n ’t w'ant p e opl e to k n o w he was Hi spanic?
“ H e w a s n ’t dark. H e had a little color. S o m e t i m e s we wo u l d say he was a gypsy. People liked t h a t — gypsies are s u p p o s e d to be good at magic a n d curses a n d m i n d reading. But w h o ever heard of a M ex ic an m ag i ci an ? ”
In m y we b search o n G a r y M a rt i n e z , 1 d f o u n d s o m e scans o f t he oldest posters f rom t he Vegas years: Tommy's Steakhouse at A i d e r ’s C asino, fe a tu r in g tahleside psychic tricks by the devilish d u o , H ow deeni a n d Kel-M ec! D i s c o u n t i n g t he yell owi ng paper, G a r y s c o m p l e x i o n in t h e ill ustrat ion was as pale as his t u x e d o shirt. H e
wo re a t h ic k Teutonic m u s t a c h e a n d c o m b e d his hair s t r a i g h t back to e m p h a s i z e a s h a r p w i d o w ’s peak.
" M y g r a n d m o t h e r says m y b e a rd m ake s m e l ook A r a b , ” I say. She w a n t s m e to get rid of it so 1 d o n t l oo k like a t errori st. 1 told her i t s n o t t he be ard t h a t m ake s m e l ook Arab. I t’s t he genes I i n h e r i t e d f rom her. Nhes o n e - h u n d r e d - p e r c e n t Lebanese.
’f o u re half A r a b ? ” H o w a r d asks, i n c r e d u l o u s .
“A q u a r t e r . ”
H o w a r d s cr ut in i ze s me, d e c i d i n g w h e t h e r or n o t he b e lieves this genealogy. “ I like t he beard. W h a t d o t h e ladies t h i n k ? ”
" M y g irl fr ien d t h i n k s it m ak es m e l ook J e w i s h . ”
"So w h y d on ' t y ou shave?”
N o t h a t s a g o o d t h ing. B u n n y says t h a t ’s w h y she w e n t o u t w it h m e in t he first pl ac e. ”
I h a t s w h a t t u r n s he r on? H o w l o ng have yo u b ee n seei ng
this girl?” 5
« T »
I wo years.
H o w a r d shakes his h e ad a n d s hrugs.
I try to segue back to t he interview. “ It m u s t have been a big deal to split u p t he act w it h Ciary. Af ter sixteen years t o g e t h e r . ”
“ W h a t d o y o u m e a n ? ”
“ I m e a n , yo u m u s t have been close,” I say.
S o m e t h i n g a b o u t H o w a r d c ha ng es , j ust at this m o m e n t . His m o o d sours. W h a t k i n d of q u e s t i o n is that? Is t h a t w h a t y o u ’re g o i n g to wr ite in y o u r n e w s p a p e r story? 'T h ey were close? C o m e on. He regards m e c o n t e m p t u o u s l y whi l e t he waitress sets o u t o u r meals. 1 d e v o t e m y a t t e n t i o n to t he f o od for several l o ng s e co nd s.
VC he n he can see t h a t I m n o t g o i n g to d e f e n d or r et ract m y q u e s t i o n , H o w a r d says, “ Eve nt ual it ies p r e c i p i t a t e . ” H e saws o f f a big bite of steak a n d slat hers it w it h m a s h e d p o t at o es . “T h a t m e a n s 'shit h a p p e n s . ’” H e c o n t i n u e s t a l k i n g w it h his m o u t h full. “ H e g ot his show. I hen he g ot ma rr ie d.
At t he m e n t i o n of m a rr ia g e m y m i n d skips to a luri d vision of Bunny. A few n i ght s earlier, she h a d c o m m a n d e d m e to sit on t he bed while she d i s a p p e a r e d i n to t he closet w i t h a s h o p p i n g bag.
f r o m b e h i n d t he closed door , she p r a t t l e d o f f t h e details o f a pl an s h e d h a t c h e d for o u r f utur e: I w o u l d a b a n d o n m y failing career
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in j o u rn a li sm a n d a pp ly to law school. It w o u l d be oka y lor us to marry, she said, before I f ini shed my J D , b u t w e d wait to start a f amily u nt i l I had secur ed a pos it i on at a f i r m— preferabl y in the s o u t h , because she d i d n t like w i n t e r w'eather. She said s h e d help me s t u d y for t he LSA I, a n d reward go od scores o n pract ice tests wi th bl owj obs. She s t e p p e d o u t o f t he closet w e ar in g n o t h i n g b u t w h i t e garters a nd s tocki ngs, w h i t e heels a n d a bridal veil. Spec
t acul ar bl ow jobs, she said. “ Let me d e m o n s t r a t e .
