Get Him Running Back to You

Get Him Running

Back to You

-The 5 Simple Steps to

Win Your Ex Back Fast

Introduction . . . .7 Section 1 - Foundations . . . .13 Section 2 - The 5 Simple Steps to Win Your Ex Back Fast . . . . .19 ‒ STEP 1 - Re-establish Contact With Your Ex Again (The Right Way) . . . .19 ‒ The ‘No Contact’ Rule You Must First Obey At All

Costs . . . .19 ‒ What If Your Ex Gets Back In Touch With You

During No-Contact? . . . .34 ‒ STEP 2 - Make Your Life Irresistible To Him . . . .61 ‒ STEP 3 - Blow Him Away With Your NEW First

Impression . . . .69 ‒ STEP 4 - Create Uncontrollable Desire In Him . . . .93 ‒ STEP 5 - Let Him Win You Again (And Stay

Forever) . . . .112 FAQ - Your Questions And Unresolved Fears . . . .129

7

I never thought I would write anything like this program .

For the sake of full disclosure, I wrestled with my conscience for some time over the idea of publishing any advice on this subject . I knew offering any secrets that reveal ‘how to get your ex’ back could spell potentially disastrous consequences .

Is it ever worth going back to a relationship that died? Why bother trying to resuscitate an old flame? Especially if that flame should’ve burnt out a long time ago! .

I knew the ideas and techniques I developed throughout creating my GettheGuy programmes certainly could be used to help win back an ex . But I wondered: “Is that what this material should be used for?” It could easily put power in the wrong hands . Or at least it could mean power would be used for the wrong ends .

For a particular kind of woman, this programme would be an incredible gift . This would be the woman whose relationship has broken down, but who desperately wanted to salvage a meaningful and potentially perfect harmony between two kindred souls . For her, I wanted to offer the kind of guidance that could bring her back to a path of happiness and fulfillment . She wouldn’t have to lose an incredible soul mate, and could take power back into her own hands .

But there is also a kind of woman for whom this programme could be bad news . This is the woman who desperately wants to rekindle a relationship that never ought to be rekindled again for a number of reasons . For this woman, a guide to winning back her ex back could easily lead her to get stuck in an endless obsession, one that means repeating past mistakes, wasting time, and emotionally torturing herself trying to re-create a partnership between two people who should have gone their separate ways a long time ago .

Hmm…tricky dilemma .

It would have been easier to keep my mouth shut . Let bygones be bygones . Look to the future and not the past .

My philosophy on ex’s used to be simple and short: Make like Elsa from Frozen and Let The Damn Thing Go so you can find someone better suited to you . I used to base my teaching on a simple philosophy: Get The Guy or Forget The Guy . This was the code upon which I based my life .

But then I realised that real life is complicated .

It’s easy to shout like a spectator from the stands and advise women to move on . However, what if moving on isn’t necessarily moving forward? What if, though mistakes were made and hurtful things were said, the path to happiness and true love really did involve reviving a relationship post-breakup?

I had to confront this possibility . It couldn’t be, after all, that everyone who breaks up is better off being apart . There must be some for whom the break up is just a temporary blip, a mistake, another obstacle on the road to a more complete, better love than before .

So here’s what I decided: The only way I could release this material with a good conscience then was to lay down a few safeguards before even beginning .

Here’s the most important: Getting your EX BACK is NOT for everyone .

Even when breakups suck, when they hurt and feel like agony and you’re certain you’ll never rise another morning in bed without feeling sick at the very thought of not having that guy in your life anymore, going back to the relationship is not the obvious answer! So I preface all of this by saying that if all you learn from this programme is that you don’t want your ex back after all, I will have saved you many hours of hopeless obsession, and potentially years of your life spent in a reheated version of a relationship that should have been left to expire the first time round .

If that is the case, I will count the programme as being far more valuable than the money you paid and will take extra credit for having bought you back the most valuable resource you have – your time .

My promise before beginning then is simple: Going through this process will ensure you either (a) Get your ex back, or (b) Get over your ex and move on to an even happier life than before .

I say this because much of this programme is going to involve DEEP changes to your own life, and after you make those improvements in your own life, there’s every chance you’ll realise that you don’t even need your ex anymore and are ready to find happiness elsewhere .

That said, if the relationship with your ex is special enough and worth saving, the following pages offer a foolproof plan for you to send him running back into your arms .

So it’s win-win from here on out!

Four Quick Reasons Not To Get Back With Your Ex

Now if you’re still unsure if you’re doing the right thing by wanting to get back with your ex, I urge you to refer to the FAQ section towards the end of this document where I outline some questions you should ask if you’re struggling with your decision .

For now, let me just state: my aim in this programme is your fulfillment . I don’t want you to go running back to a poisonous partnership, especially one that could deal a lethal blow to your self-esteem and leave you even more ridden with anxiety and hurt than before .

So let me outline some of the most obvious reasons not to get back with your ex:

1 . Your ex was emotionally or physically abusive - If a guy EVER physically hurt or abused you in any way, for your own safety be glad it’s over and never look back . If you regularly felt emotionally isolated, miserable or had cripplingly low self-esteem due to constant criticism and attacks on your character, this guy is wrong for you . Period . End of story . 2 . You lack other easy options - Just because you don’t have

someone to cuddle up to and be warm at night with at present, does not by itself mean you should go seeking your ex as an ‘easy option’ instead of finding someone new . If you really feel the relationship was doomed but pine for your ex

simply because you want a chest to rest your head against this evening, realise that this is a terrible reason for going back . It will also make you more miserable in the long-term when you realise you’ve fallen back into a relationship with the same problems and struggles as before .

3 . Because you just can’t bear the thought of him moving on

- This one is plain selfish . If you don’t love him anymore but

are filled with jealousy at the idea of him finding someone new, getting your ex back isn’t the program for you . Move on and let him (and yourself) be happy .

4 . You want to prove to yourself he still wants you - If you want to seduce him just for an ego trip and to boost your self-esteem, you might end up having fun and getting him back into bed for a night, but then you’re back once again in a familiar dynamic that was never going to work to begin with . Save yourself the hassle and focus your energy on a more worthwhile project .

Ok, those are my warnings out of the way . Like I said, you can read more about deciding whether to get your ex back towards the end of this document .

Once you know for sure that you do want your ex back and you know you’re ready to discover the precise steps for seducing him and making him chase you again, all you have to do is read the material in the programme .

13

Foundations

Beginning At The End:

The Story Of A Break Up And Where You Are Now

I know right now is painful .

