Categorisation.
This article is part of a series on attraction.
This article will focus on how attraction works in the categorisation process. We use the term categorisation, but this dynamics is commonly known as ‘the first impression.’
Sidenote: (this is how categorisation is spelt in Australia, the letter Z is used in North American categorization)
The overall concept of categorisation is to understand that girls don’t even make first impressions a lot of the time, they’re actully so introverted and preoccupied with what they’re doing that they don’t notice unfamiliar people enough to form an impression.
When they actually do categorise you they’re extremely definitive, casting you into absolute alpha or beta categories; either ‘I could definitely see him as the type of guy I’d hook up with’ or not giving any thought to the idea of hooking up with you
whatsoever. When girls don’t categorise you as attractive they don’t consciously think ‘I wouldn’t hook up with that guy’ that thought doesn’t even enter their mind. You don’t enter their mind.
Being badly categorised can be converted to good categorisation, but it’s much easier to make yourself the type of guy who’s categorised well then trying to turn around a bad categorisation.
The categorisation or ‘first impression’ is the miniscule moment when you first enter a girl’s perception where she instantly and unconsciously decides if she has potential interest in you or not. No girl can be ‘interested in you’ instantly from cold approach because she doesn’t know you. If you had status or fame she could be interested in your before you met her, but for cold-approach purposes understand that good categorisation registers in a girl’s mind as ‘potential’ interest, not an instant definite interest.
The way that translates to your behaviour infield is; you need to realise that a girl is NEVER ‘interested’ in you straight away form a cold approach (unless you are what she’s pre-decided is her type which is phenomenally rare).
So you’re totally correct in thinking that most girls aren’t interested in you when you approach, yet that’s an indication that you’re on the right track. Executive coaches and the guys I know like Sean from the Perth Crew don’t get obvious interest from the very beginning of the interaction, all the elite guys get are interactions with potential – but not yet fulfilled – interest, that evolves into arousal and what you would call the girl being interested, keen or attracted to you five to ten minutes later on in the interaction.
When I reference the common term ‘interest’ that everyday guys use to describe if a girl ‘likes you or not’, I mean; are you the cause of the girl’s arousal or not?
I’ll talk about full arousal dynamics in later articles in this series; but if you don’t get categorised as potential interest (alpha categorisation) in the very beginning then the girls perception doesn’t start to slowly open up creating an emotional arousal
bandwidth between the two of you. When she lets this bandwidth open up to you, what that means is she’s relaxed enough around you and familiar enough with you, to let herself be aroused by you. Arousal gets her excited, you cause her to have fun or become emotional (Julien’s Drama) and that then inspires compliance form the girl – she answers your calls, hangs out with your after the club or goes on dates with you.
If you aren’t getting that good categorisation then you usually have a totally flat
interaction, where the girl pays lip service to you, the interaction feels totally dead and goes no where.
(As a side note, sets that ‘go nowhere’ are such a load of shit. What the fuck are you thinking when you perceive a set to be going nowhere? You expect that the girl is going to be the one to take it somewhere… if the set is going nowhere keep talking, keep staying in set, keep initiating physicality and then EITHER the set will go somewhere,
or you’ll develop a social stamina when you can run sets longer and create more arousal, and thus compliance. You get the girl. Never expect that the girl is going to do anything for you to help the set move forward. Honor the 4 times rule to train your self to run sets longer in a way that yield training and results.)
Even if the girl is aroused by you and wants to have sex with you, her way to respond to this is to be a hard-to-deal-with brat all the way until the point when she does have sex with you, then she’s totally cool and much better company.
I’ll talk about the subconscious effect that cause girls to act like brats in detail later in this attraction series, but in short, the reason why girls act like brats is to create more drama, which arouses them on more, creates excitement and gets them more involved in the game. Its as though their subconscious causes them to say these
confrontational things and take evasive actions towards nice, cool guys so the guy can handle the escalating drama, control it, cause arousal in the girl and seduce the girl.
Naturally a girl’s subconscious causes her to involuntarily act in a way that accelerates interactions. Handle it – stay in set and endure tests – and results will come.
Its unfortunate that this behaviour takes such a bitchy form, but that’s how the game goes; fortunately it’s very easy to endure with a bit of patience and field experience.
So… what do you have to do to ensure that give yourself every chance to be categorised well? Here are the actions to note and implement.
The way you aesthetically express yourself is the girl’s first means to form a subconscious impression of you.
In this case LOOKS DON’T MATTER, but they do give you the advantage of not being categorised as a beta male guy. If you look like every other chode guy she’s ever met then you can’t blame her for stereotyping you as a chode. I’m sure you do exactly the same thing when you categorise people from your first visual impression.
