WHAT ARE OUR BASIC EMOTIONS?

After many years of research, experts in the field still have not agreed on any one classification system. However, it is generally agreed that anger, anxiety, and depression are basic negative emotions--and they are the most

widely studied emotions.

Many laymen confuse the emotions of depression or anxiety with diagnostic categories of clinical depression or clinical anxiety disorders. The

clinical syndromes are marked by extensive, prolonged, intense periods of the particular emotion. Often people have had recurring problems with unusually high amounts of the emotion for many years. But, depression and

anxiety are normal emotions that almost everyone feels at least small amounts of every day. Even people feeling intense emotions for awhile are

not necessarily clinically anxious or depressed.

I classify all unpleasant or negative emotions as either some form of

anxiety, depression, or anger. (See harmonious functioning chapter for more explanation.) Anxiety includes subcategories of fear, guilt, stress, confusion, nervousness. Anger includes resentment, irritation, frustration,

and rage. Depression includes boredom, loneliness, apathy, (some) tiredness, sadness, and grief.

There is even less agreement about a classification system for positive emotions. But I use the word happiness to refer to what I believe is the most

basic positive emotion. I think that it is inseparably intertwined with its variations of love, caring, liking, joy, peace, excitement, and ecstasy.

The positive and negative emotions are related, but are like opposite ends of a spectrum. It is impossible to feel anger, anxiety, or depression and

joy at the same instant. They each have their turn, depending on what our state of mind is at any one instant in time.

(2) Follow the strongest emotions to the underlying issues (versus avoiding

them). It feels bad to focus on unpleasant emotions, and most people have

learned to avoid negative emotions--not actively pursue them. 3

The self-exploration process is the opposite of avoidance behavior. It causes us to look down the barrel at our most feared emotions and underlying issues so that we can solve the underlying problems--not just cover them up with temporary patches.

Pretend you are playing the old children's game in which you are

3 Note: Avoiding emotions can lead to serious problems

Psychologists call behaviors we use to avoid negative emotions avoidance behaviors. Avoidance behaviors receive strong, immediate reinforcement by helping us avoid negative emotions--such as anxiety. Most psychologists believe that many addictions and other dysfunctional behaviors are avoidance behaviors--they become powerful habits because they help us avoid negative emotions.

I agree. People eat, drink, take drugs, become obsessive, get "addicted" to relationships, and learn many other dysfunctional habits in order to avoid unpleasant emotions (and to therefore avoid dealing with major underlying issues).

blindfolded and your goal is to find a hidden object. If you get farther from the object the other kids shout, "You're getting colder." If you are getting closer, they shout, "You're getting hotter."

The COLDER the emotion,

the FURTHER from the underlying cause of the emotion, the HOTTER the emotion, the CLOSER to the source of the fire.

If you can stand the heat, you can control the fire. Step 4: IDENTIFY CONNECTIONS WITH EMOTIONS

What thoughts or mental images pop into your mind as you focus on the target emotions? These pop-up associations are not just chance events. They are often very important. The mistake most laymen make is that they do not realize that these associated thoughts are not just coincidences--they are conditioned

associations and causally connected to the emotions and the problem.

Therefore, following these associations can often lead to other associations that are the underlying causes of the target problem.

(1) Focus on words, images, or ideas that create the strongest emotional responses. As you think about the target situations, your emotions will vary both

in type and in strength. As they vary, notice the exact image, thought, or sensation that was associated with the strongest emotions--especially the target emotion. If depression is the target emotion and if you suddenly feel a small increase in depression, then what internal event just preceded the onset of that small increase? Answering that question may provide a valuable clue to an underlying cause.

(2) Identify thoughts that regularly precede the target emotion. Even if a

particular internal event precedes a target emotion only once, it may be important. However, when you notice that a particular type of internal event regularly precedes the target emotion, then you are really getting hot. Examples of common causes of some negative emotions follow.

Anxiety: Anxiety is caused by uncertainty about important values and goals.

Examples: Uncertainty about being liked, about getting a job, about people's opinions, about finances, about deadlines, or about your expectations being met.

Anger: Anger usually results from not accepting some loss or potential loss.