A bad break up is one of the worst traumas you can experience . You feel the heavy, constant ache in your chest . Your stomach curls up in knots when you wake up and realise you don’t have him in your life anymore .

I’m not going to pretend this period will be easy .

You could be reading this in a state of anxiety, feeling depressed and wondering how you’re possibly going to pick up the pieces of your life .

If this feels like where you are right now, you need to begin right away by putting your life back in order again and walking the path to true inner confidence . One of the special free bonuses I’ve included in this programme is an e-book written by my brother Stephen, titled ‘Back to Life: How to Recover From a Breakup Fast’ which focuses on how to build your life again and recover from the trauma of a break up . In the programme I will tell you the appropriate

time when you should turn to this guide to kick start your steps to break-up recovery .

Later in this programme I’m going to talk about the need to build your life back up again, and at this point you’ll want to take a look at the steps Stephen talks about applying the principles of getting back to your ex from a place of maximum strength and positivity, instead of a feeling of desperate misery and tears which is only going to drive him even further away . This will feel difficult at times . I know first-hand how breakups can ruin every pleasurable experience - especially when you feel constantly anxious and can’t stop thinking about your ex every spare second .

Which is why I want you to know that although this programme contains HIGHLY practical actions you’re going to take to get your ex back, it also guarantees that along the way you are going to feel more empowered, more alive and more excited about the possibilities of your life than you ever did previously . So not only are you going to learn how to get your ex back, you’re also going to learn how to become his dream woman in the process .

To make sure that happens, first we need to know a few things about attraction… .

The Attraction Formula That Ensures Lasting Devotion

In order to get your ex back you’re going to have to attract him again .

This section covers the necessary foundations of attraction so that you understand what makes any guy attracted to you and what you

need to flip those switches in your ex’s mind that will win his heart and make him never want to let you go .

I am aware, of course, that for you to have even been in a relationship with a guy in the first place, you must already know some things about attraction, so don’t think I’m presuming to lecture to you as though you were just learning how to meet guys for the first time . What I want to share here is what I call the ‘Attraction Formula’, and the reason I outline it here is because in several parts of the programme I’m going to be referring to certain components of this formula, which will make it more clear why some of the steps I’m advising you to take are necessary to win his heart again .

Having an Attraction Formula is also useful because it shows you exactly how to push his emotional buttons again and make him feel those feelings he did when he first met you .

Moreover, having a formula gives you power . There’s a science to attraction, which means that attraction is possible to influence at any time .

Think about it: Have you ever gone out and felt that you were

getting so much attention one night, but the next you didn’t get any?

This didn’t happen because you looked so different on each of the two nights .

There are things you can do to change and improve your appearance of course, but there are other factors at play, and this is what the formula outlines .

So our formula is:

Visual Chemistry + Perceived Challenge + Perceived Value + Connection = Deep and Lasting Attraction

There are four elements here:

1) Visual Chemistry

People think this is just about your natural looks, and it’s not true . It’s about how you’re perceived .

It’s about how you walk, talk, move, what your body language conveys – and there’s a lot we can do in each of these to influence how attractive we are perceived to be . This is also affected by your health, your nutrition, your fitness and how well you groom and take care of your body .

2) Perceived Challenge

This is what people are really talking about when they talk about the idea of ‘playing hard to get’ .

Men want to feel that they are earning you every step of the way . They want to feel that you’re attainable, but there are steps they have to go through to earn your attraction . Men appreciate the things they earn . This doesn’t mean you have to fake it and pretend uninterested; it means that a guy has to prove he is worth it by showing investment, and that you show you won’t simply yield just because he gives you some initial attention .

You show him you have standards, and he’ll aspire to live up to them .

3) Perceived Value

Perceived value is more than just being a challenge . It’s when a woman has certain attributes that prove she is really worth something . This might be to do with personality traits that you possess, the lifestyle you have – something that makes a guy think to himself, ‘this woman has value to add to my life’ .

Perceived value can be linked to intelligence, your ability to be caring and nurturing, your kindness and confidence, your sense of fun and excitement and positivity, and your independence and ability to take care of your own life . All these traits show a certain internal level of confidence and value that puts you above any other woman in his estimation .

4) Connection

Connection is when the two of you truly feel like you relate . This comes mostly from shared understanding and compatibility .

E .g . ‘Do I feel understood by this person? And do I understand them?’

‘Do our beliefs, ideas and ways of thinking relate?’

This is what creates connection . And notice that you can have all of the first three components without any connection . That’s why connection is such a vital piece in the formula .

As we proceed through the programme, I’ll be referring back to these elements now and again to show where you can demonstrate them on a date with your ex . Of course, on some level you will have shown him these traits before, which is to be expected since he

was presumably attracted to you while you were dating . At the very least, to have been in a relationship you will have had a good dose of visual chemistry and connection I would hope!

As I said before, all of these traits can be influenced and added to, and every step in this programme will aid these in some way to maximize your chances of attracting your ex back .

So, now that we’re done with the preliminaries, let’s move to the main event . You need to meet up with your ex at some point if you want to win him back into your life .

This programme is going to take you from making the first contact with your ex, recovering your life and becoming more desirable so that he can’t resist you, and finally meeting your ex in person again and seducing him until he begs to be back in your life again .

Follow the steps, and don’t be tempted to SKIP anything . In this programme, when you do things is just as important as what you do . That’s why all the steps in this process are laid out chronologically from start to finish .

But of course, getting your ex back is rather strange in this respect, since our beginning happens to be at the end of a relationship . It begins with you broken and ends with you feeling stronger, more energetic and more fulfilled than you’ve ever been . By the end of this process, you’ll have an even stronger relationship not only with your ex, but more importantly (yes, I said more importantly), a stronger relationship with yourself .

19

The 5 Simple Steps to

Win Your Ex Back Fast

STEP 1 -

Re-establish Contact With Your Ex Again (The Right Way)

Where does the story begin?

The story we are writing now begins where most relationships usually end: The Break-Up .

For you to even be reading this book, at some point your have suffered along with the rest of humanity in having to endure the pain of a relationship ending .

Maybe he broke up with you . Maybe you dumped him . It doesn’t matter what the scenario is: what’s crucial before ANYTHING else happens is how you act immediately after the relationship ends .

The ‘No Contact’ Rule You Must First Obey At All Costs

But it’s crucial you follow it if you want a chance at getting your ex back . The rule is as follows: NO CONTACT FOR AT LEAST 21

DAYS AFTER THE BREAK UP.