I d o n ’t love Bunny. 1 don' t like t ha t she leaves he r m a r i j uan a in my freezer; 1 don' t like t hat m e n s top her o n t he street or in t he gr ocer y store or in lobbies or p a r k i n g lots or o n t h e bus to ask h o w s h e’s b een, a n d to suggest, affably, t h at t hey s h o u l d catch up s oon. Mostly, t h o u g h , w h a t 1 feel t owa rd B u n n y is a dull r es e nt m e n t , because she's c heerful m os t o f t he t i m e w i t h o u t any reason or right to be so happy. I ha d been h a p p y earlier in life— justifiably h a p p y — b u t t he c i r c u ms t a nc e s o f t hat h a p pi ne s s ha d s eeme d, for a l ong t i me now, irretrievable. I c a n n o t i ma gi ne myself as a lawyer.
But Bunny' s pl an, in c o m p a r i s o n to my own u n a r t i c u l a t e d plan ( whi ch is to c o n t i n u e w r i t i n g for t he Iribune unt il I a m laid off or t he p a pe r is s h ut t e r e d ) seems t h e m o r e p r u d e n t o p t i o n . 1 hat n ig ht 1 lifted her veil a n d kissed her de eply as 1 p ul le d her o n t o t he bed.
I wa t c h H o w a r d eat for several m i n u t e s , f ascinated by t he mess lies m a k i n g o n t he table. “ W h a t were you u p t o ' I ask.
“ W h i l e G a r y ’s s h ow was o n t he air? W h a t di d you d o ? ”
“ 1 di d o u r act,” H o w a r d says. “Solo.”
“ Wh er e? In Vegas?
“ H e r e , ” he says. “ I c a me h o m e . M o t h e r was sick.'
H o w a r d gestures wi t h his e m p t y glass to t he waitress across t he r o o m. 1 m dry, he says. You s h o u l d have one, too.
“ I guess I was c o nf u s e d a b o u t that . It’s n ot a big deal. But yo u were b o t h in Vegas, a n d t h e n he got t h e 1 V show, wh i c h filmed in Denver. So he m ov ed o u t here. A n d t h en you mo ve d o u t here, too.
“ I ’m from D e n v e r , ” H o w a r d says, a little sharply. “T h i s is m y h o m e t o w n .
T h e waitress arrives wi t h t he d r i n k a n d leans over m e to reach across t he large table. H e r cleavage presses pleasantly against
my s h ou ld er for a m o m e n t while she sets the fresh cocktail on a napki n an d collects the e m p t y glass and e m p t y plates.
“You w a n t one? H o wa r d asks.
“W h a t is it?”
“Sprite a nd scotch with some sugar.”
We call it the Fabulous H o w a r d , ” the waitress offers.
“I ’d better n o t , ” I say.
Did you know, miss,” H o wa r d asks the waitress, “T h a t this place has an infestation o f fleasV ’
She takes a m i n u t e step backward, as if H owa rd himself mi g ht be infested.
I hey re quit e harmless, he says. “ Domesti cated. I’ve been tr ai ning the m, in fact.”
H e nods d ow n at the tabletop and beckons with one hand.
His ot he r hand, I notice, is o u t o f sight u nd e r the table. T h e salt- shaker wobbles, then haltingly advances toward him. “T h a n k y ou , ” he says to the invisible fleas. He holds up the saltshaker. “Table service. T h e y mi g ht be after your job.”
I hewait resssmi lesobli gingly. “ L e a v e t h e m a b i g t i p , ” shesays.
I catch H o wa r d peeling the stick-on ma gn et from the b o t t om of the saltshaker, b ut I d o n t say anyt hing. H o w wou ld you describe y ou r relationship with Gar y?” I ask.
“ We worked t ogether a long t i me. ”
“ Did he talk to you a b o u t the lawsuits?”
“N o . ”
H owa rd produces a deck o f cards a nd begins to shuffle t h em in el aborate cascades, riffling th e m on the table and between his hands.
H o w did he feel a b o u t the show get ting cancelled? Was he angry at the n et wor k?”
