D5-T1 We have been working on bits and pieces of language, the sort of things that you need to get
3.1 PACE AND LEAD D5-T2 Pace and Lead - A way to change directions
3.1.1 General Pace and Lead Techniques D5-T9 Here are some examples of ways to do these steps with example wording for each. The point here is not to
memorize these "lines", but to really get a sense of being IN the conversation, showing that you are a part of it, and then moving things forward in some manner.
Let them know you are listening and understand (using wording such as shown below...)
• Yes, I see
Maybe continue showing an understanding or interest
• So what you mean is ...
• So if I understand this ...
• Ok, I get it, ...it's like this...
• I read/saw/heard the same thing ...
• Let me make sure I understand ...
• So, what you are saying is ...
Then start to direct things in a different way ...
• Well, have you thought about this ...
• I hear you, and what else is interesting is .... •-.
• That's a good way of looking at it, something else that is important is ....
The Formula for Pacing and Leading is ... acknowledge and then start to shift things ...
Maybe you want to shift things more and/or bring up another issue or viewpoint entirely (or maybe you actually disagree)
• That's one way of looking at it, however I think ...
• Yes, I understand, I have also heard ...
• Ok, that makes sense, another way of thinking about it is ..
• Alright, but on the other hand...
Some general methods you can use to introduce the "leading" aspect, you can talk about...
• What you know, believe, understand
• What a friend or colleague has said
• What you heard
• What you read
• etc.
3.1.2 Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects D5-T12 Lets say you find some people talking about a topic. Do you walk up, interrupt, and start an entirely new topic?
No. (Well, you can, but that takes a lot of power and has a lot of risk.)
A better way is to enter the conversation, talk about it (Pace), and then move the conversation into areas that you want it to go (Lead).
Examples:
• You are in a conversation and the topic is cars. People are talking about prices, loans, etc. You
acknowledge what is being said, contribute to that conversation (pace), and then start to bring in the idea of how a car handles, how it feels, and how exciting it is to drive certain cars (lead).
• People are discussing clothes, various brands, types, etc. You talk about that with them (pace) for a while, and then start to bring up the idea of how clothes make you feel, how you feel differently when wearing different things ... etc (lead)
Tactical Formula for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects
Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest in the topic or subject.
Then start to move or shift topic or subject in a different way, a way that you want.
Exercises for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects
1) Think about some recent conversations you have had with people about different topics, hopefully these conversations and/or this topic is something that occurs a lot for you (based on interests you have, people you know, etc).
Recall a specific "moment" in each conversation. Note what was being discussed, and what point was being talked about. Make a note of each of them. Also note, where did that actual conversation go next?
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What were you talking
Conversation with whom? about in this "moment"? Where did it go next?
2) Pace and Lead Gently
Out loud, practice as if you were talking in each of the discussions above, and paced the conversation and topic, and then lead it in some direction.
In this exercise, simply show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, and then lead in the same general direction. Maybe bring up a new example, new point, new issue, but just sort of "take over" the conversation.
3) Pace and Lead in a New Direction
Next, for each of those instances, provide an example where you show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, but now start to "move" things in a new direction.
Maybe the conversation that you had started at this one "point" and went in a specific direction ... Now, for this exercise, practice taking it in a new and different direction. Maybe introduce a different aspect of the topic or subject, something not mentioned before, or not normally talked about.
The key is to first show agreement, understanding, and/or interest and THEN do this "shift", and you LEAD things in a different way.
Assignments for Pace and Lead - Topics and Subjects
1) Make note of three conversations that you tend to have with people on a regular basis.
Person or People Subjects we discuss
2) The next times these conversations happen, make a point to "Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest" (Pace). Then "Then start to move things" (Lead) in your own way,
Do this by introducing a different aspect of that topic, or a related topic/subject.
Don't make this shift or change really abrupt or different, just make a point to sort of "direct" where things move, even if that direction is close to where it was going anyway. Just make sure YOU are the one that moves it. Note the text and examples given earlier as a way to do that.
3) Once you can do the above, now make a point to have your "Lead" incorporate a real change of some type.
Normally, even without your input, the conversation tends to go in a certain way. The earlier exercise had you just keep thing moving in that same direction. Now you are to "take" the conversation somewhere else towards a different or related topic. Just introduce a new aspect of the topic, a different thing, a different direction, so that you are really "leading" where things go.
