What are key life skills? Following are some of the key life skills identified by the LSQ and in
psychological literature that seem important in many life areas.
COGNITIVE: ______Learning and study skills ______Critical-thinking and logic ______Research and methodology ______Analysis
______Synthesis ______Creative thinking
______Mathematics and quantitative thinking ______Reading and comprehension
______Writing and communication skills ______Computer skills
______Disciplines (Science, history, psychology, health,business, literature, music, art, philosophy, etc.) List content areas of strength and weakness:
SELF-MANAGEMENT: ______Decision-making
______Life and career planning ______Time-management ______Emotional coping skills ______Self-development
______Self-motivation,achievement,motivation,and work
habits
______Changing habits ______Managing money
INTERPERSONAL: Meeting people and talking to strangers ______Empathetic listening skills
______Self-disclosure of feelings & intimate information ______Other intimacy skills
______Conflict resolution skills ______Persuasion
______Managing others
______Helping and teaching skills ______Public speaking skills ______Job search and interviewing
OTHER: ______Skills in home maintenance, car repair, sports, music,, art, hosting, or other activities (list) ______ Other: list other areas important in your life
OVERALL: ______Overall "Happiness IQ" On a scale of 0 to 100, how confident are you that you can lead a happy life in the future? (This is the most important question.)
PRACTICE 1: Self-Assessment: Estimate your level of self-confidence and skill levels in each life area. Estimate your own level of confidence and skill in each
of the areas in the Key Life Skills table. For a more thorough assessment, try listing more specific, import ant goals or situations within each area. Use whatever standards or goals that you would naturally set for yourself. Relate confidence to your personal reference group or internal standard. How confident on a scale of 0 to 100 are you that you can reach your own goals in each of these areas?
PRACTICE 2: Self-Development: Plan your own life skills self-development program. Make a plan for developing key life skill areas. Try the following:
(1) List important life areas where you do not feel as confident or skilled as you would like for success and happiness in your career, relationships, or personal life. (2) For each important life skill area, list potential learning opportunities--such as books, classes, counseling, workshops, observing people who can serve as "models," practice, feedback, or other life experiences that can help you develop your skills.
(3) Develop definite goals and plans for improving skills. Build them into your personal goals and time-management system (see self-management chapter 9). (4) Seek feedback and do regular self-assessment of overall progress. Integrate into an overall self-management system like O-PATSM (Chapter 9).
(4)
ADDITIONAL FACTORS THAT INCREASE SELF-CONFIDENCE
Following are some important factors that have been shown by research to increase self-confidence and performance.
Past success in similar situations. The more experience and success we have
achieved in similar situations, the more confident we will tend to feel. If we have a poor track record or lack experience, then we will feel less confident.
Challenging standards or criteria for success. Our standards or expectations
may be too high considering factors such as the difficulty of the task, our level of experience, our relevant skills, our mental state, or the level of our competition. Standards that are too high will undermine our confidence.
On the other hand, standards that are too low can make the task unchallenging and cause us to be overconfident. Sometimes we can set ourselves up for an unexpected failure by setting goals that are too low. Setting goals that are optimally challenging (considering all of these factors) is most motivating.
Following are some factors that can affect our standards.
● Level of goal difficulty. The easier the task, the more confidence you will feel that you can perform well; the harder it is, the less confidence you will have. If your expectations and goals are too high, it will cause you to feel less confidence and more self-doubt.
● Reference group. Who will be evaluating your performance? Who will you be comparing yourself to? The higher the standards of external judges, internalized judges, or your own standards, the less confidence you will feel.
Positive philosophy and positive self-talk. We have seen how the way we talk
to ourselves gives us important messages that affect our confidence level. This self-talk comes from underlying belief systems--including our internalized parents or peers, our self-images, our world views, and our Higher Selves. As we confront, convert, or replace old negative beliefs with positive ones, our self- confidence will be improved as well. (See Higher Self chapter 3.)
Visualizing success. Visualizing success not only implements the positive self-
fulfilling prophesy motivation, but it also helps us develop road maps to success. Visualizing ourselves successfully performing some task and reaching a successful outcome can help us overcome mental barriers to success. It might be that we, literally, cannot imagine being successful. Perhaps it is because we have not actually tried getting a clear mental image of either (1) doing the task successfully or (2) being in the successful goal state.
● Mental practice increases success. A college student in one of my classes was an Olympic marksman. In the past he had been practicing daily; but now he no longer had time to practice daily, because the practice site was so far away. Instead, he learned to use mental imagery to practice. Six times a week, he imagined--in great detail--shooting at targets as if he were at the target range. Once a week he shot at the range. His shooting scores continued to rise at the same rate as when he had practiced seven days a week shooting real bullets at the real target range.
In a controlled experiment, students in Australia who had never shot a basketball used mental imagery to learn how to shoot baskets. During later tests, those only using imagery shot as accurately as students who practiced shooting real basketballs. In other controlled experiments, people learned to increase communication skills by mental role-playing.
● Visualizing the goal state can help create it. If you haven't pictured reaching an important goal or imagining what it would be like, develop a mental image of it. Start fantasizing about the goal state just for fun.
In the fifth grade, when we studied all the U.S. states in our geography lessons, I decided that I wanted to live in California. Later, as a teenager, I developed a fear that I might never leave Oklahoma City, because I (literally) hadn't imagined living any place else. So, I started imagining myself living in Southern California--the ocean, the palm trees, the weather, etc. I became fascinated with the Hollywood Bowl because I loved music and had seen it in several movies. I moved to Southern California as soon as I graduated from college.
● Visualizing increases motivation. Visualizing something clearly and often
helps it seem more possible and increases our motivation to get it. It can also make achieving the goal more rewarding. Many of my dreams and fantasies have been fulfilled. Actually attending my first performance at the Bowl was a thrill. I have had season tickets for many years, and I still sometimes feel like I am living in a dream.
When I am actually participating in something that I have fantasized about, it seems to enhance my emotional experience of it. I get a wonderful feeling of great fulfillment and gratitude when I feel that I am living out a dream.
Others' Expectations and Input. What others say can also affect our
confidence, especially if we are young, inexperienced in the area, or more externally controlled. It is also important to observe how we let other people affect us.
Do you feel more or less self-worth or self-confidence after talking with a certain person or being in a certain group? One simple way to learn to become more confident is to spend more time with people who help you feel better about yourself and less time with those who don't.
==> Chapter 6 on internal control can also help with self-confidence.
Being focused--lack of interfering or distracting factors. To the extent that
other concerns compete with the task at hand for your attention, your motivation and confidence will be undermined. The "rise above" chapter 8 will show you how to keep your focus "on the ball."
Self-esteem is like a mountain stream that begins with a small spring and ends in a mighty river.
The small spring begins in our Higher Self with empathy for our own and other's feelings.
Empathy forms a basis for unconditional self-love and unconditional love of others.
Empathy and love are constant sources of positive thoughts and feelings. Unconditional self-worth is not dependent upon who we are,
what we do, what we have, or what anyone thinks about us. If we have self-worth, then self-confidence is a bonus.
Self-confidence is based upon our belief that we have the right motivation, knowledge, and skills to reach our goals.
The best kind of self-confidence is knowing that
we have the basic motivation and ability to learn in any situation. What began as empathy and unconditional self-love forms the basis for self-confidence in all areas of life.
That self-caring and self-confidence provides the power of a mighty river for overcoming life's logjams.
CHAPTER 6: