Online Game.pdf

ON LINE DATING

SUCCESS FOR MEN

THE GUIDE

(By Kezia Noble)

1. Introduction

2. Photos

a)Your main photo b)Angles and posing c)Location and settings d)Common photo mistakes e)Photo brilliance

f) Activity photos g) Album photos

3. Your Profile information

a) What do you like to do for fun? b) Student case study before and after

4. Describe yourself

a)Generic attributes that fail to make impact b)Giving her an insight

c)Past,present and future

d)Student case study before and after

5. Your job

a) Impress her the RIGHT way b) Student case study before and after

6. Describe your ideal women

7. Your message

a)First contact

b)Common ‘initial’ message mistakes c)What your first message should contain

8. When she responds

a) How long it took her

b The length of her response.

9. Your aim

a)common mistakes b)pre-planning c)sealing the deal

d)To pursue or not to pursue?

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

Online dating is growing fast! There is not a single doubt in my mind about this proclamation. And its all thanks to the online social network revolution which began around 2004. To name but a few of these sites:

Myspace, Bebo, Twitter Asmallworld Badoo Ninged Orkut meetup friendster

and of course the TITAN of all social networking sites FACEBOOK.

It is thanks to these social networking sites ,that people have now discovered an easy and far less time consuming way of keeping in touch with friends, family and

acquaintances . But a more important point to acknowledge, is that it also has made the task of actually meeting new people far more easier than ever before.

The 2 biggest reasons why people use these social network sites are for business and of course for dating opportunities.

It is now considered ‘normal’ to say to someone you have just met: “ I’ll Facebook you” or “ Add me on Facebook” in order to keep an interaction or a relationship going.

Imagine saying that 4 years ago? If someone had said that back then, most people would have thought it was strange or that it was another way to say:

“ Thanks but no thanks” But now it is considered to be the next best thing to getting someones personal phone number.

It is (again) thanks to these sites , that online dating has become far more mainstream and acceptable. I personally know over 15 people who met their partner online, and these people are by no means considered to be unpopular or geeky or strange or desperate, or whatever descriptions people once used to describe other people who were signed up to online dating websites.

Online dating was once considered to be something that only desperate loners in their mid 40s (who were usually men) would use as a last solution to end their days and especially their nights of loneliness. It was looked down upon by the majority of men and women (whether they had an active dating life or not) and was considered to be almost sinister by most young women.

Here are some interesting statistics:

For the first time ever in 2010, three major online dating websites had exactly the same amount of female applicants as men.

Online Dating Magazine estimates that there are more than 120,000 marriages a year that occur as a result of online dating.

31% of adults in America say they know someone who has used an online dating service.

Online Dating Magazine estimates that more than 20 million people visit at least one online dating service a month.

In 2009 17 % of married couples met online 1 in 5 singles have dated online

1 in 5 singles in serious relationships met their partners online These statistics would silence even the most zealous ‘online dating’ skeptics.

When I started training men in the art of seduction, back in 2006, a lot of my students would confess that they had tried online dating, NOTE the word ‘confess,’ It was as if they were revealing to me a dirty little secret that they were ashamed of, but now, nearly all my students tell me unapologetically and openly within the first 10 minutes of our meeting that they are on one or numerous well known online dating websites. Even my female friends have zero problem in telling people that they have tried or are actively trying to find someone via an online dating website.

It was inevitable that after spending so much time with my students, helping them get maximum results from their online profiles and messaging techniques that I would find a formula and a set of structures that could be passed on to others.

After helping over 300 men of all ages and from all backgrounds in transforming their online dating profile and increasing their success rate with the women they met as a result from altering their profile pages,and of course knowing how and when to message and respond to the messages of the women on the sites, I came to the following conclusions:

i) There are actual ways to insure you get more enquiries from women just by making some well needed adjustments to your online profile and photos.

iii) Anyone can maximise their online dating profile WITHOUT LIEING, no matter what they look like, how old they are or what they do for a living.

So sit back, and absorb all the information you will need that is contained inside this e-book. Apply it and see for yourself your current level of success in online dating increase to a whole new level!

CHAPTER 2: PHOTOS

Yes, its true, women are exactly like you in this area, they partly make their decision based on your photo FIRST, and it really can be in some cases ‘make or break’ with this one. Regardless of what amazing message you send them, or what cool hobbies you have listed on your profile or what an amazing job you do, or how many times you have travelled to the Amazonian rainforest and been surfing in the pacific ocean! It can all go to waste if your main profile photo is unattractive.

Now I can already hear a lot of you who are reading this say:

“ But Kezia, I’m not ascetically good looking, so how can my photo ever be considered attractive?”

This is a limiting belief and it’s based upon the fact that you don’t know how to actually A) Pose for a photograph and B) Pick a profile photo that will maximise your looks.

As I said, I have helped hundreds of men with their online dating profiles, and it’s fair to say , that a number of them were, what is considered to be physically

unattractive, and were not photogenic at all. I would spend time looking through all their photos that they hd of themselves stored away on their laptops, and every single time, I would find at least one photo if not more of them looking a lot better than the one they had chosen.

Some of them, only possessed a few adequate photos, but those photos were in my opinion not good enough to use on their online profile, which meant they needed to have some more taken.

If this is your case, then here are some very important tips that you need In order to take the perfect photo:

2b) ANGLES AND POSING

Angles! Believe it or not, I am not naturally photogenic, however, since I entered the media , I learned how to pose and what angles I needed to adjust myself into in order to look literally 10 times better!

i) Never pose with your face looking directly at the camera ( unless you have a very large nose- go to point iv). This does not mean you should not be looking at the camera, but what it does means is that you need to move your head to a certain angle, whilst your eyes remain looking at he camera. I used

I would cringe. My nose would look far bigger than it actually was, and you would not be able to see my cheekbones, therefore my face totally lacked definition. In other words, even though I’m considered fairly attractive, my photos in the past failed to highlight my attractiveness. So, I started learning how to pose properly! By analysing photographs taken by professionals of people who had the same facial structure as myself and asking advice from professional photographers. This also included learning how to position my body to make myself seem slimmer. A lot of people make fun of me because of the way I pose so professionally for holiday snaps, but the fact still remains that when we look back at those pictures, I usually look far better and as result I have more photos to choose from when I need to upload some to one of my social network sites, rather than relying on one that is just about considered to be ‘decent’.