And I mean NO contact . No text messages, no phone calls, no social media stalking, no Snapchat pics of you with a sad face wearing his favourite shirt, no mysteriously bumping into each other at a nightclub (because you conveniently happened to be going to the exact same bar on Friday night), and definitely no meeting up to discuss the relationship .

Just stop . Please . It’s vital you do this right now, not only for your own mental health, but because, if you ever want a shot at getting someone back into your life, you need to start by giving them (and yourself) some space .

Why is this “Cooling Off ” space so important?

• It gives him a chance to lose his negative associations with the relationship .

• It lets him wonder about you (and possibly even miss having you in his life) .

• It makes him feel NOT pressured .

• It allows you to make some positive changes in your life and become more attractive in the process .

Think about this . Immediately after a break-up, like you, your ex is going to be feeling raw, possibly hurt, confused and messed up . He’s not going to have any perspective on the relationship and he’s probably going to be feeling volatile and emotional .

These are TERRIBLE circumstances for getting him to reconsider the break up and jump back into a relationship . Right now, his

emotions are going to be in ‘healing’ mode, and all he’s going to want to do is avoid more pain, drama, and emotional uncertainty . If you now bombard him with messages begging him to take you back and pouring your heart out, all it is going to do is validate his choice to cut you out of his life . He’ll probably shut you out even more, seeing you as a nuisance and as someone who adds a whole heap of drama into his life that he doesn’t need .

See, the biggest mistake you can do right now is going into Victim

Mode .

Victim Mode is any behaviour in which you put yourself in the role of someone who needs to be saved, or if you act like a broken woman whose self-esteem is shattered beyond repair .

It’s this mode that tempts you to do desperate things, such as call him repeatedly, send him long emails blurting out your despair, and beg him to talk so you can ‘work it out’ . If you do this, the likelihood is he will try to distance himself from you, either because (a) he feels pressured and guilty, or (b) he feels overwhelmed with drama . Right now, you need to be the exact opposite of drama and pressure . That’s not to say you’re going to pretend to be happy-go-lucky and totally cool with the break-up . I’ll explain how to strike the perfect balance between the two later in this section . The principle here is to NOT GIVE HIM ANYTHING TO REBEL AGAINST . This is a crucial idea to keep in mind throughout this program . Guys can be like big kids . And when you fight against a kid what does he want to do? Rebel .

So right now, if you go try and make your guy jealous by flirting with other people in front of him, or attempt to cry and beg him to come back, or you send angry messages telling him what an asshole

he is…all of these behaviours are going to make him REBEL LIKE A CHILD . You try and make him jealous? He’ll try and make you jealous in return . You send anger his way? He’ll feel pissed and see you as an antagonist . You cry and beg to come back? He’ll pull away even more and feel validated in his decision to leave .

So for those initial first 21 days, you MUST give him no reason whatsoever to rebel . Let him stew by himself . Leave the drama behind and let him go through his own process . If you do this, once you start attracting him again he will sell himself on the idea of getting back together, because he won’t feel forced at all .

How And Why You Should Send A Goodbye Letter

Ok, I lied .

There is one instance in which you are permitted to get in touch with your ex again . Just one though . About 4-5 days after the break up, you can send your ex a short Goodbye Letter .

The Goodbye Letter is a very short break up letter . Send it in the form of a text or email . The purpose of this letter is to confirm

things are over between the two of you . Sounds crazy right? Believe

me, this is one of the best things you can do right now . It makes him realise that you’re not hanging on .

You send him a short note, let’s say via email, in which you say something like:

Mike,

Despite how it all ended between us, I just wanted to thank you so much for the last year. It’s been one of the most incredible of my life.

I’ll never forget our trip to Paris and I’ll miss our nights in bed eating Sushi together (insert whatever memory is appropriate

here for you). Take care of yourself. I’ll always think the best of

you.

Good luck with everything xx

That’s it .

Do NOT make it any longer than this . Keep it short, and don’t ask any questions . The point of this letter is to keep you in your ex’s head and give him a tiny reminder of the good times you had together .

See, when you break up your ex needs space . And that’s why during this No Contact period, you send this letter, but you do not press for any response . You are giving him his space, you aren’t saying anything needy or begging, and you are nudging his emotions by reminding him that you won’t be in his life anymore .

And here’s the best part: It looks like YOU are the one who is ending things and moving on . Right now, he is bracing himself expecting you to try and save things and ‘work it out’ . But you’re scrambling his emotions when you just accept the break up . And acceptance right now is a truly important part of this process . You are not going to save this relationship with your ex, you are going to start a better one . The trick though is not to rush it! This is what

most people do and most people ruin their chances in these early

stages by giving him things to rebel against . Just be his teammate for now and show you are respecting his decision .

He needs the time to decompress now and ONLY after those first few weeks should you even consider being a visible presence in his

world again (and equally, YOU need to grieve for the relationship alone for the time being) . Save your emotions for friends and family, but resist any urge right now to spontaneously update him on how you are feeling . Send the letter and forget all further contact for a month .

If you’re hurting right now and desperately missing him, this No Contact rule is going to feel like a prison sentence . But trust me, every time you break that rule in those initial 21 days, know that you are damaging your chances of ever having your ex in your life again .

You might think that by severing contact you risk losing him . You might even be thinking: “I HAVE TO MOVE QUICKLY OR HE MIGHT FIND SOMEONE ELSE!”

Look, this is 21 days . It’s extremely unlikely for someone to be in a relationship less than a month after a big breakup . Most people, even if they flirt with one or two people during this time, are not about to go out again looking for something serious for a while . And what if he does meet someone in 21 days? Chances are high that it’s a passing fling . It will likely be casual, and all he’ll be doing is comparing this new woman to you, as he tries to recreate the intimacy of your recently ended relationship .

You’re only job is NOT to panic, get emotional, or say anything to your ex EVEN if you witness him moving on (but as I mentioned before, you shouldn’t be seeing him at all during the first 21 days, so quit spying on him right now!) .

He needs to make his own mistakes, and right now the worst thing you could do is butt in and give your opinion on how he’s choosing

to move on . Your only job is to be totally cool with what he does . Remember, you’re broken up . Whatever your feelings about who he chooses to be with now are none of your business . Everyone is allowed to move on in their own way .

But remember, all this only applies if he happens to find someone else . Chances are he won’t . At best, he’ll flirt with some girl at a party or go out to a bar with the guys to clear his head once a week . Most people are not ready for a serious relationship to move on within a month, so don’t be afraid of having a good clean few weeks out of his company .

