The Breakup Cure

The Breakup Cure

The “Shortcut” to Getting Over a Break Up

By Kevin Kurgansky

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2013 True Fulfillment

www.HowToGetOveraRelationship.com

It is illegal to copy, distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part, or to contribute to the copying, distribution, or creating of derivative works of this book. Any violation is subject to maximum punishment in the court of law.

By purchasing this book, you agreed that the information contained in this book is an opinion and will be used for personal entertainment purposes only.

The author may not be liable for any direct or indirect consequences that occur from the use of any of the ideas contained in this book.

You are responsible for your own behavior and this work is not to be considered professional, medical or psychological advice.

If you’ve been raped or abused or if you are having any kind of suicidal thoughts, please contact a local mental health care professional immediately. This course

About the Author

Kevin Kurgansky is the author of The Breakup Bible and the creator of

The Breakup Cure and The Breakthrough Breakup Method.

He is also a Certified Coach with The Life Coach Institute and has

his own private practice as a break-up and relationship coach.

Kevin graduated from DePaul University and completed his

Couples Therapy Training with The Gottman Relationship Institute

Seven years ago, Kevin went through a devastating break up

that brought him to the lowest point of his entire life. The

breakup propelled him on the path of self-discovery and he

used it as a catalyst for his transformation. He emerged from

the experience a changed man and went on to help thousands

of people through the painful process of getting over a break up.

Introduction

Before you read any further, I just want you to take a moment to realize that you are not alone.

I know that after a break up it often feels like no one can possibly understand what you’re going through right now but I want you to know that I’ve been in your shoes myself numerous times and so have millions of other people.

It’s important to acknowledge that what you’re experiencing right now is actually very common. In fact, there are thousands (if not millions) of people all around the world that are going through the exact same thing right now.

I know it might seem like things will never get any better and there’s just too much to deal with but it’s absolutely essential that you remember this one thing…

“Nothing lasts forever… not even your troubles.”

I want you to think back to a time in your life when something unexpected happened and you felt like it was the end of the world.

I want you to relive that experience for a moment and feel how it made you feel at the time. Now I want you to rate that feeling on a scale of 1 – 10

(1 being not bad at all and 10 being the worst you can imagine)

Now I want you to think about how you feel about that situation right now and then rate it again from a scale of 1 – 10.

I can guarantee that the way you felt about it the moment it happened and the way you feel about it now are radically different… probably by at least 3-5 points.

See, when something really unexpected happens we have a natural tendency to over exaggerate it and make it out to be much worse than it really is.

In fact, you may have found it so funny that you were once stressing out so much and driving yourself crazy over it that you may have had a hard time experiencing some of the same emotions or even remembering how you felt!

In a time of pain and struggle, it’s always good to look back at another a time in your life where you felt like what you were going through was so unbearable and then compare it to how you feel about it now.

You may be wondering… how is it that something that once seemed like it was the end of the world is not even a problem anymore?

What changed?

Well, the thing that changed was your perspective

Over time, you actually started to see the situation differently and once you began to see what happened in a different light, it changed the way you felt about it.

Well, the way you’re seeing your break up right now is causing you to suffer.

In other words, your perspective is “distorted” because you’re caught up in the storm. So what I’m really here to do is help you expand your perspective and help you start to

see your break up a little differently. Once you begin to see it, it will change how you feel

about it and then you’ll be over it before you know it. There’s a brilliant quote by Albert Einstein that says:

“Life’s most significant problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking you were at when you created them.”

So my goal is that this information will help you reach a “new level of thinking” so that you can deal with the breakup and move on with your life. I’m going to do this by sharing some of the lessons I’ve learned on my own journey, as well as strategies and techniques that I’ve used to help thousands of people get over their ex.

I also hope to help you see things in a new light so you can gain some “perspective” on the situation so you can look back on this in the future and go “wow, that wasn’t nearly as bad as I made it out to be” (just like you did in that last exercise)

Hell, maybe you’ll even be able to crack a smile about it later. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though…

How to Get the Most Out of this Course

I want to make it clear from the very beginning that this is not simply meant to be read, it’s meant to be used as a “workbook” to help you heal as fast as possible.

In order to help you do this, I’ve incorporated a good blend of theory and information, as well as specific techniques and action steps you can take immediately after reading it. So treat it like a “workbook” - read each and then spend some time doing the exercises and reflecting on how you can apply it to your own life.

Simply reading it from start to finish WON’T just magically heal you. Don’t get me wrong, I share a lot of very powerful techniques in this book that will help you heal your broken heart and move on with your life. However, they won’t do you any good if you just read about them and don’t use them.

I can give you the resource but you have to take responsibility for actually using it.

However, I promise that if you actually use the resource and apply all the powerful techniques I share, you will feel an instant sense of relief the very first time you do it. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a “quick fix solution” but it does work.

So here’s my promise to you…

If you really immerse yourself in all the information I share in this book and you reflect on how it applies to your situation, you will drastically speed up your recovery process and get over your ex at least twice as fast as you normally would.

You’ll also walk away with a greater sense of clarity about your relationship, but even more importantly, a better understanding of yourself.

I hope the information in this course helps you as much as it’s helped me and thousands of other people from all around the world.

Enjoy. Kevin

Section 1:

How to Deal with Rejection

Hey, what’s going on? It’s Kevin here and I want to thank you for getting my program. In this section, I want to talk to you about the #1 most important thing that you need to do after a breakup: learning how to deal with rejection.

The way you deal with rejection will determine:

1) how easy it is for you to cope with the breakup 2) how likely you are to get them back

3) whether you’ll have a chance of being friends with them in the future

But even more importantly, it’s going to shape how they remember you for the rest of your life.

So with all this in mind, it’s really important to learn how to deal with rejection the RIGHT way, rather than the way that comes naturally to most of us after a break up (which is often very counterproductive).

What Happens When We Get Rejected?

Rejection is a very powerful thing.

When someone rejects us (especially when it’s the person we love) a whole bunch of stuff comes up for us.

