“HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO GO?”
ENTERING THE WORLD OF CALL DELIBERATIONS
Pastor Paul T. Schulz
Southern California Delegate Conference
June 12-‐13, 2015
A time to turn to the Word…
Psalm 143
1 O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.
To receive a divine call is a blessing. It is a privilege. It is also humbling and it (maybe some more than others) can be excruciatingly difficult to come to a decision. In many ways life is put on hold until a decision is made. It is a challenge to the family and to the congregations involved. Psalm 143, the last of the penitential psalms, is helpful in many situations in life. I found it to be helpful as I deliberated the call to Risen Savior in Chula Vista, CA about one year ago. “Lord, come to my relief.”
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you.
Pastors, as sinners, can be influenced by less than appropriate factors when making a decision. Weather? (Central Illinois vs. Southern California) Location? (Central Illinois vs. Southern California) Recreation? (Fishing the muddy Illinois River and dodging the jumping Asian carp vs. fishing the Pacific Ocean) Greed/ materialism? (i.e. salary/benefits) Pride? (“I am holding two divine calls – God must really want and need me.” Or, “I don’t think my present congregation could survive without me.” Or, “I better go because that congregation doesn’t have a chance without me”) Popularity? (Get out while the going’s good! Leave while they still like you and you will be invited to preach for their 50th anniversary and receive a hero’s welcome.)
“The Comfort Zone?” (Similar to the “senior slide” in high school, you know just what needs to get done and no more, so why leave that comfort zone?) It is true, even for a pastor when holding two divine calls: “For no one living is righteous before you.”
5 I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.
Part of the decision process is taking a look back at one’s current call and recognizing the works the Lord’s hand has done. As I did that I saw that the Lord’s hand was at work in so many ways. Was that the Lord’s purpose for me there – to simply see his hand at work in those ways and then move on? Was it now time to go?
7Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails… 8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
As I struggled with the question of whether or not it was time to go I wished, I prayed that the Lord would just tell me. “O LORD, show me the way I should go!” But he didn’t. God didn’t appear to me in a vision to tell me what to do. No, God's good and gracious will had certainly not suddenly ceased to operate as I wrestled with the call, yet God had not promised that his Spirit would whisper the "right" answer into my ears if I obediently listened. He had not promised that somehow I would be able to soar into his secret counsels and return home with his own decision in hand. And, even though that would have been nice, I wasn’t really 1
express Spirit-‐given confidence that God would accomplish the best results for his good and gracious will in the whole process. We recall the wisdom of Solomon in the inspired Proverbs. “Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21).
10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
Deciding if it was time to go was an emotionally challenging time. I am a sentimental person to a fault. I become sentimental about people and the place. So many memories! If the decision to stay or to go was an emotional one it would have been easy. I was emotionally attached to one place and not the other. But I couldn’t let the decision be an emotional one. To that I prayed, “May your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”
12 …for I am your servant.
I was not worthy to be pastor at even one congregation, and then to be called by another? “Why? Who am I? I am the worst of sinners. But by your grace alone I am also your servant. Thank you for this privilege. Help me to make a decision that is to your glory and to the place where I can most wonderfully serve you.”
With that being said, enter into the world of trying to figure out, “Is it time to go?”
Just short of one year ago I received that Sunday evening phone call that so many pastors know. “This is the church president of Risen Savior Lutheran in Chula Vista, California. We had a voter’s meeting today and…” And I really don’t remember the rest of that conversation. And that was the moment that started five of the most challenging weeks of my life. Obviously, as I stand before you in sunny southern California, I accepted the call. I left Living Hope in Peoria, IL. But how did I know it was time to go?
This essay is not the first time I have been asked to answer that question. Followed by the most difficult decision I have ever made (to go) was one of the most difficult questions I have had to answer in my ministry – the inevitable question asked by a few members: “Why?” It was almost impossible to answer that question at my previous congregation and it is nearly as difficult to answer that question in this essay. It shouldn’t be a difficult question to answer because clearly I had reasons; I didn’t just flip a coin and God didn’t appear to me in a vision and tell me to go.
“So, why pastor?” First of all, that is an emotional question to answer. It is almost as if, when a people ask that question, they are wondering “what did we do wrong…what could we have done better…how did we fail you… are we not good enough? This must be some sort of promotion, right?” Even if those questions didn’t enter their minds I desperately didn’t want my answer(s) to give them that impression in any way. “So, why pastor?” It really is such a difficult question to answer. To consolidate five weeks of intense deliberations into a one or two sentence answer – or even a five page essay – is impossible. I tried to give an answer to those who asked and I felt like a fool every time. The answer that came out was a jumbled mess. Hopefully this essay will not turn out the same way. But it might, so just beware.