We d i d n t talk a b o u t t ha t . ” He fans the cards face d ow n on the table. “ Pick o n e , ” he says.
My cell p h o n e chirps. I glance at the text from Bunny:
Where the F RLR I tap on e o f the cards with my finger an d H owa rd flips it over. T he three o f clubs.
I mean later, after you were par tn er ed up again.”
We d id n t talk a b o u t it. H o wa r d buries my card in the
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d ec k a n d shuffles, reshuffles. H e deals m e o n e card f ro m t he t o p o f t he deck. T h e t hr ee o f clubs. H e deals m e a h a n d : f our o f clubs, five o f clubs, six o f clubs, seven o f clubs.
T h e waitress b r in gs t h e che ck. “ Dessert:' she asks.
“ 1 t h i n k we're d o n e , ” I say, r ea c h i n g for m y wallet.
“ Pe rhaps y ou can m a k e s o m e c h a n g e for m e , ” H o w a r d says. “ 1 have a h u n d r e d d o l la r bill t h a t ’s be en burning a hole in my po cket^ H e o p e n s his wallet, a n d f o o t - h i g h flames j u m p o u t o f it,
c a p p e d by o n e p u f f o f d a r k bl ack s m o k e .
T h e i n t en s e b l e a t i n g o f t h e fire a la rm is so o v e r w h e l m i n g t h a t 1 can barely hear t h e waitress s h o u t i n g a n d c u r s i n g as she steps over m e o n t o t h e u p h o l s t e r e d b e n c h . I t u r n away f ro m h er tight gray skirt, w h i c h is pressed i n t o m y s h ou lde r . She c l im bs o n t o t he table, s h ie l d i n g o n e ear w i t h he r free h a n d a n d w a v i n g he r n o t e p a d in f r on t o f a s p r i n k l e r he ad, t r y i n g to di ss ipa te t h e s m o k e t h a t has alr eady cleared.
“C a n 1 h e l p? ” I s h o u t . “ S h o u l d we call s o m e b o d y ?
“ Just g o, ” she screams.
“T h a t ’s— I d o n ’t t h i n k t h a t ’s it!” I s h o u t at her. “T h a t ’s not t he s m o k e detector!
She tries to twist t he s p r i n k l e r he ad like a faucet k n ob . I n st a n t l y t h e r e ’s a d el ug e o f h i g h -p r e s s u r e spray c o v er in g o u r little c o r n e r o f t h e r e s t au ra n t. H o w a r d ’s eyes are t ight ly closed a n d he is c o v er in g b o t h ears w i t h his h a n d s , his face in a n g u i s h . H e s na tc h es u p his cards a n d his wgllet as I us he r h i m t o w a r d t h e exit.
S t a n d i n g in t h e p a r k i n g lot w i t h a p u d d l e f o r m i n g a r o u n d us, I can t e l l ' t h a t s o m e t h i n g is w r o n g w i t h h i m . H e looks d i m i n i s he d— physically smaller, like a w oo l y d o g a fter a b a t h . I ask h i m if h e ’s ok a y b u t he doesn' t m a k e eye c o n t a c t w i t h me. H e ’s shivering.
“ S h o u l d I take y ou to t he d o c to r ? ' I say. “ D o yo u need an a m b u l a n c e ?
1 feel for t h e keys in his p oc k e t , t o u c h i n g h i m for t he first t ime. T h e r e seems t o be n o b o d y b e n e a t h his jacket, just wet c lot he s t wi st ed a r o u n d m o r e we t c lot hes , like a wa d of l a u n d r y f ro m t he washer. I h el p h i m i n t o t h e pa sse nge r seat of t he car.
“ D o y ou w a n t to go to th e hospit al? I ask h i m. I can hear t he siren o f a fire t r u c k a p p r o a c h i n g . “ I t h i n k we s h o u l d get o u t of here.
H o w a r d is still h ol d i n g the trick wallet. He o pe n s it, a n d I detect a powerful whiff of kerosene. He exa mi nes t he striker, the s at ur at ed wad of c o t t o n c li ppe d to a metal shield inside t he wallet.
" W o u l d you please take me home? he says finally. I wa tc h in the rearview m i r ro r as the fire t r uc k arrives at McGills.
A few blocks away, 1 ask hi m for di recti ons.
“G e t on the highway, ” he says.
“ W h a t ’s y ou r address?”