ii) If your are on the larger side, then stick to wearing darker colours, and choose a head and shoulders photo rather than a full body one. If you do go ahead and decide to choose a full length photo, then always have your body positioned in a 45 degree angle. Whatever you do, do not positioning your body directly face on! Even the slimmest person can go up two whole dress sizes when they do this.

iii) If you have bad skin, or have too many noticeable wrinkles, try having photos that either have a very strong flash which helps cover the blemishes, OR go for the opposite, no flash at all, but instead opt for a softly lit setting, preferably candles, as this can prove to be extremely flattering.

iv) If you have a large nose, then a great trick, is to tilt your head up slightly as this makes your nose appear smaller than it actually is. Also, in this case you should aim to look directly at the camera ( if you nose is really large that is)

v) If you have a double chin or an attractive or weak jaw line, then a tip that a lot of models and celebrities use is to extend your neck towards the camera, which will help avoid a double chin and will accentuate your jaw line.

2c) LOCATION, AND SETTINGS

Once you know how to pose, the next step is the setting:

Look at your current photo you have on your profile, and if you don’t have one yet, then look at the photos you have been considering to upload on to your profile. What do they say about you? Do they express how happy you are, and that you are busy person? OR, do they convey the illusion that you are someone who spends too much time in front of their computer? Do they say that you’re a fake? Do they send the message that you are trying too hard?

Ask these exact questions and be completely honest with your self on this one. Ask your self this: “Could I have a better photo than the one I have already?” “The answer will probably be “YES”

2d) COMMON PHOTO MISTAKES

I have of course done extensive research in online dating, in order to make sure that this e-book would serve to maximise your online dating success rate, and during this research, I saw some horrendous but very common mistakes that countless men make when choosing their profile photo.

i) The Loner photo

Many guys have photos of themselves taken from their computer. You can even see the screen of their laptop glaring in the reflection of their eyes or glasses. NICE!

This screams LONER!!!! to anyone looking at them. So avoid this mistake at all costs! ( see photo below)

ii) The Fakers photo

There are a lot of guys who decide to have professional photos of them taken in a photographic studios and as result, 9 times out of 10, it comes across as tacky and fake. Even if your are considered to be a really handsome man and could in fact even do modelling work, a modelling picture raises a girls suspicions in thinking that you are not real and are in fact a creepy guy who has used an unknown models photograph without their permission in order to lure girls into a false belief that they are the actual guy in the picture.

their well honed 6 packs, and to be honest, I don’t even bother reading the message accompanied with the photo as I automatically presume the sender of

that message to be a fake. The message gets deleted before I have even read it!

Even if she believes it is you in the photo, it will generally come across way to big headed and arrogant. If your that good looking , then you don't need to have a professional modelling picture of yourself as your main photo, however, you can include one in your online album.

(see photo below)

This is a guy who contacted me whilst I researched undercover on a well known dating website, he was

obviously either a fake or a big head- and as a result he got NO response!

iii) The invisible man photo

I have seen a lot of guys upload photos of themselves doing really cool things such as surfing, sky diving abseiling , BUT nearly every time, those photos have been taken from a long distance, or their faces will be almost completely

obscured. Women become very suspicious when they can’t actually see the guys face in his main profile

photo,.Although the settings of his photo might be impressive, the fact we can not see his face, over shadows the fact that he is trying to convey what a fun and active lifestyle he is leading. Save these kind of photos for your online album, which she will inevitably look at once she’s impressed with your profile picture, your profile

information and of course the message you would have sent her.

(see photo below)

Cool lifestyle, but where is his face?

2e)

After you have perfected your pose and providing the lighting is flattering, you should next try and aim for a main profile photo that has other people in it as well as your self. This does not mean you should have their faces in the pic, but you should make sure that it is apparent that you are surrounded by friends and if you can, preferably include female in this photo.

Make sure that you crop the photo, so that women who see your photo can also see that there are indeed people around you.

Here are 3 great examples:

In these photos, the men might not be posing as best as they could and the lighting might not be that great, but what is essential here, is that they look like they are in demand and that they are having fun.( If they had posed correctly and had some decent lighting it would have been even better!)

They are showing the world that they are busy men, with active social lives, and are comfortable around women and other people in general.

The third photo is actually a photo that I advised one of my students to upload to his profile page, and since then, he has had far better responses from women. Women are curious to find out where he was when that photo was taken and who the other people were in the photo ( it was me and my sister)

Most profile photos that men choose do not attract these kind of curious questions,!

They also provide an excellent way of visually demonstrating high social proof however, I understand that you might not want to exaggerate the fact that you have an abundance of women in your life, as you might feel it be somewhat misleading, so in his case , you can always choose a photo whereby you are surrounded by men and women or even just your male friends. So long as it ultimately comes across that you are having a good time and have a social life. If it is possible try and pick a photo of you appearing sociable and busy rather than lonely. ( and make sure your face is clear)

2f)

If you insist on having your main photo of yourself enjoying your favourite hobby then make sure you have your face clearly on display.

Like this one:

These kind of photos are hard to achieve, so I would suggest avoiding using these as a main profile photo ,unless they are at the same level of quality as the ones I have used as an example ( note how you can see the faces pretty clearly)

2g)

A lot of dating websites offer the choice of uploading as many photos of your self as you like.. DONT!

Once you have chosen the important profile photo, you need to make some wise decisions about what other photos to include in your album, so NEVER get

carried away by uploading all those holiday snaps and endless photos of when you were growing up or all those photos of the countless Saturdays nights you spent going to bars when you were a student. Instead, you should pick no more than 7 extra photos.