If a guy broke up with you, right now he’s going to be trying to hold to that decision no matter what is said . He’s likely piled on the negative associations with the relationship in his head i .e . This is too much pressure, I want to be alone, I can’t take it any longer, I need space, I feel trapped…

Whatever that inner monologue in his head is saying, you NEED to give him time right now to allow it to calm down . You also need time for your emotions to settle down and for you to approach getting him back rationally . And finally you need time off so that you can go and focus on your own life and surprise him with your progress the next time you get in touch .

These 21 days away are necessary for you to start moving on . Right now, your mind is probably in a mess . You both need time to (a) begin moving on with your life, and (b) get some perspective on the whole relationship .

Immediately after a breakup you will feel like you MUST HAVE your ex back at all costs . But this month is for you to cool off and decide rationally whether being back together is really the best

thing . Take some time to think about the health of that relationship . Did it fulfill your needs? Was there behaviour on his part that you couldn’t deal with any longer? Or is there behaviour on your part that you are simply willing to compromise on?

This time apart will be the best gift you can give yourself . Now is also the time to make some changes and start taking care of yourself, which will ultimately make you ten times more attractive should you still want to get your ex back afterwards . I’ve had my brother Stephen create an accompanying e-book ‘Back to Life: How to Recover From a Breakup Fast’ that you’ll obtain for free as a reader of this programme . Later, I’ll tell you exactly when to consult this guide, but just know that whenever you’re ready to start taking control of your life and emotions again you have the toolkit to do so immediately .

Ok, that’s the initial step out of the way . But I implore you one more time, do not be tempted to ignore this crucial step and simply proceed to contact your ex . The usefulness of the advice I give next is only predicated on the fact that you have appropriately acted on the previous steps (including and especially the NO CONTACT rule), so don’t be a fool and skip it . I’m asking a lot right now, but trust me on this one . Most people blow it at this stage by trying to overwhelm a guy with tears, emotional guilt, begging, and excessive contact . So I’m making it crystal clear . For the first 21 days, don’t be responsible for opening any lines of communication with him .

Quick Reader FAQ: What if I’m reading this and have already broken

the “No Contact” Rule before buying this program? Is it too late now to ever win my ex back?

No No No . Let me explain .

The No-Contact Rule is an important part of the process, but it is not a universal scientific law which says that you absolutely must obey for a precise number of days or else you’ll never salvage your relationship .

The reason I stress that people follow No-Contact immediately after a break up is because it has several benefits:

1 . It gives you breathing space to approach getting him back from a rational and calmer place .

2 . It provides you and your ex some physical distance, allowing him to miss you and feel your absence for a while (very important for re-igniting attraction) .

3 . It allows space for any ugly feelings experienced at the end of the break up (i .e . through arguments, fights, tearful phone calls) to dissolve .

But with that said, even if you have broken up with your ex but have been talking every day, fear not . From this moment on, take a break for a few weeks (ideally 21 days) and refrain from getting in touch . If you’re both speaking every day right now, this might initially seem like confusing move on your part for him . That’s a good thing . It’s going to show him that you are beginning the process of accepting and seeing him not as a boyfriend, and he’ll start to wonder whether you have moved on from his life . Distance is your friend at this point . It will only do you good . So basically, it does not matter how long after the breakup you begin this program, if you are STILL

talking to your ex, take the time now to start No-Contact from this point on.

What if you broke up a few months ago?

How do you start this process?

It’s very possible that you are reading this programme and it’s already a month or two or even further beyond when the actual breakup occurred .

If you’re nodding your head right now, there’s no need to panic . First, if you broke up a month or two ago, and have not spoken at all since the breakup, then you have already completed the No-Contact step and can move on to the following steps I outline from this point on .

But IF you have been broken up for a few months but are currently in a weird limbo of constantly texting and talking on a regular basis, I advise you to now begin to cut off contact for a few weeks and phase yourself out of your ex’s life for a while . He needs to see you beginning to live independently so that you can go away and make some positive changes separate from him .

This step is all about creating distance and separating from your ex . Don’t fret or worry about whether or not you did this as soon as you initially broke up, the important point is only that you do it now BEFORE anything else .

So don’t fret and worry over exactly when you initiate the No-Contact period . If you haven’t done it already, you can start the process right now .

What if your ex works in the same building/office?

How does the 21 day no contact period apply?

If you’ve been dating someone very close to home, such as a work colleague, the idea of cutting off contact for a few weeks may seem completely impossible .

It’s not as if you can just blank your ex and treat him like a ghost if you share a building with him, or else you’ll just appear to be outright hostile .

But this scenario can work to your favour, because now your ex can actively see you living more independently, moving on and making positive changes, and he’ll have a chance to miss your usual level of intimacy when you treat him like a friendly acquaintance and put more physical distance between you . He’ll have the chance to see you fully functioning, becoming strong, being happy, dressing well, making a special effort to look good, getting fitter and healthier – in fact from this position, you have more opportunity to influence how he perceives you . Plus it makes you harder to forget and put out of his mind .

So here’s what to do: DRASTICALLY reduce the amount of time

you spend hanging around your ex .

If possible, seek out a peer group that is separate from his and spend some time with them away from him . Be polite and kind if you walk past him in the corridor or end up in casual chit-chat amongst friends, but do not have any intimate long talks and definitely do not linger around him or find excuses to go out with him after work .

Keep that sense of mystery . Let his imagination run wild with where you’re going after you leave the building . Don’t discuss private affairs with him and say nothing at all regarding your romantic life .

Again, it’s perfectly fine to be your usual nice, happy, fun self at work (though don’t overdo this by trying to “fake” being in a super good mood, or else he’ll see through it and think you’re trying too hard) . Just be pleasant to him but keep things brief and only talk if you have to for work or if you absolutely can’t avoid it without looking rude .

Though politeness should be present, you should leave out connection and intimacy right now. You need to make your relationship somewhat more formal at this stage. Don’t engage in banter, chit-chat or teasing with private jokes, or else it will only prolong your pain at moving on and make you to continue obsessing over him.

You need the sweet-spot between coldness and showing desperation or too much close emotion.

If he asks you why you’re talking to him less, just say in a very neutral way, “I need some time apart to move on from this right now . I want us to still be friends but I hope you understand that we both need some time to ourselves .”

After 21 days you can then move on and follow the next steps in this program .

But make sure you are firm with your boundaries and give yourself this time now to appear more elusive and mysterious to him . Hang out with new friends and go out with a varied social circle . Let him

see that you’re not moping around; you are carrying on with your life and taking the time to enjoy your friendships .

So once again: do not panic that just because you work with your ex, you are unable to have a No-Contact period . It simply means you have to change your relationship (for now) from an intimate one to a more formal one . No more texting, no more sharing jokes and teasing, no more physical contact, and definitely no more spilling emotions to one another .

