During the course of your encounters and conversations with women at work, you want to gauge the level of interest she has in you. You do this by paying close attention to her body language and the things she says.
Casual indicators of interest:
> She smiles enthusiastically when you approach or call her, as if you're a pleasant surprise.
> She's open to talking with you about casual, non-work related topics such as personal interests and hobbies.
> She laughs at your jokes, even if they're not that funny.
> She pays attention to you. She's not looking at her watch or doing work-related tasks while you're in conversation. She drops whatever she's doing and gives you her undivided attention.
> She's conscious about talking to you with co-workers nearby, usually for conversational topics that are personal, intimate or even flirtatious. In such cases, she will either lower her voice when talking to you, or lead you away from co-workers for more privacy. > She contributes to the conversation by making meaningful comments, asking questions or starting conversational topics (as opposed to only saying "uh-huh").
> She shares some personal details of her life with you.
The above interest indicators are common among most women in the workplace,
including those who are NOT attracted to you. That is why they are called casual interest indicators. In other words, there are some women who view you ONLY as a professional or platonic interest, and will give you casual interest as a matter of courtesy or
friendliness. Therefore, you want to look for stronger indicators of interest from those women who are genuinely attracted to you.
The following represents the strongest indicators of interest from most women who are genuinely attracted to you and consider you a romantic interest. I call them the "Big 3": 1. She approaches, calls or initiates conversation with you quite frequently, usually two or more times in the same week. This is the first STRONGEST indicator of interest to look for in a woman who is attracted to you. She is expressing her strong interest by making herself more available to you. Between interactions, she may pass by your station more often than normal, usually to make eye contact and say Hi. She may even approach you under the guise of something work-related in hopes that the conversation will
been up to lately?"). The point is, her attempting to engage you in conversation is clear evidence that she is investing in the courtship as opposed to you doing everything. 2. Her non-verbal communication towards you is more provocative. Here are the most common examples:
> When she approaches you, her makeup is enhanced or more colorful than what she normally wears. Give her a compliment acknowledging that you noticed her appearance. A woman who wears more makeup than she normally does is usually communicating that she is open to dating.
> She allows herself to get physically close to you, usually well within your personal space. Such closeness is usually followed by her touching you while in conversation, like touching your arm in the middle of laughter, or brushing lint off your shoulders.
Understand that not all women who are attracted to you will get too close because they want to be discreet and prevent gossip, but if she does get close to you, then it means that she is comfortable with you and enjoys the chemistry between you two.
> During conversation, she will position her body in a way that exposes more of her neck, breasts or legs. She might even toy with her hair or jewelry, or slowly caress parts of her body like her arms or legs while talking with you. She is being physically open to you.
> She mirrors your tone of voice or body posture.
> She blushes or giggles and breaks eye contact with you briefly. This usually occurs when you're giving her good eye contact in the midst of sexual tension.
> She's looks and smiles at you very sensually (that "I'm into you" sort of expression). Provocative non-verbals would be the second STRONGEST indicator of interest to look for in a woman who is attracted to you. In general, women who are NOT attracted to you or view you only as a friend, will NOT enhance their appearance for you, and their body language will be fairly closed off or conservative. So if you DO notice these provocative signals when you're in conversation, make no mistake: she's doing these things for YOU, and it is strong evidence that she's very interested in a relationship with you that is beyond professional or platonic.
3. She flirts and teases with you. She is also open and receptive to suggestive language, or even conversations about sex. This would be the third STRONGEST indicator of interest to look for. She wants to experience the playful side of you and see how socially intelligent you are. She also wants to build some sexual tension between you two. However, her flirting and teasing MUST be in combination with other strong interest indicators, because some women at work will engage in casual flirting with a man just to make their day interesting, but have NO intentions of dating him.
Following are some other strong interest indicators that are usually associated with the Big 3:
> She looks at you curiously if you're in the same area (usually if you've never met). She might even toss her hair or apply makeup as she does this. Frequent glances within a short period of time means she wants to meet you. Approach and open her. Know that it is possible to close her directly in your very first conversation because SHE initiated the come-on.
> She's open to talking with you about personal, intimate topics such as her Hopes and Dreams, and her experiences with Dating and Relationships.
> She qualifies herself to you, or attempts to find commonalities.
> She talks too fast, or fumbles and mixes up her words during conversation. She wants to impress you, but is somewhat nervous in the process.