If you can,make sure you include the following:

i) An activity photo, whereby you are doing something exciting and energising like a high impact sport. Since this is an album photo and is not your main profile picture. It does not matter if your face is obscured in any of these photos, so a fairly long

ii) A photo of you and your friends. This can include women as well as men, in fact, having a photo of you with a mixed group of people is even better. This demonstrates to the girl, that yo have an active social life. ( You can use up to 3 of these)

iii) A photo of you with an animal. Whether the animal is a pet dog or cat, or something more exotic like a lion or an elephant . This is something girls usually

warm to, and it conveys a more sensitive side to your personality. Seeing a man with an animal can be very attractive. I stand by the fact that a man with a puppy dog generates more attention from women than a man with an Aston Martin ( I have actually put this theory to the test)

iv) A photo of you on holiday, if you have a photo of you standing next to a famous or iconic attraction, then use that photo.This is far more interesting than just some random picture of you on a generic beach somewhere. A holiday picture sends the message that you enjoy travelling and exploring. Also, If you have ay photos of you in unusual or exotic locations such as the jungle/the amazon/ safari/ the desert/ the arctic then PLEASE include them.

All these photos can make an interesting conversational hook. Often women will look through a guys photo album, and find nothing that will provoke them into asking him a question. Think about it, what can you really ask a guy who has just photos of him and his mates in a bar, or just photos of him on his own, smiling? It says ZERO about who you are, and provides ZERO conversation hooks.

The suggestions I have made above, will provide her with plenty of things to ask you about, and will increase your level of attractiveness.

CHAPTER 3: YOUR PROFILE

INFORMATION

Once she has seen your main photo, and hopefully has had a look at your other cool photos,(and of course the message you have sent her- which will be covered later in the book) She will then turn her attention to what you have written on your profile page.

There are many online dating sites and therefore the questions that they provide for you to fill in, vary slightly from site to site, and so I will focus mainly on the most common set of questions that they ask for you to provide, as well as some of the more unique questions that they sometimes ask.

In each question I will show you the best ways to answer, in order to help you achieve maximum results. I will also break down the reasons for why women react well to certain answers and less so to others. This will be done in order for you to know exactly how you can answer the questions in ways that are

congruent with your own unique personality. Essentially, these will act as structures to your answers, rather than a ‘copy and paste’ solution.

3a)

or

-What makes you happy?

When answering these kind of questions, a lot of men make the mistake of either being too vague and generic or they make the polar opposite mistake of going too far to the other extreme, which results in coming off too intense.

For example: Being too generic and vague with the description of what you like to do for fun would be:

“I am an active person, who enjoys swimming, and keeping fit.I also really like reading and I enjoy travelling”

This kind of answer could have been copied and pasted by thousands of men. It tells women ZERO about who you are and what your passions are. All it suggest is that whoever wrote this, has made no effort in coming across as anything other than forgettable.

This kind of answer will not make her want to ask you any questions about your idea of fun or what you like to do, and although she too might enjoy travelling and keeping fit, or whatever other activities you have decided to add to your list, it is not enough for her to feel intrigued about you or connected to you.

Intrigue and connection are the fundamental factors what you need to conjure up when writing about your activities and what you like to do for fun.

Now of course, being able to get her intrigued and feel a connection to you at the same time can be tricky, as intrigue and connection can actually result in

contradicting with one another.

The trick is to add activities that people like to do (CONNECTION) and add REASONS and STORIES that explain why you like these activities and how they make you feel (INTRIGUE)

Start by writing out a draft list of what you really love doing, and then make sure that,you put something that involves all of the following three:

i) A physical activity ( i.e: a sport)

ii) Mental stimulation, (add a pass time that stimulates your mind such as reading, art, writing or it could be a hobby or pass time that is even considered a bit geeky by some people)

iii) Something that involves other people. (clubbing, travelling, socialising, group activities,events,concerts)

Once you have your list, I want you to write down, exactly why you enjoy each activity so much. Explore the reasons for why those hobbies and pastimes provide you so much joy and fulfilment. Note- DO NOT RUSH THIS, IT MIGHT TAKE A FEW DAYS TO COMPLETE.

These are the factors that women really want to know!

Women like to know the cause and the emotions that lie behind the actual interest or hobby , far more then the actual interest or hobby itself.

Lets take for example, that one of your hobbies is playing cricket. If you just simply write down the words “playing cricket” this will produce no emotions or

intrigue, in fact, it will probably barley register in her brain, and as a result, you have wasted a perfect opportunity to connect with her or get her intrigued in anyway shape or form.

Have a look back at your list, and see the reasons you have written down for why you enjoy this particular pass time.

Enjoying cricket or football or basket ball or any other such sports usually equates with competitiveness. So why not mention it?

Example:

“ Because of my competitive nature, I love to play a game of cricket”

This is already a far better start than just simply naming in a ‘list format’ what you like to do. The second part, is to add some detail to the experience that you get when playing cricket, or which ever activity you have chosen to share. Example:

“ Because of my competitive nature, I love to play a game of Cricket with my friends, sometimes it gets serious, but we always end up sharing a round of drinks in the end”

This example paints a vivid picture in her head of you really enjoying the moment that your activity provides. She gets a clearer idea of why you enjoy this activity and how it means more to you than just someone else who would have included the EXACT same sport without the description and story to support and explain it, which would have resulted in just another generic hobby.

Here are some more examples that can inspire you to come up with your own ideas:

“ I have a passion for wind surfing, it’s something that I have done since I was a teenager, and the rush just gets better and better”

“ I really enjoy running, especially on cold winter mornings, as this is when I feel Im really pushing myself, and theres always been something special to me about winter mornings that I love”

“I love swimming, it’ also s a great excuse for me to have some well earned junk food at the diner next door to the pool- I literally inhale a burger after a good swim”

“ I enjoy playing golf, I always seem to be the youngest guy at the golf course, but the old guys there always have a great story to tell, so I don’t mind hanging out with them actually”

“ One of my passions is basket ball, I enjoy the buzz the game gives me, and it’s always cool catching up with my friends this way”

“ Martial arts has to be one of my favourite things. The first few months are a real test of willpower, but after that, it becomes easier and more fulfilling”

Now lets look at the next activity you are going to mention: ‘A pastime that gives you mental stimulation’.

This could be anything from : Reading, writing, painting, learning a new language, solving puzzles, watching documentaries, working on a business venture or even just meeting and learning from new people that you meet.

For instance, if you choose ‘reading’ which is a fairly common pastime that men and women often list in what they like to do for fun, then, as before, look at the draft list that you wrote of what you like to read and why you like it, and include that in your description .

Most people enjoy reading to either switch off or to be inspired, which one is your reason?, and why does reading the books that you choose provide you with this sensation?.

