NEVER want a girl to be a bitch to you again.
Helsinki Times
In short; your perception that a girl is acting bitchy toward you is a misunderstanding.
You are actually having an intimidating (intense/in your face/extreme) effect on her and overwhelming her. Your perception of a ‘bitchy’ reaction (evasive/stand offish/slow to warm up/shut down/cold) has exactly the same behavioral traits as an intimidated response. The solution; embrace emotional congruence with ‘I am enough’ and realize girls’ reactions are not bitchy, but rather anxious responses to you because they are unfamiliar with you and/or perceive you to be high value. This automatic reaction is the
same way that you – and everyone – automatically reacts when they feel social discomfort when exposed to someone they perceive has higher confidence (higher status/ high value/ more influential/ less reactive) than them.
If you don’t yet comprehend that, read it again until you do. If you don’t understand that intimidated reactions are misunderstood as bitchy reactions, then you’re fucked. In misinterpreting these reactions, you’re on the way to hating girls and thinking they all suck… basically becoming a bitter then possibly evil guy destined to hate chicks and hate pick up as a displacement of frustration toward yourself. Countless guys out to learn pick up have suffered from this misunderstanding. Being drawn into hating chicks because of this misunderstanding is the dark side of cold approach pick up. I
GARANTEE that if you’re drawn into the ‘chicks are bitches’ emotional headspace, you will never become good with girls and will even become further and further removed from enjoying social experiences. You will never grow, and you will never have success with cold approach pick up. How sad, you loser.
There is an advanced paradigm in order to understand reactions from cold approach; ‘I don’t have bad social skills, I’m intimidating her because I’m confident’. This is a positive way to interpret girls’ reactions, which open the possibility to have cold approaches resulting in dates and sex – WHEN IT NEVER DID BEFORE – and
internalize a paradigm (mindset) that gives enthusiastic feelings towards cold approach interactions. Doing this will infinitely perpetuate personal evolution. Once you come into congruence with the advanced paradigm ‘I don’t have bad social skills, I’m intimidating her because I’m confident’, you start to evolve. You will be become more naturally attractive (unconsciously automatically attractive) to the hottest girls, while becoming increasingly efficient at turning meetings into consummation. You will begin to gain fulfillment from, not be left with an empty feeling from, the relationships and/or sex you experience with the girls you approach.
A broader way to look at this is through a ‘Be the man in their life’ mind frame.
My experience in Finland gave me final clarity of this realization. For a long time, I hypothesized that approaches need to be done with the frame of “I need to be careful and not intimidate this girl, so she doesn’t become anxious, unsettled and flighty”, while vehemently avoiding the frame of “She’s a stupid bitch who should be nice to me and totally engage me immediately or fuck off and I hate her” frame.
Finnish society puts almost no value on social skills and emotional interaction. It’s a place where most people (guys and girls) are extremely introverted, especially when communicating in their third language of English. When approaching in Finland, communication is played out in emotional nuances and very subtle vibes. On the contrary, in scenarios where a guy speaks the same language as the girl, it’s easy to only ever see interactions through the superficial meanings communicated by words, losing all emotion and empathy in communication.
Also, if they speak differently to you (other accents or languages), you learn advanced communication skills. When approaching in socially repressed Finland, verbal
communication is broken so ALL THAT CAN BE USED are raw emotional cues to instantaneously respond – the crutches of words aren’t there for your support and guidance. This simplicity of communication violently smacks you in the face with insights that can be applied to interactions with girls in any language, including your own, and taught to my students to advance their understanding of communication and therefore results in the game.
With advanced understanding of raw emotional communication, cold approach
success rates (amount of people that instantly open up to you, answer calls, have one night stands, etc) increases profoundly back in environments where the girls you’re approaching speak the same language as you do. I, as do most of the readers of this blog, have an advanced understanding of verbal communication from studying social dynamics. Just add your new, advanced understanding of raw emotional cues, and you will also become profoundly better.
In addition, understanding verbal communication TOO WELL to the point where you lose sight of emotional interactions can also have you focusing on the wrong signals while missing accurate communication embedded within raw emotional cues.
Finland is especially awesome for developing insights on raw emotional
communication, due to the simple fact that the girls are so fucking hot. Imagine the sexy, slutty stereotype of Swedish girls crossed with the exotic features, tall physiques, genetic beauty, and feminine stereotypes of Russian girls… and boom; you have the amazing Finnish girls. Include Finnish girls’ concurrent excitement to meet an attractive guy and massive fear of failure to get his attention, and you have potential arousal dynamics waiting to be realized- simply with approaching. Finland; where the girls are stunning and attraction is already built into the interaction. Finland is Angel-land.
Even after all the exotic places I’ve been and all the gorgeous club girls I’ve met, from my point of view, the Finnish girls are phenomenally beautiful. Sadly, in clubs they’re mostly surrounded by fat, drunk, badly dressed computer playing Finnish chodes. It’s a joke how unattractive the Finnish guys are, and an even bigger joke how stunning the Finnish girls are. Here you have girls who are scary-beautiful with almost no
experience interacting with guys, especially confident guys they’re excited and
intimidated to meet. From an English speaking perspective, this is the only place in the world where I have found a dynamic like this.