We feel hurt, rejected and downright devastated.

It usually comes as a total shock to us and it feels like our whole world is falling apart. Rejection actually sets off a series of physiological responses in our body that most of us are not even aware of. Only people like me who “geek out” on this kind of stuff actually know what’s going on behind the scenes.

So, what happens inside of you when you get rejected by someone?

When someone rejects you, it actually triggers a part of your brain called the amygdala.

This is the same part of our brain that’s responsible for our fight/flight mechanism (you may have heard of that before).

This part of us gets activated anytime we feel threatened.

When this part of us gets activated, we go into a hyper-intense state of awareness in order to be better equipped to eliminate the threat.

Okay, so what does this part of our brain actually do after a break up?

To put it simply, it automatically goes into a “fight” response in order to eliminate the threat.

The threat, in this case, is the possibility of losing them forever. In fact, just the IDEA of losing them is enough to makes you panic.

That’s why you start doing a bunch of crazy stuff like calling and texting your ex over and over again, begging and pleading, and promising to change.

You do everything you can to get them back and you try to preserve the relationship at all costs.

Why?

Because you’re desperately trying to avoid the potential loss and change.

See, as humans, we don’t really like change.

Any kind of change, especially one as drastic as losing the person that’s closest to us, means our entire world flipping upside down.

A magnitude of change that’s that drastic is never easy, no matter what your relationship was like. In fact, just the thought of losing them can be downright frightening.

So this nifty little part of our brain actually developed an extraordinarily powerful survival mechanism to eliminate the chance of that ever happening.

The “survival mechanism” I’m referring to here is the need to RECONCILE

This often shows up in the form of begging, crying, pleading and other desperate attempts to get our ex back.

Why?

Because getting our ex back = keeping things the same.

And as long as things are the same, everything is safe, comfortable and familiar (even if it’s not necessarily the best thing for us in the long the run)

However, the “long run” is not what your brain is concerned with in that moment. All it’s concerned with is trying to keep things from falling apart.

Sure, we can come up with a bunch of neat rationalizations and justifications for why we feel such a strong urge to save the relationship; because we love them so much and all that good stuff.

And while that’s certainly true, there’s also something MUCH deeper going on behind the scenes. That’s why the urge you feel to try to get your ex back is so damn STRONG. See, it’s not just love that’s propelling you to save your relationship; there’s actually a biological response that’s triggered in your mind and a physiological response signaled to your body.

That’s what’s causing the hyper-intense state of panic (and that’s why it feels so intense).

You’re literally in an altered state of being.

You have an incredibly powerful set of chemicals coursing through your body right now, causing you to enter a hyper-active state of panic and worry.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Is it because I like overwhelming your mind with a bunch of complicated psychological jargon?

No, not at all.

The reason I’m sharing this with you is because I want you to understand that the urge you feel to get your ex back is not just an urge you feel because you love them.

Sure, that’s obviously part of it.

However, I want you to realize that there’s a bunch of chemicals coursing throughout your body right now that are making you want to get them back at all costs.

These chemicals are causing you to live in a state of panic and desperation.

Okay, but why is this important for me to understand?

Because you need to understand what’s actually happening in order to know how to handle yourself.

You need to be able to recognize when that part of you is activated in order to get back in control of yourself.

Because once your amygdale is activated, you’re thrown into over-drive and you go completely unconscious.

At that point, you’re basically just a puppet with puppet strings.. The puppet strings, in this case, are your emotions.

They are pulling you in a hundred different directions all at once and that’s why you feel like you’re going crazy.

I want you to take a moment to stop and realize that this is all very NORMAL.

I know it feels like you’re going crazy but you’re actually not. The reason it feels so intense, like I said, is because this is a hard-wired response that’s been programmed into our minds throughout thousands and thousands of years of evolution.

I won’t go into all the specific details of how it evolved here but just know that this reaction served a very specific survival purpose many, many years ago when we lived in small tribal communities.

The thing you need to realize about this reaction is that although it was originally created to serve you, it no longer does.

In fact, it actually hurts you and it usually does much more harm than good. Let me explain….

When you start freaking out and doing everything you could to convince your ex to take you back, it makes you seem NEEDY, DESPERATE and UNDESIRABLE (…which actually ends up pushing your ex away even further)

And that’s the weird “counter-intuitive” thing that most of us never realize.

We think that if we just prove to them how much we love them and explain how we can’t go on without them, they’ll understand how much we love them and feel sympathy for us and want to get back together.

Yet, that almost NEVER works.

In fact, it usually just pushes them away even more.

Why?

Just think back to a time when you walked into a store and a salesperson approached you right away, asking you what you needed.

Then, before you could even respond, they immediately start showing you a bunch of stuff they got in stock and going on and on about how cool it is and how you need it. What was your initial reaction to their behavior?

Probably something along the lines of “ahhh, get away from me!”

What’s funny is that this reaction has nothing to do with what the salesperson said. What they said could have been the greatest thing in the world and the product itself could have been exactly what you needed.

However, your natural instinct in that moment is to retreat and push away. WHY?

Because you can sense that the other person is trying to “get” something from you.

You can tell that they have some sort of agenda and it feels “icky.” Well, the same thing applies here.

So please stop that right now! Got it?

Good.

This is obviously a lot easier said than done since you’re under a very powerful spell of emotions right now.

Like I said earlier, all the stuff that’s going on behind the scenes is VERY real and it’s literally coursing through your entire body right now.

In other words, there are physical things happening inside of you that are causing you to feel this way (which is why it’s so damn hard to get back in control of yourself)

By the way, I want to give you one physical symptom of all these chemicals reactions just so you know that I’m not making all this stuff up.

You know that feeling you get in your gut?

That sick lonely feeling in the pit of your stomach? Yeah, that one.

That’s one example of it.

Just that one thing along is enough to compel you to do ANYTHING you can to get your ex back.

Sometimes, it’s not necessarily even to get them back; it’s just to make that HORRIBLE feeling go away.