But contact is just one part of the story .

In this next section I’m going to cover how to handle your online presence if you both happen to still be intimately connected through the world of social media .

Your Social Media Profile - You Are Now A Company Brand

Let’s face it, in today’s world vanishing from someone’s life entirely, even for 21 days, is about as hard as actually vanishing . Of course, it’s possible not to make direct contact with him, but chances are, you’re both going to have social media profiles on Facebook where you can see exactly what the other is doing, how many photos you’ve uploaded, and are able to read posts from your friends that may or may not refer to fun activities your ex is getting up to .

Should you shut off the social media? Go on a Facebook fast? If you’re not into social media a great deal anyway, and can live without it, I recommend just not checking your Facebook for 21 days during your ‘No Contact Period’ . But chances are you’re going to get tempted, especially if you think there’s a chance your ex will

make contact or post some pictures for you to forensically dissect where he’s been and what he’s doing right now .

So here are some rules about this:

• Do NOT ‘like’ any of his posts or photos (you’re still in “No Contact”, remember? That includes this stuff) .

• Do not post on his Facebook wall .

• Do not send pictures or private messages .

And what about your own Facebook page? Remember, anything you post or allow on your Facebook profile right now may well be scrupulously read over by him . So in the name of all that is holy,

make sure you do NOT:

• Post cryptic status updates about how down-in-the-dumps and upset you are .

• Post statuses that refer to you being at home alone watching Frozen in your dressing gown for the third time that day . • Upload photos of you with random guys you met at a

nightclub in an attempt to make him jealous .

• Post public messages to your friends about anything to do with your love life .

• Post fake-sounding upbeat messages about how happy you are .

Right now you treat your social media profile the way a company would . When times are bad for a business, would they publicize how much they are struggling to keep up sales and complain about all their in-house problems? No, they remain focused on carrying on as normal so that they don’t damage their credibility .

So the Ultimate Social Media Rule right now is to only let him see

your best side, no matter what happens to be going on with you

emotionally .

You might be thinking that this means you should post super-happy photos of you in a nightclub having the time of your life . Hey, maybe you even think you could put up a picture of you and your cute friend so that your ex sees it and wants to get in touch . This Jealousy Tactic is a common move undertaken by scorned men and women after relationships, but let me assure you this is a terrible idea, and will only come across as either fake, or at worst, will make him feel bitter and angry towards you . You want to be his team-mate now, someone he can empathise with, not someone whom he feels animosity towards . Continue being the woman he would want to marry even in the tough times, even when you are not pointing your efforts towards him .

Don’t suddenly put up pictures of you going out to bars and clubs three nights a week even though you never did before, in an attempt to show your boyfriend what an amazing time you’re now having .

You suddenly transforming yourself into a party girl he was never into in the first place is not going to suddenly have him swooning over you and wanting you back.

Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t post any pictures that might stir up interest in your guy . But what you want to post are pictures that RAISE HIS INTEREST WITHOUT RAISING HIS

ANIMOSITY.

A perfect example of this would be a snapshot of you at a Farmer’s Market with a friend, or maybe at the top of a monument or on a

hill after a hike . Let’s say you took a picture at the Farmer’s market of you with a giant pumpkin . You’re looking gorgeous in a new summer dress, and even though it’s daytime, he sees how incredible you’ve made yourself up .

You look like you’re having fun, but it’s not in a nightclub it’s in somewhere more interesting and less cliche . Unexpected even . He thinks: “She never went anywhere like that when we were together. How come she’s doing that now? Where is she?”

Now you have his curiosity .

Because you’re somewhere unfamiliar to him, he’s going to see you in a different light . He’s also going to be wondering what you’re up to in other parts of your life . He’s also going to be asking himself who is behind the camera taking the picture .

This is all perfect because it raises questions for him . It keeps him off-balance (in a good way) . And that’s exactly what you want right now . This is why it’s good to do new things he can’t relate to . You don’t want your ex to see what you’re doing and think: Same old Sarah . Otherwise he’ll feel like you’re not going anywhere . So willingly embrace the new and different, and your ex will begin to see you as new and different!

What If Your Ex Gets Back In Touch With You

During No-Contact?

We’ve covered the No Contact period .

But what if your ex tries to call, text, or Facebook you during this time? Should you just avoid responding altogether?

Some would be inclined to say yes, you should stick to your guns during “No Contact” and simply forgo responding to any of his messages until the 21 days elapse .

But there’s a problem with this approach: NOT responding can itself be seen as an emotional response to his actions .

When you ignore your ex completely, an actively attempt to prevent him making contact, you are sending him a direct message that you are avoiding him . And if he gets wind of this, he’ll start to think you’re being calculated and playing avoidance-games, or that he’s in a competitive battle with you for who can be the most unaffected by the break-up .

You do not want to get drawn into any of those games .

For this reason, there is an exception to the 21-day ‘No Contact’ Period: If your ex is the one who initiates contact, only then are

you allowed to respond.

However .

That doesn’t mean you have to respond . In fact, for most of the time during this initial period, I would hold off responding to texts . Even if he just says “thinking of you” don’t feel the need to send anything back .

Nor should you leave the dinner table with your friends or family to suddenly answer his phone call .

You can always get back in touch later to his missed call and say “Sorry, was at a dinner party with friends, what’s up?” . This is a

high value way to respond if you miss his call, because now he’ll be imagining the fun you were having and he’ll see you’re moving on with your life in a positive way .

But what if he sends you inquiring texts? What if he sends you a message saying “How are you?” and wants to know what you’ve been up to?

Unless he’s definitively telling you that he wants you back, don’t entertain much in the way of text messages . This still applies even if he sends messages saying things such as “I miss you” – don’t mistake this for an invitation to get back together . It’s normal he would miss you . Don’t read too much into it .

A guy can be messaging you immediately after the break-up for several reasons, so it’s important not to take his texts as an immediate sign that he regrets his decision to end things and wants to get back together .

He may be texting because:

a . He feels guilty - Some guys just feel terrible and want to see that you are doing ok . He’ll want to be reassured that you are moving on because he can’t stomach the idea of you being in pain .

b . He gets nostalgic for you - A man may text you because he starts thinking about the good times, and starts to miss them (especially when he’s sitting on his own without anyone new) . But this does not mean that he is suddenly about to decide to get back together . So initially you must stick to No-Contact and not take this too seriously .

c . He’s scared of letting you go - Some guys feel the need to regularly check in because they are scared at first that you

will move on faster than he does, and he wants to know that you’ve not suddenly started dating someone else . This is often borne of jealousy, but once again, it is not the signal that he wants to be back in a relationship with you . It just means he’s worried about losing you for good .

d . He’s lonely and needs validation - For some men, texting you after the break up is a symptom of his need to still feel desired by someone special . Since he’s now single and probably hasn’t met someone as good as you yet, in his lonely moments he subconsciously thinks about texting you and feeling like he matters to someone he’s attracted to and feels close with .