As soon as I realized the value of the ‘bad reactions because you’re intimidating, not because you have bad skills’ epiphany that is particularly unique to Finland, I thought it very important to gain as many case studies of successfully approaching and
consummating interactions with stunning introverted Finnish girls with limited verbal communication skills.
On a personal note, Finland is my little fairytale land. There is one other better place than Finland for cold approach pick up (but I’ll keep as a secret for myself : ) ). Finland is a place where you can take a girl from a guy, then take his shirt as well. It’s a place where the girls agree to let you make it rain on them, on camera, to take home and show your dad in Australia. It’s a place where you can take a girl home from the club towards the end of the night and then go back out and take another beautiful girl home from McDonalds to make the night doubly successful.
Hot Blonde Girls in Cheerleading Costumes
Angels dancing in circles on the dancefloor
Making it rain for a video to show Dad back in Australia
Its not enough to just steal the girl from the guy, you have to steal his shirt as well.
I share my good experiences to inspire closer attention to the idea’s I want to transfer to you here, to encourage you to pursue the same levels of fun and success I’m having, or to reality-shock you into realizing you are wasting your life choding around like a passive idiot. Take action, and pay attention…or be a chode.
If you want to attempt to perceive if a girl is receiving, you will when visiting
non-English speaking countries like Finland. This requires a huge shift in perception, simply because you don’t have the same verbal cues as you do home. At first, interactions with girls comes to a grinding halt- because saying things verbally doesn’t cause the
same arousal (attraction) it usually does, and the reactions they give you aren’t a reflection of what you’ve said.
So, shed the burden of words and turn your attention away from both the things you’re sayingand the things being said (or not said) to you. Once your focus evolves from verbal communication to emotional communication, you will grow exponentially fast and see the cause/ effect dynamics in the interactions, ultimately leading you to better results from cold approaches.
Once you ‘get’ the emotional level of communication just by simply ‘hanging out’ with a girl, you communicate that you’re attractive, express yourself while attraction naturally happens, look past the meaningless words she’s saying, and gain the intuition that the girls become nervous and flighty under the social pressure they feel when you
approach them.
It’s like muting the words in your native language’s interactions. Without words, you feel what’s going on with the girl right there in front of you, maybe for the first time. Your empathy wakes up, and your feelings perceive more accurately than words on how the girl is receiving you. With accurate perception, you can continually respond in arousing ways to the girl and take the interaction in the direction you want.
Once you shift your paradigm from verbal communication to emotional communication you clearly see that the girl’s skeptical reactions to your approaches ARE ACTUALLY reactions to you intimidating them – not your former interpretation that you had ‘bad game’.
Here you are reading about and practising how to become a high value guy, but, for a long time before this reading, you may have felt like a low value guy. When you approach girls with new high value, girls will react you in an intimidated way, but because you’ve had low value emotions for a long time, you’re used to interpreting girls’ reactions to you as you being low value. This interpretation is based on old habits, and a lack of experience as a high value guy.
You need to evolve all three personal dimensions of cognition, behavior, and emotion to fully transform yourself from a Beta guy (low value) into an Alpha guy (high value). In learning from Real Social Dynamics, you will read things which give you new ideas;
cognition, and learn to do new things; behaviours, but, if you don’t take responsibility
for the emotional dimension of yourself and it lags behind in development, it will cause a weird incongruence in you, making the emotion that presents as “anxiousness”; aka thoughts of “I’m never going to get good with girls”. You need to start to focus
on feeling like an alpha male AS WELL to make natural game work.
Until you have that realization, you’ll continue to have negative emotional reactions (thinking of girls as bitches) toward girls that are avoidant towards your approaches, which will only deepen bad habits in your Beta male self.
To transform your Beta male emotional self into an Alpha male emotional self, you need to use willpower (which starts in your head and works into your emotions) to look out for and acknowledge behavioural evidence in you, and the girls you talk to. This behavioral change supports the “transformed self” that you’re working towards.
For example, if you are taking initiative to become better guy, grow, and evolve, that’s evidence that you are becoming more Alpha. Realise this and acknowledge it to yourself, even if your habits before studying social dynamics will still be back in the beta male emotional space. Yet the fact is that just by taking initiative to learn about yourself and take on new behaviours, that self initiated comfort zone push IS YOU ALREADY BEING AN ALPHA MALE. It’s easy to miss this self acknowledgement during transformation. Focus on what helps you transform, don’t fail to acknowledge the actions you’re taking to grow, or you’ll stay the same.
You’re a guy who’s studying social dynamics and implementing new behaviours to go out and expand your comfort zone. You’re taking on new alpha behaviours. You are growing due to your own initiatives. If a girl gives you a non-compliant reaction the ‘old you’ will quickly think of that as ‘I suck’, and then you might develop hate towards the girl. BUT the Alpha male that you are working towards becoming would interpret that as the girl being a little bit intimidated and unsure of how to deal with you as an unfamiliar encounter in her life.