> She gives you statements of interest like "I like talking with you." or "I like the sound of your voice" or "I like the way you look at me." Some women will also frequently compliment your ideas, perspectives, appearance or behavior to indicate that they like you.
> She asks if you have a girlfriend, or she mentions that she doesn't have a boyfriend. > She attempts to close you by suggesting that you two do something outside of work such as getting something to eat, seeing a movie or having a drink. She may also invite you to some social function she's going to (such as a party, karaoke, etc.), or giving you her personal phone number. Of course, we could say that her closing you is obviously THE strongest indicator of interest, but it should be viewed more as a goal. It is the other indicators of interest that you want to watch for, because they all lead into closing. Strong interest represents her investing and being active in the interaction as opposed to being passive. This is very, VERY important. It's not enough to get her to laugh at a few jokes and think that she's into you. Understand that most women at work will generally smile and listen to you talk merely as a courtesy to you as a fellow co-worker, and not necessarily because they're attracted, so do NOT assume your target is attracted to you just because she's merely open and receptive to you in conversation. It's very important that she invests in the courtship in order to be considered a worthy target, rather than sit there while you say and do everything.
There's also the possibility of "professional interest" indicators, meaning she's not interested in you as a potential suitor, but more interested in your position or status at work and how it will make her job easier, advance her career or raise her status. Depending on the dynamics of the interaction, your social intuition should tell you whether her interests in you are merely professional, or something more.
All things considered, a combination of the above interest indicators demonstrate that she enjoys interacting with you, and is good soil for successful closing. You want to court only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis. And once you find a woman who is giving you strong IOIs, put your efforts into
attracting, building comfort and seducing her, and less on those who are merely open to you.
Indicators of disinterest.
> She doesn't look at you or acknowledge you if you're in the same room. She avoids eye contact with you, or she may even squint her eyes at you when you're talking to her, which subcommunicates "Why are you bothering me?"
> She doesn't appear enthusiastic to see you or hear from you. She doesn't appear open to conversation.
> She keeps her distance when you approach, even at 5 feet. She doesn't allow you to get too close without moving away.
> Her body posture is closed off. Her arms are crossed and she appears on guard with you.
> She doesn't approach or call to talk with you. You're the only one putting forth any effort to connect.
> She doesn't smile or doesn't appear interested in the conversation. She's not very responsive or initiating any dialog. She's not investing in the interaction.
> She appears anxious, stressed or busy with work. She's not giving you her undivided attention.
> She's "strictly professional" with you. Contacting you is mostly work-related with little room for talking about personal interests.
> She frequently mentions her boyfriend or husband during the interaction. The first mention may be some initial resistance, which could be an indicator of interest. But frequent mentioning without any interest indicators above means she's not interested.
> She's resisting the interaction. She doesn't "play along" with the conversation. Her answers are very short and without elaboration. She doesn't attempt to find
commonalities between you two. It seems as if you're hitting a brick wall. > She tells you that she's "busy", "not interested" or "not comfortable" with you.
> She views you as a "friend". She's open to you in conversation, but she uses you for entertainment, therapy, and non-work related favors, with NO intentions of dating you. > She complains to your supervisor about your work performance, or she files a
harassment complaint against you with the HR department.
Indicators of disinterest generally occur in instances where you approach her, especially if she's in the middle of working. And it's possible that such disinterest may actually stem from negative emotions that's related to work or her personal circumstances, and not necessarily because of you (see closing). So she might be just having a bad day or busy day when you encounter her. But be warned: the alternative reason could be you are NOT welcomed, she is NOT comfortable with you, or she is NOT interested in you. Don't assume that she's shy or she's playing hard to get and you should continue plowing through until you get a desired response. She could consider this as harassment. Anytime a woman shows you disinterest (especially if you approach her), IMMEDIATELY end the interaction:
You: "Well, I have to get back to work. Enjoy your day."
The same goes for the flakes, which are women who give you intermittent interest and disinterest (or one encounter she seems open and receptive, and the next encounter she's not as responsive). Understand that women sometimes have mood swings and can become flaky with their feelings toward you in the workplace. Such flakiness is usually the result of work-related stress or personal circumstances she's experiencing, and not necessarily because of you. Either way, keep all flaky women strictly professional or platonic while they "make up their mind".
