The first option is to get in touch by Facebook or some other form of social media .
Since Facebook is so informal, it’s an easy way to message someone without appearing too desperate . But what should you talk about?
The risky thing to do is to look at his profile for conversation ideas (providing you’re still Facebook friends that is) . The danger is that you may end up seeing something you don’t want to see . Perhaps
other women are posting on his wall, maybe there are pictures of him at a party with strangers and it’s going to send your mind into a frenzy of worry and obsession .
Whether or not there are any new people in his photo albums is irrelevant . Your imagination will make it bigger than it is . But if you find out he just got a promotion this can be useful information to use as an excuse to get back in touch, “Just wanted to say
“Congratulations on your promotion!” is a message that will suffice to reopen the dialogue .
{Note: I always avoid questions where possible when you are trying to appear casual and laid back . Questions often have a way of communicating too much of a need for a response from your side .}
So that’s one easy way of re-initiating contact in a non-needy way . However, I prefer a slightly different approach . Rather than look at his profile for new information, try to think of something that happened recently that reminded you of him .
But there are some principles for getting this right:
1. Stay away from anything too sentimental or deep
For example, don’t refer to the moment last Saturday when you walked past the park bench where you first said “I love you” to one another . That takes you to a waayyy too emotional place very quickly . If he feels too much pressure or deep emotion and sees that the risk of engaging with you may be too high, it’s likely he’ll back off before it’s started .
2. Look for something fun and ‘in the moment’
Your message needs to sound spontaneous and light, as though you were just sharing a funny thought you had at that second and dashed off a message without much thought .
It could be that you are watching the movie Dumb and Dumber which you used to quote to each other all the time . You could send a message saying “Oh my god Dumb and Dumber is on TV, it just made me think of you!”
It’s better to be in the moment with this rather than telling him about the movie being on TV two days ago, because the latter shows he is on your mind a lot right now, which you don’t want to communicate .
3. Show a nonchalant confidence
If you wanted to be slightly more cute and flirtatious, an extension of this message would be “Dumb and Dumber is on TV . Where are you! lol”
The subtle suggestion is that he should be there watching it with you, which is not only cute, but confident, and completely bypasses the taboo of the two of you being broken up .
Most people act so tense after breakups . They make a big deal out of contacting each other, seeing each other, and tread on eggshells the whole time . The image of the two of you just watching a funny movie together instead of having some ‘big talk’ immediately relieves the pressure of the situation . You are also doing the opposite of what he would expect, so this acts as a way to defy his expectations
(which is only a good thing right now) . It gives him a license to be casual in response and not overthink things .
Before you ask, no, this isn’t a date you are setting up (yet), this is just a fun way to get back in contact . All you want to do to begin with is re-open communication in a light-hearted way .
You could do the same thing by talking about where you are and what it reminded you of . Let’s say he was a complete snob about having good coffee and refused to buy coffee in Starbucks, which was also something you would playfully argue about . You find yourself in Starbucks one day ordering a latte…when you sit down to your computer to get some work done, coffee in hand you could message him saying “I just sat down to work in Starbucks and thought about how angry you’d be about this latte I’m drinking right now . I just want to say right now that I’m sorry…”
Remember to always be aware of the context of where you are in your breakup .
Generally speaking the more time that passes the easier it is to be lighthearted in your communication with someone . When feelings are still hurt it can be tough to communicate . Though it should be said that a sweet message like the Dumb and Dumber example above could still be mentioned when emotions are raw . You just might adapt it to make it a little more sweet: “Dumb and Dumber just came on tv and it made me think of you” .
So here’s the plan:
1st - Look for the next thing that happens to you that reminds you of him .
2nd - Send a casual one or two sentence message on Facebook . If you need motivation, think of what would make him smile or laugh if you sent it . Avoid the temptation to start pouring all of your heavy emotions into the message .
As I said, keep it very short (this is important), and avoid question marks . If he doesn’t respond and later you want to pour your heart and soul into a message to him, you will never lose that option (also known as “Going Nuclear”, because of the potential havoc and destruction it will cause) . But that should never be your starting point .
Remember: The best first move for getting your ex back is always a low risk, low investment strategy (The LR-LI Strategy).
If he doesn’t respond within a few hours, or even a few days, do not get anxious and start pulling the trigger on more messages .
Give it a good week or so before thinking about whether and when to do anything else . You never know how often someone is checking their messages, so you don’t want him to come back after a week to find three messages sitting there from you because you jumped the gun . It’s also the case that a lot of people look at messages and vow to come back to them at a later point . There’s no need to rush anything . He’s not leaving planet earth tomorrow .
Your trick with messaging him at this stage (i .e . after the NO CONTACT period) should follow what I call the Goldilocks Method of contact: Never too much, never too little . Do not start texting every single day or you’ll fail to make him curious about where you are, what you’re up to .
Once you’ve sent him your initial ‘get back in touch’ text, NEVER write back until he messages again (unless he doesn’t message for TWO WEEKS, in which case you send another Low Risk, Low Investment message) . You are always being sparing in your messages, but you are not entirely breaking contact . You’re staying in his head, but without him getting sick of hearing from you after the break up .