1. Reframing a situation can help create more desirable emotional states.
This requires us to challenge the thoughts or ‘self talk’ that stimulate our negative thinking thus creating frustration or anger or negative moods.
Think of three situations recently that have created anxiety, anger or frustration for you. For each situation ask yourself the following questions:
• How am I better off as a result of this situation?
• How might it have helped the other person?
• How might others have benefited from this?
• What have I learnt as a result of this not working?
• What have I learnt from going through this difficult time?
• How have I become a more enriched person as a result of this?
Repeat this exercise as soon as possible after the next situation that causes you to have negative emotional states.
2. Use this exercise to release your mind of physical tension or unneces-sary thoughts. Have a clock in front of you. Now:
• Sit upright in a comfortable chair, unfold arms and legs and put your hands on your knees.
• Sit as still as you can for one minute.
• At the end of that minute, make a mental note of what you noticed was happening to your body at that time.
• Repeat the exercise for one minute, but this time, as well as sitting as still as you can, try not to allow any thoughts to enter your mind. It will help if you find a fixed spot ahead of you and focus on that or if you close your eyes imagine there is a central spot on your forehead that you are trying to focus on.
• At the end of the minute, consider if there were any thoughts entering your mind during that minute.
• Repeat the last activity once more trying your hardest to rid your mind of any invading thoughts.
If you practise this activity once in the morning and once in the evening, it will help to relax your mind and you will become effective at creating your own quiet space. You will then have the opportunity to fill this space with helpful, positive thoughts.
3. This exercise is a quick and easy way to feel instantly relaxed and is helpful if you are feeling stressed, angry, having difficulty creating a more positive state of mind or having difficulty sleeping.
• Choose some relaxing music to play in the background.
• Lie down on the floor, take off your shoes and release any tight clothing around your neck.
• Clench both fists as tightly as you can for a count of 10. Release and notice how much heavier they feel.
• Repeat this exercise with each of these other parts of your body: arms, facial muscles, shoulders, chest, back, stomach, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet. Remember to clench the muscles for a count of 10 and then release.
• Your body will feel heavier and you will notice a release of any tension.
• Lie still for as long as you can.
• Get up carefully as you may feel light-headed.
4. Identify the most common situations where you find it difficult to control your impulse or anger, eg during a project update meeting for the change programme you are involved in, confronting your least favourite client, etc. Rather than allowing these situations to control your moods, write down a plan of action regarding how you are going to deal with each one of these situations in a way that will have a posi-tive outcome for you as well as the other people concerned.
How to increase your self-discipline
5. This activity will help you to ‘anchor’ a resourceful and positive state that you can apply when you are confronted with one of the situations that results in a less than positive outcome for you.
Find yourself some space, peace and quiet.
• Identify a positive state or feeling that you have experienced in your life that you would like to be able to recreate quickly and have immediate access to it. This will be your anchor.
• Choose a signal that you can use when you want to access this feeling, eg pinching the flesh between the thumb and forefinger of your left hand or touching your little finger and thumb together on your right hand or saying a key word or phrase out loud.
• Think back to the time when the state or feeling you want to recreate was at its most intense. You must be able to see this experience through your own eyes – you must not be watching yourself in the picture.
• Step one step forward as if you are entering the situation:
– What are you seeing? Is it clear, bright, fuzzy …?
– What do you hear? Is it quiet or loud?
– What does it feel like?
• Allow yourself to experience the feeling of being in the situation until that feeling becomes so intense that it envelopes you. As it reaches its full intensity, use your anchor, eg pinch the flesh between the thumb and forefinger of your left hand. Do this for as long as the intensity of the feeling lasts, then release.
• Jump up and down for a few seconds to release yourself from this.
• Repeat the process above at least three times until you can really feel the connection between the anchor and the state.
• In order to test the anchor, think of something else and then use your signal to anchor yourself.
• If the anchor has been released successfully you will see, hear and feel this state as if you were in it now. If you are not experiencing this keep practising the process.
• Now think of a situation in the future where you would like to have this anchored state. At the same time use the anchor and consider what you are now seeing, hearing and feeling. By doing this you will be transfer-ring your resourceful state into a future situation.
• Use your anchor when this future situation arises and notice the effect.
Any time in the future when you want to have this anchored state, use your anchor.
6. Think back over the last two weeks and identify any situations where you believe you were not as flexible as you could or should have been:
• What was the situation?
• What stopped you being more flexible?
• What was the impact of not being flexible?
• What could you have done to be more flexible?
The next time you find yourself being inflexible, consider what you could do that would show more flexibility and that would be acceptable for you to do.
How to increase your self-discipline