You can never satisfy everyone in this world, which is why you have to know how to handle harsh words and offensive remarks.
The more you retaliate, the more you incite your opponents to strike back. They want and expect a fight, so are you going to give them what they want? They are well prepared to put you down, so don't let yourself fall into their trap. Anticipate any criticism before they say it so you can prepare beforehand.
For instance, someone who disagrees very much with your principles starts mouthing bad words at you. Ignore him completely as if he's not there. Just stay where you are in a relaxed mood, and let him do "his thing." He will feel
awkward with what he's doing.
Let him say everything he wants to say before you utter your first word because he will never listen until he’s done. He is constantly draining himself; soon, he will be exhausted emotionally.
While he is busy handing out his anger, you're secretly finding his weakness and thinking of a way to neutralize the assault.
Then after he has released his criticisms on you, focus on his feelings and sense his inner emotions. Tell him that you are aware about his concerns, agree
People want you to respect and satisfy their egos. They would never want to be perceived as the "wrong" ones. If you directly insult or humiliate them, they will retaliate to reclaim their honor and dignity.
Don’t try to come up with all sorts of excuses or alibis to offset the criticisms.
Admit your mistakes if you are guilty (admitting your errors is such a humble act it will diffuse any hot temper); but even if you’re not at fault, deny the criticism in a subtle way.
Because critics have the tendency to inflate the situation, ask them for
quantifiable proof. But never ask in this way: “What makes you think that (what I did) was wrong?” Your question might be perceived as a defensive reaction to their criticism. There’s a nicer and more subtle way to ask.
Before asking your question, it would help to say, “I don’t understand” or “Let me get this straight” or “Please allow me to clarify.” By saying this, you are not being defensive but open for clarification. Then your questions should be asked in a way that fosters suggestions or possible improvements.
Examples:
“I don’t understand. What is it about my report that was offensive?”
“Please allow me to clarify. In what way was the data inappropriate?”
“Let’s get this straight. What part of the presentation was inaccurate?”
Who knows? They may realize that their accusations are only trivial and there’s no need to condemn you in the first place.
They may also be unaware of certain vital details that could have saved you from their insensitive words, so give them the complete facts and evidences to support
It is very important to empathize with them, and let them know that you can be humble enough to acknowledge your faults.
Always try to find a solution that will be favorable to everyone concerned. Some of your critics may realize later that they are the ones at fault, so always be willing to compromise. If you need additional time or assistants to finish a certain task, simply ask if your request can be granted so that any future criticisms can be avoided.
If you’re the one doing criticizing and you’re not sure whether what you will say is offensive or not, use a third party. Instead of saying, “I think it may produce unsatisfactory results if we continue with your plans” use a third party and say something like “Although your proposal sounds excellent, all people who have already followed the same plan you’re proposing right now have not yet achieved their desired results.”
Fogging
When someone says that you’re a slow learner, is that true or false? That may be true if you’re compared to someone like Isaac Newton, but it may also be false if you’re compared to the fictional character, Mr. Bean.
In a general sense, what he says may be partially true, so why fight it? Admit that what he said might be right in order to diffuse the criticism or attack. When he finds out you’re not affected, it will discourage him. It’s like saying “Who cares?”
or “So what?” in a gentle fashion. Words most commonly used when fogging are:
“You're probably right.”
“Sometimes I think that way too.”
“You have a point.”
“I can see why you would say that.”
“That could be true.”
See the dialogue below on how Mr. Z has countered Mr. Y’s severe criticisms.
Mr. Y: You look so ugly today. You don’t look like this a few weeks ago.
Mr. Z: I agree. My face has become ugly because all these sleepless nights are causing countless pimples to appear.
Mr. Y: In fact, you look like a pimple with a face in it.
Mr. Z: You’re probably right. I could go to a dermatologist and have them do something about my ugly face.
Mr. Y: And your clothes. It looks like it’s been worn by the victim in a massacre film.
Mr. Z: You have a point, you know. I may sometimes be so thrifty I have to buy the lowest quality outfit.
Mr. Y: Thrifty is the understatement of the century. You’re so cheap you can’t even buy yourself some ramen noodles.
Mr. Z: I can see why you would say that. I may be very cheap at times.
Mr. Y: The worst part is, your breath is as terrible as your looks.
Mr. Z: Sometimes I think that way too. My breath may stink so bad it could render anyone unconscious.
Mr. Y: You act like a spineless coward, the way you’re answering me.
Mr. Z: I agree. I may be acting like a spineless coward sometimes.
Through fogging, you accept the criticism in as far as whatever may be true in it (as stated by the critic). The critic will see it a hopeless measure to argue with you any further. This is an effective way to handle criticism without being defensive.