Of course there can be countless other issues – many of them lying in wait within your own head – that stand between your dreams and a successful
conclusion to all your romantic efforts. Judging from the slant of a large volume of my e-mail, many guys are deep into the self-sabotage thing and don’t even seem to know it. And they like to use their relationships with women as a primary instrument of self-torture because this is where the pain can apparently be made to hurt the most. When some guys start getting too close to the finish line they like to screw the pooch somehow, usually by picking a fight over nothing (such as something stupid like politics or a similar insufferable topic that matters not a bit to the seduction!) or by doing something otherwise obnoxious to deliberately piss her off.
You can see this sort of thing in action on some of these TV dating shows where the two blind daters start trying to “one-up” each other with their sharp- witted little quips, until they finally end up arguing non-stop for the remainder of the date. I’ve seen women get so mad they’re punching and throwing their shoes
at the dude by the end of the program! Of course the “date” ends up a total bust, but it’s all great entertainment for the viewers. This certainly isn’t the way you want things to unfold in real life. These blind date shows are actually instructive because they illustrate how just a few ill-placed remarks here and there can quickly snowball out of control and blow everything all to hell in the blink of an eye. It doesn’t take much to pop the bubble of seduction remember – she’s not your girl yet and therefore has little incentive to suffer your nasty shit. Even a bit of bullheadedness on your part can get her to completely shut down on you, and then it’s game over when that happens.
So check your motives and make sure that this twisted desire to self- destruct within sight of the goal line isn’t the source of many of your dating problems!
Men can also develop a great deal of latent anger towards women as a result of the accumulated slights they’ve suffered during their quest for romance, so you might want to do a head check on yourself and see if a pattern hasn’t developed that may signal a problem. It sets itself up as a push-pull dilemma in your mind: social pressures pull you towards the world of dating as something that you “should be doing”, but other elements in your own consciousness are pushing you away. Probably to avoid further pain and disappointment. It is within this crucible that all our hidden motivations are forged.
Once you’ve got these cobwebs cleared out you should be able to throw yourself into this stuff with enthusiasm. And try not to get so wrapped up worrying about the minutiae of technique that you forget to have fun along the way! This stuff can be maddening, triumphant, bewildering, exhilarating and sometimes even crushing. But it is rarely ever dull. So prepare yourself for what likely will become a most delightful cascade of the unpredictable.
Date #1 – The Action Date
One of the worst experiences of my pathetic early social life was the
notorious “duck date”. I took this girl that I was dying to hump on a first date to a fancy restaurant. There, I ordered the most expensive thing I could find on the menu, which happened to be something called oranged duck. Man, I was going to impress the hell out of this chick with my brazen willingness to throw away money in her direction! Her legs were sure to fly open later that night! This was going to be so cool...
So here I am, the debonair cultured guy munching down this greasy fuckin’ orange duck (tough as rawhide and no white meat to be found anywhere) thinking that I was “in like Flynn”. Needless to say, after swiftly recovering from having nearly shit my pants when discovering the bill to be in triple figures, it was back to her place and my just reward. Not so. My dreams of sliding into her molten hot pussy remained forever locked in fantasyland, for – once at the threshold of her front door (I didn’t even make it into the house!) – I was given the summary kiss of death... the cheek peck! That’s right, I had been instantly dismissed as a nice guy. A loser! And that was the end of my little “seduction”.
But I was confused, what the hell had I done wrong? Wasn’t this the way to impress the seriousness of my amorous intentions upon a woman? Was I not an honorable suitor playing the game of love as it was prescribed to be played?
Maybe in 1875 when men merely needed to perform well-understood romantic signaling behaviors by rote which the Victorian women of that day
graciously accepted, but in 1975? Not a chance, and the women today are even more cynical and difficult to impress. No, I’d unwittingly played the part of a complete asshole on that date, which I will elaborate upon in a moment. But before I go there, let me tell you about a First date that actually worked for me, and now acts as the basis for my action date theory. I used to scuba dive quite a bit when I was younger. Nothing too amazing, just some sport diving in the
nearby lakes and flooded quarries around the area. A girl I’d had my eye on for quite some time got to talking with me about it one day (she was a waitress at a local diner I used to frequent for breakfast). She seemed interested in learning how difficult it was to put on all that heavy junk and go swimming with the fishies. So we made plans to go to a nearby quarry near Lake Erie and I would show her how it’s done.
For me, that afternoon was spent delightfully strapping her bikinied little bod into some scuba gear and taking her out for a demo dive. Just some shallow stuff down to about 15 feet so as not to scare her. Those quarries can get pretty dark and cold even in the summertime. Well, she absolutely loved it and we had a great time. Even better, I had cleverly positioned myself as the “expert” at some cool skill! If you didn’t make a big genetic splash in the looks department, then you have to let her see you doing something that you are competent at, remember? Competency compensates for average physical attractiveness, and I had become her amazing underwater adventure man... ha!
Afterwards we loaded the equipment in the car and drove five minutes to a nearby lakefront beach bar where we grabbed a plate of clams, some corn on the cob and a few beers. We found a spot in the sand and watched the sun go down. It got cool, the two of us snuggled and made out... and that was the start of a terrific 4 year relationship. And it all began with the absolute best first date that I’d ever had, a date that was hardly even planned when I think back on it. But it easily could have been, and that’s the key!
I firmly believe that this “scuba-training ‘lesson’ + clams and beach party” date worked so superbly because that day we had fun without any man-
woman heavy romantic pressure on us. I demonstrated myself to be a fun guy to hang out with first, and then a possible lover in addition to that. Not only did this action plan work great for me in that particular instance, but I’ve had friends tell me similar stories... that they always scored big with a chick when they took her out for a motorcycle ride, dancing, dirt biking, rollerblading, snowmobiling or skiing in the winter, etc... as their first date instead of doing the tired old dinner- and-movie thing. Remember those Me Cards I showed you how to print up in the previous section? There’s the basis for your action date right there! Got several different action-type hobbies (hey, even golf counts)? Then make up cards for all of them and find out which ones seem to be the most enticing to the type of women you usually meet. Customize yourself!
I think that being in physical motion paints you in a sexy light because it’s masculine to be doing things and taking charge and showing off your skills at something you’re good at – whereas sitting around and talking is rather low energy and possibly even too “wimpy-intellectual” for a lot of women. It just doesn’t fly as well, because many women still hold onto the time-honored fantasy of being thrilled by a man and swept away by him. I’m convinced the action date is the best first date theme there can be because action literally gets her juiced- up – and many chicks will end up transferring this high energy back towards the closest guy around.
Oh, that would be you!