More important than verbal communication is non-verbal subcommunication, or body language (BL). This can take the form of facial gestures, hand and body movement, and vocal tonality. If there is a lack of congruence between your verbal and non-verbal cues, greater weight will subconsciously be placed on your non-verbal cues. Women have an innate advantage over men in interpreting subtle cues, and it is thought in part to be due to their need to non-verbally communicate with their newborn. Hence, women are hard-wired to interpret BL in ways men are not, for the survival of the species.
The three key points are:
1. BL occurs in clusters or 'sentences.' Look at the big picture, including their facial expression, head position, arms, hands and legs.
2. BL should be congruent with the words being spoken.
3. BL should be interpreted in context to the environment. For example, a person may cross their arms because the room is cold, not out of defensiveness.
90% of your opinion of somebody will be formed in the first four minutes of contact, so it is important to start off on the right foot so to speak. The PUA will develop a 6th sense, an ability to detect IOIs/IODs by way of non-verbal
communication, and a new-found instinct to respond in such a way that ends with seduction.
The Cowboy (Decibel)
An IOI compliance test. A sexually aggressive posture will either cause a defensive response or a welcomed response. Hook your thumbs in your belt and point down such that your private parts are framed by your fingers, legs apart. A tight grip on the belt implies a stronger signal. Elbows held out to the sides shows a man is trying to enlarge their appearance which women may find attractive (AMOGs are comfortable taking up space and being heard, while betas try to take up little space
and avoid being heard). If she IOD's (e.g. crosses her arms) then she does not accept your demonstration of sexual aggressiveness, but if she IOIs, then she does. The female counterpart to the cowboy occurs when she places her hands on her hips with elbows out. This position draws attention to herself, emphasizing her fertility by increasing her hip-to-waist ratio, and is an IOI. A woman who does a cowboy posture may also be considered sexually assertive.
Vulnerable/honest posture: Hold your palms open with forearms exposed
to disarm defensive posture, or look for it in the target as a sign of vulnerability or honesty. For example, if she makes a statement but conceals her hands, she may not be telling the truth, or conversely if she shows her open palms, you may assume what she says is honest and she has nothing to hide.
Defensive postures: When you were a child you might have hid behind
objects like mom, a couch or a chair out of fear. As adults we continue to hide but in more subtle ways. A woman who crosses her arms may be showing a defensive posture, which means your IOIs are too strong and you need to recalibrate (e.g. show IOD's). Even worse is if her fists are clenched as well. A woman may also grip her arms in this position, which also telegraphs a negative attitude. Though less obvious, when a man holds his drink in front of him, or is fiddling with the ring or bracelet of the opposite hand, he is creating a defensive barrier that women may interpret as fearful. Do not therefore carry your drink in front of you or play with your adornments. A man who stands with his hands together over his crotch is trying to defend his manhood, so avoid this posture as it conveys fear. Unlocking a woman's defensive posture requires IOD's, using a vulnerable posture (arms and legs uncrossed, palms exposed, chin slightly up to expose the neck, head tilted to the side) and DHVing, preferably with humor. You also can physically unlock her by asking her to hold something such as your drink. Once she unlocks, you can proceed with standard gaming, but be cautious if she locks up again. Trying to close when she shows a defensive posture will probably lead to being blown out or a flake.
Legs: As in the cowboy posture, keeping your legs apart telegraphs
confidence and superiority (a willingness to expose the genitals shows a man is not feeling vulnerable about having them attacked), but can be overly aggressive if used on a woman who isn't yet attracted. Crossing the ankles while standing, on the other hand, indicates insecurity and
defensiveness (hides the genitals) and should be avoided. If a woman is standing with her legs crossed, it indicates that she tends to stay put and that access is denied (symbolically closes entry to the genitals). Pointing your feet towards a woman (or her towards you) is an IOI. If pointed away, particularly towards an exit, it is an IOD.
Thumbs: If your thumbs are sticking out of your pockets, this conveys
attraction in that you're trying to look cool, so unless that is your goal, be careful. If she's doing it, consider it an IOI. It can also convey a sense of superiority if clustered with other similar signs, which can be interpreted negatively by a woman.
The finger: Pointing creates negative feelings in listeners and can be
considered intimidating, so in general avoid it when you are making a point. Instead, pinch the thumb and index tips together.
