This is a new and very effective way to do linking that is easy to learn and master, and it can be done a LOT, for that multiple-instance bombardment that we spoke of before!
The idea of linking wild, exciting, seductive feelings to you may be great but, in general, a GREAT strategy is to link anything and everything positive to you (and link negative things away from yourself.
Consider four words in the English language:
• This
• That
• These
• Those
These are forms of pronouns, they reference a "thing", but do so in a general manner, so you are not using a name or specific reference. This means they are ambiguous!
Consider this and that. This and that tend to refer to singular items, one "thing".
• This person, that person
• This direction, that direction
• This feeling, that feeling
• This sensation, that sensation
They differ though in that "this" seems possessive, and "that" is not. For example, "this person" tends to sound like the person that is there, with you, and included. Whereas "that person" refers to someone "away" some
"other" person who is not in the immediate area, or not there at the time.
So, this & that are singular
• This - Possessive (sort of "includes" something)
• That - Non-Possessive (seems to reference something "else" or something "away")
Consider these and those. In this case, these refer to plural items, with "these" being the possessive form.
So, these and those are plural
• These - Possessive
So, who cares? Well these are almost interchangeable! You can switch this/that in sentences as you wish. (In some cases, there are times when they cannot be switched, but that will be quite obvious when you try to do that).
Given that one type is possessive, and one is not, use the possessive form when saying or talking about ANYTHING POSITIVE and use the non-possessive form when saying anything negative!
• This Singular possessive Anything Positive
• That Singular non-possessive Anything Negative
• These Plural possessive Anything Positive
• Those Plural non-possessive Anything Negative
You can learn to do this (to choose which of these words to use) in real-time through training!
Tactical Formula for Easy-Linking
Use "This" and "These" when referring to anything positive.
Use "That" and "Those" when referring to anything negative.
Exercises for Easy-Linking
1) Say the lines below, out loud, for a good ten minutes.
This is good.
That is not.
These are good.
Those are not.
2) Say the lines below, out loud, for a good ten minutes.
This person is good.
That person is not. ' These people are good.
Those people are not.
3) Earlier in the workbook, you have discussed a subject (and written a lot of text about it) that is important to you. Write down (below) ten attributes, or "things about" that subject. For each of these attributes or things, write a small sentence for each, using the correct versions of That, That, These, and those depending on whether the item is positive or negative, or singular/plural.
Subject:
Attributes or "things about" Small sentence that includes that attribute, that subject. and the correct form of This, That, These, Those
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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.
5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those.
Subject:
Attributes or "things about" Small sentence that includes that attribute, that subject. and the correct form of This, That, These, Those
2.3 MORE TOOLS D4-T12 Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use
movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to train you in these types of techniques.
Anchoring D4-T13 Anchoring is associating a feeling or emotional state to a sensory experience.
6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.
Many different types of anchoring can be done and we are only going to cover some very basic tools. However we will focus on things that can create a LOT of effectiveness, and that are very very easy to do, and to do multiple times.
We will break down many of the component parts of this into skills that we will teach you bit by bit, so that the use of these becomes automatic.
2.3.1 Pointing and Gestures D4-T14 Good speakers use their hands, and some gestures, to help make their point. Most guys are too boring and too
reserved when talking, so these techniques discussed here will help.
How to do this:
• Get your hands out of your pockets, and way from your sides.
• Don't flail about wildly.
• Move!
We will start by generating SOME movement, and then we can work on deliberate movement such as
• Pointing towards and away from things
• Towards yourself and away from yourself
Exercises for Pointing and Gestures
1) Find a good speaker on TV, maybe a motivational speaker, political speaker, or even a preacher. Watch how they move. They may be a bit over-the-top (speaking to an audience is different than speaking one-on-one) but just watch them for a while.
2) Get one of the text lists from an earlier exercise (weasel phrases, embedded commands, etc). Read some of that text (from an earlier exercise) out loud, talking about a subject that YOU are interested in, and that you are passionate about.
Use your hands to accentuate certain points, point up, down, towards, and away from yourself, etc. Get your hands OUT of your pockets and AWAY from your body! Act excited, BE excited! Use your hands and arms for emphasis.