If you take on the alpha male interpretation, then you will never hate her, remain calm, remain positive, and be able to approach her over and over again until you make the right impression to connect with her. This mode of behaviour leaves opportunity for her to become attracted to you. You then never become self-doubting and hateful towards her, destroying any chance of re-approaching her and forming any kind of interaction at all.
The old Beta male you that you want to overcome used to see girls as “trophies” above you on pedestals. The self that you are transforming into is a GUY ON A PEDESTAL; a high value alpha-guy who see girls as members of the same society you live in, and that don’t have the same will power and discipline to push their comfort zones as you do.
In the alpha reality, you are the king of your reality, ‘the King frame’, and from your pedestal you metaphorically look downwardly (looking down) upon a girl from a place of abundance and selection.
So many guys transforming from a place of low value don’t realise that girls see guys as higher value then themselves, or that they are intently looking for guys of higher value then themselves. Before you approach girls, they are scouting for a guy working towards what you want to become, simply meaning they will react to you as though your high value. This causes their reactions to you to come across as lower value;
displaying traits like defensiveness, avoidance, fear of loss, anxiety and stifling.
Think about cold approach from the girl’s perspective of reality, so you can relate to her better as the Alpha male guy you want to transform into. The girl’s perspective of reality is extremely similar to your perspective of reality when you were a fourteen year old teenager: you spend a lot of time in your head making yourself anxious, you are constantly concerned with how you look, you compare yourself to others, and you always read between the lines unnecessarily creating good and bad hidden meanings that don’t exist.
A girl in the bar, like you when you were fourteen, is her own worst enemy.
Understand how you can be intimidated by someone of value approaching you.
If your fourteen year old self was approached by the hottest girl in school/work/social circle what would your reaction be? You’d just durr-out (become dumbfounded), and not know what to say or do- especially because you’d have thought she was more confident than you. Instead of just being able to have fun and joke around, you’d seize up; dedicating all your faculties toward ensuring that you’re making the impression that you think you should have (which would be wrong), and being defensive towards her projecting bad impression onto you, which she wasn’t.
Being approached by value would have totally stifled you, and if you did speak you’d have probably said something involuntary that you didn’t mean (and might regret), because it’s something you heard someone from someone else or from someone in a movie. You wouldn’t even speak your own words; you’d recite things you’ve heard.
At the age of fourteen you’d have said something, then later think to yourself, ‘why the fuck did I say/do that?’ to which the answer would be; because of wavering internal emotional states – making you lack self confidence and behave with hesitation.
When a hot girl approached your fourteen year old self sure, you wanted to have sex with her, but would you have made the moves right there and then? No, you wouldn’t have even been able to compose yourself, let alone have made a move. Like girls in the bar, your fourteen year old self would have been too consumed with trying to settle anxiety felt from being approached for the idea of sex to even cross your mind. Girls in the bar don’t even think about sex, even though they could very well take you by the hand right then and there and lead you away to a hotel room. It doesn’t enter their mind. Although, with enough time and relaxation, and the guys lead it definitely can, and maybe she’ll be compliant with those ideas.
Side note: drugs and alcohol can significantly dull down a girl’s anxiety bringing out the self she wants to be as well.
As a fourteen year old, even if a hot girl made a move on you it was hard to comply with it comfortably without getting inside your head, fucking up the moment and putting a confident girl off, making her frustrated and impatient. Usually, she’d take your stifled reactions toward her advances as a bad reflection of herself.
THESE ARE EXACTLY THE SAME WAYS A GIRL IN A CLUB EXPEREINCES YOUR CONFIDENT APPROACH IN A BAR.
So you see, when you think you have shit game because a girl didn’t instantly get down on her knees and suck your dick after approaching, what’s actually happening is:
she’s just getting nervous and knee-jerk defensive towards you due to the fact that she feels intimidated by someone more confident than her.
More so, if you don’t realize this, you start to think that girls are stupid bitches for not being instantly friendly and open with you. Girls don’t have time to be your best friend
in the first fifteen seconds of meeting you, because they are too consumed with
anxiousness and trying to compose themselves so to not ‘fuck-up’ the impression they want to make on a confident guy approaching them.
Sadly, when a girl meets a confident guy she’s usually socially conditioned to think that she should be just as confident back (or something), so she puts on a front of
confidence (which isn’t congruent with the sweet girl that she is underneath), and she comes off as confrontational or bitchy. In really, she’s not like that all. Think about how that same girl would be when she wakes up on Christmas morning in her pajamas and exchanges presents with her family.
When girls drink alcohol it makes them do all these seemingly negative behaviors more intensely, making girls seem more bitchy toward your approach. This gives you
When girls drink alcohol it makes them do all these seemingly negative behaviors more intensely, making girls seem more bitchy toward your approach. This gives you