The higher the stakes, the more the anger is directed at the perceived cause of the problem. A person may generate anger for power to overcome the perceived barrier. Examples: Not accepting an interruption or negative event, thinking someone wants to hurt you or is being unfair to you, or being injured and wanting to "get even."

Depression: While both anxiety and anger are states of high arousal,

depression is generally a state of low arousal characterized by goalessness, loss, and lack of challenge. The person may have "given up" or be experiencing a lack of values satisfaction or reward. Examples: Loss of a loved one or job, a perceived or anticipated failure experience, not having anything interesting to

do, or being alone. Depression may even come after successfully meeting goals, when suddenly goals are lacking.

Chapter 8 will focus on overcoming anxiety, anger, and depression.

(3) Conduct inner experiments with your emotions--what makes them go UP and DOWN? Test different words, images, and ideas to see if they will evoke

even stronger emotions. You can learn what causes your emotions to vary by consciously varying your thoughts and watching the corresponding changes in your emotions. Consciously focus on beautiful music or a beautiful ocean scene and observe your emotions. Then consciously focus on scenes of serious illness, famine, or death. Compare your emotional reactions. Also, notice how rapidly they can change as you alter your focus.

While clients are feeling very depressed in therapy and are focusing on how helpless they feel, I often ask them to think of a time when they were depressed and were able to get themselves out of the depression. They suddenly appear more alert, active, and energetic. They immediately begin to feel better.

Then I ask them to compare how they felt when they were talking about how helpless they felt versus how they felt when they were talking about how they could cope with their depression. They realize that when they focus on what they cannot do and focus on what is out of their control, they feel worse. But as soon as they focus on constructive problem-solving and focus on what they can control, they feel better. From this simple mental experiment, they discover one cause and one treatment of their depression.

(4) Use free association techniques--follow thoughts, memories, and images.

One powerful way to dig up underlying issues is by using free association techniques. Let your inner observer just watch the chain of connections between different mental events.

I explored my dream about graduate school using free association--to get to the underlying cause of my "longing" feelings. I am not normally someone who spends much time exploring dreams. However, that one had strong feelings associated with it and I felt confused. I kept free-associating and got in touch with many old memories. I then focused on the feelings associated with these old memories.

Memories of talking with other students, reading, listening to certain professors, and writing were popping into my mind. I began to see that the common theme was that I was thinking about interesting new ideas.

(5) Search your memory for similar situations where you do feel the target emotion. A client couldn't understand why she got so angry at her significant

other for being late. I asked her to think of other situations when she got angry at him. She was angry about his nagging her to "hurry up" whenever they went out, about his always getting his way about what activities they did together, and about several other situations.

What did all of these situations have in common (besides her angry reaction)? She felt controlled. She thought that he always wanted her to be on

his schedule and do whatever he wanted. The underlying issue was control--she was angry because she was allowing him to control her time and activities.

(6) Compare them to situations where you don't feel the target emotion. Ask

yourself why you feel the target emotion in the first set of situations and don't in the second set. What are the key differences in the sets of situations? These differences may help you understand the deeper causes of your emotions.

In the above example, my client did not feel angry in situations when her significant other listened to her or did what she requested. She also did not feel angry if she told him what she wanted--even if he did not ask. That puzzled her at first. After all, he was not being any nicer. She realized that the underlying issue was not as much his behavior as it was her believing she had adequate control in mutual decisions. She had adequate control either if he asked what she wanted or if she asserted herself.

(7) Keep asking yourself, "What am I MOST afraid of?" Another version of that

question is, "What is the WORST thing that can happen?" These questions can help you unlock mysteries that may have haunted you for years.

Our underlying fears drive much of our anxiety, depression, and anger. Discovering, facing, and overcoming our worst fears will solve most problems! I have seen many clients with underlying fears that have been the root of their unhappiness for years. When they finally face these fears, their lives are often transformed--at least in that one area. It is sad that they had been living at less than their potential for so many years--when confronting these fears could have set them free. Is this happening to you in some important life area now?

In the short-run, facing your greatest fears may take time and be painful; however, in the long-run, avoiding them, covering them up, rationalizing them, or blaming others produces far more pain.