Assignments for Pointing and Gestures
1) For the next few days, make note of where your hands are when speaking. How often are they in your pockets? How often do they just lie by your side and never move?
Make note of this after-the-fact, after the conversation has ended. Then later on see if you can start to become aware of what your hands are doing WHILE you are in the conversation.
2) List 3 subjects that you really enjoy, and that you end up talking about with people quite often. Pick something YOU are interested in, and hopefully the conversations are interesting, passionate, have energy, etc.
Subjects
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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.
5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those.
Subject:
Attributes or "things about" Small sentence that includes that attribute, that subject. and the correct form of This, That, These, Those
6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you can while talking.
2.3 MORE TOOLS D4-T12 Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use
movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to train you in these types of techniques.
Anchoring D4-T13 Anchoring is associating a feeling or emotional state to a sensory experience.
For each of these subjects, recall a recent time when you had such a discussion. Do your best to re-enact that discussion (say what you said, etc,), but this time use your hands, arms, and MOVE! Do this out loud, and MOVE.
3) With these three subjects in mind, make a note to go ahead and move, gesture, and animate to some extent the next time you talk about them. Do something, ANYTHING, just start to MOVE.
As you get more comfortable with this, make a point to get your hands OUT of your pockets, and AWAY from your sides and MOVE when talking about these subjects, and others.
Strategic Formula for Pointing and Gestures
Move, motion, gesture, and accentuate what you are saying in order to be more compelling as a speaker and to get even more attention from your listener or audience.
2.3.2 Linking Gestures (Towards And Away) D4-T22 This is a fast and easy way to link positive states to you, and to send negative things "away" from yourself. This
technique allows you to do this many many times, very easily.
Bring Positive things toward yourself, and send Negative things away
• You can point towards or away from yourself, or
• You can place your hand on your chest or abdomen in a subtle manner (to link things to you) ...
• Or hold your hand away from yourself (to send things "away") How to use it
• Good to do in the context of being a person that already MOVES when talking!
• Make this subtle, no need to WILDLY gesture!
• You can do this many many times, and the repetition works for you!
• Can do in various contexts; many people move when talking
This technique is most powerful when used at a time when emotions and/or imagination are engaged in the conversation.
Tactical Formula for Linking Gestures
Whenever you say something negative, point or gesture away.
Whenever you say something positive, point or gesture towards yourself.
Exercises for Linking Gestures
1) Stand up, or at least be able to move. Say the following out loud while gesturing in the correct direction:
Good, Bad, Good, Bad (gesture towards, away, towards, away, etc.)
2) Grab some of your written SS materials. Read that out loud, and every time something positive is being talked about, point towards yourself, and when anything negative is mentioned, point away.
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3) Remember the text we used in an earlier example here in the workbook? Read that out loud, and every time something positive is being talked about, point towards yourself and when anything negative is mentioned, point away.
Assignments for Linking Gestures
1) List 3 subjects that you really enjoy, and that you end up talking about with people quite often, (yes, these can be the same as the last set of assignments). Pick something that YOU are interested in, and hopefully the conversations are interesting, passionate, have energy, etc.
For each of these subjects, recall a recent time when you had such a discussion.
Subjects
Do your best to re-enact that discussion, say what you said, etc, but this time when you are speaking of anything good or positive, gesture towards yourself or place your hand(s) on yourself. Conversely, when anything negative is mentioned, motion away or place your hands/arms away. Do this out loud, and MOVE.
2) With these three subjects in mind, make a note to go ahead and use these Linking Gestures to some extent the next time you talk about them. Start subtle, start with a few, it will become easier and easier.
2.3.3 Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That, These, Those ...) D4-T30 Now we bring together Linking Gestures and Easy Linking.
Linking Gestures and Easy-Linking together:
• Use the pointing/gestures on Positive and Negative things (point towards and away).
• Use "This, That, These, Those" correctly
• Combine these and use them at the same time!
When you say This or These, points towards yourself. When you say These or Those, point away. This is very-easy to do over and over for that repetitive effect, but you don't have to do it every time! That will seem strange!
