And a HUGE slice of that pie is the deep-seated belief that he’s not going to be able to live out his dreams with you.
Another buddy of mine, Mark, had been planning a trip to Europe with his dad for five years. They were going to take six weeks and go on a bike tour of some of the most beautiful European nature spots, and then spend the final week in London, seeing the sights and checking out the English lifestyle together.
So they saved, and planned, and booked tickets, and FINALLY, they were getting ready to go.
Now here’s the clincher: instead of being happy for him and being excited that he was going to do this great thing with his dad …
… Mark’s girlfriend just got pissy about it.
She couldn’t understand why he had to take “six whole WEEKS” with his dad … She thought he should take three weeks, and then spend the other three weeks with HER.
She was making it hard for him to live out his dreams.
You can guess what happened … yup, Mark broke up with her pretty soon after that.
“She was a great girl,” he said. “But there’s no way I could spend my life with someone who never wanted me to live my life the way I needed to live it.”
By the way … Mark’s married now, to a woman he says is his soulmate. Why?
Because “she’s so much fun!” he says, grinning. “She never gives me a hard time
What If He’s A Work Addict?
about traveling or working or ANY of the stuff I want to do to move my life forwards.
She loves travel too, so she often comes with me, but most of all she just gets the fact that I like to do things my own way sometimes … and she never gives me a hard time about that stuff. She wants me to be happy – and it shows.”
So what does that mean as far as work’s concerned?
Well, we know that you want to spend time with us. And trust me, we’d WAY rather be spending time with you than with our filing cabinets.
But here’s the thing: work is important to us. It’s part of how we define WHO WE ARE.
So that means you’ve got a choice:
Either you can be the anchor who weighs him down …
… or you can choose to be the rare woman who gets him, who understands what he needs to do, and who actually celebrates who he is.
What does that mean in practical terms?
1. You can take the opportunity to become an expert on what he does so you can bond with him about it.
You can learn the ins and outs of his business, figure out what it is his company really does all day, and then enjoy in-depth conversations with him about the complexities of his job when he comes home.
Pros: he’ll start to think you understand him like nobody else does. Because you really will.
Cons: if you aren’t exclusive and clearly committed, this can seem ... a little creepy.
Plus, not all of us really want to learn about e-commerce, car mechanics, or driving a courier van.
2. You take the opportunity to spend this time on yourself.
What If He’s A Work Addict?
know well (the best friend, the sister, the mom) and the ones you don’t (that cool colleague you haven’t really spoken to all that much, the fellow yogini at the studio you liked talking to after class that time)?
Well, when your partner’s super-occupied with work, now is the moment to expand your other relationships.
Don’t smirk. This isn’t a booby prize. There’s a reason why women with large support networks often count themselves happier in their romantic relationships, too: because women who know lots of people just tend to live happier lives.
And you don’t have to spend this time with others, anyway. You can spend it on yourself. You can do all the stuff that he HATES to do, or that you’re embarrassed to do in front of him, or that you always wanted time to do but never found before.
Like leisurely Saturday mornings shopping and sipping almond lattes in the city. Or picnics with your girlfriends. Or simply sleeping in til noon ... then taking a nap with a good book by the bedside.
The bottom line is, you have two choices: either learn how to talk to him about it, or learn how to be happy even when he’s not there.
(I mean, come on, let’s look on the bright side here … at least he HAS ambition and a work ethic. Would you REALLY rather be with the bum who sleeps all day, wears pajamas til 3pm, and has zero drive to succeed at all??)
The bottom line is: unless your boyfriend is a medical intern, an international pilot, or some other incredibly absent figurehead, the third option - breaking up over it - probably isn’t going to change a whole hell of a lot in your life ... because chances are, the next man in your life will probably have the same “problem” too.
What He’s Secretly Afraid Of (That’s Making Him Pull Away)