Charismatic people are never viewed as being underhanded. They’re never considered untrustworthy. They never have that shady quality to them. And that’s because they’re real. They know exactly who they are. They’re proud of who they are. And they carry this pride because they know their natural, human intentions are valid and full of worth.
If you really want to be a more charismatic person, you’re going to have to learn that it never does you any good to hide behind your intentions. You should instead embrace them. You should take pride in them. You should allow your behavior to be
dictated by them. Only then will you be congruent and only then will your personality be a pleasing and magnetic one.
In order to put this in proper context (and since many readers have specifically purchased this book for what I’m about to discuss), allow me to provide you with a clearer understanding of what I’m talking about by exploring an aspect of Male-Female dynamics. This particular area of social interaction serves as a perfect example of why hiding behind your intentions is the wrong approach. And since I want to keep this as authentic as possible, allow me to offer this example from my own male perspective.
Let’s look at a situation where you meet a woman you’re
attracted to. We’re going to assume for clarity that whoever this girl is, it would be okay if you two actually ended up going on a date. What I mean by this is that you aren’t in a professional setting, and hitting on her won’t be a threat to your job. And she isn’t already taken. No boyfriend. No husband. No brother who’s your best friend who would resent you for taking her out. No other complications. I want to keep things nice and basic here. With all of that being said…
The moment you meet a woman you’re interested in, it should never be a secret (or a big deal, for that matter) that you are considering the possibility of engaging in consensual sexual activity with her at some point in the near future (“near future” being anywhere from 1 hour to 1 month).
A problem that most guys have is that they’re ashamed of their intentions. They’re worried that a woman might look at them, see behind the veil, and know that they are interested in sex.
Women know what’s going on. They’re not stupid. A woman knows that when a guy’s looking in her direction and his lips are moving, it’s automatically because he wants those lips
somewhere on her. What most guys don’t understand is that those very same thoughts are going on in the girl’s mind as well. And believe me, they are. The only difference is that women naturally have a higher threshold of self-control because they are offered (directly and indirectly) physical contact with a multitude of potential suitors on a daily basis. It’s a simple case of supply and demand.
But the bottom line is that you’re not fooling anyone with your “I wanna get to know the real you and nothing else” routine. So if you assume you’re going to ‘trick’ her into thinking you’re just a ‘nice guy,’ lull her into a false sense of security with expensive wining and dining, and then ‘come out’ to her with a grand statement about your feelings weeks into your
‘relationship,’ you are in for an unpleasant surprise. Because you won’t even get through the first date if all you do is insult the girl’s intelligence by acting like you aren’t interested in any physical contact.
Now I’m not suggesting that you make selfish and unreasonable demands and force a woman into any kind of situation she is uncomfortable in. All I’m saying is that it is okay to be interested in sex IN ADDITION to who she is as a person.
Now, am I suggesting you blaringly outright declare “Hey, it’s totally possible that you and me are going to end up in bed, and I’m cool with it, and I want you to know that everything I do from this point on is strictly so I can get in your pants.”?? Of course not. This isn’t about verbally making a statement. It’s about non-verbally making a statement. You’re not going to say anything direct or specific with your words. All you’re simply going to do is ‘act as if’ it’s already understood that you’re considering physical contact at some point when you’re both
So when you are interacting on a verbal level, the words you use, while not directly implying that things are intended to eventually escalate to a physical level, should definitely not hide from the reality of it potentially occurring. For example, if you’re on a date and the girl you’re out with accidentally spills her drink on the table, it’s a perfect time to joke about how you were
considering allowing her to kiss you, but if she’s that clumsy, maybe you’re both better off just being friends. A line like that is a great little verbal shot that indirectly states the obvious, but still keeps things interesting (and it’s also, by the way, a perfect example of role-reversal humor, which we’ll discuss in great detail later on).
Don’t believe for a second that women respect ‘nice guys’ who are only acting nice because external influences like television and the media have programmed them to do so. Women appreciate nice guys. But they also pity them. They pity them because they know deep inside that these nice guys are not being true to themselves. They pity them because they know these guys are merely conforming to what they’ve been told is the proper course of action. And you can’t respect someone if you pity them.