Getting started

I will start off with a critical incident that happened years ago, which directly aroused

my curiosity and interest in further research. The consequence of this critical

incident set off a chain of related episodes under the domino effect. This incident

was associated with a chain of other unexpected discoveries. I recalled one

afternoon meeting with a student counsellor and her story of “I’m afraid”

One afternoon, a student (I call her KK to protect her anonymity) came into my office and asked if she could have a chat with me. She looked pale and her eyes were red and brimming with tears. She was very scared. A visible shudder swept over her as she began her story.

23

She told me that she had suffered every hell since the beginning of the supervision. She had no problems with her internship and her clients, but the supervisor. The supervision sessions scared her to death. Her supervisor was extremely pushy and forceful. She was forced to disclose her personal feelings in the group supervision at a time when she felt very insecure. This student was a withdrawing type. KK was so scared that the supervisor would fail her. She tried to say something to please her supervisor. Of course, these pleasing words could not satisfy her experienced supervisor. She made use of the group force to corner her. KK said that she was isolated and badly labelled in the group for keeping silent.

I identified instantaneously two issues in this case: firstly, the personality clashes

between the supervisee and the supervisor; and secondly, the power issue in the

supervisory relationship. This is my normal cognitive reaction. I know that I have to

deal with this type of relationship problem. It could be big or small. It depends on

how I manage. I am on the alert of my social role and responsibility as the internship

coordinator.

There is a system in the university to ask for written feedback at the end of a semester about the supervision from the students so as to improve the quality of the supervision. It is my responsibility to collect all the feedback and process the discussion. I found that the written feedback from KK on her supervision experience was extremely positive. She expressed her appreciation and thanks to her supervisor.

This was totally different from what she expressed to me personally.

She told me that she was afraid to speak the truth even the confidentiality of the written feedback was ensured. She was hesitant about revealing her real feelings for fear of being failed in the internship.

My immediate response was to not force her to talk directly to her supervisor. If I did

so, I would become another “horrible supervisor”. I was sensitive to my power over

24

her. After the interviews with this student, I started to think but not feel, but as the

internship coordinator, there must be something I could do to help the supervisor to

have a better understanding of the student counsellors. I have a tendency to stand

out and speak out for the student counsellors. However, I consciously remind myself

to keep an appropriate emotional distance and be wise enough to handle the cases.

I busily launched my research project, searching for journals and articles about the

needs of student counsellors. I am attracted by Webb and Wheeler’s (1998) study

on how honestly counsellors dare to be in the supervisory relationship.

This incident was the “triggering point” of my choice of research area. I did not

realize any connection with “myself”. As far as I know, up to that moment, I was just

trying to do something for the student counsellors.

But what and where are my feelings? I sat down and began to check my feelings.

“Am I angry?” I asked myself. “A bit, but not exactly”. “Is it saddness?” It sounds

close. The sadness is so deep that it draws me in. The voice begins to emerge in my

mind, “In order to survive under the authority, in our collective culture, we need to

comply.” This is a very familiar experience. There will be “potential danger” if you

are rebellious against authority. Non-compliance to established doctrines and rules

and individuality will have to face different forms of punishment. This is our cultural

practice in parenting and education. The traditional Chinese family and societal

25

systems are prescribed by the philosophy of Confucianism which is based on

hierarchy. It is essential that youngsters are trained to respect authority (Bond,

1996; Sun, 2008). Confrontation and arbitration are less frequently chosen by the

less powered. Compliance is taught, encouraged, reinforced and valued in our

society.

The student counsellor’s story reminded me of another episode “At the edge of the

razor” in my 20s. I had a similar experience with a counselling teacher.

It happened several times that I tried to voice my heartfelt feelings and ideas which were against her approach and points of view. I do not mean to be offensive. Yet, my way of presentation may have been too “egoistic”. I am too absorbed in my own world of experience and neglect the outcome of my delivery and the receiver’s perspective. I still remember one very critical dialogue between us. I said, “I am kind of Freudian in my counselling approach.” She reacted, “Do you really know Freud? As a novice, how dare you fancy yourself as Freudian?” The more I attempted to clarify, the more defensive and bumptious she thought I was. I did not realize the impact of my presentation and performance. And it culminated in the worst situation one day. I was confronted by a jury. I was to be expelled from the programme for the reason that I was not suitable to become a counsellor. They explained that I was not “mature” and “humble”

enough to be a counsellor and work with people. If there were no reflection and changes in my behaviour, I would be discharged from the programme.

I was shocked by the trial. I did not understand why at the very beginning. Many

questions arose in in my mind. How did they assess my immaturity? Had I done

anything wrong? Their judgment was very subjective. I realized that it was no use

asking. They pushed me, but did not help me to change. Perhaps they did, but I did

26

not feel that way. My change was an act of distorting. I learned the lesson painfully

and desperately.

This was a valuable experience for me, in a sense. This was, I name it, my critical

learning experience, when I first consciously realized that “I was different from

them”. I could identify at a later stage what was meant by “culture”, which silently

existed without notice. Das (1995, p.50) defines culture as “an inevitable silent

participant in all counselling because counselling is a culture-specific human

intervention. Each form of counselling is a reflection of the culture that produces it”.

I then became cognizant of their shared perception of the image of being a

counsellor. Smith (2004, p. 3) stated that “Culture is invisible without contrast”. My

behaviour, reaction and the ways of presentation are not supposed to be accepted

by their community.

I was at the edge of the razor. I was too vulnerable and powerless to express and

defend myself. I could only survive by being docile, acquiescent that what she said

was right and what I had done was wrong. They then released me from the penalty.

I feel sad to say that instead of using Darwin’s famous phase “survival of the fittest”,

I would say the “survival of the most compliant”, to denote the experience of the

powerless in our bureaucratic culture.

Berry (1994, 2001) suggests four types of acculturation strategy: Integration,

27

Assimilation, Separation and Marginalization. At that time I used Assimilation

strategy, i.e. I gave up my own unique voice and became absorbed into the powerful

host culture. Why did I choose this strategy and not another realm of possibilities?

I will trace back my antecedents of the incident.

After years of continuous reflection, I have concluded that I went through several

stages of professional identity development as a counsellor similar to the New

Culture Adaptation Model suggested by Sue and Sue (1990): Stage 1: Conformity;

Stage 2: Dissonance; Stage 3: Resistance and Immersion; Stage 4: Introspection or

reorientation; Stage 5: Integrative awareness stage.

In the conformity stage, I experienced an intense excitement and euphoria at the

connection with the culture of the counselling training institute. I felt relaxed and

started to express myself freely. I thought of this as an ideal place with acceptance

and unconditional positive regards for facilitating students’ self-development. I

openly discussed and shared my feelings and observations without considering

other potential factors. This was my preconception. After that, I spent a great deal

of conscious energy at the entrance of the dissonance stage to deal with the

stressful difference which leads to both emotional and cognitive fatigue. At the

resistance and immersion stage, I reacted with defence, confrontation and

disappointment. It is a painful process.

28

After years of introspection and reorientation, I eventually realized that the

problems associated with my ignorance of the cultural differences in the values,

beliefs and behaviour of those teachers.

At the Integrative awareness stage, I can actively engage the change with many

problem-solving and conflict resolution tools with some degree of success in other

types of cultural conflicts. I know this growing realism has to do with my increase of

psychological power and personal maturity.