Given all of these possibilities, you must not take the fact that your ex is sending you messages as being a reason to skip No-Contact altogether and jump to talking to him every day . It’s more attractive at this point to actively disengage with him for a period of a few weeks .

So while you can have the odd (very short) conversation by text if necessary, if he texts and calls you a lot you should stand your ground and assert your need for some distance for a while . For example, you might say in an e-mail or a text:

“I know we’ve still been talking since the breakup but I personally need some distance to be able move on with my life and being still so close right now only makes it emotionally harder. If something has suddenly changed in your mind about the break up we can talk about working things out, but apart from that I hope you’ll appreciate I really need some space right now.”

If you send your ex this message and you start moving on with your life, he will respect you so much more than if you start getting back

to all his messages during the No-Contact period . You can always re-initiate later (and when you do, you are going to have a much bigger impact if you stick to your guns at this point) .

At this point, the only messages you should take seriously from him are those in which he says something like: “I screwed up, I made a mistake”, or “Can we please talk?”, and even these messages you should take with a pinch of salt initially and not simply sprint back to your ex immediately . Invite him back in gradually, and take any decision to get back together slowly .

You need to show your feelings are not there to be toyed with at his whim . Part of that involves communicating that there are risks to him emotionally messing you around . He may just want to talk because it makes him feel better . Find out first what it is that needs to be discussed . You need to be respected and show him the consequences of him oscillating and changing his mind and being uncertain .

So if he says: “Can we talk?”, say to him: “Can I ask why first?” He might then say: “I want to clear the air” or “I just want us to talk” .

You have to be the strong one here . If this conversation isn’t intended for you both to work things out and be back together, it doesn’t matter what he has to say right now . It doesn’t change anything for you .

If you speak to him over the phone and he just settles into normal casual conversation, don’t indulge it for too long . He may just be wanting to hear your voice and feel soothed, and it’s your job to show him now that, in spite of you having no bitterness towards

him, you have no intention to remain in limbo while he keeps changing his mind about whether or not he wants you in his life . If he does call, keep it short (5 minutes or so), be nice, but excuse yourself after a short period and be the one to end the conversation . Then tell him that you need space right now and ask if he can refrain from contacting you for a while (unless he wants to talk about working things out) .

This will feel hard to do when all you want is to hear his voice, but entertaining this whim right now will not do you any favours in the long-run .

Instead, decide you need to move on and let him see that you are gradually breaking away and living your own life away from him . It will make him immediately see you as high-value . He’ll also not be able to soothe himself by just picking up his phone to hear your voice, which means he will feel the pain of distance as well (which is a good thing for you) .

Remember, you want distance right now . Only by having space and making positive changes in your life will you be able to get back your ex, so think about the longer game in this scenario and make sure you don’t jump to your phone every time your ex sends you a message . Have some time off for your own sake .

The longer game in all of this is making sure you feel better than you’ve ever felt and can move on from the break up with strength (whether or not you end up back with your ex) . Hanging on to your ex and staying in close contact before you’ve emotionally moved on is going to leave you in purgatory and only make your recovery time longer . Start the healing now .

How To Respond To His Texts

The key to responding to any text your ex sends is in the EMOTION you choose to communicate in your responses .

You must NEVER communicate despair, depression, helplessness, loneliness, anger, and indignation . Any of these are going to be toxic to any chance of making him want to be in your life again .

Instead, I want you to focus on responding to every interaction with THREE PRIMARY EMOTIONS, which you must show at different times throughout your messages and conversations . They are RESILIENCE, STRENGTH, and HUMILITY .

Let’s quickly define all three:

1 . Resilience - Also known as the ability to bounce back . It’s the inner determination to rise up from a loss or failure and face the future with a sense of optimism again .

2 . Strength - By strength here I mean you’re inner confidence, your mental ability to move forward and take action .

3 . Humility - Humility involves you being modest, instead of arrogant and prideful in your interactions . It’s you saying “this is me . I’m not pretending otherwise” .

Now let’s look at some examples of how you can apply these three emotions in a conversation .

Let’s suppose in a text conversation he asks you how you’re dealing with things . Perhaps he says: “How’s it going?”

He says: “How’s it going? x”

You respond: “Just got out of a dance class . It’s been a tough week, but it’s going ok . x”

This text is deceptively simple but let me explain why it’s exactly the sort of text you want to be sending right now .

Let’s break down each component:

1 . “Just got out of a dance class”: What you’re really saying: Even though I’ve been through a traumatic break-up I am recovering and am not letting it stop me from pursuing my interests and hobbies (Remember: I’m only using a dance class as an example here, you can use whatever you want) . This part communicates RESILIENCE . You are bouncing back and show signs of having control over your life, rather than telling him you just drowned in a tub of ice cream after watching a whole series of Glee in your pyjamas .

2 . “It’s been a tough week”: Here you are showing that it’s not been easy for you . You are creating empathy by showing that you’re human and that you’ve been coping through a difficult period . Thus, you are showing HUMILITY .

3 . “But it’s going ok”: This is the icing on the cake . Because here you are being honest and telling him things aren’t great, but I’m getting there . You’re not faking it by saying “OMG! I had such an amazing day” - a text like that would only make him feel resentful and make him want to prove how incredibly he’s doing in return . Instead, when you tell him “it’s going ok” you are putting yourself in the sweet spot between a fake, over-the-top optimism, and a despairing, unpleasant pessimism . You are saying, it’s tough, but I can do this . This powerfully communicates STRENGTH .

This text is just one example of how you can show all three primary emotions in a single text .

You don’t have to show all of them every single time, but rather, every time you’re massaging your ex, just ask yourself: “Am I showing either Humility, Resilience or Strength?” This is going to keep you on track so that you avoid the common pitfalls of the woman who attempts to make him feel guilty, or beg, or try too hard to make him feel jealous and angry .

See, you need to show him that, as much you may not enjoy the situation right now, you are still making the best of it . This isn’t

about pretending to be happy – it’s about you showing him that you’re doing everything in your power to make the best of the situation you’re in.