Tactical Formula for Easy Linking Expanded Positive statement, Say "this", Point to you Negative statement, Say "that", Point away Positive statement, Say "these", Point to you Negative Say "those", Point away.
Exercises for Easy Linking Expanded
1) Stand up, or at least sit where you can move. Do the following out loud:
Point to yourself, and say "this".
Point away, and say "that".
Point back to yourself and say "these".
Point away and say "those"
Repeat! This WILL help to train you!
2) Remember the text we used in an earlier example? Speak that text out loud, trying to add in more instances of This, That, These, and Those if you can.
Use the correct versions of This, That, These, and Those, while pointing towards or away from yourself in the correct manner.
Practice it enough and in connection with earlier exercises, it will become automatic.
Strategic Formula for Easy Linking Expanded
Combine the use of Linking Gestures (towards yourself when positive, and away when negative...) with Easy Linking (using This, That, These, Those in the correct ways) to associate even more positive feelings, states, and emotions to yourself.
2.3.4 Easy Anchoring - Point or Touch, On Positive D4-T35 Let's look at anchoring in light of the 80/20 rule (where 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort). Can we
apply this to anchoring? Yes! •
We need a way to do some basic anchoring that is very simple, and able to be done many many times.
It may be good to anchor feelings, specific states, and thoughts to you but in a general sense, it's very useful to -Anchor anything and everything positive to you!
In some ways, we are doing that already by pointing "towards" on positive things and "away" on negative things using Linking. But to get even more effectiveness when anything positive happens, or when the person you are talking to goes into a Positive state, touch them!
This "Easy Anchoring" works in any context:
• they laugh, touch them
• they smile, touch them
• they seem to go into a pleasant state, touch them
This is best done in a "moment" with some emotion, a laugh, a realization, an expression, etc. The more that
"emotions" are being accessed, the more effective it tends to be.
Do this in a way that maybe makes it seem like you are doing it for emphasis, but actually, you are anchoring them in a subtle way.
This is more easily done if you are standing at the side or at an angle. If you are head-on directly in front of a person, it's more difficult. Also, it's good to be close enough (within arms-length) so that the "touch" is easy to do.
Dave Riker's Speed Seduction® Language and Conversation Course
You probably do this already in certain situations, without really thinking about it, such as...
• Think about when you greet a friend, maybe pat on the back.
• Think about when you meet and are introduced to someone, but yet have some degree of rapport already (maybe this is a friend-of-a-friend, maybe someone who you have heard about). What do you do? You shake their hand, but in many cases, you grab their upper arm as well.
• When joking with someone, you just touch his or her upper arm or upper back.
This is the same type of thing, but a bit more "deliberate".
Tactical Formula for Easy Anchoring
When the person you are talking with displays a positive feeling of some type, a smile, laugh, interest, intrigue, etc., touch them to help anchor it to you.
Exercises for Easy Anchoring
1) Think about the last 5 times where you touched someone in this type of way. (Not romantically, just a touch.) Maybe a handshake
Maybe a pat on the back Maybe a funny gesture
Make a note of the person, and the situation or topic being discussed. Write those down.
Person '" Situation, or Topic being discussed
2) Recall those 5 times, vividly. See if you can recall how it was, and note to yourself the correlation between how long the touch lasted and the level of rapport. Also note the degree of eye contact.
Assignments for Easy Anchoring
1) The next several times you shake someone's hand, make a point to hold it just slightly longer than usual, also make a point to make and maintain eye contact as well.
2) Spend some time looking for moments (positive ones) where a touch would be appropriate.
A laugh
A moment of recognition or realization
When someone starts talking quietly, directly to you.
At first, maybe you don't touch them, but as you notice these moments, think "I could have touched them THEN". You are noticing this after-the-fact.
3) Now that you have started to notice these "moments" where a touch would be appropriate, we want you to actually DO IT! So, see if you can have at least 5 instances of knowing, in-the-moment, that a touch is appropriate. Then, when you have the chance, DO IT!
Strategic Formula for Easy Anchoring
In general, anchoring and associating yourself to positive and intriguing feelings in other people helps to make them feel positive towards and intrigued by you.
2.4 REVIEW D4-T46