You may like basketball but your brother likes soccer. You may like to eat
vegetables but your sister hates them. Even if we try to mirror someone, all of us are still unique in our own special way.
Sometimes, we try to get other people to agree with our values and beliefs. We think that our opinion is the best and that other people should abide by the same principles. Differences in opinion often lead to misunderstandings and
disagreements.
Arguments ensue. We like something to be done our way but the other parties think their idea is the best.
So how do we solve this dilemma?
There should be an open flow of communication. You tell your side and they tell their side. Weigh out the advantages and disadvantages. Consider the possible rewards and consequences of each action.
There will of course be times when the other party simply won't give in. They think they've got the winning solution although it is evident that they have a losing proposition.
How do we then influence them to our way of thinking? Here are some useful techniques.
1. No one wants to be perceived as wrong. So never give the impression that they have the wrong ideas.
You have to identify their good points first before imparting your own viewpoint.
For example, you could say, "Mark, your proposal seems ok. We will be able to satisfy the employees and generate more sales. And it may entail a bigger budget that seems a little out of our reach."
You first acknowledge Mark for all the benefits of his proposal (that it will be able to satisfy the employees and create more sales). Then you wittingly mention the objection at the end (that it will necessitate a larger budget, which the company may not approve).
As you may have noticed, the second sentence begins with "and" not "but." The word "but" may trigger a negative reaction because it sounds like you are
counteracting Mark's proposal. The word "and" sounds like you're adding or
complimenting his suggestion. He will be more likely to agree with you if you say
"and."
2. Incorporate your own idea to theirs.
For example, you're the supervisor of ABC Company's Sales Department. One of your personnel has not been very productive lately. You see the flaws in what he's doing.
You could say something like, "George, I've been in this kind of situation before, even worse than what you're dealing with right now. So I decided to make more cold calls. I also tried to use strategy X and it worked like a charm. Try it out and I'm pretty sure clients will come rushing in."
George is more likely to be receptive to your advice because instead of criticizing him, you humbled yourself. You encouraged him to do better because you
instilled in him the confidence to overcome the obstacles in a similar or worse situation. And you did it with class. He pictured you not as a punishing boss, but as a mentor and friend.
3. Be suave. Brute force is not effective.
Miranda is a new teacher. Her grade school class is very misbehaved. They're always playing around. They're not studying. They're always fighting with each other. Any person in her situation would have acquired high blood pressure in a day.
The previous teacher who resigned warned her of the impending danger. "These students need a good spanking. I've shouted at them and made them do squats but it's no use. They're barbarians," the previous teacher said.
It's clear that the previous teacher did not care for her students. All she ever had in her heart was anger.
Now Miranda applied a different approach. After one month, the principal praised her for being able to change the attitude of the students. Curious about what Miranda did?
She never said harsh words. She never punished her students.
She just told them, “Do you know how hard your Mom and Dad work? They're out there experiencing all the hardships just so they can earn money so you can go to this school. And if you don't study well, they will cry because you did not give importance to their efforts. You will make them feel so bad. Is that a good way to repay them for all their love? If you have a heart, you will love your parents and study well.
And do you know what happens if you don't study? You will not find a good job and you will not have any money. You will not be able to eat your favorite food, you will not be able to wear the clothes you like to wear, and you will not be able to play with those wonderful toys anymore. Do you want this kind of life?"
Miranda made them think and understand about the importance of studying. She gave them a clear picture of what life would be like if they don't study.
People will be motivated to act according to your will if you point out the
disadvantages and negativity of being against you. No need for brute force here.
4. Think before you speak.
Some people just don't know when to open their mouths. They speak whenever
When this happens, tempers flare up. Arguments ensue.
It is okay to be frank, but do so in an appropriate way and at the right time. You may speak with the person if the two of you are alone. Never humiliate someone in front of others. Deliver your point of view in a non-offensive way. Choose your words wisely.