It was a confusing time. There were days when I thought I would stay. There were days when I thought I would go. After five weeks my wife pleaded with me, “Just make a decision!” Interestingly, she thought I was
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going to decide to stay. As it turns out it wasn’t only a confusing time for me. Even though she was a part of so many conversations she was as surprised as anyone that I decided it was time to go. But how did I know it was time to go?
Six months earlier I had received a different call. For whatever reason it was not as difficult of a decision. This one to Risen Savior, Chula Vista, was. And that was the reason I kept turning to the Psalms: “Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly” (102:1-‐2). “To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long” (25:1, 4-‐5). “Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation” (Psalm 5:1-‐3). Can you tell I was still really holding out hope that God would just tell me if it was time to go? It was so much easier on assignment day at the seminary when there was no decision to be made. “Here is where you are going. Now, go.”
But I was filled with confidence at the same time: “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me” (138:8). “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in-‐-‐behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139)… If I decide to stay in Peoria, IL you will be there. Even if I decide to go to Chula Vista, CA you will be there.
Some of the Specifics…
I am going to be openly honest with you about as many of the thoughts I had while deliberating. In doing so I might open myself up to criticism as to what is and is not appropriate to consider when deciding what to do. Where God has not given us the inspired direction of his Word, God has given the freedom to make decisions to our sanctified reason. The Christian makes those decisions, all the while trusting that God will bless such decisions that he has given to us. 2
One reason I didn’t think it was time to go was because I was just getting past that 5-‐7 year hurdle. Relationships in the congregation had developed. Even more, relationships in the community had
developed. As relationships developed both in the congregation and the community more and more doors 3
were opening. I really didn’t want to start all over. It takes so much time to develop those types of relationships. But, the longer I stayed, it would become even more difficult to start over later.
Another thought entered the equation. Right or wrong, I have always had the fear of staying somewhere too long. The same voice, the same approach to ministry, the same personality, the same weaknesses, the same strengths, the same… Over time more of the same can unfortunately lead some to tune out, or check out. As a
pastor’s kid there were times when it was easy to check out of my dad’s sermons not because they weren’t excellent, but because I heard the same voice all week. When one serves as the only pastor of a congregation the members hear the same voice not only for sermons and services, but meetings, get-‐togethers,
announcements, bible classes etc. There is something to be said about making a change for that very reason. For them.
Maybe, if you can read between the lines, you can tell that things were pretty good in Peoria. I didn’t deserve it, but ministry was a joy. There really wasn’t anything, or anyone, pushing me away. I wasn’t being pushed away. But I was being pulled away. Here are some examples:
*Peoria is a heavily Lutheran area (LCMS), almost one Lutheran church on every corner it seemed. There would be more outreach opportunity in Chula Vista where there are only four Lutheran churches. I wasn’t being pushed away. I was being pulled away. 4
*There is a major outreach obstacle (opportunity?) in Peoria – an all-‐white congregation.
Unfortunately, some guests came to the initial and obvious conclusion at our worship services: “No one here looks like me. No one here can relate to me. This place is not for me.” The diversity of the Chula Vista congregation didn’t have that obstacle to overcome and that was appealing to me. I wasn’t being pushed away. I was being pulled away.
*The Chula Vista congregation is made up of primarily military members. I have always had such a high regard for our military and what a privilege it would be to minister to them and their families. I wasn’t being pushed away. I was being pulled away.
*The Chula Vista congregation was experiencing a vacancy and some of their members were leaving because of it. On the flip side of things I was fairly confident that wouldn’t be the case if I left Peoria. (Who knows, maybe more people would start coming if I left?!) The San Diego circuit was also experiencing additional vacancies at the time. I wasn’t being pushed away. I was being pulled away. *The outreach mindset/spirit of the San Diego Circuit was exciting. There was even talk of possible involvement at a new/second site. I wasn’t being pushed away. I was being pulled away.
*I received many, almost daily, (almost obnoxious) texts/emails/phone calls from the pastors in Southern California. They did not allow me to take my mind off of ministry in Southern California. That support, in all honesty, was greatly appreciated. Many don’t realize this, but there is a much greater WELS presence in Southern California which is two thousand miles away from “the homeland,” compared to central Illinois which is only two hundred miles away. The additional activity of the circuit and conference in California appealed to me. I wasn’t being pushed away. I was being pulled away.