EXAMPLE:

“ I enjoy reading horror books, it sounds strange, but they really help me to unwind”

or

“ I love reading autobiographies, as I can feel really inspired by great peoples stories “

Again, this paints a clearer picture of who you are, and as a result she will be able to connect to your reasons for liking something, and how it makes you feel and what mood it puts you in, rather than just stating the pastime its self.

Here are some other examples you can use:

“ I really love to paint. I put on a well chosen playlist on my iPod, and before I know it, the whole afternoon has been and gone- beautiful!”

“ Writing is a passion of mine. I used to be bad at literature at school, so its kinda cool that I now find my self really enjoying it, and rather good at too ( so I have been told)”

“ I love watching movies, especially Tarantino movies. It sounds like a cliche, but they really are a major adrenaline rush- my favourite has got to be kill bill 2- definitely an underrated maser piece!”

“This might sound geeky as hell! But I love old retro computer games. Theres something much cooler about playing those old 80s and 90s video games than the new stuff out there- they might be basic and even archaic, but they hit the spot on- especially on a Monday evening after the first day of work”

NOTE: always be unashamedly proud of anything that might be regarded as geeky- such as the example of the ‘retro computer games’

Now let’s look at the next activity that you are going to list, something that

involves other people. This could be clubbing, travelling socialising, being part of a group, or an activity that involves group of people. This is crucial! So often men include activities that can be done solo, which might unfortunately result in them coming across as a bit of a loner. The one thing that will make women not respond your messages is if your profile information ( and photos) paints the picture of you having no friends.So this activity is very important.

Again, make sure you add the reasons for why you like this particular activity, and how it makes you feel.

EXAMPLE:

“I love nightclubs, it’s a great way for me to unwind with my friends after a long week. I think Im the responsible one, since I seem to always be the one shoving them in taxis at the end of the night’

“ I love travelling, so far China has to be the most interesting place I got to explore, especially the cuisine there,hmmm very interesting..Next stop is mexico , i can’t wait!”

Again, this paints a clearer picture of who you are and as a result she will be able to connect to your reasons for liking something, and how it makes you feel and what mood it puts you in, rather than just stating the pastime its self.

Here are some more examples of this particular category of activities that you can use to inspire you;

“ I love going to bars in Shoreditch ( insert an area of your choice) I love the vibe in that area of London, it’s far less pretentious than the scene in Chelsea ( again insert an area of your choice) “

“ I enjoy spending my weekends with my friends,after a wild night out, its always followed by a well deserved sunday brunch- eggs Royale of course- healthy breakfasts are off the menu on Sundays”

“I consider my self a fully fledged movie critic- so I love going to the cinema with a few friends, followed up by a late night meal where we get to share our often contrasting views on the movie”

“Travelling is an addiction for me, meeting new people from different cultures is something I value a lot. The memories from all the holidays I have been on over the years are precious and the photos don't’ do the memories justice” “ Travelling for me is essential. I go with a group of friends at least once a year to south east asia, where the weather is perfect and the vibe is electric”

“I LOVE karaoke- now don't laugh! This is a guilty pleasure of mine, and my friends love my awful rendition of ‘Billy Jean’”

(Note: Again, be unashamedly proud of anything that might be considered a bit geeky.)

These examples all use emotional anchors, such as Precious,

electric, laugh, wild, love.

Which make more of an impact and add more movement/energy to your descriptions rather than:

“I like” or “nice”

They also convey the message that you are: POPULAR

BUSY SOCIABLE EXCITING

without actually having to say “I’m popular” or “I have a busy social life” which will just come across as you needing to prove something to people.

3b) STUDENT CASE STUDY BEFORE AND AFTER

So here is an example of one of the sections on my students profiles before I helped him , and after, which he has kindly given me permission to share:

Before:

Age 32

Interests and activities

I like travelling, meeting new people and I jog regularly. Keeping fit is very important to me. I enjoy watching romantic comedies, which is unusual for most guys, but I really think they are funny and easy to watch.

I am interested in classic cars, especially vintage American Mustangs.

After:

Travelling is one of my greatest passions. I got the travel bug in my late teens, and haven’t been able to get rid of this slightly expensive hobby. Out of all the places I have been to, I would say, Japan has to be my favourite. Seeing the futuristic blended perfectly with tradition was truly an eye opener- and the people I met there are still my friends to this day. The next destination I want to tick off on my list is Peru.

Although I wouldn't consider my self a health freak, I do choose to keep fit,and after discovering I was useless at swimming and extreme sports, I settled for jogging- which I surprisingly find myself enjoying more and more- I cant imagine starting my day without that daily run.

A great way for me to unwind is..wait for it! Romantic comedies! You either love them or hate them, and I am firmly in the ‘love them’ category. Its nice to know, that without a shred of uncertainty that any tragedy in those simple plots will always end up with Colin Firth getting everything he wanted and more. However, they need to change the standard boy band soundtrack from time to time.

And last but by no means least, I have a passion for classic american cars, especially the vintage American mustangs. I have a goal of one day owning a sky blue mustang, and doing the whole american road trip in it one day ,

preferably with someone to join me , and as a rule, we would both have to adopt the local accent as we travel from state to state.

As you can see ,the first one was boring, lacked energy, failed to provoke emotion and as a result came across as yet another generic, copy and pasted list of

activities.

In the second one , we made it more dynamic and as a result it has more movement, energy and gives the feeling of being taken on a roller-coaster of emotions and stories.

We added more emotional words that draw the reader on a more emotional level.

.We added little stories that painted vivid pictures to make it easier for the reader to visualise.

.We added past ,present and future elements- which is a topic we will discuss later on in the next section.

.We added examples and stories that make him come across as sociable and popular and busy.

.We added stories that creates intrigue as well as connection.

Since he changed this section of his dating profile, he has received an incredible amount of responses, (in fact, he changed this part of his profile before he changed his main photo)

Before, he was getting ZERO responses from women- and hopefully now you can see why.

Regardless of how exciting your activities are, whether its swimming with sharks, flying planes, car racing, travelling around the world- it will generate ZERO excitement, intrigue or connection if you fail to add all or most the tips I have shared with you in this section.

