Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here and I’m in a really good mood today. My cheeks actually hurt right now from smiling so much. I really love writing and recording all this material for you. I hope you’ve gotten lot of value out of it so far.
Today, I want to talk to you about one of the most comment questions I get all the time:
How do I stop thinking about my ex?
If you’ve been following along and doing everything in the program then you’ve probably already cut contact with your ex by now.
If you haven’t done that yet, you need to do that as soon as possible.
Why?
Because you won’t get any real perspective on the situation until you do.
You’ll be obsessing over all the events that happened leading up to the breakup, rather than all the real problems that actually lead to the break up.
So if you haven’t cut contact yet because you’re not sure if you should give it another try or just move on, let me kindly remind you that you need to cut contact with them regardless of whether you want to get them back or not.
The only difference is, you do it temporarily if you want to get back together and you do it permanently if you’ve decided they’re not good for you.
With that said, most people are usually in 1 of 2 places at this point of the program.
Half the people are still furiously clinging to the hope of getting back together, even though it’s stating to seem a bit unlikely (though some are still clinging to the possibility in spite of that and are refusing to cut contact)
The other half have accepted that it’s over and are having a really hard time moving on (even if they know their ex isn’t good for them in the long run).
Some of them have even gone as far as cutting contact with their ex completely.
If that’s the case, props to you. I know it took a lot of courage to actually do that.
Regardless of what situation you’re in right now, you’re probably having a really hard time not thinking about them right now.
It’s like they just constantly keep popping into your head over and over again throughout the day and you’re probably wondering:
“how do I get them out of my head for good?”
Well, that’s exactly what I’ll be covering here so let’s dive right in…
The first step to getting your ex out of your head is understating the nature of the problem.
Like I said in past sections, your mind hates change and it seeks to keep everything the same at all costs.
It wants to keep things comfortable and familiar because it’s safer that way.
Another reason why you can’t stop thinking about them is because now that you’ve cut contact with your ex, the only way that your mind can keep them alive is by thinking about them.
Without your thoughts, your ex is NOTHING to you.
Think about it…
They’re not an active part of your life anymore; you’re not really interacting with them and no new memories are being created.
The only time they’re really relevant to your life is when your mind seeks to re-create or re-live something from the past.
In other words, you’re the only that continues to make them feel like a relevant part of your life.
I know that may be a bit disheartening at first but it’s also extremely liberating.
Why?
Because it means that this is only as much of a problem as you allow it to be.
So why does your mind continue to make you relive all these experiences?
Well, there are two main reasons…
1) One is to get some sort of “closure” or “completion” around the issue That’s what your mind needs in order to adjust and be in “harmony” with this new change in your life.
2) The second reason your mind keeps forcing you to relive things from the past is in attempt to maintain some sort of HARMONY with how things used to be.
Essentially, it’s like a balancing act for your mind.
So you need to approach the situation with this level of understanding because it will help you develop patience (which is a key ingredient to healing a broken heart) Whatever you do, don’t get frustrated with yourself for thinking about them.
Like I said, it’s natural to do that but you don’t want to get pulled by that frustration because that just makes the problem worse. Because what happens is you think about them and then you create a secondary problem by judging yourself for thinking about them and then getting frustrated with yourself.
If you find yourself thinking about them, don’t resist it… redirect it.
This is something that I’ll talk about again in a later section of the program and it’s rooted in the idea that what you resist, persists.
This is actually a quote by a famous psychologist named Carl Jung.
“What you resist, persists.”
Think about that for a second…
When you resist something, you actually end up “feeding it” and giving it energy.
So you don’t want to resist it, you want to EMBRACE it.
Embrace the fact that the thoughts are coming up for you and realize that this is normal and healthy.
When the thoughts come up, just catch yourself and go:
“oh, I’m thinking about my ex again. this is what happens, this is my period of
relationship rehab. I’m in the no contact phase so what good is it to think about them right now if I don’t plan on contacting them? That’s just another way of dragging out the suffering. I don’t want that so I’m going to choose to let go of it right now”
And here’s the kicker…
Just because you do that once doesn’t mean the problem is solved.
In fact, it’s probably going to come up again and again… in a few minutes, in a few hours, or even in a few days or weeks.
You have to be okay with that and allow yourself the permission to drift off.
However, when you catch yourself drifting off, you have to consciously get your mind back on track.
If you’ve studied or practiced any kind of meditation, yoga or eastern philosophy, you’ll understand that this is the nature of the mind.
It drifts; it thinks about things, and it basically just doesn’t want to be “still.”
It’s kind of like an untrained monkey (which is how they describe it in various disciplines of Eastern Philosophy).
It constantly drifts off and wanders and you have to patiently bring it back to the present, knowing that this is all part of the process.
So if you catch yourself thinking about your ex, calmly bring your mind back to whatever you were doing before you got off track.
In other words, don’t beat yourself up for drifting off and thinking about them!
Just kindly redirect your mind back to what you were doing before you got distracted.
This is the foundation of the new approach that I’m going to teach you.
It’s the underlying mindset that you absolutely MUST have in order to succeed with this.
Now, I’m going to teach you a special technique that you can actually use in conjunction with this mindset in order to help you stop thinking about your ex.
However, this underlying mindset is absolutely critical.
Without it, you’ll just end up generating even MORE pain and suffering.
Why?
Because instead of applying the technique that I’m about to share with you, you’re going to get carried away with thoughts of frustration, self-judgment, and self-loathing.
In other words, you’re not going to be in the right state of mind to remember and apply the technique that I’m about to share with you.
You’ll be too preoccupied with other counterproductive thoughts to do the productive thing that you know you need to do in that moment.
That’s why I’m making an extra effort to really hammer down on the importance of this mindset before I share the technique with you.
It will help you develop the patience that you need to have throughout the process.
And guess what?
Getting over a break up is a process.
I’ve done my best to help you accelerate that process by sharing some of the most powerful things that I’ve discovered after going through the process myself.
However, there’s no “quick-fix” for the actual process. You have to go through it.
However, I’m giving you the shortcut to getting through that process as quickly and easily as possible, with the minimum of suffering and resistance.
With that said, I’m going to ahead and share the technique that I promised to give you.