W h e n he d o e s n ’t r es pond, 1 glance at hi m a n d see his face t u r n e d away, his forehead pressed i nto t he window. Hi s h a n d s are balled into fists on his thighs.
“Are you okay?” 1 ask.
For several m in u t e s he says n o t h i n g . 1 drive a long at the s ame l ug ubr ious pace h e ’d established earlier. “T h a t was m y favor
ite r es t aur ant ,” he says. “ N o w 1 c a n’t ever go back there.
“ Yeah,” I say. “ I hat sucks. ”
“ It’s y ou r fault,’ he says. “ D o you realize that? T h i s whol e fucked up day star ted wi th y o u . ”
O n e of the t hings I learned at N o r t h w e s t e r n is t hat s o m e t imes i t s b ett er to just let people talk, r at he r t h a n to i n t e r r u p t wi th questi ons. I fiddle with the air c o n d i t i o n i n g vents a n d t he cruise con tr ol o n t he big sedan while H o w a r d berates me. For the first t ime 1 feel like 1 m he ari ng from t he real person, r at he r t h a n o n e o f his affected personas. He tells me t hat he k nows I d o n ’t care a b o u t hi m, t hat I m onl y interested in Gary, a n d t h at it was an insult to be interviewed onl y in t ha t c onte xt . G a r y was his a pprent ice;
H o w a r d was t he mast er magician. H e s h o u l d n ’t have to impress me.
G a r y had been n o t h i n g b u t a bu s bo y in a Vegas r es t aur ant wh e n Fioward met him. He was a s k in ny Mexican faggot w as h in g dishes a n d s uc ki ng dicks for rent m o n ey , ” H o w a r d says. “ I t a u g h t hi m how to h a n dl e cards a nd coins. I t a u g h t hi m t he French D r o p and the H i n d u Shuffle. I t a u g h t h i m h ow to use a rubber. A n d wh e n I got a s h o w— my s h o w — at t he Sands, I told t h e m t hey ha d to put ( iary on the playbill. H o w a r d taps his k n uc k le o n t he w i n d o w and points. “ I his is o u r exit.”
H o w a r d s a p a r t m e n t is on t he “terrace level o f a large c o mp le x p o p u l a t e d most ly by c o m m u n i t y college s t ud e nt s . I offer
Valentine
t o h e l p h i m c a r r y his b o xe s of p r o p s d o w n t h e stairs, a n d he n o d s s h a r p l y b u t says n o t h i n g .
As s o o n as he o p e n s t h e d o o r to his a p a r t m e n t , an a c i d i c o d o r rolls i n t o t h e hallway. 1 i m a g i n e a s pi lle d b o t t l e of c o l o g n e s o m e w h e r e , t u r n i n g t o v i ne ga r . H o w a r d s l u m p s i n t o a y e l l o w sofa, u n b a l a n c i n g a tall s t a c k o f p a p e r w o r k t h a t c ol l ap s e s a n d slides o n t o t h e floor. W a t e r d r i p s f r o m t h e cuf fs of his t u x e d o j acke t , a n d t h i n w i s ps of w e t h a i r ar e p l a s t e r e d t o his f o r e h e a d . H i s r uf f l e d s h i r t is s a t u r a t e d a n d n e a rl y t r a n s p a r e n t , r e ve al i ng h i d d e n p o c k e t s a n d t h e o u t l i n e o f a l o n g s p r i n g ac ross his ch e st .
“ W h a t a b i t c h of a d ay , ’ he says. H e f u m b l e s in his p o c k e t for a p i l lb o x. “G e t m e a glass o f wa te r ?
H i s t i n y k i t c h e n is b a r e l y n av i g a b l e . T h e d i s h w a s h e r a n d o v en d o o r s are o p e n , a n d s t a ck s of d i r t y d i s h es c o v e r t h e c o u n t e r t o p s . T h e c u p b o a r d s , also o p e n , ar e e m p t y . “ W h e r e ar e y o u r glasses?’ 1 say— l o u d l y — b u t h e d o e s n ’t r e s p o n d . 1 p i ck t h r o u g h t h e d i r t y cof fee m u g s a n d f i n d o n e t h a t l oo ks relat ively c l ea n. O n e si de o f t h e s i n k is full o f g r a y w a te r , a n d t h e o t h e r is o v e r f l o w i n g w i t h d i r t y d i s h es . 1 d o n ’t see a n y s p o n g e s o r d i s h s o a p o r s c r u b b r u s h e s , so I r i ns e t h e c u p u n d e r t h e t ap , fill it, a n d b r i n g it t o h i m , o n l y to f i n d h i m as l e e p o n t h e c o u c h . 1 w a t c h for a m o m e n t t o c o n f i r m t h a t h e ’s b r e a t h i n g , a n d t h e n I call B u n n y .