CHAPTER 4: DESCRIBE

YOURSELF

Unlike the previous question that we have addressed, this question is far more personal. How you describe yourself is a question that all the major dating websites ask. They might re-word the question, but essentially describing as best you can who you consider your self to be as a person and what you consider your character to consist of, is ultimately what they want you to answer.

4a) GENERIC ATTRIBUTES THAT FAIL TO MAKE IMPACT

-Fun loving -Adventurous -Kind

-Sociable -Content

-Good sense of humour - Ambitious - Intelligent - Hardworking - Open minded - Passionate - Positive - Confident

-- There is of course nothing wrong with these personality traits, however, when guys just list a random load of ‘qualities’ to their profile, they are unintentionally conveying the message that they are an all round ‘average guy’.

- You see, nearly every guy on any dating website, is listing the exact same attributes, therefor, if you list these qualities it will only result in you getting lost in an ocean of other profiles that the woman will be looking through.

-4b) GIVING HER AN INSIGHT

- Instead, opt for just three of the attributes that you have chosen to share, and add to each one the following:

for example, lets say you consider yourself to be a positive person, and you want to choose that particular trait in you list of attributes.

Start, by adding ‘a reason’ :

“I am a positive person, as I believe that no matter what challenge your faced, the only way to beat it is by applying a positive attitude”.

Next step, add ‘the story’ or ‘the emotions’ that you associate with this particular characteristic:

I am a positive person, as I believe that no matter what you challenge your faced, the only way to beat it is by apply a positive attitude. When I failed my grades at school, instead of blaming the system or blaming others like a lot of my friends did, I looked at what I needed to focus on in order to gain what I now have today”

This clearly and immediately makes more of an impact and conveys a lot more personal information to the reader, than just simply stating:

:

“I consider myself to be a positive person”

Here are a few more examples of how you can make more of an emotional and psychological impact on the woman when she reads this part of your profile:

“I have always been told that I am a kind person, which is something that I take great pride in. Whenever one of my friends or family members need help, I do not see at as a hindrance, I see it as an opportunity to make someones situation easier and more enjoyable. When I was young a boy, I got into an accident which left me in hospital for a week ( which felt like forever when your 11 years old) and I remember everyone who came to visit me, and from then on I made a promise to myself to be there for other people. It’s something which is very important to me and I have a great deal of time for people who show kindness too.”

“My sense of humour, is not necessarily good, in fact its very cynical and either you get or you don't. I believe humour is the answer to a lot of problems. Having the ability to laugh at a potentially serious situation can make things a whole lot better. Whenever something goes wrong, before I make amends to fix it, I take the time to laugh about it first.”

“My friends say that Im ambitious, but personally I think thats an

understatement. My drive is relentless, and once I set my mind on a goal, I give it everything I have. 4 years ago, I decided to learn Japanese ( why couldn't I

have just picked Spanish!) After setting aside hours each day for 6 months, I finally earned to speak adequate ( not fluent) Japanese. It was a goal that I achieved, and I believe anyone can do it if they are dedicated.”

4C) PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE

There is also a mention of the past, the present and the future in the above examples.

I encourage my students to try and always include the past and future as well as the present when in an interaction with a woman, as this makes the man come across as less one dimensional, and it also encourages the other person to want to ask you more questions and find out more about you .

4d) STUDENT CASE STUDY BEFORE AND AFTER

So here is an example of another one of my students profiles before I helped him , and after, which he has kindly given me permission to share:

BEFORE: Age 28

Describe who your self:

“I am an outgoing sociable person, who enjoys meeting people and learning new things from them. I consider myself to be easy going but at the same time passionate! Everyone tells me I have a great sense of humour, and I enjoy making people feel happy and comfortable around me.

I am ambitious and hardworking, but I still like to make time for fun. My zodiac sign is Aries, which apparently means that I am head strong and loyal, although I don't believe in star signs, I have to admit that I think this particular signs sums me up a lot”.

AFTER:

“I love to be around people, so I guess in my previous life( if you believe in that kind of thing) I would have been a dog rather than a cat- not that cats are that bad, but I definitely could not imagine living the life of a solitary creature.

In day to day life `i can be ultra laid back , and allow things to flow and take their natural course,( imagine a Bob Marley track when you read that bit) However, this does not mean I am so laid back that I will let an opportunity float past me or that I lack the passion to go for what i want.

In fact, my passion is what motivates me and its what has helped me gain everything I have yet wanted to achieve both on a personal and professional level. I have many personal goals which I want to achieve, from the obscure to the giant. One of them is to one day have a pet iguana called Neil ( obscure) and one of them is to own my own company (giant).

For anyone interested in zodiac signs, mine is Aries!Now Im a complete sceptic when it comes to star signs, but i do admit, since I am fairly open minded, I did investigate into what this sign is meant to represent, and I must confess that the attributes are similar to myself. Head strong and loyal TICK!”

As you can see, in the first example of what the student had on his dating profile in regards to letting people know more about himself, he opted for the ‘safe’ bet. or as I like t call it: ‘Low risk low reward’ strategy.

He failed to come across as interesting, dynamic or exciting ( which are three characteristics that nearly every women is searching for when she goes through profiles on dating websites).

He did not mention anything negative, but he chose to leave out the juicy descriptions and stories which are a vital elements that are required to captivate the woman, and intrigue her and that help build a personal connection with her. I asked the student to add a reason and a story to each of the characteristics that he had chosen to describe him self with. So in his final draft we included the

following:

- More powerful emotional words - Personal stories

- A clear understanding of who is - Detail

- Insights in to his character, which was conveyed by using a more creative style of writing.

- Conjuring the illusion that he was actually speaking to the woman who would be reading this, rather than talking to a computer screen.

-- Unapologetic pride in who was and want his values were, but making sure that he did not cross that fine line of arrogance.

- Elements of the past, present and future. - Future projections/goals

- Humorous quips, which demonstrated his particular sense of humour far more effectively than just simply stating “ I have a good sense of humour” Since changing this part of his online profile, he found that women asked him far more questions than they did previously, which indicated the fact that they had been paying greater attention to what he had written than before.

It is well known, that an excellent early indicator of interest is when the other person asks a lot of questions about you.

He also had a lot of more replies to his messages, and the women always commented on how interesting he sounded.

