Module 18: Dealing With Last Minute Resistance (Answer to EricNYC)
Hey, guys. It’s Ross Jeffries. We have yet another Answers to Students video module for May 2009. This is for EricNYC. Eric has asked questions before, and he asks some really good ones.
By the way, if you’re watching this video somehow from something other than the coaching program, I encourage you to check out the coaching program at www.RJCoaching.com.
Eric had some questions about what he calls “last minutes before closing the deal when she’s giving resistance or having second thoughts.”
Fundamentally, he wants some techniques and insights in dealing with what he’s calling “resistance.” Let’s see how I answer Eric’s question.
Here’s a Gold Key rule. How you frame the question is the way in which you will see the answer. If you frame it as resistance and something that you have to overcome, then you’re going to look for resistance and ways through or around resistance.
It might be more useful to think, “How can I structure the interaction from the beginning until the close in such a way that she can’t wait to ride my f*** beast?” Rather than ask about, “How can I avoid resistance?” ask,
“How can I arrange things so she’s eager to hop on my rod?”
I don’t want you to ever think in terms of solving problems if you can avoid it. The problem-solution frame sometimes is necessary. Sometimes, it works and is required.. You have to say, “Here’s the problem. What’s the solution?” Sometimes, it’s not the best way to address outcomes, and the answer is to step outside the whole problem-solving frame and come at it from a completely new direction.
Let me give you another Gold Key rule. He who fractionates need not masturbate. Women need to be fractionated physically as well as psychologically. That means a lot of starting and stopping. This is not unique to me. There are other people in the seduction community who give this advice, but I don’t think they really understand how it works.
My lesson to you is that for women to reach the required level of stimulation where they want to f***, often they need a lot of stop-start.
That’s not always true. If you’re in an airplane with some stranger, and you start getting really attracted, she probably wants to go in the bathroom and f*** then and there.
For the most part, generally speaking, women respond better if you fractionate. You kiss a little bit and stop, then kiss a little bit and stop.
I’m not even talking about taking things in sequences of steps, like kiss, touch her vagina, and then kiss. I used to think that way, but now I don’t.
Now I pretty much use a lot of kissing, to the point where they ask me,
“When am I going to feel you inside?”
Create urgency early on. When you’re doing your patterning, you want to talk about how sometimes you see an opportunity and know you have to take it. It’s like there’s a new part you want to reach out and take inside tonight. It’s a new direction. It’s like you can look through a window of opportunity. Make sure you create some urgency early on.
Another Gold Key rule is to kiss the hell out of her. I’ve gotten further from focusing on and enjoying kissing without some further outcome in mind. Ironically, you should set aside the f*** outcome. Don’t think,
“Now I’m going to go to second base, then third base, and now I’m going to eat her pussy.” I used to advise that. No. Instead, kiss a girl for hours.
In my experience, the way she kisses will tell you a lot about how she f***s. Is she a greedy f***, does she let her energy flow through her, or is
she energetically blocked?
I love kissing. If you kiss in the right way, the erotic energy of kissing can be just as satisfying, although not as intense, as f***ing. Almost always I’ll hear, “When am I going to have you inside me?”
I’ve heard, “I want you to f*** me,” “F*** me now,” “Get the condom,”
“Do you want to see my pussy?” “Don’t you want to see my pussy?” and,
“I’m really hot in here. I think I’ll take my pants off.” I’m not kidding. I heard that one very early in my career.
These are the kinds of things you hear if you get rid of the f*** outcome and instead have the outcome of, “Let’s get some real erotic energy sizzling here.”
Understand and pace the real emotional need. I don’t hear, “This is moving too fast,” that much anymore. If I did, I’d say something like, “Is it really about the velocity that our arms and legs are moving, or is it about the desire to feel safe and realize that this is the right thing to do?”
“Feel safe” is the command. The suggestion is, “This is the right thing to do.” Remember, suggestions tell women how to interpret and what sense to make out of the command.
Here’s another example. She says, “This is moving too fast. I can’t.”
You can say, “I understand. I don’t like to feel pressured either. Let’s just back up and make sure we feel comfortable.”
Some people say, “Wait a minute. When you say, ‘I don’t like to feel pressured,’ aren’t you telling her to feel pressured?” No. It’s not true. Commands have to be given with a command intent and tonality.
Otherwise, they’re not commands, even though they may be structured and look like commands.
Here’s another tactic. Take on the objection, turn it around with a metaphor, make a fake surrender, and reclose. If she says, “I’m just not ready. It’s too soon,” you say, “I’m not sure I’m ready either.” You’re agreeing with the objection.
Here comes the metaphor. “Sometimes getting with another person is like a thunderstorm. It comes on so strong, with a power of its own. We may try to slow it down or run from it.” Notice the head shake that it’s not what we can do. “We may try to slow it down or run from it, but it takes us
over and leaves us soaking.” Do you hear the metaphor there?
The next step depends on where you are. If you’re at her place, say, “I’d better go.” Walk toward the door. She’s going to follow you. Turn around when you get to the door, take her in your arms, and kiss her powerfully.
Then take her by the hand and lead her to the bedroom.
If you’re in your place, say, “I’ll take you home.” If she drove there, you say, “I’ll walk you out.” Then do the same thing. Walk to the door, turn, kiss her powerfully, and lead her by the hand to the bedroom.
I have one caveat here. If you sense that she has serious fear that’s beyond just feeling momentarily rushed or pressured, and that she may have serious abuse or intimacy issues, stop. Don’t just stop there. Stop for good. You don’t want to deal with this.
One of my big breakthroughs in using my own material was when I realized what I wasn’t going to do. Make a list of don’ts. “I’m not going to try to fix broken people, break through walls, or deal with stupid women or people in chaos. I’m going to let it go.”
Then you want to look at what you do want to do, but you have to look at both. Make a list of do’s and where you want to aim at, but you also want to know when to say, “Stop. I’m not going there.” Don’t waste your time.
If she shows real fear and hesitation, maybe she’s been abused. She could have an STD. Maybe she has herpes or something else, and she doesn’t want to share with you the gift that keeps on giving. She could be involved with a very jealous boyfriend or husband she doesn’t want to cheat on. Think of OJ Simpson, Ron Goldman and Nicole. If Nicole had said a really firm no to Ron Goldman and he had accepted it and gone away, he’d still be alive today.
Cornyfucius say, “If you can’t be grateful for what you’ve received, be grateful for what you’ve managed to avoid.” Amen.
Eric, you’ve been participating really well and getting laid.