“T h e r e y o u are! s he says, c h i p p e r . “G u e s s w h a t ? I he d o c t o r sai d e v e r y t h i n g c h e c k e d o u t , so I' m s t a r t i n g h o r m o n e s W e d n e s d a y . ’
“ T h a t ’s g o o d , ” I say.
“ I ’m g o n n a get a b u t t l o a d o f m o n e y w h e n t h e y h a r v e s t m y e g g s , ” s h e says. “ 1 c o u l d b u y a n e w car. B u t 1 11 p r o b a b l y p u t m o s t o f it i n t o y o u r t u i t i o n so we d o n ’t h av e so m u c h d e b t w h e n y o u fi ni sh law s c h o o l . I've g o t t o b u y s o m e t h i n g f or mysel f, t h o u g h . S o m e t h i n g g o l d , like m a y b e a g o ld n e c k l a c e o r — O h ! — A g o l d t o e ring! B ut w e s h o u l d d e f i n i t e l y c e l e b r a t e . W h a t d o y o u w a n t ? Sushi?
S h u s h i a n d shexy? If y o u w a n t sex— like, o r d i n a r y sex— t o n i g h t ’s g o n n a b e y o u r last c h a n c e for a w h i l e , b e c a u s e if I a c c i d e n t a l l y get p r e g n a n t w h i l e I ’m t a k i n g t h e h o r m o n e s I d ha v e a litter. I m e a n , I c o u l d l iterally h a v e like t e n b abi es. A n d t h e n w e ’d be f u c k e d . W h e r e arc y o u a n v w ay ? You w e r e s u p p o s e d t o call m e w h e n y o u w e r e d o n e i n t e r v i e w i n g t h e b i r t h d a y c l o w n . ’
“ H e ’s a m a g i c i a n , ’’ I say.
“ Wh a te v er . Are yo u at t he I rib?”
“ I’m in C e n t e n n i a l . H o w a r d h a d s ort of an a c c i d e n t a n d I h a d to drive h i m h o m e . ”
“ W h o ’s H o w a r d ? T h e c lo wn guy? D i d he s hit his p a n t s ? ”
“ I’m g o n n a n eed a r ide, ” I say.
“ W h a t , f rom Centennialf?” she says, aggrieved. “You k n o w w h er e I a m r ight now? I ’m at C e l ia ’s h a vi ng a m ar ga ri ta . She got a m ar g a r i t a m a c h i n e . It ’s a we s ome . I ’m n o t d r i v i n g all t he way to f uc k i n g C entennial.”
“ Well, m y c a r ’s ba ck at t he T r i b u n e . ”
“ Well, t h a t sucks to be y o u , ” she says. “You got y o u r s e l f over there; yo u can get yoursel f h o m e . ”
“ I ’ll call a cab. ”
“ I h o p e t hey t ake f ood s t a m p s . ”
“ I ’ll be Pine,” I say. “Tell Cel ia I said hell o.”
“ H e says h ell o, ” B u n n y says. I c a n ’t hear C e l ia ’s response, b u t B u n n y cackles i n t o t he receiver.
“ No , seriously,” she says. “A cab f r om C e n t e n n i a l is g o n n a be like a h u n d r e d bucks. Gi ve m e t he address. I ’ll c o m e get y o u . ”
W h e n I r e t u r n f r om t he k i t c h e n , H o w a r d is s t a n d i n g in t he m i d d l e of t he r o o m , we a r i n g o n l y his wet boxer s h o rt s a n d t r a n s l u c en t we t u n d e r s h i r t , t h r o u g h w h i c h I can see t he curls o f his d a rk gray chest hair a n d t he h o l lo w c o n t o u r s o f his b o n y frame. H e has carefully laid o u t his t u x e d o to d r y o n s o m e towels o n t he floor.
“ I ’m sorry,” he says, “for c a u si n g so m u c h t r oubl e . I m a d e a m i s t a k e . ” H e peels a l ong stri p o f surgical t ap e f ro m his f ore arm, releasing an a l m o s t invisible m o n o f i l a m e n t t h at h a d been a n c h o r e d there. “ Please d o n ’t wr i te this story.”