Miscellaneous factors
There were other thoughts that entered my mind as well. I can’t say they played a factor in leading me to a decision, but these are some of the additional thoughts that crossed my mind:
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*Public school vs. parochial school for my children.
*Am I a “Midwest Minister?” (I had lived my entire life in the Midwest and, call me sick, but I loved it. Not everyone does, but I did. Additionally, I don’t know Spanish and I would be living seven miles north of the border. But my wife had spent years learning Spanish and has never really had the opportunity to use it, so…)
*The former pastor in Chula Vista was Dan Schroeder. And he is, well, a Schroeder. How could I possibly follow him? (Actually, for this call I did something I had never done before – I called up the former pastor with some questions. He was very helpful.)
*Family: Moving closer to some, but further away from others. What impact would a major move have on the children?
*Housing: How long would it take to sell our house if we go? *Weather: (Guess which location that favored, believe it or not?)
Help?!
At the time I could make an argument to stay or to go. I was torn. I didn’t know what to do. I looked for advice. Here is a sampling of what I received:
“If you are happy where you are, stay.” (But is that really a good reason?)
“I think you still have lots to do at your present congregation.” (But couldn’t that argument be made all the time – that it is never time to go? There will always be things that are still left undone. I don’t know if it is every pastor’s fear but it is mine – “If I leave, what is the next guy (pastor) going to think of me?! I have left way too many things undone!” I can hear the new pastor in Peoria already ask, “What exactly did Pastor Schulz do in his six years here?”)
“Tie goes to the runner.” (I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. Presumably that means stay? Go?) “Don’t let / Do let circuit circumstances enter the equation.” (I was circuit pastor at the time.) “It takes time to build relationships. You are just turning that corner at your present location.” “Peoria has a Lutheran church on every corner. Chula Vista, a city in heavily populated Southern California, has only a few.”
“Our family needs a place to go on vacation, so go.”
“Which congregation/ministry do you find yourself thinking about most? Maybe that is the direction you should go.”
“It’s a win-‐win situation.” (This is very comforting. While fully trusting that God's will is at work, we learn to put into practice this encouragement of the book of Proverbs: "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" (Proverbs 16:3). 5
So how did I know?
I wish I could give a more concrete answer to you today. Even though I have tried, it is really hard to put into words. Dare I say, after five weeks of prayerful and careful deliberations, I just felt like it was the right time? It was a difficult decision, but I am so happy and at peace that I made the decision to go. I am at peace knowing that if I used any unholy reason(s) in my deliberations and decision I have a Savior who has already washed that sin away! I am at peace because of the comfort of the divine call – the comfort and certainty that God himself has placed us into our office. I am at peace because no matter where I serve he has also given the means for accomplishing what he wants to accomplish. He has given the means of grace, the gospel which is his power for salvation (Ro 1:16). He gives his promise that his Word will not return to him empty but will accomplish what he desires and will achieve his purpose (Isa 55:11)…no matter where we serve. 6
I wish I could give you a more concrete answer today. But I can now say this without any stumbling, without any confusion or hesitation: What a privilege; how blessed I am; how humbled I am to stand before you today as the pastor at Risen Savior Lutheran Church in Chula Vista, Ca. To God be the glory!
Gurgel, Richard “After Much Prayerful Consideration. . ." The Interrelation of Sanctified Reason and God's
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Will in Deliberating a Divine Call [Delivered to the Michigan District Circuit Pastors' Meeting, St. Paul
Evangelical Lutheran Church Livonia, Michigan, January 31, 2008] Gurgel, Richard
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We got our foot in the door of the elementary school just down the road. We hosted a “Back-‐to-‐School”
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night for them. They, the public school, did all of the advertising for us. Eighty students with their families showed up the first year. Over one hundred students with their families showed up the second year.
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I was hesitant to discuss this detail with the leaders of Living Hope in Peoria because I didn’t want to give
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them the impression that there weren’t any mission opportunities there. There were. Even though there are so many churches in Peoria it is just like most cities – on any given Sunday over half the people stayed at home. Also, as the home base for Caterpillar there were many opportunities to reach out to people from all over the world who were in Peoria for two years of training. There were many mission opportunities in Peoria.
Gurgel, Richard
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Brenner , John The Doctrine Of The Divine Call And Current Practice [Presented to Lake Lutheran Teachers’
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