Never assume that a woman's disinterest is her way of playing hard to get. If she were genuinely interested in dating you, she would clearly make herself available to you, without resistance and without all the mind games. So be willing to move on. The point is if a woman were really interested in you, she would give you far more interest indicators without all the drama. So if you continually get the same negative vibes after the 2nd or 3rd encounter, without ANY of the positive interest indicators, she's not worth your time. Move on; you have other foxes to chase.
THE IMPORTANCE OF COURTING ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO INVEST IN THE COURTSHIP.
When I say "Court only those women who are giving you strong indicators of interest on a consistent basis," notice I didn't say merely "IOIs". I said "STRONG IOIs", which is more than simply getting her to smile or laugh. It's very important that she is active and INVESTING in your interactions as opposed to being passive. This helps you filter out the women who are merely open and friendly towards you, but are NOT attracted to you. Understand clearly: It doesn't matter how "hot" or "perfect" YOU think she is. She MUST have similar feelings enough to want to date you, and she must prove that by investing and giving you interest in your interactions. It doesn't have to be a 50/50 courtship process, but you must NOT do all the work. You shouldn't be the only one making contact. And you shouldn't be the only one doing all the talking. An easy way to test her interest in you is by withdrawing your interest in her. For example, don't call or approach her as often as you used to, and see if she initiates contact. Become silent during the interaction while looking around as if you're bored, and see if she wants to continue interacting. Feign disinterest in her and have HER attempt to attract YOU. The point is make sure she's contributing to your interactions other than sitting there
expecting you to do everything to win her affections. Yes, there are some women who are shy and it may take a few interactions before they open up and contribute, but as a rule: If a woman is genuinely attracted to you, she WILL invest, she WILL attempt to attract you, and her strong interest in you WILL become obvious. So don't bother with those women you feel you are working harder for to win. Make sure your target is putting forth adequate effort and interest to be worth your time.
(See Pitfall 2: Targeting women who are not interested in you for more information about indicators of disinterest)
When you sense she is opening up to you through casual conversation, then you can begin to subtly introduce sexual elements such as deepening your voice, intense eye contact, slow body movements, suggestive language, etc.
CHAPTER 6: CLOSING
WHEN TO CLOSE: While it's possible to close certain women the same day you've met, she will usually be someone who works in a different department, or someone who you don't encounter often. But for those women who work in your department or who you often assist with work-related tasks, you want to attempt closing her starting with your 2nd personal encounter. Because you're in frequent contact with her at work, you want her to feel comfortable with your presence and to see how you behave and interact with others.
A general guideline is you should be able to close your target successfully within 3 to 5 encounters, usually sooner if she's giving you strong interest and heavily investing in your interactions. Merely passing by and saying 'Hi', or having a discussion that's strictly work-related does NOT count. This is about having one-on-one interactions that are NON-work related (talking about personal interests, hobbies, relationships, some flirting, etc.). And it's no big deal if it takes more than 5 encounters to close her. It's better to successfully close her on the 10th encounter than to jeopardize the courtship by trying too hard to close her on the first few encounters.
It is possible for the courtship to last for months without a first date or phone calls outside work, and still have her romantically interested in you. Although waiting that long is not advised, the good news is that when you do go on that first drink or dinner together, you are almost guaranteed to be in bed with her by night's end. This is because your
interactions at work were part of building comfort. Of course, she may still choose to not give it up the first night so as to not appear like a slut. If that's the case, play the
gentleman's role and give her just a kiss and a hug good night, but know that day 2 is in the bag.
Closing her and going to a location off company grounds serves some important purposes:
> Privacy. There are no co-workers or supervisors around to eavesdrop on your conversation or stir up gossip. <***REWRITE* This allows her to relax and have the freedom to be more open about flirting with you ***>, and to reveal sides to her she would not have expressed in the workplace.
> It minimizes resistance she would typically show in the workplace, thereby allowing you to escalate easier.
> It allows you physically escalate and verbally communicate your romantic or sexual interest, all without the risk of a harassment complaint if something goes wrong during the interaction.
THE IMPORTANCE OF GETTING HER TO CLOSE YOU
When a woman goes out to a venue like the bar or club, her thoughts and emotions will be centered around being with a man. She knows that the club is a place where men go to meet women, so she dresses up and mentally prepares herself for meeting a nice man. Sure, she may claim that she's going "only to have a few drinks", or "just to relax." But there is hardly any woman who will do these things without meeting a man, and claim that she had a good time. Her idea of a good time truly depends on whether she meets a man, and how well they interacted. Even women in committed relationships want to meet