Can you relate? I know I can.

A lot of people go to really great lengths to avoid that feeling.

Some people end up buying programs on how to get your ex back and they try to use a bunch of sneaky, manipulative tactics to get them back.

Now, I’m not going to get too much into all that stuff here but here’s my take on it:

If you need to get a program on how to get your ex back and use a bunch of sneaky manipulative “psychological tactics” … it’s probably not meant to be.

Personally, I believe that love should just happen naturally. Of course, it doesn’t just last naturally.

It takes A LOT of work to maintain a relationship and it requires you have to have a certain level of knowledge and skill.

However, nothing about it should feel sneaky and manipulative. You really shouldn’t have to do that just to get someone to love you. If that’s the case, it’s not real love.

Maintaining Your Dignity After a Break Up

The goal of this section is to help you deal with the rejection the right way so that you can maintain your sense of dignity (not just for yourself but in your ex’s eyes as well) I can’t even begin to tell you how many people I’ve talked to that acted desperate and needy after the break up and did a whole bunch of crazy stuff that they now regret. Not only did it end up pushing their ex away even further, but it also tainted the image they had of them in their mind (which ended up ruining any chance they had of getting back together in the future).

I’ve helped some people recover from this and rebuild a friendship afterwards. However, a lot of people never really did (not that you have to be friends with your ex or anything). In fact, it’s probably best to NOT be friends with your ex after a break up.

I’ll talk about this a bit more in a later section though. For now, I just want to help you deal with rejection.

The reason we take rejection so badly is because we’re social animals.

We’ve evolved over the years in a social environment, where we had to get along and cooperate with others in order to survive. We still have to do that now but not nearly as much as before.

Before, when we lived in a tribal society of only about 40 people, the approval of others was crucial to our survival. If someone didn’t approve of us, we could have been ostracized from the pack and left to survive on our own in the wilderness. And back then, the chances of survival under those conditions were next to nothing. In fact, it was practically impossible.

Remember, we weren’t nearly as self-sufficient and independent as we are today. We

desperately needed other people in order to survive. So when we were separated from

the pack, we were basically as good as dead.

So we developed a “rejection-avoidant” mechanism for this very reason.

We learned that in order to best ensure our chances of survival, we had to minimize rejection and disapproval from our community.

(NOTE: I’m grossly oversimplifying a very complex process that has evolved over thousands of years but I’m not trying to give you a history lesson here. I’m just trying to give you a quick overview of what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way.

How Rejection Affects Us

Fast-forward to now and you can see this process in effect just about anywhere you go. Just think back to a social interaction where you had to meet and interact with a bunch of new people. It could be a meeting or networking event, or in class or even out at a bar. Think back to a time where you saw someone you really liked or found really attractive. Someone that you really wanted to meet and strike up a conversation…

Did you actually go up and talk to them? Probably not.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most people don’t.

Why?

Because we don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable.

We don’t want to put ourselves out there and get turned down.

We don’t want to get rejected.

We don’t want to be embarrassed in front of others or end up feeling stupid. That’s why most of us never even bother to approach in the first place. Because we fear rejection.

And while many of us may think that THAT rejection is bad… the rejection we feel from someone we love is actually 10 TIMES WORSE.

See, we actually feel MUCH more hurt and rejected when we’re rejected by someone that we’re in a relationship with.

Why?

Because the first type of rejection I brought up is a very superficial kind of rejection. When you’re meeting someone new and they reject you, they’re usually just rejecting you based on some superficial thing – perhaps it was based on something you said or perhaps it was simply based on your appearance or some other superficial thing.

However, when you get rejected by the person you love, by the person you’ve spent so much time with it, it STRIKES you right to your CORE.

That’s why you feel that knot in the pit of your stomach.

It’s because this person has known you intimately for several months and years and they probably know you inside out like no one ever has before.

And after getting to know the real you, they’ve decided that they don’t want to be with long-term.

That’s what really hurts us deep in our heart and soul. It’s hard NOT to take something like that very personally.

And the fact that we take it so personally is actually part of the problem. In fact, it’s what causes the rejection to hurt so much.

So what I want to help you do today is to separate the personal reaction from the rejection.

That way, you don’t let it affect who you are, your sense of self, and your self-esteem. There’s a great quote by Gandhi that says:

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission”

See, rejection hurts and it’s always going to hurt. However, it doesn’t HAVE to hurt.

In order to stop it from hurting, you need to understand why it hurts. The pain is actually a hard-wired response.

In fact, studies have shown that when we get rejected by someone we love, it actually triggers the same part of our brain that feels PHYSICAL PAIN. Dr. Ethan Kross, a professor in psychology and his research team at the

University of Michigan actually conducted a study where they separated people into 2 groups; one was a group people that just went through a break up and the other group was just a regular group of people. They hooked them up to a machine that monitored their brain activity and here’s what they did:

They took the group of people that had recently gone through a break up and they showed them a picture of their ex.

After that, they monitored the response in their brain.

Then, they took the second group - the group of regular people – and they spilled a cup of hot coffee on their arm.

And what they discovered is that the same part of the brain was activated in the group that saw a picture of their ex as the group who got burned with hot coffee.

In other words, they found that the brain reacts to emotional rejection exactly the same way that it responds to physical pain.

The results of this study offers new insight into the complexities of social rejection and how the experience can be both emotionally and physically debilitating.

It’s clear that the psychological pain that results from a relationship break up affects our physical health.

In fact, research has shown that grieving actually increases the risk of heart attacks. This is yet another indicator that reinforces all the stuff I was saying earlier.

To put it simply, the pain you’re feeling right now is very real and it hurts. But that doesn’t mean that it has to KEEP hurting you.

Although it’s perfectly normal to have this kind of reaction, you want to be able to take control of it so that it doesn’t keep hurting you.

You want to separate your sense of self from the rejection in order to preserve your sanity.

So, here is something that I recommend in order to help you do that:

Don’t see the rejection as something that your ex is doing to you.

It’s not like your ex woke up one day and was like:

“Hey, I want to do this really mean and evil thing to him today…. or, I want to hurt her really, really bad and cause her a lot of pain. What can I do?”

It wasn’t like that.

I’ll talk about this more in section 2 and I’ll also explain why your ex is acting cold and distant right now.

In the meantime, just realize that they do still care about you.

They wouldn’t have been with you if they didn’t love or care about you to some degree. Now, whether it was true love or not is beyond the scope of this program.

If you want to know if your ex really loved you and whether your relationship is really worth saving, I talk about it in much greater depth in my advanced course:

Can Your Relationship Be Saved?

I also include a special bonus with it called:

The True Love Test – The 10 “Sure-Fire” Signs Your Ex Is The One For You

This test will help you figure out if this relationship is really worth saving (and it’ll also help you reinforce your decision to move on if you already have a feeling that that’s the best thing to do)

If you haven’t gotten it yet, you can get it here:

www.BreakthroughBreakupMethod.com

Remember That It Wasn’t Easy

For Them To Leave You Either

If they loved you or cared about you at all, then it wasn’t easy for them to leave you (although it may feel like it was based on their current behavior).

However, the truth is that it’s never easy to leave the person you love (even when you know it’s the right thing to do).

However, people do eventually leave when the relationship gets too painful to bear. Remember how I said that humans are creatures of habit and we generally do everything in our power to avoid change?

Well, the same thing applies in your ex’s case too.

They’re losing a friend, a lover, and a companion.

Not only is it painful to lose someone that close to you but it also requires a really HUGE change.

And remember what I said about change?

We don’t like it and we don’t tend to deal very well with it.

So with that in mind, I can guarantee you that this wasn’t an easy decision for them. It’s likely that they’ve been thinking about it and mulling it over for a really long time. In fact, they probably knew that they wanted to break up with you a long time ago. They just kept putting it off longer and longer.

Until something happened…

Now, you might be wondering, “what happened?” To put it simply:

The pain of being with you got worse than the pain of losing you.

I’ll go into this in more depth in a later section but for now I just want you to begin to realize that this is something that your ex is doing for their own personal benefit (rather than as a negative thing to cause you pain)

Therefore, you should do your best to NOT take it too personally or feel like they’re doing this in order to hurt you.

It’s not an attack, it’s an act of self-preservation.

Whatever you do, don’t start thinking that there’s something wrong with you or that you’re not good enough as you are.

Sure, you’re not perfect and I’m sure there lots of things that you could’ve done differently. However, that doesn’t mean that you’re not perfectly lovable as you are. Like I said, there are probably many things that you can learn and improve (and we’ll explore these things a bit more in a later section).

In fact, I actually created an entire course on how to learn from all the mistakes you made in your current relationship so that you don’t make them again in the future. It’s called:

Why Your Ex Left & What it REALLY Takes to Make a Relationship Work.

If you haven’t gotten it yet, you can get it here: => www.WhyYourExLeft.com

For now though, I just want you to realize that you’re not flawed in any way.

Just because your ex rejected you doesn’t mean that you are any less lovable…. you are still whole and complete.

If you find yourself questioning that or worrying that you’ll never find someone else, it’s usually a sign of low self-esteem. Here’s a fundamental truth that I discovered in my private practice:

“People with high self-esteem tend to cope with breakups and rejections A LOT more effectively.

Why?

Because people with high self-esteem know

who they are and what they have to offer

If one person doesn’t appreciate them, they know that someone else will.

I want you to feel the same way. Remember:

Losing Yourself in Relationships

It also means losing a part of yourself.

When you attach yourself to your partner and lose yourself in the relationship, losing them feels like you’re losing everything.

It can affect you to the point where you feel like you can’t go on without them.

Well, that would explain why you’re reacting in a fit of panic and desperately clinging to the relationship in any way you can.

This is why it’s so important to stop and reflect on the situation before you just desperately try to get them back at all costs.

You need to stop and ask yourself:

Why Do I Really Want Them Back?

If you want them back just to eliminate the suffering – in order to get rid of that feeling of loneliness and to avoid having your sense of “self” dismantled – then you’re not really wanting them back for the RIGHT reasons (or perhaps, not for very pure reasons). See, everyone wants to get their ex back.

The question is:

Do you want to get them back because you value the relationship or because you’re afraid of losing them and living your life without them?

A lot of people that try to get back with their ex do it just to hold onto the relationship (even though, deep down, they know that the breakup is probably in their best interest). That’s what I did and that’s what so many of us do.

Why?

Because losing the person you love is freakin’ hard! (Even when the time has truly come)

So what I want to do today is challenge you to think a little deeper about whether this relationship was really in your best interest.

Were you really happy in this relationship or are you just really comfortable and familiar with this person and afraid of starting over?

Are you trying to get them back just to feel desirable again or do you really want to have them back in their life and rebuild an entirely new relationship with them?

So ask yourself: why do I really want them back in the first place?

Because I Love Them!!!

This is the most common reason people have for getting back together.

They say things like “But I love them so much! I can’t imagine my life without them!” Okay, well, everyone loves the person they’re with…

If you didn’t love them, you probably wouldn’t be with them (at least in most cases). However, if you’re hurting over it this bad, then you obviously did love them and you did care about them very deeply.

And while love is all great and special…

“Love is not enough to actually make a relationship WORK.”

Sure, it’s enough to spark all those great romantic feelings that you had in the beginning but it takes A LOT more than love to actually make a relationship work.

With that said, I want to encourage you to explore the REAL reasons for why you want them back.

Don’t just react on autopilot and try everything you can to get them back out of desperation. It’s not going to work.

Plus, it may not even be in your best interest to get them back.

I know that’s not what you want to hear and you may not be quite ready to even hear that yet but that’s often the case.

We’ll talk about it more in some of the other videos - but for now - I just want you to realize that you are not any less lovable without this person.

Remember, you are not really losing any part of yourself (or at least not any part of your

true self)

Love Cannot Be Taken From You

Another thing that a lot of people really stress out about is the idea of losing love (or losing the person they love).