With the LOOKS DON’T MATTER THING, you don’t need to look good or be in good shape to get good results, but not making a decent first impression has you fighting the long and arduous battle of turning a beta categorisation into an alpha categorisation.
Getting categorised well really isn’t that hard to do. BUT combine your socially-conditioned assumption that ‘if a girl doesn’t appear to be keen on you in the first 3 seconds then you have no chance with her’ with her actually not being interested in
you – then you’re fucked. Even when she categorises a guy as someone she’s potentially interested in she doesn’t even show it in her demeanour.
To the students of social dynamics not taking pride in your looks gives you a massive unnecessary disadvantage which only re-enforces your negative social conditioning thatyou’re not attractive. When really, you’re only a few simple efforts away from being categorised well.
You can get away with looking like a piece of shit and getting categorised badly ONLY IF your freakish in your natural game skills. Skills of retaining the rock solid frame of
‘there’s no reason why I’m not enough’ having infinite things to say to keep the arousal going, really clever verbal devices to endure tests and smooth physical co-ordination of physical interaction. There have been times when I couldn’t bathe for days due to travel, had awful acne and I was grossly overweight that caused me to originally
categorised badly, but because I didn’t come across as a ‘player’ in the girl’s perception I still hooked up with stunning girls because of natural game experience.
Paradoxically, if your game is TOO GOOD it can actually be better to not be
categorised as a guy she’s potentially interested in. That way she doesn’t instantly put up defensive filters toward you, and is at ease with you from the beginning of the interaction. From this dynamic, if you follow the skills of the Natural Instinct Method you have more a friendly frame, which then incorporates ‘chemistry’ through your physical initiative and before the girl knows it, she’s happy to hang out with you in isolation where the interaction can become more intimate.
Jeffy, Tyler and Stifler have this dynamic on their side. Decades of experience make them freakishly sharp infield, so the last thing they want to do is to appear too attractive and thus elicit a girls ‘player radar’ from the outset, causing them added annoyance of extra tests to deal with. Instead, Jeffy dresses like a caricature with the Mullet and Bling, Tyler looks like a cross between a geek and hiking enthusiast chode and Stifler wears glasses with no prescription so he looks more innocent than he actually is.
I try to dress as innocently as possible; simple black shirt and jeans most of the time.
In the past when I’ve combined the kinds of things I say with extreme aesthetic expression it’s only caused girls to call me a player and act with extra scepticism toward me.
The innocent aesthetic expression is the best way to not have girls putting up defensive shields against you, too ensure the beginning of the interaction doesn’t elicit
unnecessary scepticism.
To really make the point, if you were a grand master of the technical skills of a martial arts discipline like aikido you don’t need to be strong or fit to be very competitive. But, when you’re just learning aikido being strong fit and flexible is going to help you learn the skills and match it with others who have much more experience than you. But if you don’t have around ten years of field experience, and hundreds of sexual experiences with different attractive woman then this isn’t the tact that you want to take – yet.
The things you need to do to ensure you avoid a beta male ‘not interested’
categorisation (because you don’t want to go out of your way to make an awesome impression you just want to make sure you’re normal and allow for ‘potential interest’
and long sets) are the following.
Physiological energy. If you feel flat then you’re must less that the girl will interpret you as potentially arousing. Check out this video here where I explain the keys of control in detail. Only your own initiatives cause you to feel good in your body in social situation. The reason this has girls categorising you well is because they’ll
subconsciously think that your carefree and have nothing to worry about as a reflection of your social abundance, are used to women reacting to you – not you reacting to women, and you have success in your financial life. This is superficial as hell, but it’s a fact of life. Work with it.
Click here for the Keys To Control Article.
Physical initiative. “The difference between friend-zone and flirt-zone is physicality” A extremely simple way to not be categorised as a beta male is to initiate physical
contact at the beginning of every interaction. Even after years of experience I still find myself sometimes forgetting this supremely basic staple of natural game. When you start and interaction touch a girl’s shoulder, and as the interaction goes on be thinking about physical expression and physical rapport. Arousal is amplified significantly when you combine the arousal of conversation with physical interaction. So, don’t forget physical initative or you’ll give yourself a massive disadvantage. In the Natural Instinct Method the skill is listed as ‘it doesn’t matter which moves you make, it just matters that you’re a guy who makes moves’ – that means that you shouldn’t expect your
‘moves’ to work well or be liked when you first initiate them (especially when you’re learning) but it all contributes to arousal.
More detail on this point in this video and article below.
Click here for the Physical Rapport article.
