Everything that goes on between men and women whenever they
encounter each other for the very first time is energized with unseen emotion and tends to happen snap-snap, bang-bang. This is true because we each have a large store of biased information about the opposite sex already deeply-
embedded in our minds, and this pre-bias makes much of our early responses take the form of reflexes rather than well thought-out moves. I always find that any really great, upbeat first exchange I ever had with a women was preceded by a brief moment of lingering eye contact which seems natural and almost
magnetic – which at the very least seems to signal a significant mutual interest and some impulse to trade a few words. If they are destined to be, this is the launching pad from which all successful seductions seem to take flight.
You should understand the importance of smooth eye contact by now. Remember those “hello eyes” I described in the last section? Meet her eyes, smile, hold eye contact. Meet, smile, hold... boom, boom, boom... this non- verbal opening volley should happen in a single smooth motion about two
seconds after you first catch a glimpse of her. Everything hinges on this instant of recognition! If you break eye contact too soon, she will look away herself and consider the encounter little more than a polite trade of smiles between strangers. If you want it to be more than that then you have to THINK, and you need to do it as a reflex or it will be too late. That’s why this needs to become a lifestyle with you. If her eyes linger on yours for a few seconds after she smiles back (assuming that she does, but most people will model back a smile as a reflex) you have to say something immediately. If you hesitate more than a few seconds the moment is lost.
This can be the most challenging moment in the entire process, but if you nail this initial contact you could find yourself cruising before long as the rest of it (dating, sexing, etc.) gets easier because that part tends to take on a life of its own after a while. So nod a greeting if you happen to be a short distance away, step forward and just say “hi” like she’s an old friend. It’s important to close up any gap of more than 3 or 4 feet and get up onto the edge of her personal space, but don’t crowd her. You don’t want to be shouting at her for everyone else to hear if you’re in public, but at the same time you have to respect the fact that she doesn’t know you yet – so you have to engage her appropriately in a way that demonstrates you are normal.
As soon as you can manage to, make a friendly joking comment about something going on around you and get her laughing a bit. The idea is to place her at ease and show her that you are harmless and friendly... that’s always got to be job #1. The look in your eye should signal interest, but certainly not the leering glare of the pervert, right? You want to quickly establish that you are a normal guy, not a wacko or some creep pulling a memorized pick-up routine. Remember, there’s no big high-pressure push going on here – you’re just
shopping for interest the way you maybe do two or three times a day with all the cute women who happen to pass your way. The casualness is particularly
important... the more “ho-hum” you make doing these little innocent pull-tabs, the smoother and more practiced you will become at them. You’re just fishing around for anything that suggests any woman could be game. You won’t necessarily be going any further unless you get the correct signals from her, so the ego always remains protected behind this “aw-shucks” friendly guy veneer.
After you’ve caught her attention the next thing to do is model relaxation for her. Remember that you are the puppetmaster pulling the strings! This focus on task should help to distract you from your own nervousness. Drop dead and
become still – make only very slow, snake-charmer like moves. This sends a subliminal message that you pose no threat to her. Keep one hand in a pocket, hold eye contact casually with the barest smile and sway very slightly in a relaxed fashion. By presenting a visual model of relaxation she will unconsciously fall into step with you.
I’ve seen women go into full pause and completely forget what they were rushing around doing only a moment before. Snake-charming. You can even close in on her a bit, but do it ever so slowly so that she hardly notices. Just an invisible, shuffling forward... not too far into her personal space but right up near the boundary where a boyfriend might be allowed. You’ll have to experiment until you find this spot, it’s intuitive. I can tell you that it exists, but not precisely where it’s located for every woman. Some of these fine nuances in your technique may be dependant on your own particular culture as well, so keep that in mind when reading this and adust your moves as you see fit.
The attitude you want to project can be described as guileless I suppose – sort of open and accepting and “in the moment” as the New-Agers like to say. Non-judgmental. That’s important, you should seem non-judgmental and just a bit fascinated with her. Puppies and kittens are non-judgmental, that’s why we love them! Without become supplicant and ass-kissy (and there’s no reason to go this far) try to model this state for her and see if you can’t draw her into it. Much of this works like a form of mild hypnosis (I hate that word), and women with a higher TQ will respond to these types of actions more readily than the logical types will. Also, avoid acting like a wise-ass or serving up a “who-gives-a- shit” attitude – because then you’ll be modeling that instead, and you’ll likely get the same in return!
When you first begin pull tabbing you’ll probably mess up here and there, forget some of the steps, whatever. No big deal – you can always withdraw before revealing the fact that you have any heavy duty interest in her and thus avoid serious embarrassment. This is exactly what you can’t do when attempting a full blown pick-up, which is why they’re so scary! Once you step up you have no choice but to take a full roundhouse swing at the pitch. Yeesh.
With pull-tabbing on the other hand if you’re getting a lousy read you can just taper off your casual chat and say “ta-ta” and let the whole thing dissolve away. No harm, no foul. No red face either because you are guided only by her
nothing meaningful is going to happen. It takes two to dance this tango, after all. Unless you push for it despite her obvious disinterest there’s no possible rejection involved and therefore no humiliation to fear. Or take a chance anyway and go for it if you have the urge to do so. It’s your judgement call, and once the adrenaline starts to flow you may discover a reserve of courage that isn’t normally there for you. You’re a Man, do whatever you want.