Here’s what I have to say that (pardon me while I get metaphysical)

This person did NOT actually GIVE YOU LOVE

Sure, you may have felt loved in the relationship and they may have shown their love to you in a lot of different ways that made you feel valued or appreciated.

However, the feelings of love that you felt in the relationship were YOUR FEELINGS. Those feelings were coming out from within you (and they are still inside of your body right now)

So this person didn’t actually GIVE you LOVE… they simply inspired you to give yourself the permission to feel YOUR OWN LOVE in their presence.

And here’s the kicker…

You can give yourself permission to feel that love again with other people that happen to strike your interest.

I know you don’t want to think about that right now but love is a resource that is very abundant on this planet.

You CAN love again. And you WILL love again.

Hell, you can even love if you never end up finding anyone that’ll ever love you again. How?

The Most Important

And Most Valuable Love

In The World is Self-Love

You cannot truly love someone who does not love themselves.

In fact, trying to love someone who doesn’t love themselves is like trying to hug broken glass. You’ll only end up hurting yourself more in the process.

If you don’t love yourself, all the love you get from others is going straight into a bucket with a bunch of empty holes at the bottom.

All that love is eventually just going to end up leaking out because no amount of love is ever enough to fill a bucket for someone who doesn’t love themselves.

You are the only one that can ever fill it.

However, when your bucket is already FULL and someone pours love in, you overflow with even more love and appreciation.

And THAT’S the place that you really want to be.

If you don’t love yourself, every act of love you give is infused with impurity

It becomes a sneaky way of giving just to get something back.

In other words, you do it in order to get something that you think you need in order to fill something within you (which it never really will).

You are the only one that can ever fill that.

You can never fill that part of you with the love of another (at least not if you want to enjoy a life of sanity and drama-free relationships)

The only thing that you can ever really fill that with is your own self-love.

If this material resonates with you, I encourage you to embark on a journey of self-love. Do whatever it takes to build yourself up and give yourself the approval that you so desperately crave from others.

If you don’t give yourself that approval, you’ll constantly be a slave to other people’s opinion of you.

Liberate yourself from the quest for other people’s approval and give yourself the approval you’ve been yearning for.

It’s the only approval that will ever truly satisfy you.

By the way, I talk a lot more about how to actually do this in my other program:

The Fresh Start: How to Bounce Back from a Breakup, Regain Your Joy In Life and Become a Stronger & Better You

If you want more details on how to sign up for this program, just send me an email at [email protected]

Anyways, I just wanted to share that as another key distinction for you to keep in mind on your journey to recovery.

Remember that what you felt in the relationship was your own love and you can feel that love again in the future. Hopefully, that’ll help you deal with that devastating feeling you get when it feels like you’re losing everything and you’ll never be able to feel the same way about anyone ever again.

What I’d like to do now is actually take all the ideas that I just shared with you today step further and give you a specific exercise that you can apply in your own life. That way you have something that you can actually DO to feel better.

I know I shared a lot of great concepts here and I know a lot of them are probably making a lot of sense to you. You may have even had some really profound “aha” moments. However, I want to do more than just that for you. I want to give you something that you can actually do to cope with the loss and become more at peace with yourself. Something you can do to rebuild your self-esteem and your self-love so that you aren’t totally devastated by the break up.

To help you do that, I want to share a really, really powerful technique that I talked a lot about in the video that you saw right before you bought this course. It’s something that I recommend to every single one of my private clients as well and I actually guide them through this process during some of our sessions.

The process I’m referring to here is a powerful technique called EFT, which stands for

The Emotional Freedom Technique

This is an extremely powerful technique that can help you deal with various emotions, such as traumas, fears and anxieties.

Note: this technique is not meant to be a replacement for traditional forms of therapy. You are more than welcome to use it to assist you in your recovery process. However, I am not saying that this will be the thing to “fix” things for you. It has helped me and many of my clients tremendously. In fact, it’s been one of the most powerful tools I’ve ever discovered. However, I cannot guarantee anything and I cannot be held accountable for anything that happens as a result of using this technique.

Okay, now that we got that part out of the way, let’s go ahead and dive into the actual technique…

There’s two components to EFT; one is physical and one is verbal.

I’m going to go over the verbal component of this technique here and then I’m going to link you to another video that shows you the physical part of it afterwards. Deal?

(PS: the video I’m going to share with you is a really great way to learn the technique because it actually gives you a close-up look at how to do it and shows you exactly what to do every step of the way. I’ll post it for you at the end of this section).

So here’s what the verbal part of this technique is all about…

It’s about SELF-ACCEPTANCE

More specifically, accepting yourself in spite of whatever you may be feeling right now. This is what will ultimately help you cope with it (both the rejection and any other thing that you may apply this technique to in the future)

It’s really interesting because the philosophy behind this technique actually runs parallel to the idea that I expressed a little bit earlier in that quote I shared with you by Gandhi:

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission”

Well, what this technique does is it actually gives you a way to accept yourself. Once you do, a lot of the hurt will dissolve.

And that’s the mind-boggling thing about it all…

No one is FORCING you to feel hurt right now.

You simply feel that way because you got rejected. And because of that, you’re getting all down on yourself.

However, no one can make you feel down about yourself without your permission.

In other words, you’re the one that’s letting yourself get down all about it. Kind of a bittersweet truth, right?

Don’t worry, this technique will help you stop beating yourself up about it. See, it’s actually NORMAL to get down about it.

What this technique does, essentially, is it helps you accept yourself so that you don’t

continue to STAY down about it.

It helps you embrace, both yourself and your reaction, to whatever is happening.

And once you do, you’ll finally feel at peace with yourself. So here’s how you do the verbal component of the technique… You do it by simply saying ONE simple little statement out loud.

“Even though I feel _______, I deeply and completely accept myself”

The blank should be filled in with whatever you are feeling right now.

This allows you to embrace what you’re feeling so that you can actually work with it, rather than getting consumed by it.