The point of this text is to show that you can demonstrate STRENGTH and create EMPATHY at the same time . This is a golden combination that’s going to make him see you in a positive light . You’re being honest with him, but you’re also telling him that you are someone who is rising up again, with or without him . This is the first crucial step of communication in getting your ex back . If he asks you what you’re doing at the weekend, don’t be afraid to say something like, “I’ve been invited to a party Sarah’s friend is having, so I’m going to go check it out for a while . X”

Again, this is positive, it tells him you’re out there doing things, but it doesn’t send an over-the-top message of “LOOK HOW MUCH I’M HAVING AN AMAZING TIME WITHOUT YOU” . It’s level-headed and just friendly, which is where you want to be right now .

What If His Friends Start Getting In Touch With You?

Chances are when you and your ex were dating, you became a part of his social world . You probably hung out with his friends and have a few as Facebook friends . So what if after the break-up one of these friends gets in touch?

If this happens, you must respond very positively and upbeat . Believe me, anything you say to his best friends right now will be passed back to him, especially once they tell him they’ve spoke to you and he asks: “How is she?” (which he will!) .

So to his friends, you have to talk like everything in your life is going great . Be upbeat and kind . Under NO circumstances should you even MENTION your ex . If his friend asks how you are, just say “great thanks” and tell him about somewhere interesting you’re going tonight, or sound excited about a trip you’re planning . When this gets relayed back to your ex, he’ll think: Hold on, she’s moving on with her life and not talking about me .

This will make him WANT to be back in your head and provoke him to make contact again .

Bottom line: What you say to his friends will get back to him . And you’re best strategy is not to even mention your ex at all . It will drive him crazy when he calls up the guys to get the gossip on what you’re doing and they tell him that you’re doing great without him! But once again, you don’t want to come across as insincere or arrogant to his friends, you just want to maintain that aura of positivity around you, and choose not to share your painful feelings with them . Still be humble and choose kindness instead of being overly cheery, unaffected or a false way .

Ways To Initiate Contact With Your Ex

(After the ‘No Contact Period’)

So, what if your ex hasn’t got in touch during that 21-day ‘No Contact Period’?

Now you have to start taking matters into your own hands . But it’s still crucial at this stage that you approach this in EXACTLY the right way and don’t do anything rash . Re-opening dialogue with your ex doesn’t mean that you jump straight back into the dynamic you had when the relationship ended, nor does it mean that you suddenly blindside him with an intense conversation about how you want to get back together .

For now, even if you know for certain that you want to be back with him, you are not going to even mention a whisper that the thought has crossed your mind . You accept the decision that has been made and are now starting over .

Your first step to bringing him back into your life starts with making first contact . And you have a few options for getting in touch:

Option A: Facebook

The first option is to get in touch by Facebook or some other form of social media .

Since Facebook is so informal, it’s an easy way to message someone without appearing too desperate . But what should you talk about? The risky thing to do is to look at his profile for conversation ideas (providing you’re still Facebook friends that is) . The danger is that you may end up seeing something you don’t want to see . Perhaps

other women are posting on his wall, maybe there are pictures of him at a party with strangers and it’s going to send your mind into a frenzy of worry and obsession .

Whether or not there are any new people in his photo albums is irrelevant . Your imagination will make it bigger than it is . But if you find out he just got a promotion this can be useful information to use as an excuse to get back in touch, “Just wanted to say “Congratulations on your promotion!” is a message that will suffice to reopen the dialogue .

{Note: I always avoid questions where possible when you are trying to appear casual and laid back . Questions often have a way of communicating too much of a need for a response from your side .} So that’s one easy way of re-initiating contact in a non-needy way . However, I prefer a slightly different approach . Rather than look at his profile for new information, try to think of something that happened recently that reminded you of him .

But there are some principles for getting this right:

1. Stay away from anything too sentimental or deep

For example, don’t refer to the moment last Saturday when you walked past the park bench where you first said “I love you” to one another . That takes you to a waayyy too emotional place very quickly . If he feels too much pressure or deep emotion and sees that the risk of engaging with you may be too high, it’s likely he’ll back off before it’s started .

2. Look for something fun and ‘in the moment’

Your message needs to sound spontaneous and light, as though you were just sharing a funny thought you had at that second and dashed off a message without much thought .

It could be that you are watching the movie Dumb and Dumber which you used to quote to each other all the time . You could send a message saying “Oh my god Dumb and Dumber is on TV, it just made me think of you!”

It’s better to be in the moment with this rather than telling him about the movie being on TV two days ago, because the latter shows he is on your mind a lot right now, which you don’t want to communicate .

3. Show a nonchalant confidence

If you wanted to be slightly more cute and flirtatious, an extension of this message would be “Dumb and Dumber is on TV . Where are you! lol”

The subtle suggestion is that he should be there watching it with you, which is not only cute, but confident, and completely bypasses the taboo of the two of you being broken up .

Most people act so tense after breakups . They make a big deal out of contacting each other, seeing each other, and tread on eggshells the whole time . The image of the two of you just watching a funny movie together instead of having some ‘big talk’ immediately relieves the pressure of the situation . You are also doing the opposite of what he would expect, so this acts as a way to defy his expectations

(which is only a good thing right now) . It gives him a license to be casual in response and not overthink things .

Before you ask, no, this isn’t a date you are setting up (yet), this is just a fun way to get back in contact . All you want to do to begin with is re-open communication in a light-hearted way .

You could do the same thing by talking about where you are and what it reminded you of . Let’s say he was a complete snob about having good coffee and refused to buy coffee in Starbucks, which was also something you would playfully argue about . You find yourself in Starbucks one day ordering a latte…when you sit down to your computer to get some work done, coffee in hand you could message him saying “I just sat down to work in Starbucks and thought about how angry you’d be about this latte I’m drinking right now . I just want to say right now that I’m sorry…”

Remember to always be aware of the context of where you are in your breakup .

Generally speaking the more time that passes the easier it is to be lighthearted in your communication with someone . When feelings are still hurt it can be tough to communicate . Though it should be said that a sweet message like the Dumb and Dumber example above could still be mentioned when emotions are raw . You just might adapt it to make it a little more sweet: “Dumb and Dumber just came on tv and it made me think of you” .

So here’s the plan:

1st _{- Look for the next thing that happens to you that reminds you}

2nd _{- Send a casual one or two sentence message on Facebook .}

If you need motivation, think of what would make him smile or laugh if you sent it . Avoid the temptation to start pouring all of your heavy emotions into the message .

As I said, keep it very short (this is important), and avoid question marks . If he doesn’t respond and later you want to pour your heart and soul into a message to him, you will never lose that option (also known as “Going Nuclear”, because of the potential havoc and destruction it will cause) . But that should never be your starting point .