Remember the language that you were shown earlier. Use languaging like...
You know what ELSE is interesting You know what * l * have found (seen, felt) Another way of doing this would be ..
You know what ELSE can happen ... is ...
3.1.3 Pace and Lead-Mindset or Frame of Mind D5-T20 You can change the way people look at things, their mindset, and their "frame of mind".
For example, imagine you are having a discussion and people are talking in a certain "frame of mind" (not directly, it's just their way of seeing things). The point here is to acknowledge that frame, and then introduce another way of seeing things, another "frame", or another "mindset".
What is a "frame"? In general it's ...
• A way someone "sees" something.
• What it "means" to them.
• The way they "feel" about it.
• The significance or meaning that it has.
Looking at the formula for Pace and Lead, you apply that by first acknowledging the current Frame, and then start to lead by bringing up another way of thinking about it and/or looking at it. You bring a new "frame" into the discussion. (This is a way of shifting that way people LOOK at things, the significance that it has, or their mindset regarding certain topics or behaviours).
In the earlier example of Pacing and Leading of Topics and Subjects, we were talking just about a thing, a topic, or subject. Now we are talking about a feeling, or the way things are "seen" or what they "mean".
For example, people may be talking about:
• Taking risks
• Feeling good or bad
• Having a good day or a bad day
• Making choices
• What an event "meant" to them
• How someone else actions affected them
• How a decision affected them.
There is a "frame" (of mind) behind each of these discussions and with proper technique, that frame and mindset may be changed. Look back at the "Methods" section earlier for some details and examples of how to introduce this pacing and leading (there are some lists of languaging examples provided).
Examples:
• You enter a conversation where people are talking about risks, Risks at work, risks in finances, risks in life. You Pace by discussing this for a while. The frame or mindset here is that risks are bad, dangerous,
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have consequences, etc. Then you start to lead by bringing up the idea that some risks are fun and interesting.... some risks have good rewards, some risks make you feel alive, etc. (Risk was framed as dangerous, now its being framed as exciting).
• Another conversation has a woman talking about what she looks for in men; she talks about what their professions are, and what "kind" of man she likes (height, weight, etc). The frame here is that she has her
"standards" and that this is good for her. You agree on some level (pace) and chat about that, then start to move into talking about how men do this as well; some men will just "write off a woman that is a certain size, who is like 5 lbs overweight, or may be perfect but with the wrong hair color (lead). The frame you are bring up is how superficial it is to judge based on numbers and details, and how anyone of quality ...
looks for more. (You are shifting her frame so that she may start to look at different things in men, and you are working to change the way she screens out guys.)
Tactical Formula for Pace and Lead - Mindset or Frame of Mind
Show agreement, understanding, acknowledgement, and/or interest in the mindset or frame of mind ...
Then start to move or shift the frame by introducing another way of looking at things... Towards a way that you want.
Exercises for Pace and Lead - Mindset or Frame of Mind
1) Think about some recent conversations you have had with people about different topics, where the point of the discussion in that moment was:
The way they "see" something.
What it "means" to them.
The way they "feel" about it.
Recall a specific "moment" in the conversation. Note what was being discussed, what point was being talked about. Make a note of each of them. What was the "frame", the viewpoint, the assumption? What is the frame of mind behind the viewpoints that they had?
Write down the topic, the people, and the "frame" that was in use.
With whom? Topic? Mindset / Frame of Mind
2) Pace and Lead Gently
Practice as if you were talking in that discussion, and paced it, and then lead it in some direction.
In this exercise simply Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest in the Mindset or Frame of mind, then lead in the same general direction. Maybe bring up a similar way of looking at it, a new meaning, or provide a relevant example. Just sort of "take over" the conversation. Again, the frame of mind or mindset is the focus here.
Do this OUT LOUD.
3) Pace and Lead in a New Direction
Next, for each of those instances, provide an example where you Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest in the Mindset or Frame of Mind but now start to "move" things in a new direction.
Maybe bring up a different viewpoint or way of looking at it, what it "means" that is not really in agreement with what was said. Maybe acknowledge and then bring up an opposing view. Maybe bring up a way of looking at things that is totally different. Maybe find a way, some way, to find a positive way of looking at the situation.
The key is to first Show agreement, understanding, and/or interest, and THEN do this "shift", and you LEAD things in a different way.
Do this OUT LOUD for each example.
Assignments for Pace and Lead - Mindset or Frame of Mind