“You d o n ’t have a n y t h i n g to w o r r y a b o u t , ” I say. “T h e s to ry is o n l y g o i n g to be twelve i nches or so, a n d i t’s a b o u t G a r y M a r t i n e z , n o t a b o u t y ou a n d m e g e t t i n g ki ck ed o u t o f a bar.”
“ L o o k at m e , ” he says, s p r e a d i n g his a r m s in a ge stur e o f h umil it y. “ D o n ’t do this to me. I t ’s n o b o d y ’s bus ine ss .”
“ You m ea n a b o u t y ou a n d G a r y ? ” I ask, s urpr ise d. “T h a t ’s really not news. I m e a n , it’s n o t newsworthy.”
“ I ’ve he ard t h a t p e o pl e d o n ’t care a n y m o r e a b o u t these
Valentine
things. But t hey d o care. G a r y cared. His family cares.”
“T h e y k n o w a b o u t you a nd Gary? I ask.
“ Hi s wife hates me. W h e n she called me, she said, G a r y s dead. D o n ’t c o m e to t he f u n er a l— we d o n ’t w a n t you t h e r e . ” H o w ard smiles. “ I we n t anyway. I w a n t e d to say goodbye . H e r b r o t h e r s t o p p e d me in t he p a r k i n g lot.
M y p h o n e rings in my poc ke t, b u t I i gnore it. I here is a l ong a wk wa rdne s s as H o w a r d a n d I regard each other. 1 w a n t to say s o m e t h i n g reassuring a n d positive, t he way 1 of ten e n d my stories in t he newspaper. S o m e t h i n g to di lu t e a personal t ragedy by p u t t i n g it in a larger c onte xt : The Johnson fa m ily may have lost their home in the fir e , but not their love o f fireworks— N ick Johnson has already accepted a contract to design next year's Independence Day extravaganza over Skyline Park.
“G a r y was y o u r a pp r e nt i c e , I say. “ I h a t ’s ki nd of a big deal, right? A m o n g magicians?''
H o w a r d shrugs. “ 1 h a t ’s t he idea, he says. 1 told h i m all m y secrets. A n d s o me o f t h e m he ke pt secret.’ H e looks past me, to t he door, a n d I'm not sure if he w an t s me to leave or if h e ’s merely a v o id i ng eye c o n ta c t , t r yi ng n o t to reveal t oo m u c h o f t he s a d ness a n d e m b a r r a s s m e n t t hat is still roiling inside h i m, flus hi ng his cheeks. H e smiles at me again, apologetically. “ Tha t’s all I’ve got left— a c o u p le o f secrets. Let me keep t h e m .
“Seriously,” I say. “T h i s has been a shi tt y day for b o t h of us, H o w a r d . You g ot ta give me a break. I really d o n t care a b o u t y o u r sex life. N e i t h e r does a n y b o d y else. I his is just a stor y to fill the space be tw ee n a d v e r t i s e m e n t s — it’s a d e c o r a t i o n . ’ I feel for the digital recorder in m y p ocket. “ Here. I ell me whatever yo u w a n t me to wr ite a b o u t Gary. T h a t ' s w h a t I'll write. I swear to g o d . ” S w i t c h ing on t he expensive little device, I am relieved to see t h a t it still works. “All right. W h a t d o you w a n t to say a b o u t G a r y M a rt i n e z , for t he r ecord?’
H o w a r d scowls at me, b u t I p us h t he tiny r ecor der t owa rd h i m , just inches f ro m his chest. T h e red r ec o rd in g light reflects f rom his u n d e r s h i r t like t he laser sight o f a s ni pe r rifle. “ For the r ec or d— ” H o w a r d begins. H e looks at me, i nc re d ul ou s , a nd sees t hat I will n o t relent. “ For t he r ec or d, ” he says, acquiesci ng, “G a r y
M a r t i n e z was t he finest m a gi c ia n I ever met . H e really u n d e r s t o o d w h a t magi c was all a b o u t . ”
I can see t h a t he w a n t s to say s o m e t h i n g s i gn i fi ca n t a n d g e n u i n e — s o m e a n t i d o t e to t he d a y ’s f l i mf la m a n d p ol emi cs . But t h e r e ’s no specific idea b e h i n d his vague i n t e n t i o n . Hi s lips are o p e n , w ai t i n g for s o m e t h i n g lucid a n d sincer e to take s h a p e in his m o u t h .