Remember: The best first move for getting your ex back is always a low risk, low investment strategy (The LR-LI Strategy).

If he doesn’t respond within a few hours, or even a few days, do not get anxious and start pulling the trigger on more messages .

Give it a good week or so before thinking about whether and when to do anything else . You never know how often someone is checking their messages, so you don’t want him to come back after a week to find three messages sitting there from you because you jumped the gun . It’s also the case that a lot of people look at messages and vow to come back to them at a later point . There’s no need to rush anything . He’s not leaving planet earth tomorrow .

Your trick with messaging him at this stage (i .e . after the NO CONTACT period) should follow what I call the Goldilocks

Method of contact: Never too much, never too little . Do not start

texting every single day or you’ll fail to make him curious about where you are, what you’re up to .

Once you’ve sent him your initial ‘get back in touch’ text, NEVER write back until he messages again (unless he doesn’t message for TWO WEEKS, in which case you send another Low Risk, Low Investment message) . You are always being sparing in your messages, but you are not entirely breaking contact . You’re staying in his head, but without him getting sick of hearing from you after the break up .

Option B: Text Message

You can of course opt for text message over Facebook .

It’s a little more intimate and therefore shows slightly more investment on your part, but it’s still casual enough . Of course, any of the previous suggestions regarding what to say on Facebook also apply for text messages .

Once he messages back, either through Facebook or text message, allow the conversation to continue without feeling the need to state your intention of seeing him again . There is no need to rush this part of the process . The aim here should just be to remind him of how much fun you have talking . Be silly, be playful, banter with him . Let the jokes play out .

Examples of what you can talk about

– Mention one of your new hobbies - The best conversations

you can have when you re-initiate contact are ones that keep him guessing and make him feel like LESS a part of your life anymore . It makes him curious and gets him wanting to know more .

So you could mention that you went on your first hiking trip recently, or that you tried a kickboxing class, or that you’ve been going with a

friend to paint and learn about art . All these are perfect because they make him see new and unexpected dimensions of your personality . (See the bonus “Back To Life” guide to look at how you’re going to build a whole new awesome lifestyle during the No-Contact Period that you can come and talk to him about) .

– Talk about a book you’re reading - e.g. “I just finished the new Jonathan Franzen book. I thought it was incredible. You’ve got to get it!”

Recommendations are also a great way to re-initiate, because they start the conversation on totally neutral ground without calling to mind your relationship and break up . If you both love books, films or music, talking about and sharing these things in a fun way is much more likely to get you both enjoying the conversation .

– Talk about how excited you are in your career (and mention your plans for the future)

Another great topic is discuss the future, namely, how many exciting plans you have coming up and ideas for what you want to do next . Maybe tell him you’d love to move somewhere just to try a new city . Or say that you just found this incredible new opportunity online and you’ve started an application . Or maybe you met with someone for advice on starting a website or your own business and you mention how excited you are to be working on it .

This lets him see that you are progressing in your life, which is incredibly attractive .

It can be very powerful to mention new people in your life, because it keeps him guessing about where you’ve been and what you are doing . While you should never try to actively make him jealous, it’s no bad thing if he assumes you’re hanging out with a new crowd and wonders who else they are introducing you to .

– Talk about a fun day you spent recently in an interesting place

Maybe you went to the beach and had a blast . Maybe you finally went to that museum you kept talking about . Or you took a weekend trip with your family . Tell him about how much fun it was and what you got up to . It’s great at this point for him to hear you are active and doing exciting things for your own pleasure .

Now, with all these conversations, resist the urge to get too deep, or to ask him about his current emotional situation . Even just breaking the fun vibe by asking him “So how are you feeling?” brings it to a more serious place which can lead to uncomfortable discussions, which you certainly don’t want to be having by text or Facebook . Eventually in one of your conversations, you want to look for a moment where the fun you are having together peaks and while you’re both in that happy state, say:

“We have to catch up properly sometime!”

You don’t say this in your first interaction though! Make sure you’ve had a few small chats here and there before you even think of suggesting a meet up .

Don’t jump the gun and sound too eager or it may turn him away . He needs to feel like things are casual between the two of you and that the dust has settled after the breakup . If you invite him out on the first conversation it seems like you haven’t even tried to move

on at all, and he’ll wonder if you even realised the two of you are broken up .

How Much Should You Keep Talking Before Meeting Up?

Remember, any sign you are trying to rush things and get him back is going to make him feel that he’s still being chased and that you are only pretending to have let go of the relationship in order to get him back .

That is not what you’re doing .

Once you have completed the No-Contact period and followed the Break-Up Recovery Guide (i .e . The ‘Back To Life’ bonus accompanying this programme), you are going to feel very differently in your approach to this . You are going to feel you are doing this from a position of valuing yourself, instead of just desperation . So, perhaps let’s say the first time you got back in touch you just recommended him a movie . Maybe you messaged him on Facebook saying “I just saw Mad Max at the cinema . If you haven’t watched it, go see it! You’d love it .”

Then just leave that message with him . No follow up questions . Just wait for his reply . If he doesn’t reply at all, keep going with No-Contact . This might sound like extremely difficult right now, but honestly your best move after that is to leave it entirely, carry on recovering on your own, and move on with your life . If your ex wants to get back in touch, he will respond to the message eventually . Or he’ll just message you eventually . But do not ever rush things by sending him multiple messages and repeating the same attempt to no avail . You can always send him a message in a few months as one last try to see what happens . But save that for later .

It’s always possible that your ex was 100% certain in his decision, that unless he sees you as a totally different person, he simply won’t want to get back together . In that case, moving on is still your best bet so that you don’t waste anymore time with this guy .

That’s the worst case scenario .

What’s more likely though is that your ex still misses you and will get back in touch to an initial text (or he’ll text you at some point, which also happens a lot) .

So let’s imagine a typical conversation:

Him: “Hey! How’s it going? Just wanted to see what’s happening

in your life?”

You: “Hey, I just was at an art workshop . So much fun!”

With this first response notice that you don’t need to ask any questions back . Keep it short right now and gauge where he’s going in the conversation . Let him do more of the questions so you can find out if this is general chit-chat or something more .

So the conversation might go on:

Him: “That sounds awesome, I’ve just been working a lot . What’s

been going on at work lately?”

Her: “Well, i’m planning this new project which I’m really excited

about because…(etc . etc .)

Perhaps your first conversation will feel a little bit like this . Chances are he’s just checking in and is curious to know everything about