Feel free to use this technique spontaneously and voice whatever is coming up for you as you’re feeling it.

Really tune into what’s coming up for you and give yourself the opportunity to not only be with that, but to voice it out loud and make it okay for you to be with that.

The Emotional Freedom Technique Examples

Here’s a couple different ways that you can actually do this…

“Even though I feel hurt and rejected, I deeply and completely accept myself”

“Even though I feel completely devastated right now, I deeply and completely accept myself”

“Even though I feel depressed about losing the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I deeply and completely accept myself”

There are hundreds of other spinoffs that you can use with this technique but those are just a few examples that illustrate how it works.

You can start with these if you find it difficult to actually tune into your feelings.

However, the most profound moments of healing will come when you’re actually able to pinpoint something that’s been lurking around inside of you. When you bring it to the surface and welcome it, you’ll transform all the energy you have twisted up around it.

Remember: you need to feel it in order to heal it.

So bring up whatever’s bothering you and give yourself the permission to just let it be. If you welcome your feelings and allow them to be, you’ll notice an incredible wave of peace wash over you.

But even more importantly, you’ll notice a deep well of inner peace within you.

(PS: this technique is 10x more powerful if you say that sentence outloud while looking at yourself in the mirror. This is not part of the actual technique, it’s just a little modification that I’ve adopted and found incredibly helpful in my own life. In fact, I’ve had some of the most profound moments of peace when I was actually able to see myself in the mirror as I was saying this outloud. I’d really, really recommend it.)

The more you use this technique, and the more you accept yourself and all your feelings, the easier it’ll be for you to cope with the loss.

The Emotional Freedom Technique Resources

Here are two great resources with more information about EFT

1) Complete Overview of The Emotional Freedom Technique

=> http://eft.mercola.com/

2) Step-by-Step Video Walkthrough of The Emotional Freedom Technique

=> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI

In this section, I taught you the verbal component to this technique.

There’s also a physical component to it and it’s demonstrated very well in this video. The physical component of the technique involves tapping certain points on your body as you say the “sentence of acceptance” outloud (these points run along your meridians, which control the energy flow in your body).

So here’s how it works…

1) You bring up what you’re feeling by saying that statement outloud

2) Then, you use the tapping technique to release them

This technique is based on a very simple principle:

Emotions are simply energy in emotion.

All you have to do is give them the space to process.

Once you give your emotions the space to “flow” – they’ll just naturally work themselves out on their own.

Unfortunately, most people suppress their emotions and never give them the space to process. They just keep them bottled up inside and they continue to eat away at their life

This technique will show you how to work through them and release them so that you can finally get through this and get the peace of mind you deserve.

I taught you the verbal part of the technique, as well as the philosophy behind it. The video I linked you to will explain it in greater depth and it’ll also show you exactly how to do it, step-by-step.

So go ahead and watch it and then apply this technique to your situation. It’s a great way of dealing with all the pain you’re feeling (and it’s a lot more constructive than freaking out, acting desperate, or complaining about life).

Trust me, I’ve been there and I get why you might feel tempted to do that.

However, I’m trying to show you a better way here so please welcome my help and use it It’s helped me and thousands of other people and I know that it will help you too.

PS: if you’re having a hard time dealing with something that happened in your relationship and you want my personal advice on YOUR situation, I’d be happy to help you. Read below to learn how to contact me.

There’s No “Magic Pill” – Except THIS…

There’s really no way around a broken heart.

It hurts and there’s no magic pill you can take to make it all stop.

However, what you can do is allow the pain to be so that it’ll pass quicker. In order to do this though, you have to remember one thing:

You have to work with the tide, not against it.

This is the “secret” to getting through it.

So whatever you do, don’t judge yourself for feeling what you’re feeling right now. You’re not weak, stupid or crazy for feeling how you’re feeling.

It’s normal.

What’s not normal is to NOT feel them.

If you didn’t feel anything, that would mean one of two things

1) Either you’re completely numb 2) Or you’re a total sociopath

So don’t beat yourself up for feeling hurt, just allow it to be. If you simply sit with it and allow it to be, it will pass.

If you try to stuff it down or resist it, you’ll only make things worse.

There’s a great quote by a famous psychologist named Carl Jung that says:

“What you resist, persists”

Kind of ironic, huh?

It’s really counter-intuitive.

Once you stop resisting your emotions and just allow them to be, the charge will just naturally disappear on its own.

Once all the resistance and self-judgment melts away, you will simply sit in a space of self-acceptance.

This will bring you a profound sense of inner peace. And that’s really the goal, right?

To be at peace with yourself no matter what happens. To be okay even if it doesn’t work out.

To be happy with or without your ex.

Well, this technique is the tool that will help you do that.

It’s helped me tremendously in my own life and I’ve also used it to help thousands of people from all around the world. I’m confident that if you use it, it will help you too. If you learn how to accept yourself no matter what happens, you’ll become

much stronger and much more resilient in life.

You won’t be slowed down by various forms of sabotage, whether that’s self-judgment or feelings of hopelessness.

You’ll also be able to silence the inner critic and just accept reality for what it is. This will make you better equipped to deal with any challenges that may arise.

So go ahead and use this technique as a stepping stone to becoming your greatest self. Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling right now and let it be okay.

You just got rejected and it hurts.

It’s natural to take it personally and get all down on yourself.

But rather than letting it take over you and overpower you, combat it with self-acceptance. Give yourself self-love and approval.

You have to nurture yourself in a time of weakness.

I know this may sound a little weird or “touchy-feely” to some people but I urge you to NOT just brush this off.

Don’t just go “oh, that’s silly” or “oh, that’s too gimmicky” – just put that stuff aside for now and use it. I promise that if you do, you’ll FEEL the impact first hand.

That’s why I shared this particular technique with you in the very first section of the program.

Trust me, I could have shared a hundred other things that I’ve learned throughout the years - and yet - out of all the things I could have shared, I chose this one.

Why?

Because this technique is single-handedly the most powerful tool for dealing with all the pain after the break up.

