really work for you.
The language tools you studied earlier are best used in the proper context, and in this section, we will learn how to get the conversation into areas that will create that context.
Have you had these problems?
• You JUMP too quickly into a pattern or topic, and it sounds really strange?
• You just THROW a pattern AT her, and get a weird reaction?
When you use these tools, or even use "patterns", it's not enough to just "say it", there has to be the correct CONTEXT for what is said! It's a process that she needs to go on and through with you. It's not enough to just find a conversational excuse to "throw" a pattern (or language tool) AT her!
This section is about finding ways to just get into an interesting conversation and then towards and onto good topics. We want this to seem natural, and with some understanding, practice, and a few key strategies and tactics it will BE natural and automatic!
4.1 CHALLENGES
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4.1.1 Detailed And Specific Plans Are Just Not Workable. D8-T3 It's good to theorize to "say this", and then "say that", and then to use "this pattern", and "that pattern".
However, the problem is that a lot of time the proper context is not presented well enough.
The examples you may have seen in other products are just that, examples. The problem is that too many guys have taken them literally! Guys try to do "X, Y, Z," exactly, in order, with no sense of calibration, or being able to work and re-direct things in real time. Therefore, detailed tactical plans are not realistic.
4.1.2 Navigation Example D8-T4 Think of moving a conversation to a certain point, like taking a trip somewhere.
Say you are in Chicago, and want to go to Los Angeles. You could have a detailed map of every turn and road, exact route numbers and lengths, etc. The problem is... what do you do if there is a detour? What if the road is changed, what if the map is wrong? You are lost!
What if, instead, we teach you how to drive the car, and give you a general set of directions like "keep driving west, until you see the ocean, then turn left (south)". That way, you can handle just about any turns, roads, or detours that you may encounter!
Conversations are different from roads too, because people are all unique, situations, times, surroundings etc. are unique and change from moment to moment. Therefore, if you want to get a conversation to go a certain way, then detailed plans made ahead of time are hard to work with. There are too many variables!
We need a workable set of strategies and tactics that allows you, in real-time, to direct things the way that you want them to go. They need to be easy to follow, and easy to use, and something that you don't need to "think about", but can just DO easily.
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4.1.3 Navigational Strategies Are Needed D8-T5 So we need a general set of guidelines, some overall strategies and tactics, so that you can have this good,
intuitive sense of how to "steer" things, and get conversations to where you want them to go. As long as you are engaging a woman's emotions, capturing & leading her imagination, then you are moving in the right direction.
Then, in that situation and in that context, linking all the positive & powerful things to you becomes more workable.
Instead of a map, we are giving you a "compass". We need a strategy for managing conversations that can to do this gradually, in a way that seems natural! If it's too abrupt or makes the conversation strained, it will sound weird.
The strategy must LEAD the conversation towards good topics and subjects in a way that seems natural, and is not TOO abrupt.
Examples: (Listen to the audio.)
• Talking about a printer
o Moving TOO quickly towards emotional topics o Can sound strange
• Driving a car and taking a turn (Analogy)
o Think of driving down freeway and needing to switch to different direction.
o You can't make a hard, right angle turn on a dime!
o You need to turn the car, slowly, on a ramp to go in a different direction.
When we control conversions, we need to find a way to take it gradually in a new direction. Many guys try to do the hard and fast switch, and they crash in the process! We will learn to move things in a way that makes it seem natural, but it will be deliberate.
4.1.4 She Must Be Engaged In The Conversation! D8-T10 It's important to get conversations into the right area and have HER go along with you. Not just "bring it up" (a
topic or pattern), but it must be natural and she must "go along" with it and be a PART of it. She must be actually THINKING about what you are discussing!
It has to happen naturally. No weird jumps. It's not enough to just talk; she must BE a part of the conversation!
So, don't just "jump" to a topic. Don't find an "excuse" to bring it up. Take the conversation there, take her WITH you, and have her be a part of it!
What really helps is to have a genuine interest (or at least curiosity) in her and the conversation, not just thinking to yourself; "How can I use this?"
4.2 HOW CONVERSATIONS HAPPEN D8-T12 How does this really occur? We will break this down so that we have a way to really affect this process.
4.2.1 Conversational Dynamics D8-T13 How do conversations happen? Most of them occur somewhat randomly as the conversation flows from topic to
topic over time, and can end up almost anywhere after a while. By the time YOU move from one topic to the next,
you may end up in a very different place from where you began. However, there is a series of steps as things move forward, as shown in Figure 4.2.1-1.
Figure 4.2.1-1: Conversations Move Through Many Topics
Each of these steps between topics tends to be related. Topic 1 relates to Topic 2. Topic 2 relates to Topic 3, etc.
For example, you can start to talk about Cars, and then move to one aspect of that topic, Car Seats. Then it's easy to move to some aspect of that topic, which maybe something that seats are made of, like Leather. Then maybe you talk about Leather Furniture, etc. (See Figure 4.2.1-2.)
Figure 4.2.1-2: Each Topic Flows To the Next Topic In most cases, each Topic is related to the one before.
After a series of such steps, you can be at a quite different topic (like an apartment that you used to live in) even though you started at a quite different topic (Cars).
In most cases, it's very difficult to predict where a conversation will go after many of these steps. As you go through a few topic shifts (as shown in the diagrams), although each individual shift relates to the topic before and after that shift, after a series of shifts you can end up talking about almost anything!
Therefore, even if you start the conversation at a great topic, you can get off-track and into topics that will not work in your favor.
Conversely, what is needed is a way to start at almost any topic at all, and by steering that process (of moving from Topic 1, to Topic 2, Topic 3, etc) take the conversation into better and better topic areas that will serve your purposes.
4.2.2 Conversational Model D8-T14 We introduce a model to assist in discussion, understanding, and control of conversations.
If you start at a topic, how do you go to another one? This process happens all of the time very easily. The key is that the movement from one topic to the next takes places easily because there are so many options involved.
From any topic (Topic 1) it is easy to flow to any of 6-8 other, related topics (Topic 2 Candidates). People usually just "talk" and naturally the conversation moves from the first topic to the next one. Since the "next" topic is related, this process seems natural and is easy to do. In fact, you do this all the time without really knowing about it. (We are creating a model to describe a process that happens naturally, so that we can teach you a way to have an affect on that process).
Figure 4.2.2-1 shows how from one topic, the conversation can flow easily to many related topics.
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Topic 1 Topic 2 Candidates
Figure 4.2.2-1: From One Topic to many Candidate Topics
The topic of Cars is discussed, and from there are many ways the conversation can easily move.
Once the conversation moves to one of these eight topics, it's easy to move to one of eight more. For example if in Figure 4.2.2-1, the conversation flows from "Cars" to "Where you bought it" (as in, where you bought the car), then now we have a situation like that shown in Figure 4.2.2-2.
Cars Figure 4.2.2-2: From A Second Topic, Another Group of Candidates
If "Cars" was discussed first, and then "Where you bought it" was discussed next, there are now many ways to go in the next step. In the figure, you see how the conversation moves from Cars, to "Where you bought it". After that, there are many "candidate" topics where the conversation can flow. Perhaps it moves to the "Part of town" where the car was purchased.
Now from the topic of "Where you bought it" (a car), there are easily eight places that you can go from there, shown as the "Topic 3 candidates". This process continues throughout a conversation.
This process happens regardless of the specific topics being discussed. Conversations flow from topic to topic, as shown in a general manner in Figure 4.2.2-3.