Here is one message from a girl who contacted him after reading his profile ( location and name have been changed)

26 years old Bella “ Hi David,

My names Bella, Im from a small town in Dorset, you probably wouldn't have heard of it, but Im sure you know Dorset, so you will know its a beautiful place- when its sunny! ( which is not a lot ;-( )

Anyway, I was curious about a few things: Why do you want to travel to Peru so much? Ive been there and to be honest, its not as great as the brochures make out. My other question, how come you like pet iguanas..reason I asking is because I LOVE THEM. Going to replace my cat with one soon lol

-Anyway, check out my profile, you will see I am a victim of the travel addiction too lol “

This girl, was not only asking him questions about himself, but she was also noticeably qualifying her self to him. She wanted to prove to him that they have interests and personality traits in common with each other.

Now I have seen the photos of this girl, and she looked like a younger version of Julia Roberts, so don’t go thinking she was a lonely divorced woman with three kids and a vast collection of elastecated waist trousers.

He eventually went on a few dates with this particular girl, and said she was as lovely as well as beautiful.

When constructing your profile information, always remember: -You are unique

-You have high standards -You have values

-You are unapologetic

-You have the gift to make others happy

These qualities must be conveyed in your information, without actually stating them.

Chapter 5: Your JOB

Some dating websites ask you to describe your job and how you feel it about it. Rather than choosing not to answer this question, you should instead view this questions as an excellent opportunity to impress!

5a) IMPRESS HER THE RIGHT WAY

Now a lot of you might feel that your job is either dull, or the description of it is boring, regardless of whether you love your job or not.

I have helped hundreds of men improve their descriptions of their work both in conversation and in writing! I believe that even if you HATE your job you can still win people over and get them interested in you, simply by altering your

description of the job combined with UNAPOLOGETIC HONESTY in how you ACTUALLY FEEL about your job and why you do it.

Let’s first of all take a very common case: You have a job which you like, and it pays well and it is something you have chosen to do because you are good at it and it brings ‘benefits’ to your life as a whole. However, the actual job itself that you do, and the often dull and unimaginative descriptions that come with that job, unfortunately fail to inspire other people and as a result it becomes a conversation killer rather than a conversation starter ( which is what you should be aiming for) For the sake of this example, let’s say you are a software programmer.

You will probably be reluctant to want to talk about it in too much detail. Not because your embarrassed, not because you don't like your job, but because you have convinced your self that it is a conversation killer and from past experience, its not a job which has inspired a woman to ask you a lot of questions. So as a result you probably write something on the lines of:

“I work in computers- I like what I do, but my job is not who I am” or

“I’m a computer programmer, its a bit dull but it pays well” Or you might even attempt to ‘over sell’ the job by saying:

“I am my own boss and I love what I do! I am passionate about my job as it provides lots of challenges! It also funds my lifestyle and i get to pick when I get to go on vacation! Perfect!”

you are somehow trying to prove something to them- which obviously sets alarm bells ringing!

So lets stay away from

Being apologetic bout what you do.

Being embarrassed about what your job is. Coming across as dull.

Coming across to humble. Being too vague.

Over selling!

And instead, lets introduce: Pride Honesty Unapologetic truths Background information Emotions Detail Future projections

5b) STUDENT CASE STUDY BEFORE AND AFTER

This is a case study of a student who I helped with improving his online dating profile. He is 29 years old and is an accountant. The description of his job that he had initially put was:

“I work as an accountant. It has its draw backs, but it also has some great pluses . Also I really like the team I work with , we all make a potentially boring job fun!”

I asked Ahmed, why he chose this profession, he revealed to me that it was something that his parents pushed him into, and it was an occupation that came easily to him.

I then asked him how he felt about his job. He said that he found it boring,

although he likes the people he works with a lot, he feels that sometimes he could be doing something else that could provide him with more job satisfaction.

I then asked him why he continues to do it if he finds it dull. Ahmed then further revealed to me that he is saving money to become a property developer, and that

he hopes in 5 year, that will be his main source of income.Property developing is what he is more passionate about.

With this honesty and information and background story, we were able to develop a far more impressive job description that resulted in women actually taking an interest in his job and day to day working life when he messaged them.

AFTER :

Here is his profile after the much needed alterations:

“I come from a typically hardworking asian family, where getting the grades and obtaining a decent job is crucial! My brothers and sisters were either encouraged to become dentists, doctors or accountants..so guess what I chose? yep..an accountant!..Being a doctor was not an option for me, as I cant stand the site of blood, and being a dentist was BIG NO WAY!

Luckily I have a really cool team that I work with, who keep me sane after a long day of counting other peoples money :-) But what’s great, is that thanks to doing what I do, I get to see all the mistakes my clients make, and I learn a lot from that, especially since I have recently made the decision to become a property developer soon. I will miss my team, but I cant wait to start my new career”

In this improved version, he has shared with the reader some personal background story. In his case it was about his family and how he has been brought up,

something that he found girls in similar professions actually could relate to. He gave an insight in to his day to day working life, by mentioning his team and what he has to do.

He has not lied about how he feels about his job, by pretending to love it, instead he has hinted to the fact that it’s not something he wants to do in the long term, (which demonstrates unapologetic honesty) however, immediately after, he comes back with the benefits that his job gives him, which then leads on smoothly to his own personal aspirations and future projections, leaving this section on a positive note.

Here are some other examples of effective ways to explain your job:

“I work in sales, demanding and stressful at times, but I believe I need that to stop me becoming complacent. I thrive on competition, and my job provides me with that on a daily basis. It also gives me enough time to work on other projects that I see coming into fruition in around a year from now.”

“I am a computer software developer, its something I hate! Yes, there’s no way of getting out of this one, I choose to do this because 1. Im very good at it, and 2. It funds the life I currently love to live. When the clock hits 5:30 I switch off! I enjoy the rewards of a long hard days work and when I’m not working focus on enjoying my self to the limit!”