I put it in the very beginning of the course so that you can use it right away.

After all, that’s why you got this course in the first place, right? You got it because you wanted some kind of relief. You wanted a way to deal with the pain and make it go away. Well, here it is.

I am giving you a proven way to heal yourself.

The best way to combat rejection is through self-acceptance.

Too often, we reject ourselves based on someone else’s opinion of us and we suffer because of it.

Don’t belittle yourself for letting it affect you.

Don’t judge yourself for being weak enough to let other people’s opinion affect you, just accept that it DID affect you (and that’s okay).

Sure, it’d be nice if you were beyond that but most of us aren’t (at least not initially). And that’s okay… you’ll be able to use this experience as a way to grow beyond that. But you needed to face this experience in order for that to happen… so embrace it. Give yourself the space to actually feel what’s going on for you, rather than trying to block it out. I know it sucks, which is probably why you’re just trying to block it out in the first place; however, if you resist it, it’s only going to get worse.

So go ahead and use this technique to heal yourself in whatever you way feel most comfortable. If you feel goofy doing it in front of the mirror – that’s cool – don’t do it in front of the mirror. I just personally find it really powerful to actually be able to look at myself in the eye as I’m doing it.

Doing this process really helps me reconnect to my true self, the part of me that lies deep within that’s much bigger and much more powerful than all the fleeting, temporary life circumstances.

That same great self dwells within you as well… it dwells within ALL of us.

And if you can tap into that, you can connect to something bigger that will give you the power to get through this.

Note: when I say something bigger, I don’t necessarily mean God or some sort of higher power (though you’re more than welcome to try to tap into that as well).

However, if you’re not religious at all or if you’re spiritual but not religious, I want you to envision yourself tapping into your highest self as you look into the mirror.

Look deep within your eyes and tap into your greatest, most resilient and authentic version of yourself. Envision you at your highest potential. That part that you really see yourself when you’re all by yourself. That part that you’ve always believed you can be. Tap into that part of you right now and rely on that to get you through this. It can and it will. It may be hard to see that right now but it’s part of the growing process.

You literally have to grow into that version of yourself.

You have to step into it - and once you do - it’ll get you through.

As you can probably tell, this is about A LOT more than just getting over a break up.

This is about helping you awaken to your own greatness.

It’s about helping you tap back into your own power so that you can not only survive the breakup, but also thrive through life.

If you really embrace this as an opportunity to do that – as an opportunity to learn, grow and become a better person – your life will transform beyond your wildest imagination. That’s what happened to me and that’s what happened to hundreds of people that I’ve worked with one-on-one.

And it all starts with making ONE simple decision:

The Break Up “Wake Up”

Once I had this change in perspective, my whole life started to change.

I suddenly embraced the hand I was dealt and began taking the steps I had to take in order to get myself out of the emotional turmoil that I was in.

Within just a few short months, I went from depressed and miserable to incredibly

blissful.

Before my days were filled with stress, anxiety and discontent and now they are filled with peace, joy and fulfillment.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy to make these changes and it took a lot of work for me to truly transform myself.

However, it all started with ONE simple choice…

The choice to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for everything in my life. I know that’s not particularly easy or sexy but that’s where it all starts. It all starts with you

Right now, you have the same opportunity I had.

You have the opportunity to embrace what happened and use it to transform your life for the better.

In this moment, you have the power to back control of your life and become the person you deserve to be.

If you do this, you’ll eventually look back on this event and see it as a blessing. After a few months passed, I realized that my ex actually did both of us a favor by leaving.

Not only did she free us both from a toxic relationship that wasn’t really making either of us happy but she also gave me exactly what I needed to “wake up” and turn my life around.

Prior to that, I just sort of drifted through life and took whatever came to me.

If I didn’t get what I wanted, I’d always find some sort of excuse for why things didn’t work out.

I would just play the “victim” role and complain about bad things always seem to happen to me.

It wasn’t until I was faced with the excruciating pain of heartbreak that I made the decision to take full responsibility for my life and where I choose to go from here. But once I did, my life changed forever.

I became much more positive and proactive in life.

I learned the power of making a decision and carrying it through until it’s finished, no matter how difficult it got or what I encountered along the way.

I learned to persist in the face of adversity.

Pain didn’t have the power to stop me.

Temporary setbacks didn’t have the power to knock me off course.

I was determined.

Through this experience, I became much stronger and much more resilient. I’ve also learned to be a lot more patient and compassionate with myself. I’ve become much more “in-tune” with my feelings and how things affect me.

This gave me the confidence to go after what I wanted, knowing that I could deal with whatever would come up along the way.

Ever since then I’ve been unstoppable.

I’ve written books, I’ve launched 4 different businesses that did over $100,000 dollars in sales, and I’ve traveled all around the world.

I’ve done tons of other amazing stuff too but that’s not really the point here.

The point here is that I didn’t actually give myself the permission to do any of this stuff until I developed this level of self-confidence.

But once I did, I finally gave myself the permission to pursue my dreams and do what makes me happy.

And now I can’t help but look back at all the years I wasted.

I wasted so many years as a passive observer, living a life of mediocrity.

I had a “victim mentality” and I would always complain about how life sucked.

I had a sad sob story of how things never seemed to work out for me, how life was unfair and how things were way too hard.

This way of living prevented me from making any kind of change in my life.

And when I actually did try to change something and it didn’t work out or I just didn’t see immediate results, I would just use that to sabotage myself even more, further reinforcing how hopeless it is for me to even try to do anything about my situation. It was literally a downward spiral.

However, this was how I lived all my life so I thought that’s just how things were. I didn’t realize how self-defeating this actually was until after the break up.

So although I didn’t fully realize it at the time, I was actually given a great gift the day my heart was broken.

A New Beginning

“We all have flashes of awareness in which we realize that who we are in all our smallness has to break apart in order for a new self to emerge….I’ve learned that it is only when we are willing to give up the fragile hold we have on our illusions and come apart that we can begin to see the truth, surrender, and begin anew.” - Baron Baptiste

I want you to imagine your heart breaking open as a necessary part of opening yourself up to something greater.