The picker: Someone picking imaginary lint from their clothes does not
approve of what is being said, but wishing to suppress their opinion. Ask that person their opinion to disarm them.
The nod: People tend to speak longer when the person they're
communicating with slowly nods during the convo. Fast nodding creates the opposite effect. Nodding in general creates positive feelings and rapport in the observer, and it is good practice to periodically nod during convo. If you want another person to keep talking, slowly nod (once per second for 5 seconds) and put your hand on your chin to stroke lightly. This will encourage the other person to continue speaking.
Head positions: Head slightly up means a neutral attitude, though if the
chin is jutted forward this can indicate arrogance or superiority (they aren't afraid to expose the throat, and are gaining height while looking down their nose). Generally, avoid too much head up position, and look for it in others (men and women) as a possible sign of aggression. If the head is tilted to the side, it shows vulnerability. This may be helpful in unlocking another person's defensive posture. If a woman is tilting her head to the side, she is showing her submission and may be interested in the man. A person who has their head tilted downwards signals aggression and criticism. You should work to unlock this position into a more neutral or submissive angle.
The face platter: A woman may rest both elbows on the table and rest her
chin on her hands (palms down, one on top of the other) in a platter position. This is an IOI.
Hand shakes: How you shake hands says a lot about you, and whether
you consider yourself dominant, submissive or equal to the other person. Appearing dominant over an aggressive AMOG may be useful in that context, but doing the same handshake with a girl may telegraph the wrong feelings. Tilting your palm down will assert dominance, up will assert submissiveness. An AMOG may grab your hand and try to force it into a submissive posture, but you should either maintain dominance or go for a vertical equality shake. If you wish to befriend the AMOG, a vertical shake is best to create rapport, and equally important, your grip should match his. If an AMOG approaches with an aggressive palm-down thrust, you can use your other hand on top of his to force the shake vertical.
Sitting postures: People make decisions with their feet on the ground.
The figure 4 position occurs when someone (generally a man) sits with the legs crossed and the ankle over the knee. Someone who grips their leg in this position is displaying a stubborn attitude, which may not be desirable if you hope to gain their trust. Sitting with ankles crossed, man or woman, indicates that person is trying not to display a negative emotion such as fear, guilt or doubt. A person who is engaged in the convo will tend to put their feet outwards, while someone withdrawn will pull the feet back under them. The PUA should generally not lock ankles or withdraw feet, and on detecting this in a woman, should work to unlock this posture. Sitting down with your crotch exposed to a target you just met is a good way to turn them off, as it’s a very sexually aggressive pose.
The catapult: When a man leans back with his head resting on his hands,
it is likened to a catapult. This is often clustered with an open crotch position such as figure 4. Overall this telegraphs an attempt to assert superiority and is a turn-off. If an AMOG presents this posture, unlock it by standing, or by forcing him to lean forward by asking him to look at something (or by indicating your need to whisper something to him). You also can mirror the catapult to him as this indicates equality.
Seated readiness: A person who is ready to proceed will lean forward,
If a person places both hands on their knees or chair, leaning forward, they are eager to leave the convo.
An important aspect of BL is congruency. If you show a lot of interest with your BL, you need to have verbal communication that reflects this, as in a verbal IOI or a direct opener such as ‘I had to come over here and find out what you’re all about.’ If your BL is that of disinterest, you can IOD or use an opinion opener. Likewise if you're dishonest, your words and body language or tonality may not match. These incongruent signals can be detected by women, who will tend to rely more on non-verbal communication if having to choose.
Mirroring: Mimicking a person's gestures can create a sense of rapport.
Women tend to mirror other women far more often than men mirror other men. A man tends to use his body more than his face to indicate his attitudes. This has an evolutionary reason, in that a man who expresses his emotions on his face may be taken advantage of by an enemy. On the contrary, a woman primarily uses her face to express her feelings, so a man should emphasize mirroring her facial expressions. In addition, mirroring can include one's inflection and rate of speech, so a PUA should typically speak at a rate equal to or slightly less than that of the target's speech. If you need to assess whom in a group is the leader, look for who is being most mirrored, and that will typically be your leader.
Body pointing: Pointing one's feet or entire body while standing, or one's
knee while seated, can convey interest or lack thereof. Make sure how you point towards or away from a target reflects your desire to IOI or IOD, and interpret the target's responses similarly.