“From Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm I become Mr Focus! I work in a bank, with a serious bunch of people ( who like to wear grey!),and to be honest, they are people who I have to work with rather than choose to work with. I envisage myself moving up away from my current job title, which of course is why I an very focused when I am there. My job makes me appreciate my friends and the time I spend with them a whole lot more, which is great”

For students:

“Being student, teaches you that its crucial to make sure you get the balance of partying and studying down to a fine art. Although my studies are very

important to me, I am aware that this is meant to be one of the best times of my life, and I intend to enjoy it. I like to consider myself a geek in the classroom (yep, colour co-ordinated notes and all) and a party animal at night, that way I get the best of both worlds without jeopardising my long term career ambitions, which of course entails world domination”

All of these examples have movement in them. You can almost feel the person is talking to you on a personal level, rather than reciting a list of recycled points like a robot.

Remember, if your job is something you hate, then say it! Be unapologetic with your honesty, but remember to explain why you have chosen to do it and where you see your self in the future ( again, adding past, present and future elements can make you come across far less one dimensional)

Many women are also doing jobs that they hate, so it is refreshing when they see a guy who speaks their same language in an emotional sense, but has the courage to admit their feelings in an unapologetic manner.

Never underestimate how much you can achieve with unapologetic honesty, unapologetic truths and unapologetic vulnerability. It conveys a delicious paradox that results in you coming across as very self assertive, confident, honest and it also conveys the notion that you have a deep and clear understanding of who you are, what you want and where you are going. This is a universally attractive quality that any man can possess and convey!

CHAPTER 6: WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN AN

IDEAL WOMAN?

This question can again vary depending on which dating website you choose, and usually the websites will give you a vast list of questions regarding this area with sometimes a vast list of multiple choice answers.

HOWEVER, there is nearly always a section that ask you to give an actual written description of what you are looking for in a woman.

6a) THREE COMMON MISTAKES

Most men screw this section up COMPLETELY. They will make one of these following 3 mistakes:

Mistake 1: Telling women what YOU they THINK they want to hear

Mistake 2: Coming across too openminded and consequently conveying the message that they will have whatever they can get!

Mistake 3: coming across to arrogant and big headed. Lets start with mistake number 1.

Mistake 1: “telling women what YOU think they want to hear”

So what do men THINK women want to hear when he lists out the characteristics that he is looking for in his ideal woman? Men often believe that women don’t want to be judged or feel like that they need to qualify themselves in any way or to be made to feel as if they need to tick any boxes. However, women ARE looking for men with high standards and men who have clear ideals in what they want from women, so in fact you DO need to have boxes that need to be ticked in order to achieve this.

You can convey high standards without coming across a s arrogant, and I will show you exactly how to get that fine balance right later on in this section. Men are very often under the illusion that all women are searching online for a soul mate or at the very least, a longterm relationship, and consequently, men will list the dreaded term “soul mate” in regards to what they are looking for in a woman.

I have seen countless on line profiles of men stating that they are looking for a ‘soul mate’ and even my students have made this same mistake, and yet when I ask them if they truly want this, they always say “NO”. They say that ultimately they want to find the ‘one’ but they also want to meet up for fun and sexual

Finding a soul mate, for lack of a better word, is a romantic term, and whether you believe in soul mates (or the sensation that it refers to), it’s something that should happen naturally, almost unexpectedly. so by stating your desire to meet a ‘soul mate’ you immediately kill off the romance and the thrill of the unexpected that ‘pure’ romance brings. This applies also to the classic mistake of stating your desire to willingly jump into a long term relationship. Women want ONLY the ‘hint’ that this could happen,!The delightful possibility of finding a soul mate or a long term blissful relationship is far more exciting and appealing than someone handing it to them on a plate.

Romantic gestures and statements can back fire if done in a cold cynical manner. So NEVER express your desire to find a ‘soul mate’ or your need to be in a long term relationship on your profile page.

Note: Even if you are looking for the ‘one’ or the woman of your dreams, you have to be extremely careful that you don't give this away too soon, as it can result in you coming across as desperate and needy. As much as most women deep down want to find their prince charming , they don't want that prince charming to be the desperate guy that hands them everything on a plate. They want to believe that finding the ‘one’ will happen spontaneously and unplanned.

So STAY AWAY from descriptions that you THINK women want to hear such as: “I’m looking for a soul mate”

“I’m looking for the girl who wants to share the rest of her life with me”

“ I want a woman I can hold hands with and who understands that I will always be there for her no matter what”

“ I’m looking for meaningful relationships”

“ I want a woman who I can say ‘I love you’ to every morning”

All this is tacky and they are statements that women don't want to hear. So don't think your being clever by giving them what you have heard they want to hear from some book written in the 1950s or some terribly scripted chick flick, Times have changed, and subsequently women have different wants and desires than they did when these well meaning pieces of information that are still scattered about first came out.

Mistake 2: Coming across too openminded and vague,consequently conveying the message that they will have whatever they can get!

Men are paranoid that they will frighten off any potential interest, if they state too many requirements, so consequently they come to the conclusion that they should come across as open minded and adopt a ‘live and let live’ attitude to dating. But this often translates to women as: “I’ll have whatever I can get” rather than being open mined, as the man had hoped to initially achieve.

Women want to feel special , and if you don't state any particular requirements, then how can you be the one who makes her feel special? Never fall under the illusion that women are frightened off by a man who has high standards or knows what he wants, in fact ,women are drawn to a man who knows what he wants and who has boxes that need to be ticked. It raises his value , which is always an attractive quality to possess.

However, you don’t want to come across as an ‘impossible’ man that will never be pleased, or a man who has so many detailed requirements that it result in cutting off the majority of the women who check out his profile.

The way to get this part right is to be clear about what you want from a woman, but at the same time to leave enough room for her to see herself ticking those boxes in her own unique way.

Example:

If you state that you want a woman who is career focused, you will be isolating women who love their jobs, but are worried that because they are not completely dominated by their careers, then you might think they lack ambition or that they are not passionate about what they do.

However, if you reword it like this:

“I like a woman who is focused on her career, however, this doesn't mean I want a high powered business shark that talks about nothing but her job. Its important to have a balance! but its great being with an independent woman” Although its still clear you want a woman who has her own job, and her own sense of direction in terms of her career, you are still making it equally clear that you are not JUST looking for a woman who MUST be ‘career obsessed’. You are also stating your desire for a someone who is independent. Most women like to consider themselves to be independent ,because independent equals, free thinker, in control and strong.

Example: If you just state:

This will fail to make impact because it is far too vague. Nearly every guy make this exact mistake,and consequently, he will fail to convey the message that he has specific ideals.

A better way to state this requirement would be to reword like this:

“ I like women with a wicked sense of humour, a great sense of humour is common, but when a woman clicks with me by sharing a joke that other people might not always get, then thats a big turn on.’

Wicked sense of humour, has more of a naughty or risky feel to it. Also by adding the last line, you convey the message that you have high standards, and that you are looking for a unique kind of woman ( something that ALL women want to be thought of as)

Ultimately, you need to show that you have high standards and a clear idea of what type of woman you are looking for, but simultaneously you must word this section in a particular way, that will not isolate too many women either.

The examples I have given above should be sufficient enough in order for you to structure this section of your profile in order to maximise your chances of

attracting many women, whilst still demonstrating the fact that you have high standards and that you know what you want.

Mistake 3 ‘Coming across to arrogant’

If you follow the advice I have given in the above section, then you shouldn't make the mistake of coming across too arrogant.

There is a fine line between having the ability and confidence to demonstrate a particular idea of what you want in your ideal woman and coming across as an arrogant and impossible to please.

In order to not make this mistake, stay away from statements such as: “ I want a woman who can keep u p with my sense of passion and drive” or

“ I want a woman who has the same qualities as me” or

“ I want brains as well as beauty” “I believe I deserve the best”

These kind of mistakes are fairly uncommon, but I have noticed them cropping up more and more, and in my opinion, it’s probably because these guys have been

advised by some’ pick up’ coaches who drilled into them the mantra that they are the prize and that women need to recognise that fact.

Although I agree that ultimately, men need to convey the message that they are indeed the prize and the ideal choice for the women they pursue, it is essential that they do this in a very subtle manner, rather than choosing the option of coming across as arrogant and big headed.

So rather than starting your sentence with “I want” replace it with “ I like....” or

“ I find that....” or

“ A woman who...is a major turn on for me”

This will make you come across as less self centred and arrogant.

Remember to replace self centeredness and arrogance with a message that demonstrates that you possess “complete understanding of who you are’ and ‘confidence’

CHAPTER 7: YOUR MESSAGE

So by now, if you have followed the advice given in this e-book so far, and have applied the structures that I have clearly given examples of, whereby I have deliberately left enough space for you to add your own unique story and your own unique character to.

You should be ready to send out those messages to any of the women on the website that you desire to contact.

7a) FIRST CONTACT

Most guys make the mistake of sending the girl a classic copy and pasted message which does not leave the sufficient amount of impact for her to even bother to check your profile page let alone respond to your message.

What do I mean by vague?

I went undercover on a number of these websites, whereby I set up an online profile with some adequate photos, and awaited the messages that would be sent to me.

Within 5 days I received over 90 messages, and apart from only 8 of them, I was able to put the messages in to 3 separate categories that all failed to make enough impact or the slightest urge to respond back.

7b) COMMON INITIAL MESSAGE MISTAKES

“Hey,

I think you look gorgeous! I bet you get loads of messages from guys bothering you on here.

I don't usually check this website that often, but when I saw your photo I felt I had to message you. If you have the time, check out my profile.

Would be great to hear back from you xx”

Thos messages reeks of desperation. Here is a guy who is first of all giving me way to much value, based solely on what he has seen of my profile photo. Next, he has made a blatant lie, that he RARELY check the website, this tells me that he needs to prove to me that he is too busy to check his messages. ( A fact he

could have conveyed in a far more subtle manner that would have been more believable)

He then asks me to his check his profile page, which demonstrates his lack of confidence in the fact that I would have anyway.

He then finishes off with another line that gives me way too much value and consequently ends up decreases his value.

ii) “The over flirty message”: “Hey beautiful,

You looks so hot! I love that photo of you in the bikini, you looks so sexy in that one!.

Get in contact with me and lets have some fun”

This screams PERVERT. Even if the guys who send these kind of messages are not perverts, and think that they are simply being direct and cheeky and flirtatious, the general picture they are paining of themselves ( unintentionally) is one of a horny guy looking to get laid with any girl who looks half decent.

Its far better to flirt via text message after you have established the fact that she is very keen. ( flirty text messages that WORK can be found in my text and phone game e-book TURNING NUMBERS INTO DATES)

iii) The LONG message: “Hi

My names Simon,

I was browsing this site when I came across your profile. I really like what you said , especially the fact that you like travelling. I love travelling, its always been a passion of mine. Last year I did a tour of south America, an area I see you have not yet covered. I spent 2 weeks in Columbia and then 1 week in Brazil( which was awesome!) then I went t Argentina, which was really interesting, but the people were not very friendly! LOL

I have a question about one of your photos, its the one where you are cuddling a massive bear ( obviously a man in a costume!) was that taken outside Hamleys in London or outside Harrods? I live in London, so I should know the answer to this one, but to be honest, Im kind of hoping you say its the toy store

Hamleys, as that would be really cool! I never think you can be too young to love toys! LOL

Anyway, if you have time, check out my profile page and my album, lost of photos of my travels, including my recent south american tour.

Hit me back! Maybe we can meet up for a drink sometime Simon”

As you can tell, this message is INFORMATION OVERLOAD! These kind of messages have so much information in them, that as a result, I am overwhelmed and cannot remember a single point he mentioned to me. These long winded messages also make the guy come across as desperate to please and boring! Even though the guys who are sending such long messages like this, might be really interesting and have really fascinating lives, they ultimately fail to convey any of this thanks to their long ‘droning’ message.

7c) WHAT YOUR FIRST MESSAGE SHOULD CONTAIN

i) A non-contrived heading ii) A connection

iii) A clear demonstration of your confidence iv) Humour

v) Originality

vi) An invitation to respond.

Let us start with the first point: i) A non-contrived subject heading:

There are a lot of tips on the internet, that suggest men need to use ‘funny’ and very ‘unique’ subject headings such as:

“Tiddlywinks Champion requires more winks”.

“My golf buggy has room for two, shall we tee off together?”

“Welly wearer seeks playmate for puddle splashing and dog walking”.

I couldn't believe that so called experts are actually dishing out this kind of cringe worthy advice.

Of course, since this e-book is based on over 4 months of intense research, I asked a wide range of women, between the ages of 20 - 44, from all