Imagine your heart expanding in order to embrace everything your life was meant to be. As I look back on what happened, I realize that my heart was breaking open for a reason. I had a tremendous life-force in me that could no longer be contained.

The breaking HAD to happen in order for my heart to expand and contain the extraordinary fullness that is flowing into my life every single day.

I am much more positive and optimistic. I am also much more mature and self-aware.

But even more importantly, I am stronger than ever now.

The day my ex left was the day I discovered a strength within myself that I never knew existed.

You never really know how strong you are

until being strong is the only choice you have

Much like you, I was left with no choice but to find a way to survive. Through this process, I found the strength within myself to get through it. I wish I could say it was easy… but it wasn’t.

It took a lot of conscious effort to continuously make the right choices in each moment. However, it made me a better person at the end of the day.

In fact, I’m actually really glad my heart broke open that day because it’s revealed so much to me about life.

Through the process of having my heart broken, my life opened to me. And with gratitude, I am now open to life.

I know it’s hard to understand why everything is happening right now, let alone be grateful for it. However, I want to invite you to explore how this situation may actually be in your favor.

Put aside all the panic and desperation for a minute and silence the urge to try to get them back at all costs.

Now, step back and think rationally about things for a second…. Do you really want them back?

Is it actually in your best interest to get back together or are you just afraid of losing them and being all alone?

BIG difference.

I’ll talk more on that in a later section…

For now, I just want to leave you with one closing thought about gratitude:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie

I know it may not feel like there’s all that much to be grateful for right now because you just lost one of the most important people in your life.

However, it's important to stop and acknowledge all the amazing things in your life that you DO still have.

Here’s a really humbling thought…

There are people out there who are happy with less than what you have

Kind of puts things in perspective, huh?

How about thinking of THAT the next time you find yourself wallowing in self-pity? The lesson that I want you to take away from this is that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE I know it's easy to get trapped in a spiral of doom and gloom after a break up but you need to make a conscious effort to take note all the amazing things in your life that you have to be grateful for.

As much as it may feel like it right now, your life is NOT over. There are still tons of amazing things to look forward to... IF you make the choice to do so.

So today, I challenge you to find appreciation for something that you may normally take for granted.

It may feel a little "unnatural" at first but it'll really help.

In fact, it has now been scientifically proven that

expressing gratitude every day can make you 25% happier.

Not only that, but it's been shown to actually change your body chemistry and give you a much more peaceful state of mind.

This research is from a new and emerging field called positive psychology, which focuses on studying what makes people happy and how we can use that to improve our lives, rather than studying depressed people and trying to figure out "what's wrong" or "what to fix"

So many of my coaching clients have come to me for help after seeing various therapists and psychologists for months (and sometimes even YEARS).

Many of them come to me with this idea that there’s something wrong with them. Like they’re somehow broken.

Some of them were even prescribed various forms of medication and antidepressants to help them cope with their “anxiety” and “depression”

Yet, a lot of them came to me feeling just as frustrated and confused as they were when the relationship first ended.

That's because there's no way to medicate the pain away.

I know at times you probably wish there was a "magic pill" that you can take to make it all go away but there's not.

Honestly, this course is the closest thing to a magic pill I’ve ever seen. If you simply follow along and apply all the things I shared with you, I promise it will help you.

And if you’re ever having a hard time, I want you know that I’d be happy to help you. Just read below to learn how to reach me:

Want My Personal Advice on Your Situation?

If you want more in-depth advice based on your specific situation, just call my office at

(312) 476-9416 or email us at [email protected]

After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you to schedule a time for us to talk. Once we get on the phone for our session, I’ll help you see through all the confusion and figure out what you should do.

Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24-48 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I’m usually pretty booked up but even if I’m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in very soon.

Section 2:

Why Your Ex is Acting Cold & Distant

(And How to Get Them To Open Up)

In this section, I want to address something that’s probably driving you crazy right now:

How cold and distant your ex is being…

They were totally in love with you before, everything was great and now they barely even give you the time of day.

It’s probably driving you crazy and making you wonder:

“How can they do this?”

“How could they be so cold and distant and act like I don’t even matter to them?”

In this section, I want to address some of the underlying reasons for their behavior so you can finally understand what’s really going on.

Once you understand what’s going on “behind the scenes” – you’ll finally be able to stop driving yourself nuts, wondering why they’re acting this way.

The truth is, you’ll probably still be bothered by it even after you learn this. However, it’ll bother you a lot less once you finally understand this.

So here’s the short explanation:

The reason they’re acting so cold and distant right now is because they’re A LOT more over you than you think.

Your Ex is A LOT More Over You Than You Think

You might think that this all just happened very suddenly; however, your ex has already been thinking about leaving you for quite some time.

It’s not like they just woke up one day and were like:

“hmm, this relationship isn’t really doing it for me.”

“I really love this person and all but I think I’m just going to go ahead and end it.”

Not at all.

In fact, here’s what I discovered after talking to a lot of people on both sides of the breakup, both the person doing the dumping and the “dumpee”

Most people plan to break up with someone for weeks, months, and sometimes years before they actually leave them.

From time to time, I’ll ask people the following question:

“How long did you know you wanted to end it before you actually ended it?”

The amount of time varies in each case, though the most common answer I get is usually a couple of months.

See, it’s never easy to end a relationship.

(If you’ve ever been the one to end a relationship in the past then you already know this) My point here is this:

It’s never easy to leave someone you love

I know right now it may seem like it’s really easy for them to do it based on their current behavior.

However, you have to realize that their current behavior is a reflection of weeks, months, and sometimes YEARS of unhappiness.

It wasn’t this easy for them to do when they first got the idea.

That’s why they wrestled with it for so long before they finally did it.

The only reason it seems so easy for them to walk away right now is because they’ve actually been EMOTIONALLY DISTANCING themselves from you during all that time.