What If He Contacts You?

So you’re living life to the fullest… you’re exercising, you’re eating well, and

you’re getting out of your comfort zone. You’re hanging out with friends and family and maybe reconnecting with old contacts. You’re picking up old hobbies and maybe

starting a bunch of new ones. You’re working hard at work or school. You’re dating other men… and hot ones, too. Then all of a sudden…

BOOMSHAKALAKA!

You get a message… and it’s from him. You get a surge of adrenaline and you just want to run to the top of a mountain and scream your guts out. If this is how you feel, then totally go for it (just don’t let anybody know you’re doing it… it may look a bit strange).

Over the next 31 days, it will be extremely likely that your ex-boyfriend will try and attempt to establish contact with you if you’ve done everything properly up to this point. As I said in the last chapter, if he’s the needy type, he will most definitely try and establish contact with you. This is a very good thing, but you don’t want to just be his emotional tampon.

Yes, the dreaded emotional tampon. He’ll get you thinking you guys will get back together, but in all honesty, he’s just using you to help him get over you. Don’t fall into this hole!

At the same time, you don’t want to “punish” him… so don’t act angry, jealous, rude, or depressed. Ultimately, you want to convey everything in chapter 3: Attractive Characteristics.

Now, I know I said that you shouldn’t contact your boyfriend within the 31 day limit, but the game totally changes if he contacts you first.

If he messages you via text or e-mail, don’t reply right away. If he texts you, wait 3 hours before replying. If he e-mails you, wait for 24 hours. You do not want to give him the impression that you are waiting for his call. You want to convey that you’re

“busy doing other things” even though this may or may not be the case.

When it does come around to messaging him back, you must keep in mind these three things:

1.) Your reply must be short. If you write something extremely long back, he’ll think that you miss him. Right now, we don’t want him thinking that you miss him at

all.

2.) You must give off the impression that you’re happy. Don’t come across as

desperate and don’t tell him how depressed you’ve been. Use exclamation marks and tell him why you’ve been busy! Let him know that you’ve been hanging out with friends or busy working like nuts. Let him know that your life is still normal and that you’ve virtually moved on.

3.) Finally, make sure that you cut the message short because you “have to go!” Let him know that you’ve got other things you have to worry about. End the message abruptly, but don’t be rude… just end it with, “Well, I’ve got dinner out with a friend tonight. Maybe we’ll talk later.” And it’s crucial that you leave it up to him to call you or contact you again. You just don’t want to appear needy.

Here’s an example of a good message conversation you can have with your ex if he contacts you first.

HIM: Hey. How’s it going?

YOU: Hey. It’s going really well. Just finished going bowling with some friends.

Hope things are going well for you.

HIM: That’s good to hear… did you win?

YOU: It’s good to hear from you but I can’t talk right now. Super busy. Let’s catch up soon.

Simple, right?

The reason this works is because people want what they can’t get. By showing him that you’re unavailable to him, you stimulate his attraction mechanism and thus, this makes him want you. Hell, if all you said was, “I can’t talk right now,” he would probably go insane!

Think of this way... What’s more desirable: gold, or grass? I’m not psychic, but I’m going to take an educated guess and think that you said gold. Sure, you could say,

“Well it’s obviously gold because it’s worth more money!”

But have ever thought about why it’s worth more money though? Because it’s rare!

Any idiot can walk up to a patch of grass and rip out a handful. But how about gold? Gold is rare and can be difficult to get in large

quantities (unless your dad is the Sultan of Brunei or you’re somehow the descendant of Liberace).

By sending him the message that you’re unavailable, you’re shifting the power from him to you. Now he is the one pursuing you!

What If He Calls?

If your boyfriend calls you, then you still have to use the same principles here. Let him lead the conversation. Don’t sound depressed, angry, or annoyed. Be nice and be cheerful. Make small talk with him. Tell him, briefly, about all the fun things you’ve been doing with all your friends lately. And yes, most importantly, be the one to end the conversation first. Tell him you need to go and that he should call you tomorrow after a certain time. Remember… be cheerful!

What a lot of women do (and this is a huge mistake) is try to make their ex

jealous. You don’t want to brag about all the guys that you’ve been sleeping with or say that you’ve been chatting up an old friend of his. You also don’t want to bring up your relationship problems at all… leave them alone (for now).

Don’t ask him any questions about his new love life. Don’t ask him if he’s been sleeping with another girl. Hell, don’t even ask his any personal questions really. Leave that up to him to ask you these questions, since he’s the one trying to contact you. And, obviously, don’t ask him for another shot at the relationship. Right now, you want to keep everything very light and sweet!

However, chances are if your ex is trying to contact you, he clearly wants to talk about the relationship. Don’t worry. This is a good thing. It means that he wants to try and fix things. As long as you aren’t the one bringing up the relationship topic, you’re fine. Let him lead the conversation and continue to act indifferent (but again, cheerful).

Remember the goal here… you want to act like you’re unavailable so you shift the power from him to YOU!

If you’ve gotten this far, then congratulations… your ex obviously still cares about you. That means that he most definitely hasn’t lost any attraction for you and it’s a matter of meeting up and ironing out the problems you may have had in the

relationship. I’ll cover this later.

Featured Customer Coaching Question

Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)

“My Ex Calls Just To Argue…”

Question Sent By: Maninder

“Hey whats up brad? Love your book, already read it twice. :)

Just wondering if you can tell me how come my ex keeps calling me and then starts to argue and bitch at me??

We broke up like 2 months ago, I am just about through the no contact phase, going OK although I kinda screwed up at first.

Anyway she called me twice last week… first time she accused me of trying to make her jealous cause I posted pics of me with a girl on Instagram. And then a few days later she called to basically yell at me for talking to one of her friends (I ran into her at the gym and we talked for like 2 mins).

What the hell?! Why is she doing this?? Plz help!!”

“Addicted To Drama…”

Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Maninder

“Hey Maninder,

First thing you should keep in mind is that your ex may be looking for reasons to reach out to you, even if they’re negative reasons. As weird as it sounds, for some people, arguing and bickering with an ex can cure their longing for a conversation with their ex.

leading to irrational behavior and overly-emotional reactions to small issues.

And finally, a piece of advice: do not get dragged into bickering and drama that your ex tries to start. You need to rebuild attraction and that spark of passion, and arguing / drama / bickering is totally counter-productive in that regard. It will just reinforce her belief that the breakup was necessary. So, make sure you nip any arguments in the bud, and stick to positive and fun topics.

Good luck!

-Brad B.”

Chapter 8 What If He Doesn’t Contact You?

In document The Ex Factor (Page 72-81)