Have a couple of default jokes memorized and ready.
Whether you find something online or just hear it from a friend, you should definitely make sure to learn one or two really good jokes, word-for-word, to use when or if a situation should come up where they’d come in handy. And make sure they’re tasteful if the situation calls for it.
Have a couple of interesting stories memorized and ready. Just as with jokes, having an interesting anecdote or two to carry you through a lull in the conversation can really come in handy. And just as with jokes, make sure they won’t offend anyone if you’re in a professional setting.
Don’t worry about sounding brilliant with every single word. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be compelling with every word you speak. Nobody’s expecting you to deliver some brilliant routine you’d normally only find in a world class comedian’s act. So relax and actually enjoy your interaction with the people around you. The more fun you’re having, the more fun they’ll have as well.
Matching and mirroring the other person’s body posture.
By subtly matching and mirroring the body posture of the person you’re interacting with, you will build instant rapport. This kind of behavior is a great way by which you can communicate agreement with the other party on a level beneath their conscious thoughts. They’ll warm to you easier, but they won’t know why. All they’ll know is that they have a good feeling about you. And that ‘good feeling’ will make it that much easier for you to build trust and camaraderie with them.
Interpret and analyze the other person’s words.
Rather than just rephrasing their words, as was suggested in tool #2, if you’re able to take things to a deeper level and offer insight regarding their challenges, you’ll come across as someone with wisdom beyond your years. And you’ll instantly establish a higher level of respect from the other party.
Going back to the example cited in tool #2, where the person said:
“My boss is always riding me. He’s always micromanaging everything I do. If I’m late just one time in an entire year, he never lets me hear the end of it, and he says that my work will never be up to standard if I’m not committed to being on time, every time.”
“Sounds to me like you’re the self-starting type… the kind of person who’s doesn’t need reminders to be on top of things… someone that’s always where they should be when they need to be and always in control of their circumstances. These are great qualities to have, so don’t let one person’s doubt hold you back. This guy’s probably had so many incompetent employees in the past that he’s forgotten what it’s like to have someone who’s actually got their act together.”
You might notice that this response, as opposed to the one that was used for tool #2, demonstrates a better understanding and depth of what’s going on. And it really puts you in a better light in the eyes of the person you’re speaking with. Just remember one thing with all of this…
You’re NOT doing this to manipulate the other person. You will not, I repeat NOT be manipulating the person you’re speaking with. This is not about manipulation. This is not about controlling someone else. The only person you will be
controlling is yourself. You won’t be using the modified silent treatment to force someone into revealing information about themselves. Instead, you’ll be exercising a little discipline, you’ll be keeping yourself from dictating the direction of the
conversation, and by result, you’ll be allowing the other party the opportunity to continue a discussion on whatever they
specifically prefer.
Only when you realize that you’re not manipulating other people, not harming other people, and not taking advantage of other people, can you eliminate misplaced guilt about engaging in the type of behavior. And only by eliminating this guilt can you effectively utilize these methods, embrace these steps, and find success in this area of your life.
Now at this point, some of you may be reading this and thinking:
“Well, that’s nice, but this assumes that I’ve actually begun the conversation. It makes the assumption that I’m talking with someone else to begin with… that I was able to start that conversation myself. And my discomfort with starting the conversation is actually worse than my discomfort in keeping up with one.”
Well, don’t you worry. We are going to examine the dynamics behind breaking the ice and starting a conversation soon enough. But before we do that, there are a few more concepts we need to explore. Two of which are included in the following chapter. They are the concepts of ‘status’ and ‘social proof.’
Being charismatic is not a judgment or determination made by others about you… it’s a choice YOU make about you for yourself. And if you’ve seen charisma in others and have been able to interpret that charisma as being valid, then you
automatically hold all of the tools to have that very same charisma for yourself. And it all really is through your own action and behavior.
But as suggested by the fact that there’s a chapter later in this book which is titled “Indicators You’re Making An Impact,” part of that understanding means you also realize that you still need to measure the decisions and determinations that are made by other people. You still need them as a point of reference. You still need them to properly respond to your behavior in order to know that your behavior really is charming and charismatic.
It’s in your best interest to know that others are perceiving you in a positive light. Because if they really are looking at you in a favorable way when you’re around, they’ll also positively add to your image when you’re not even there. They’ll tell funny stories about you at parties to people you’ve never even met. They’ll sing your praises to a potential employer if you need a job and there’s an open spot in their company. They’ll tell all their attractive available friends what a great catch you are. Basically, they’ll increase your appeal in some way, shape, or form… and by result, will help enhance your status among others.