Prizability
New York's The Judge has mastered the concept of prizability, wherein one makes himself 'the prize' worthy of being earned by the target. If you have any questions regarding his material, TJ can be reached at: [email protected]. TJ also goes by Remembrance of Being on the RSD forum where he's written an excellent bootcamp review. Here now are several thoughts on the subject by The Judge:
I feel like a lot of guys get into this community, read about something like setting a "prize frame" and then get carried away with it, letting it mutate their personalities. While unrealistic expectations and demands might establish yourself as a "prize" in your head, it won't do anything but make you seem like an arrogant prick to HBs. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself: Am I trying to convince myself I'm a super high value guy OR am I trying to close HBs?
Prizability is literally an "art form". An art form that has three parts:
1.) Conversational jujitsu to re-frame the entire interaction that she's chasing you.
2.) Making sure she can justify chasing you because you're conveying value through stories and humor.
3.) Assuming your role as a man and taking what you want when you want it. (Allowing her plausible deniablity)
See, I used to think it was just about #1 and if you simply re-framed everything she was saying by setting a prize meta-frame, you'd create attraction. But it's more than that.
For a woman, she will ONLY accept your frame/reality if she truly sees you as a prize. Additionally, she won't let you escalate sexually with her unless you create some trust, comfort, rapport, and connection while making her feel as if she's qualified herself to you and lived up to your standards. So
how do you bridge all this under the umbrella of prizability? Make it an art form.
How I go about doing this is by telling stories. On a D2, I have a canon of topics and stories I thread that sub-com my biographical story, bait her to qualify herself, and allow me to establish my "prizable" reality. These stories are fairly mundane (I'll list a few as examples):
1.) I wanted a Rainbow Bright doll when I was kid but my dad said no because he thought it meant I was gay.
2.) The first girl I fell in love with in 7th grade and how she broke my heart. (Don't be fooled by the synopsis, this story should be filled in the "humor/romantic comedy" genre)
3.) How vulnerable I felt the first time I traveled through Europe.
Since I've told these stories on dozens of D2 to scores of different women, I know where the humorous parts are, where to pause for effects, etc. Since these stories pump their BT, it's raising my value, but these stories also serve to display my personality, develop a connection, while also displaying a bit of vulnerability.
And, what almost always ends up happening is an HB will volunteer a story of her own. (If she doesn't, I usually just end on a philosophical point and then turn the spotlight on her by saying something like, "So what was your first boyfriend like?"). Let her tell her story, make some funny remark on it (a playful joke that'll hopefully get her laughing) and once her BT is spiked introduce The Point System. For example, the first time a girl qualifies herself and I like her story/answer, I'll say, "That was cute. You're getting 2 points." Always, they'll react with something like, "What?! What do you mean 2 points??" Which I reply, "Everyone I meet is on a point system. Get 15 points and I'll tell you about the first time I lost my virginity - which, if you think the Rainbow Bright story was funny and embarrassing, wait till you hear this one because it went down in the backseat of my mom's purple minivan!!" And, every single girl I've put on the point system has reacted the same way: in 3 phases:
Phase 1: Outright shock and the "how-dare-you" face, usually telling me
I'm the one who has to win points. (Just don't react to this, I usually just
Phase 2: Willingness to qualify herself and jump through my hoops to win
points. (For example, usually a girl will tell me some funny story, and I'll laugh and say, "Oh man, that was good. 3 points!" where she'll be like, "Wait wait! But there's more!!" and she'll try to extend the story because she unconsciously is buying into my frame, and, since she's winning, she wants to keep "playing").
Phase 3: Complete obsession with the points system. (If you do this right,
girls will start asking me every 10 minutes, "How am I doing? Am I getting points for doing blah blah blah" I've even had girls (models!) get nervous to the point where they say, "I'm sort of nervous because I can tell you have really high standards."
Now, how do you remain congruent to a "prize" frame when you're calling her and escalating?
