Carol: All right, Rick. Welcome back! Rick: Hi, Carol!
Carol: Let’s continue with clearing feelings and emotions that might be part
of the reason that we’re holding onto clutter. We worked last time with overwhelm and fear and scarcity. Let’s move to abandonment or hurt in love issues.
Rick: It’s not something that most people think of when they think of
clutter.
Carol: No.
Rick: How does this come up in the reflection of what’s in people’s physical
world if they’ve been abandoned or hurt?
Carol: Most simply, people end up replacing love that they didn’t get with
stuff. They kind of fill the hole of abandonment, love-pain issues, or hurt.
They gather stuff because the ultimate, underlying feeling is “There’s not enough, I’m not enough, I wasn’t loveable…” so they think getting more stuff in their life will somehow soothe it or fill the hole. So abandonment is a pretty profound, often early childhood or later childhood issue. People can feel abandoned in their adulthood, but if you’ve got the original track from childhood, then you really have a lot to work on. So replacing it, filling that hole, is quite common, but as you were saying, people don’t typically think “I have a clutter issue because of my abandonment problems from
childhood.”
Rick: How would someone know if this is the underlying cause? Because it
feels like, to me, this is something that would be operating subconsciously.
Carol: Yes. First thing would be just the awareness in someone’s life of “Is
abandonment an issue?” You know, I often say to people, “What emotional themes are running your life from childhood - abandonment, hurt, grief, frustration, resentment?”, and they often say, “Oh, yeah, that’s me.” So it
becomes a bit more conscious. So if abandonment or being left or early deaths in your life have been a problem and a challenge, and you’re listening to this because you’ve got a clutter issue, just see if anything resonates. See if you get any charge, even when we’re just talking about the topic, that love issues or breakups or losses could be the reason. It may not sound very rational, but it could be the reason you’re accumulating more stuff. Let’s see if there’s any resonance and charge on that one we’re talking about. If not, when we tap, just go ahead and tap on an abandonment in your life. Everyone’s got something, small or large, that they perceive to be an abandonment. We’ll tap on that and just see what happens. A lot of what’s happening with us doing this tapping is just clearing emotional conflicts, and the clutter is a side benefit. Right? Clearing the clutter is what’s going to happen as a result.
Rick: I had a picture of someone saying, “I love buying shoes! I love
buying shoes!”, and they have so many shoes that, the other side of it is an overwhelm with how many shoes they have. The emotional benefit that they get from the process of buying shoes is short-lived.
Carol: Right.
Rick: I believe that, if we clear the pain around using buying things to
soothe ourselves, if we’re in emotional pain, if we’re feeling a lack of love in our life, a lack of things that represent joy in our life - you may really love to buy shoes, but if you’re using that as medication…
Carol: Yes.
Rick: …now you’ve got the downside of doing it so often that you’re not
sure how to let shoes go or how to organize. There’s a whole other slew of side issues that come up around the buying of certain things. That’s another way that you might look at it. Are the things that you love to do a real
enjoyment or a passion that you have for those things, or do you tend to do those things where otherwise emotionally you’re in a down stage? We’re not saying that you’re not going to want to buy shoes or buy clothes or
whatever; it’s “What’s the emotional state that you do that buying in?” What we find is that if you let go of the downside energy, you’ll still enjoy those things. They’ll just be more balanced. You’ll also do them from a higher vibration, so actually, you get the joy of it more. When you buy from a place of already feeling abundant, every time you wear the shoes you’ll feel that reminder of that abundant place that you bought them in.
Sometimes, if you bought them in a low vibration, you don’t find yourself wearing them because you’re reminded of the low vibration that you were in! So that can also make it hard to do. We talked last time about facing
what’s there. You don’t want to face that box of shoes because it
represented that moment in time when you bought that to soothe yourself over that feeling of being abandoned by someone that you loved.
Carol: And it didn’t work, and it’s not going to work a month later. Rick: No.
Carol: You’re saying, really, don’t purchase out of a compulsive need to fill.
If you’re going to purchase, purchase from a place of abundance, and that would be lovely to add to my life, not “I’m desperate” or “I need this” or “If I don’t fill up, I’m going to feel empty.”
Rick: That’s where, if you tap on that feeling before you make the
purchase, it will change the vibration inside of you. You may or may not make the purchase, but if you do, you’ll be doing it from a very different place.
Carol: I was thinking also of someone having a cluttered schedule. You
know how when someone breaks up with someone, and they either get depressed and stay home, or they fill their schedule - with every day, every night, every lunch, every dinner - and it’s because they’re trying to replace that emptiness with the socializing. They’re trying replace the love, to fill the hole of abandonment. If you have a cluttered schedule, take a look at what that’s doing for you. What are you trying to replace? What does that do for you? It’s often not until someone gets completely overwhelmed with their schedule that they say, “I’ve got to stop saying ‘yes’” or “I’ve got to stop compulsively putting things on my calendar to make me feel good.” I had a client who said that if she doesn’t have plans on Saturday night, she said, “I feel like a loser and inadequate; nobody wants me.” And I’m
thinking, well, I’d love not having plans! So it was such an interesting place that she was coming from, that had some meaning to her: “I don’t have plans on a Saturday night, so I’m not good.” She was making plans that didn’t fill her, that didn’t satisfy, the behavior was for the wrong reason, and her schedule was cluttered. She was exhausted and overwhelmed as a result.
Rick: It is interesting that you bring up that point, that if you’re in a place
where you feel like someone has abandoned you, or you were abandoned young, and that vibration is very active in you, you’ll tend to attract a lot of people who are very needy, and needy people that have claims on your time, and there is an aspect of “yeah, that feels good.” But it fills up your schedule.
Carol: Right.
Rick: You’re filling up your schedule with organizations that need you, with
individuals that need you. That’s the law of attraction at work. If you’re attracting into your life a lot of people who need you, need you, need you - you can look in the mirror and say, “This is me. I, for some reason, am wanting, attracting.” Wanting? I’ll use that word advisedly. You’re attracting, vibrationally, people who need you, and that usually indicates that there is a part of us that gets soothed by being needed. I don’t tend to attract people who need me in my life, even in my coaching practice. I like that. I like that it is more of an equal mutual support and interaction. But I do work with clients many times (as you do) that have way too many people that need, need, need them. These underlying issues that we’re about to tap on - abandonment, hurt, and love - those are the key things.
Carol: Remember when you’re coming from that place of lack - “He left me,
“ “She left me,” “They left me” - you’re not very discerning because all you want to do is have a person in their place, which is why so many people grow up and end up with a spouse that mirrors whatever was lacking in their life. They just want to be with someone, and they’re not taking a look at whether that person can be a great partner for them.
Rick: Would you like to lead us in some tapping, Carol? Carol: Absolutely.