"And w h a t ’s that? 1 ask. “ W h a t ’s m ag i c all a b o u t ? ”
“ It ’s a b o u t p u t t i n g o n a show. I t’s a b o u t acti ng. I t ’s n o t a b o u t f ooli ng t he a u d i e n c e — t h ey k n o w y o u d o n ’t really have m a g i cal p o we r s. ” H e stops, c o n s i d e r i n g his p l a t i t u d e s like a m a n ex
a m i n i n g his o w n f ingernail, n o t i c i n g s o m e t h i n g new. “ They k n o w y o u ’re just s o m e g uy in a p e n g u i n suit. But for a n ig ht , t h e y ’re wil li ng to play along. M a g i c i a n s — t he g o o d o n e s — t h e y ’re p layi ng a lo n g too. G a r y k n e w t h a t t h e i l l u s i o n . . . t he illusion is n o t t he p r o p o n t he stage. T h e illusion is t he stage a n d t h e t h e a t e r a n d t he a u d i e n c e a n d w h o l e show. E v e r y b o d y m a k i n g this big illusion together." H o w a r d ’s eyes d a r t a r o u n d t he r o o m , p e r h a p s i m a g i n i n g the rows o f seats in a d a r k e n e d hall. “ I t’s like r el i gi on ,” he says.
“ I t ’s all h or seshi t, a n d m o s t p e o p l e — s ane p e o p l e — k n o w t h a t i t’s all hor seshi t. But t h ey go i n t o t h e c h u r c h a n d t h ey all share th e f a n tasy t o g e t h e r a n d t he priest blesses the fant asy a n d e v e r y b o d y k in d o f believes it a n d feels good a b o u t it. A n d e v e r y b o d y beli eving t he s ame t h i n g t oget her, i m a g i n i n g t h e s a me t h i n g at t he s a me t i m e — t h a t ’s as g o o d as reality. T h a t ’s b et te r. ”
M y p h o n e starts r in g i n g again, s o m e h o w m o r e insi stent .
“ I 11 be r ight o u t , ” I say to Bunny, j a b b i n g t h e “e n d ” b u t t o n before she can r e sp on d.
“Your Jewish g i r l fr i en d? ” he asks.
“S h e ’s n o t Jewish. She just likes to p i c t u r e herself w i th a Jewish h u s b a n d . ”
H o w a r d snort s. “G o o d l uck to b o t h o f y o u , ” he says.
I he p h o n e call has i n t e r r u p t e d H o w a r d ’s m o n o l o g u e , a n d I k n o w we w o n ’t get back to t h a t m o m e n t o f fluency. But I ’m sure I have a g o o d q u o t e . I here has to be s o m e t h i n g t h e r e — t h e k i n d o f s p arkl ing, s h a r p - e d g e d ge m W a l d o Liu s e e me d to elicit f ro m every pers on he i nt er vi ewe d. I s wi tch off t he recorder.
Valentine
“You k n o w t he bi tc h o f it? H o w a r d asks. “ I t h i n k Ciary really loved his wife."
W h e n I eme rge from t he bui ld i ng , I have just missed the sunset. B u n n y is wa i ti n g for me in t he p a rk i n g lot, g r i n n i n g b e h i n d her huge r o u n d sunglasses. She looks like a housefly, t he bul g in g lenses reflecting an iridescent bl ue-green sky. She has forced the top d o w n on her old conve rt ibl e Toyota. T he c a n o p y doesn't fold away like it’s s up po s ed to. I’ve told her not to drive wi t h t he t op d own ; I w or r y it will catch t he w i n d like a sail w h e n she gets on the highway, and maybe rip free a n d kill s o m e b o d y dr ivi ng b e h i n d her.
“ D o n ’t be such a p essi mist ,’ she always says.
“ He re I am in BF C e n t e n n i a l , " she beams. “ W h o loves y o u ' H e r t o o t h y smile is blue in t he f adi ng light, a n d her black hair is a glossy raven. A breeze passes over my d a m p clothes and raises gooseflesh across my a rms and s t om a ch . B u n n y lowers her sunglasses a nd regards m e with an arched e ye b ro w— w hat the hell happened to you? It’s a playful scrutiny, a n d in this m o m e n t , from this angle, she is i ntensely beautiful.