I absolutely agree it's incongruent for a guy who's the "prize" to call a woman once, let alone put up with her flaky bullshit and/or hesitation to escalate. As I developed a stronger and stronger frame, I strayed further and further from things like freeze outs and kiss gambits. I couldn't get either to work for me and here's why: A prizable guy would never react to a girl's hesitation or gauge if she's ready to kiss him. (I'll explain what does work in a second, but first, an explanation of my third point of my "3 points of prizability": Assuming your role as a man and taking what you want
when you want it. (Allowing her plausible deniablity)
Even though I'm setting a frame that I'm high value, assuming the behaviors of a HB10 (in fact, I stole some of my best lines from 10s), I don't forget that I AM THE MAN. As a man, it's YOUR responsibility to escalate, call, lead, and take risks. To do this, remove the question mark as a punctuation mark in your vocabulary. When you want to move her somewhere, don't ask, "Want to sit somewhere else?" You just go, "Hey, I want to hear you better. Come on" and start walking. When you want her phone number, you don't ask her, "How can we continue this conversation later?" (although this is a good line and have gotten it to work in other contexts), simply pull out your phone, hand it to her and say, "Put your number in. You're interesting, we can hang out again." Basically, everything you do comes from a place of: I'm a high value prize, I have
hordes of women vying for my time, you [the HB] are beginning to impress me so I will give you a chance to seduce me (of course assuming she's
already wanted you since she saw you).
Side note: If this sounds arrogant or too-cocky, just ask yourself: What is your non-arrogant, not-cocky attitude getting you? Exactly.
Moving on, you're going to have to abandon kiss gambits and freeze outs. They don't work in this frame. First, kiss gambits come off beta (no matter how good your delivery, HBs will always sense that you're tentatively gauging if it's okay to kiss her). If I know I have the IOIs, I simply pull a girl into me as she's talking midsentence and kiss her. If I just met a girl, and I'm not positive if she's ready, I slow down my speaking, stroke her hair, and gaze into her eyes. I've had girls say to me, "I'm not going to make out with you if that's what you're trying to do" which I ignore and stack into a new thread. Simply act like her rejection has no effect on your frame or value. This is why freeze outs don't work in this frame. They convey that you care and are effected by rejection (even if it does get her feeling a sense of loss). I've had girls making out with me, then tell me "we're not going any further". And my response was, "Cool, actually I forgot to tell you this story. Get this..." tell them a few stories, get them laughing, introduce some kino, start making out again, and voila! we're going further!
Before I end this section, a word on calling and storytelling. Again, everything has to come from a place of high value, but, paradoxically, also must involve you taking risks and leading. Therefore, when I call girls, I always do it under some pretext. For example, my favorite line when calling a HB is, "Hey, I'm taking a 5 minute break from my writing and thought I'd let you distract me for a few." All your value is embedded in there (i.e. pretext for calling, living in your reality, non-needy FTC) so, even though you're leading, escalating, and taking a risk you're also protecting your frame.
Secondly, storytelling and jokes, especially on the opener, has to come from a place where you're not obviously trying to impress her. (My best stories have BOMBED if I make it obvious I'm trying to tell them). Come from a headspace that seems like you're simply telling the story/joke for your or your wing's enjoyment. I remember one of my better openers was on this cute redhead as she took two drinks off a bar for her and her friend. As she passed me, I grabbed her, turned to my wing, and said (laughing), "Oh shit, Chris, look at this...Lindsey Lohan is back at it again. Double fisting. Holy shit, take this girl's keys away. She's gonna get another DUI..." This opener busted her whole set open (there were actually like 10 girls
with her) because it wasn't delivered like I was trying to impress her, it was more like I was using her as a prop for my and my wing's enjoyment... Now, when I want to make plans, I give the girl an option of two times I'm free. Here's how I'd make plans with an HB:
The Judge: Okay, there's this awesome sushi place right near my
apartment. I'm like sort of addicted to their California rolls so I usually try and eat there once a week. I'm going to introduce you to this place and it'll blow your mind...hmmm, this week I have Tuesday or Thursday night free...which day works for you?
Notice how I presuppose she's already interested in going. This sub- communicates high value (as if you're used to people automatically agreeing to spending time with you) while it asks "when she's free" (an easier question to answer) than "will you commit to a date with me".
Also, if you notice, I make it seem like I'm more interested in eating at the sushi place than "going on a date with her". Again, this is crucial for 2 reasons: 1.) It alleviates her of undue pressure that you're making her the center of your world and that she'll have to live up to these fabled standards, and 2.) that you live in your reality and have good taste and am inviting her as a guest into that reality.
This approach doesn't work 100 percent but it'll get you MUCH more consistent results than simply asking women out like a chode (I'd say this works about 75 percent of the time as opposed to the "ask out" method which probably worked about 20 percent for me...rough estimates).