Approach the set as though you expect to be there for ten hours, not ten minutes. If you haven’t yet totally internalised the idea that ‘there’s no reason why you’re not enough’ then you’ll tend to approach sets in a rush, hope to make a great first impression and want see some visual evidence that the girl’s interested in you, or you walk away. Make a paradigm shift and realise that if you were going to have a successful interaction with the girl then the interaction and following relationship with her would go for ten hours or longer. What this means is when you approach you carry a vibe of self importance and inherent value as opposed to the vibes of uncertainly towards yourself and your value; which the girls instantly pick up on. Girls are receptive in the perception, if you doubt your value, so will they, and you won’t be categorised well. If you make a point to expect to be in the interaction for up to ten hours, then the girls pick up on that vibe to and sense that you have self-respect and you fulfil their subconscious requirement that a guy be in congruence with ‘there’s no reason why I’m not enough.’
Take a ‘man in their life frame’ into the interaction – this is another way to think about enduring tests. Because girls from every cold approach will give you formality of tests and standoffishness you need to be prepared for that from the outset. When you go into interactions expect an inevitable barrage of tests, scepticism and
non-compliance you instantly create a leadership frame over a girl that ‘brings her with you’
even if she’s not being instantly friendly. Many guys fall into the trap of responding to test formalities confrontationally which creates a ‘you versus the girl’ frame when you want a ‘you AND the girl’ frame. That way, when you establish a ‘you AND the girl’
frame, she’ll open up to you like a friend, you’ll establish a connection with her (the bandwidth) and only once you have that bandwidth arousal starts to build. With a competitive frame she’ll become defensive towards you, which means no connection and no arousal. She’ll see you from behind a shield and eventually you’ll fall off her radar.
Some simple social skills. Remember to ask the girls name and shake her hand.
Even hug her as well if you’re in the mood. Make a point to remember names. Ask what her name means, ask who she was named after, or the origin of her name itself.
One extra detail about her name has you remembering it significantly better. If you fail to ask the name and shake the hand the girl never make the shift from thinking of you as a stranger to thinking of you as someone she’s familiar with.
A basic knowledge of fashion, style and cosmetics. I see so many guys on
bootcamp who are cool in their own right, but dress like they’re everyday office chodes.
Dressing like an everyday office chode is bad because thats the kind of guy the girl has been aprroached by in a creepy way – you don’t want to be associated with this
stereotype. Chode aesthetic expression automatically causes girls to think that is exactly what you are. The rule of thumb is dress to express, not to impress. What’s important here is that you’ve made an effort to be expressive with your attire. The thing that you want to avoid, the thing that causes girls to categorise you as a boring guy; is if you’ve made no effort in putting yourself together. Girls can tell instantly if you’ve had some fun and made an effort in the way you express yourself. It doesn’t even mater what from your fashion expression takes, it just matters that you’ve made specific effort. A girl’s subconscious thinking works like this; ‘I make hours of effort getting ready, I’m not interested a guy who makes no effort and looks boring and plain.’ if you don’t dress with a little bit of expression, if you’re not a little bit stylish, then girls might think you’re not familiar with social situations, and thus, going to be a drag and a burden to talk to. Thats the last kind of idea you want her to form before she eve starts talking to you. Sadly, she trusts her social conditioning the same way you used to trust yours. So accept it and work with what’s going on around you – to make what’s going on around you work for you.
And of course, if you don’t want to be categorised badly, make sure you that you have checked the following – so many guys fuck up with these it’s a joke. Breath is good, don’t have body odour, clothes don’t smell, don’t have nose hair
hanging everywhere, don’t have flakes coming off your skin, don’t have dandruff on your shoulders, don’t chew (food or gum) with your mouth open. Basic, but it could be costing you. Especially if you’re an Internet guy who doesn’t get out much.
Posture. Stand up straight. You might hunch over because of excessive computer use.
If you have a hunch, a great trick to correct this is to put your arm behind your back in your opposite pocket. That will straighten up your body until the muscles in your posture reset over time and with dedicated gym work to reshape your posture.
Hunching isn’t the thing that’ll cause you to not be categorised as a potentially arousing guy, it’s the stifling in your neck, shoulders and chest that prevents you form talking loud and clear and relaxing in your core, thus having an uptight unattractive vibe. Good posture means good vibe means good categorisation. The body language itself isn’t what she’s reading about you, it’s your vibe beneath it. Use your posture to get your vibe right.
So there you have it. Are you getting the picture of the kind approaches you want to make to avoid being categorised as a guy who doesn’t have the potential to be attractive? A relaxed guy, with good hygiene, self inspired charisma through body language, expectations that everyone will have long interactions with you, extra arousal through physical initiative from the approach –regardless of whether its smooth or not.
To an advanced guy this stuff seems simple as fuck, but to many many guys reading
To an advanced guy this stuff seems simple as fuck, but to many many guys reading